Attention Moms and Pregnant PS''ers!

[Independent Gal]

I was talking to my secretary who is 7 months pregnant, uncomfortable, and SCARED, and it got me thinking... Most of the people I know who have had babies are really thrilled to have the actual babies, but they all seemed pretty miserable about the actual, physical, being-pregnant part, and terrified of the giving birth part. (A friend who had a son two months ago was so scared she started to cry over lunch... then she told me, after she gave birth, that it was worse than she could possibly have imagined). There seems to be a pretty common experience of nursing as horribly painful and uncomfortable, at least at first, too.

Anyway, despite this, there still seems to be a sort of romanticization / glorification of pregnancy and the physical part of motherhood. FI definitely buys into this, and doesn''t get why I''m so dreaded actually incubating and giving birth to our future kids (knock on wood).

So, here is my question: IF you could still have the same close bond with your children, and IF it were possible for the guy to incubate and give birth to the baby, would you still WANT to do it, or would you want HIM to do it (or at least take turns for the sake of fairness).

Which I guess is another way of saying - beloved baby aside - does anyone actually LIKE pregnancy and birth? Or is it a necessary evil that we romanticize because of motherhood is so worth it, on the other end of it all?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I HATED being preggo and had a rough L&D (you can read my L&D story for all the gory details). It was scary, painful, uncomfortable...Honestly I thought my DD might be an only child when I left the hospital. That being said even after only 8 weeks the memory and pain is already fading. Nursing is hard and I would LOVE to have DH take on that role. Seems like it would be so easy and natural....Haha! But I am glad I stuck with it b/c those are special moments with my daughter. I think to answer your question I would have loved to give him a taste of what it was like. My mom said she always wished my dad was preggo for one day and in labor for one hour. No matter what my DH cannot relate to the pain and discomfort. Even now if I complain about something his response is "it can''t be as bad as labor before your epi"

That''s getting old for sure! But DD will NOT be an only child. You just have to remember the pain is temporary. Things DO get better. And it seems the pregnancy and L&D is actually the easy part

but I wouldn''t trade being a mom for anything. It really is a miracle.

 

[Girlrocks]

Well, as a mom of 4, 1st pregnany being twins where I was on complete bedrest for 8 weeks, they were 8 weeks early, in the NICU, came home, then back in Pediatrics for a month...another pregnancy where I developed pre-eclampsia and had to have an emergency c-section...all things considered, I actually LOVED being pregnant! I can remember when I was pregnant with the twins and still working, being in a board meeting and the twins were kicking and moving like crazy. I looked around at everyone who were all absolutely bored to tears, about to fall asleep and thinking that no one in that room knew what a bond I was forming with my unborn children at that very moment. Being pregnant is very powerful, and I wouldn''t trade it for anything. It must be the reason I keep going there!!

 

[Ellen]

Date: 12/31/2007 10:03:19 AM
Author: Tacori E-ring
I HATED being preggo and had a rough L&D (you can read my L&D story for all the gory details). It was scary, painful, uncomfortable...Honestly I thought my DD might be an only child when I left the hospital. That being said even after only 8 weeks the memory and pain is already fading. Nursing is hard and I would LOVE to have DH take on that role. Seems like it would be so easy and natural....Haha! But I am glad I stuck with it b/c those are special moments with my daughter. I think to answer your question I would have loved to give him a taste of what it was like. My mom said she always wished my dad was preggo for one day and in labor for one hour. No matter what my DH cannot relate to the pain and discomfort. Even now if I complain about something his response is ''it can''t be as bad as labor before your epi''

That''s getting old for sure! But DD will NOT be an only child. You just have to remember the pain is temporary. Things DO get better. And it seems the pregnancy and L&D is actually the easy part

but I wouldn''t trade being a mom for anything. It really is a miracle.

Oh Tacori, you''re learning! Funny.

No, I wouldn''t trade that experience for anything.

Besides, I couldn''t LIVE with a pregnant man for 9 months. Good lord, they think they''re dying if they get the sniffles.

 

[ellaila]

Date: 12/31/2007 10:57:36 AM
Author: Ellen

Oh Tacori, you''re learning! Funny.

No, I wouldn''t trade that experience for anything.

Besides, I couldn''t LIVE with a pregnant man for 9 months. Good lord, they think they''re dying if they get the sniffles.

Ha ha, Ellen!

Though I didn''t enjoy every minute (or day or week or, hell, even month at the end!) of being pregnant, I''m so happy that I went through it and would do it again in a heartbeat if we decide to have more children. The joys that you DO get -- the kicks, the babies'' hiccups, seeing them on the ultrasounds, that overall feeling of knowing that you''ve got a baby/babies in you -- really do outweigh the annoyances and pains. My pregnancy (twins) was really difficult on me at the end and I definitely had my moments of, "People really choose to go through this more than once?!" but as cliche as it sounds, it really is all worth it in the end. As for L&D, I had a c-section planned for 37 weeks, but the babies decided to show up a week earlier. My water broke and I had contractions, and I gotta be honest ... I can''t imagine going through THAT again! I still wound up getting a c-section, but my contraxs got to be about 1-1.5 minutes apart, and just knowing how painful that was, I couldn''t even imagine having to push a baby/babies out! I applaud all you women who delivered vag!

To answer your question though -- if it were at all possible, I''d be happy to let hubby house the next baby/babies

 

[msb700]

hmmm..i loved being pregnant..luckily i had a relatively easy pregnancy thru out (knock on wood, hope it goes the same way 2nd time around)...i did get sore...had horrible backaches, and nites were i was so restless i couldn''t sleep a wink...but all in all..i would not trade the emotions i had when i first felt my baby kick..maybe i am selfish, but i think a mother/child bond is something that is there for mothers only..haha!! i know the dads loves them all the same, but there is a certain ''bond'' or ''love'' that comes from being the ''incubator'' and enduring delivery for them...i dunno..maybe thats just the sappy side of me speaking...

would i like to trade places? maybe..but not because i dont want to do it (being pregnant and LD)..but SIMPLY to let the man feel how it is for us to be preggo, put on a happy front most times, and carry on with the daily chores like there isnt anything growing inside of us...i would like for them to feel how much effort goes into keeping a HAPPY marriage thru out pregnancy and how most of us do that without complaint...

i mean id like to see them carry that for 9 months without breaking down wouldn''t u?? (i mean men have the flu and they think they''re on their dying bed...how would they handle all the aches of pregnancy and LD!??!

)

 

[Jas12]

Oh Independent gal--i think about this all the time!
Since i am in the thick of things (just into the 3rd Tri) I would have to say I really dislike, not quite hate, but strongly dislike the physical part of being pregnant. I am uncomfortable all the time, my allergies are intensified and terrible, i feel huge and self-concious while at the gym, yet beat myself up if I sit around the house and eat. I don''t like the way i look etc. etc. I count the days till the end!

However, despite this I feel like I have two layers to pregnant myself--the ''i can''t wait for this to be over'' complainer and the ''i ''ve never been so excited and happy'' self....i wouldn''t want to NOT experience it--it''s something only women can do and i feel it''s amazing and just have to suck it up. Same goes for giving birth--I am not scared (yet!) and actually want to experience the challenge/pain-- the idea of delivering a baby you grew for nine months is really amazing and I am trying to think of the pain as my body''s way of saying "this is it, it sucks big time, but get through this and you get a one-of-a-kind child"!

And as Tacori notes, most women feel the really hard part comes after the kid is born, so imagine if pregnancy was a breeze?!?

 

[lyra]

It''s only scary the first time because you have no experience of your own to draw upon. You hear horror stories and they scare you. You hear stories about painless 3 hour L&D and you think either it will be a breeze, or that something''s wrong with you if it doesn''t go that way for you. It is absolutely overwhelming emotionally the first time around, and it can be devastating when you bring the baby home and suddenly face all this responsibility that you *know* every other woman has dealt with ahead of you but you have no idea what to do next. It''s all about firsts.

No, I wouldn''t trade it with my DH. Absolutely not. It''s a miracle that we women are the ones able to sustain a life and give birth and watch that person grow up.

 

[snowflakeluvr]

i have had five children(8 pgs-3 were m/ces) and gained hefty weight each time, had 3 over 10lbs-ouch! only enjoyed maybe the 6,7 months of pg, but i do feel that i have earned these hips!

and see my body and boobies much differently now than pre-mommyhood. motherhood is the most amazing journey i have ever taken. i probably would NEVER want to dh to carry a pg because he is such a woos/whiner already, gosh! i''d never live through 9+ months of THAT!!!

 

[mrssalvo]

i''ve had very easy pregnancies, no comlications, fairly easy and painless L&D thanks to the epidural which I will 100% take this time too and I don''t like being pregnant. I don''t like gaining the 40lbs I''ve gained each time and stuggled with my body image as a normally fit and small person. that said, I would not trade it for a second with my hubby. the little kicks and movements of the baby when you''re preggo makes it worthwhile and although nursing was HARD the first time, after I figured it out, it was easy the second and I enjoyed the quiet bonding time with my girls. it takes a huge chunk of of your time and energy but the time looking back went by so quickly it and it was worth it.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Ellen, I sure am learning huh?!?

Feeling the kicks/movement is awesome and my favorite part of pregnancy (expect the last few weeks when they hurt!

) IG, you seem like a strong woman. You CAN handle it if you do decide to have children. I would never let the weight, pain, stretch marks, sleepness nights etc stop me from being a mommy. The first time she smiled (for real) everything else didn''t matter anymore.

 

[Independent Gal]

Tacori I know I can handle it! At least I hope so. And there is no doubt in my mind that it will be worth it. We are definitely going to try for kids. For me it's just annoying that FI seems to think that pregnancy and birth are going to be oh, so beautiful and wonderful and FUN and GREAT and how much he romanticizes it, when all my friends are saying that sure, it's worth it, but it's pretty horrible and scary and disfiguring and tiring and nauseating and gas-provoking and ill, and sleep-depriving and just plain terrifying along the way. FI doesn't get why I'd be anything other than thrilled looking forward. Well, I'm not. I'm looking forward to motherhood, but I have an inkling how hard it's going to be too. When I tell him that my secretary spent SIX MONTHS feeling like she needed to puke, he doesn't seem to register what that must actually be like. He just doesn't seem to believe it could be anything other than delightful.

As many of you say, I totally think he couldn't handle it himself if he had to be th pregnant one. No way. No chance.

So I wondered whether you ladies had felt the same, or whether my friends are just sissies. Seems like most of you don't like the physical parts, but everyone thinks it's worth it!

I'm determined to put a brave face on it, but NOT to over-romanticize it. If you all can do it, I can do it too! But I will NOT pretend that all the relevant bodily functions and malfunctions are "beautiful". I suppose our culture does that (or keeps it secret... I never knew about ANY of this until my friends started having kids) so that people will still do it.

 

[Jas12]

Independent Gal--my DH is sorta like your FI--he now somewhat understands what women have to go thru b/c he''s living with a demanding preggo and is super supportive, but before I got pregnant he would never say things about impending parenting like " it''s going to be so challenging and the most difficult thing we are going to go face as a couple yada yada" he''s never been around babies and thinks it''s all coos and giggles. Of course I don''t know the half of it either, but i did work with infants 10 hrs a day in a day care center for 4 years, so I have a rough idea of how exhausting and demanding they are and have tried to mentally prep him a bit (if that''s possible).

I have heard from many moms (and experts from books etc.) that the more realistic your expectations the happier and healthier you are likely to be. Sure it''s good to be optomistic, but i think the fact that you are mentally preparing yourself for the challenge and are ready to take it on is a good sign.

Same goes for marriage--i have 3 friends who are already divorced--they admitted they expected to have cozy dinners every night, sex every day, agree on every issue, luv being together 24/7 etc.--again, the romanticizing. When the fairy tale didn''t measure up they assumed something was seriously wrong and the relationship started to deteriorate

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I have two sons and after my first pregnancy, DH ABSOLUTELY would have had to be pregnant during for the second son.

I''m running low on time to type out all about my pregnancies, but will sum up with the grand fanale that I spent THREE AND HALF HOURS pushing my first son during labor and the midwife NEVER told me that he hadn''t budged an inch. Can you imagine? I hope not. It was just the worst experience beyond words realizing I had succeded in NOTHING. The second time around I immediately asked for a repeat c/s and was given one.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

After several miscarriages, I found actually carrying a pregnancy quite easy. And I enjoyed it! But honestly who really enjoys labour? (my girlfriend stated writing her MCATS were worse....LOL) The pain, although intense, is relatively short lived and I forgot about it once I held my baby. Incidentally, I find the raising of children a much more challenging long term effort!!!

cheers--Sharon

 

[divergrrl]

IGal: Some women have post partum depression & it makes the whole experience a hard, painful one. I loved being pregnant with my first, but after 2 miscarriages, I just wanted to get my 2nd pregnancy over. That being said, I''d NEVER trade my ability to incubate & birth a child with anyone.

I think the first month is the hardest, sleep deprivation sucks, you want to kill your partner for being so STUPID and helpless....but my advice is rally the troops and get as much help as you can. As soon as your babies are eating and sleeping well, life becomes easier. At least for me.

Perhaps I''m blessed, because my children slept 8 hours by 8weeks and 12 hours by 12 weeks and are champion sleepers. I have friends whose kids still won''t sleep as toddlers and its hard.

Suffice it to say, its work. Foggy, groggy, sweet, sleepy, stinky, cuddly, and messy work. Ah but I love it. And I found the 2nd time around was even easier. but my parents moved in for 4.5 weeks to help with my toddler & I went on Lexapro to stave off any possible PPD (had a really rough year with my mom, my miscarriage, etc...) so I can say that I had a good experience this time (but I did with my 1st child too) because I lined up and accepted any and all help.

it takes a village to raise a child. don''t ever think you have to do it all yourself. And if you don''t have a tribe, start making one out of friends.

I was a reluctant mom to be...(so scared that my children would eat me alive/hate me/be horrible) and none of my fears materialized. Don''t worry about it...you have no idea or control over what the future holds so just enjoy the ride.

Que sera sera, whatever will be will, the future''s not ours to see, que sera sera...

 

[divergrrl]

Oh and the physical parts of it? Except for heart burn both times and being very (horribly so) uncomfortable in my 3rd trimester with my 2nd child, I actually felt pretty good both times. Never threw up, mild nauseau in the 1st trimester, no zits, no unusual farting or burping, no hemmorhoids, no stretchmarks, no sagging breasts (but then I have tiny A cups, so you have to actually HAVE breasts to have something sag...LOL) nothing gross to speak of. I could tie my shoes, touch my toes, carry my toddler, walk 3 miles to the park & back, teach yoga, I danced (tap) all through my first pregnancy and was at a tap workshop & danced on and off for 4 hours when I was 9 months preggo with Jake (I was dancing professionally with a troupe at the time) and all that happened was he came out with great rythym. I think its harder on some women than others, you just have no idea where the dice will land. My struggles & heartbreaks were in the nursing department. I still carry emotional wounds from that experience and feel I failed my babies...but I try to put it out of my mind.

A sense of humor is essential and don''t fret it too much. You have little control.....

 

[Independent Gal]

See, that''s another thing that scares me and makes me a little sad, and which I think FI doesn''t quite get. I would really, really prefer to raise any future kids closer to at least ONE of our families. We are so far from everyone, and have only lived where we do for a couple of years. I wish we could move to some version of home before we do this. I have friends here, but not the kind of friends I can heavily impose on, since I haven''t known them for long enough. So there will be no village. There will be me. And FI. And I probably won''t even be able to take any leave, since I can''t stay in the country if I''m not working. Maybe my mom will be able to drag herself away from my step-dad and their beloved dog long enough to come help. But somehow I doubt it!

Alright. Now I''m depressing myself. Must. Think. Positive. We will not be the first couple to not have all our ducks in a row before we have kids (and I''m into my thirties, so waiting TOO long isn''t a live option). We can do this. Even if it''s tough.

 

[lumpkin]

Indygal, pregnancy is different for everyone. And when a woman has more than one pregnancy, each pregnancy is often different. My first pregnancy and delivery were very hard. One thing I noted more than a year later was that had I felt so out of control. I had no idea what to really expect because I heard such a variety of experiences.

The first baby is where you become comfortable making decisions for your baby and family, regardless of what anyone else did/does regarding pregnancy, birth and feeding (and later on a whole host of other things). You mentioned not having family around and that may be a sticking point for you during your pregnancy. See if you can line up some support before you go into labor.

If you want to breastfeed, check out your local La Leche League and get a referral for a good lactation consultant, just in case it is hard. You''ll feel like you''ve taken some proactive steps and it will ease your mind.

If you belong to a church/synagogue/mosque or social group, line up some folks to bring meals to your home after the birth. It is SO nice to have prepared meals delivered -- you won''t believe how nice.

I suggest getting a doula for the birth. I didn''t think it was necessary with the first birth and I wish I had had one. They stay with you the whole time and advocate for you, not to mention the fact that they''ve been through a LOT of births and give you such valuable feedback and support during labor. Your doctor may say you don''t need one because they have labor and delivery nurses at the hospital, but they do not stay with you and may do what is more convenient for them as they attend to several laboring women at the same time, rather than what you want. Example: I wanted to be up and moving around during labor, but they wanted me on my back (worst labor position) so I could be hooked up to the monitor (which didn''t work very well). A doula would have found a way for me to be able to stay active, which helps labor along and eases anxiety, but I listened to my doctor. Who, by the way, was out of town when I had my first child.

I can''t recommend having a doula enough. And they may be able to put you in touch with other support systems you need after the baby arrives.

Just figure out what things are really bugging you, depressing you, or making you nervous and find a way to address those things. You''ll feel a lot better if you can take steps now rather than worrying during labor.

 

[Miranda]

I have three kids and didn't like pregnancy at all. I had no complications during pregnancy and an easy (with the help of my friend epidural) delivery. To me giving birth, nursing, and the post-baby physical discomfort was nothing compared to the pregnancy. I hated WAITING!!! And waking up every single day bigger than the one before. Like Mrs. S, I'm tiny, too, so having this huge body was not easy for me. As soon as all three kids were born I just felt like, Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. If I thought DH could handle it I would have loved it if he could have been preggers for a few days. Not the whole time because even though I was uncomfortable, I loved the experience. There is nothing like feeling your child move and knowing you are doing all you can do to help it grow.

ETA: I got to thinking about adopting a baby vs. giving birth to it. With all that I said above, if I adopted a baby I would feel exactly the same about it. I do not think that giving birth to your child makes the bonding process any different.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I thought about this thread at 6:30 am b/c Tessa kept fussing every 20 mins...Diver I am so jealous you cannot even imagine. She is 8 weeks and I pray for 3 hour stretches

IG, I am a blunt person and had NO romantic notions of pregnancy OR L&D. I was not disappointed! Haha! It is normal to be scared and freaked out. Becoming a parent is a HUGE deal. I think once your FI sees the toll it takes on you he will change your tune. I know I impressed DH with my strength.

 

[TravelingGal]

Being realistic is the best way to go. Before I got preggo, the mere THOUGHT of being pregnant made me ill. I am not a maternal person.

1st trimester, it DID occur to me that it wasn''t particularly fair that I was the one who had to "sacrifice". Big scary "woman" nipples were all it took for me to think, uh...not cool. TGuy''s face full of "eek" didn''t exactly help out either.

Like Jas, I am in the thick of things (we are on the same schedule, almost to the day), but I have to say...

I love being pregnant.

It''s just really really cool. And for me, it''s been easy so far. The only effect I have suffered so far is very swollen feet and ankles on the 15 hour recent flight I had to Oz. But in a day they were back to normal. Of course, I have back pains and some other things, but after feeling the baby move, it''s been awesome. I just sit there and smile when it moves and it makes the entire thing worthwhile.

The best part is that people don''t look at me thinking, man she''s fat because she had too many cheeseburgers. I have a good reason to be a fatty boomba! Hehehehe.

Yes, I am nutter...I like being pregnant and am not concerned about L&D really (I''ve researched it to death though). A sense of humor really helps during pregnancy. That being said, I am not keen on having another one because I am convinced that the second one is gonna be a doozy since each pregnancy is different. But I would not want TGuy to carry a baby...they''re way weaker than women and our kid would most likely be born with FAS...TGuy likes his beer too much!!!

 

[Cind11]

I was lucky enough to have very easy pregnancies. I basically breezed right through them. The birth of my first daughter wasn''t fun as I pushed for about two and a half hours and only had Demerol. I had an Epidural with daughter number 2 and it took about three pushes to get her out.

Truthfully, I wouldn''t mind sharing. If it was possible, I''d have gladly let my DH give birth to one of them-lol.

 

[curlygirl]

I loved being pregnant and had a very easy labor and delivery so I would (and hopefully WILL) definitely do it again but I wouldn''t mind if DH could do it. Men don''t understand the complexity of being pregnant and to them, it doesn''t become real until the baby is there! To me, the worst part of it has been the loss of my girlish (boyish?) figure--I now have hips I didn''t have and a bit of extra flab on the belly so I would be happy for DH to share that with me but then again, it''s all worth it!!

 

[Independent Gal]

Thanks so much everyone! It really helps to hear other peoples'' experiences. And I''m glad some of you loved being pregnant, despite it all! I think part of my issue is that, like T''Gal I''ve always felt a little squeamish about the very idea of being pregnant. Having a little guy GROWING inside your body. I mean, ew. Can you say ''alien''? I''m sure it won''t feel at all that way at all when it''s our baby growing in there! I guess in some ways I''m not that maternal either, although I really, really want kids!

Lumpkin''s suggestion of sitting down and figuring out what specifically is bothering me was super helpful. I''ve been doing a lot of thinking about it. Yes, there are practical problems, some of them pretty serious. But I have faith that we''ll figure those out. I think what''s really going on is more just general jitters - like those I had just before getting engaged - about losing my independence and autonomy. I''m getting used to sharing my space with someone else, compromising on things around the house, etc. But I still get a little freaked out thinking about how my career is likely to tank if I can''t move around anymore, and about not getting to do whatever I want whenever I want anymore. (yeah, pity party for me!)There will be two of us to consider in every decision from now on! And then hopefully three. And maybe four.

Whenever I really think about it, I know how worth it it will all be, and that family is what is really important. But I guess my life over the last ten or twelve years has been so exciting and extraordinary that the idea of being ''chained down'', even if it''s to people I love and want to put first, is inevitably a little scary. I feel like much of my identity is undergoing a huge change right now.

So, I think that''s the root of my difuse concerns about motherhood too. I just have to process it and embrace the change! New kinds of adventures await. I don''t have to be ''Independent Gal'' forever. I''ll just treasure what I''ve had til now and learn to love what''s coming next.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 1/2/2008 1:25:37 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Thanks so much everyone! It really helps to hear other peoples'' experiences. And I''m glad some of you loved being pregnant, despite it all! I think part of my issue is that, like T''Gal I''ve always felt a little squeamish about the very idea of being pregnant. Having a little guy GROWING inside your body. I mean, ew. Can you say ''alien''? I''m sure it won''t feel at all that way at all when it''s our baby growing in there! I guess in some ways I''m not that maternal either, although I really, really want kids!

Lumpkin''s suggestion of sitting down and figuring out what specifically is bothering me was super helpful. I''ve been doing a lot of thinking about it. Yes, there are practical problems, some of them pretty serious. But I have faith that we''ll figure those out. I think what''s really going on is more just general jitters - like those I had just before getting engaged - about losing my independence and autonomy. I''m getting used to sharing my space with someone else, compromising on things around the house, etc. But I still get a little freaked out thinking about how my career is likely to tank if I can''t move around anymore, and about not getting to do whatever I want whenever I want anymore. (yeah, pity party for me!)There will be two of us to consider in every decision from now on! And then hopefully three. And maybe four.

Whenever I really think about it, I know how worth it it will all be, and that family is what is really important. But I guess my life over the last ten or twelve years has been so exciting and extraordinary that the idea of being ''chained down'', even if it''s to people I love and want to put first, is inevitably a little scary. I feel like much of my identity is undergoing a huge change right now.

So, I think that''s the root of my difuse concerns about motherhood too. I just have to process it and embrace the change! New kinds of adventures await. I don''t have to be ''Independent Gal'' forever. I''ll just treasure what I''ve had til now and learn to love what''s coming next.

Hello? Is that me in there? Hehehe...girl, you are going through EXACTLY what I went through when I got married and am continuing to go through as I become "domesticated."

My life in my 20''s was quite simply fab. I really learned a lot about myself (if only to understand that I had a lot to learn), traveled a lot, and was doing great in my career. I felt sorry for those "poor" gals who got married early, popped out kids and missed out on fulfilling solitary journeys. When it became imminent that TGuy was going to move to the U.S., I used to hyperventilate in the shower at the thought of giving up all that I not only loved, but was so passionate about.

Well, all those poor gals were onto something. Their life was no less fulfilling than mine because they went the settled down route. There is a joy about it that is different, yet wonderful from the life you and I led in our single days. Is it less "exciting?" Yeah, probably. (I totally yearned for traveling again when I saw your Peru photos...don''t think you ever really stop missing some aspects of freedom and independence). But in the same way that travel provides adventure, trying to make a great domestic life gives you some awesome challenges to chew on. Far more challenging than trying to find your train in a foreign country, and (I hope) in many ways far more rewarding.

I cried when TGuy and I first started discussing having children. I just was so unsure of it all. I''m sure he thought I was a bit nutty. But then, I just see this part of my life like another road in my travels...and like our solo travels, you''ll find that if you throw caution to the wind once in a while and just roll with it, it all works out amazingly well. At the very least, there''s always a good story to tell.

Oh, and yes...it DOES feel like an alien.

 

[zoebartlett]

Honestly, I''m scared to death of being pregnant. I''ve never wanted to be preganant, and I''m only now beginning to accept the idea that one day I could be. I''ve never wanted to nurse either -- it will be bottles for me (I know this can be a heated topic but this is what I''d feel comfortable doing). We think we''re going to have kids but I can''t say that we''re 100% sure. If that means being pregnant, so be it. If it means alternatives such as adoption, that''s okay with us.

I wonder how the costs of having a baby VS. adopting (nationally -- I know it''s really expensive to adopt a child from overseas) differ.

 

[Independent Gal]

T'Gal I'm so glad to hear you say that it was like that for you too. Makes me feel a bit less, uh, guilty about being so, as you put it, undomesticated.

I'm glad to have had the experiences I've had. And now I'll have some great new challenges of a very different kind. All part of a full, rich life, right? Of course I'm happy and excited about marrying my honey. But it's natural to be a little freaked out, and to mourn what I'm losing too, though. It's exactly like when you're traveling and at the end of the trip, you're so happy to be home but you're so sad and sorry that it's over at the same time.

Yup, it's rather like that.

Bummer about the alien thing, though. (shudder)

Zoe it's so good to know that others are weirded out by being pregnant too, even if they might want to be mothers. It makes me feel less freaky! I hope I end up loving being pregnant, though. Ya never know! It will certainly be an adventure.

ABout the costs of adopting, my understanding is that they are indeed VERY high ($50K?) for adopting from outside the country. FI and I are both agreed that if we end up unable to have our own kids, we won't adopt a baby. I could see us fostering some day, and maybe adopting a foster child, though.

 

[TravelingGal]

Re: the alien thing - I think for a lot of preggos, it really is the BEST part. Once it starts moving, you just realize women are awesome beings for being able to conceive and carry. And honestly, it''s kind of fun. Gives you an excuse to talk to yourself...except that you think you are talking to another person. I sit here and "chase" the baby around my tummy. Free entertainment for the bored.

 

[flutterby]

I never really wanted to be pregnant. Inever thought about it or really knew much about the experience. when i got pregnant i wasnt working and really had time to ejoy my pregnancy...lots of naps, walks on the beach, and prenatal yoga. I had no complications and enjoyed it...minus the harsh reality of the scale.

i really researched L/D and decided on a natural childbirth. my childbirth classes were amazing, 10 weeks worth. It really made my husband and I feel like informed consumers with the process. We learned so much and luckily the birth went the way we planned. i got to the hospial at 7cm and 2.5 hours, and no drugs later i had my son.

BFing has been really hard and I''m only partially successful, but I wouldnt give it up for anything. I think it can be frightening because you cant control it, there are so many variables that can effect the outcome. Yet that is also what makes motherhood so exciting.