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5 carat engagement ring dilemma

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jaz464

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Hi everyone, I have a friend who is soon to be engaged and she has discussed a concern regarding her soon-to-be engagement ring. I thought I would ask the diamond lovers here their opinions. I am torn as to what kind of advice to offer her.

Her fiance-to-be is quite well to do and he himself wears a good deal of jewelry. Gold Rolex, gold bracelet, pinkie ring, etc. His pride and joy is a 5.5 carat ring that he has set in a 18k gold bezel setting and worn for about 10-15 years. I have seen this ring and it is quite the showstopper. It has a lot of sparkle and is quite showy, especially because of the size. The diamond was purchased for investment reasons and I believe it is a D VVS or IF diamond. As I said, it does sparkle quite a bit but I know nothing about the cut. He would like for her to have the ring as her E-ring (they would pick out a new setting together). I know the sentiment means a lot to her because of the size of the ring and the fact that he cherishes it very much and now wants to give it to her. I genuinely don't think he offered it to her as a way to save money or anything like that. He just wants her to have something that he has always loved.

She is torn because she knows more than a little about diamonds and would really would like the cream of the crop in terms of cut. In discussing rings with her, I know she'd sacrifice color/clarity but never cut. And having that knock-out sparkle that you only get with the finest cuts is her #1 priority. Cut on his diamond is not known to her but it does sparkly nicely, maybe just not ACA sparkly but perhaps still VG or Excellent in terms of cut. She knows that he would purchase something else for her but she has expressed feelings of guilt to me. Size is not her priority but who says no to a 5+ carat ring, especially on the grounds that the cut my not be 'ideal enough'? And when it comes with such love behind it? However, I understand her feelings because if I had gone with a round, nothing but AGS ideal would have done it for me. And she will be wearing it every day and has to be happy/love it. But marriage isn't about the ring and what he is offering has much more meaning than something they could purchase new. She is torn and I wanted to post to get some perspectives from fellow diamond lovers. Thoughts?
 

Hera

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I think she should take the 5 carat diamond that he has loved and wants to give to her. It sounds like she would love it as well. A five carat VG cut in that size is still going to be quite sparkly!


She must post pics for us though!
 

Abril

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In this case, cut isn''t that important. Go with the 5.5 carat ring.
 

neatfreak

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Any chance he''d be open to recutting it? Might only lose a few points if it''s close to ideal already...
 

Kaleigh

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Date: 3/21/2009 3:21:58 PM
Author: neatfreak
Any chance he''d be open to recutting it? Might only lose a few points if it''s close to ideal already...
That''s what I was wondering.
 

FrekeChild

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Recutting was my first thought too. Either way, I''d be pretty thrilled to have a 5.5ct sparkler. I say she should get it appraised or find the original paperwork and go from there. It''s it''s still Ex, I''d leave it be.
 

jaz464

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Date: 3/21/2009 3:21:58 PM
Author: neatfreak
Any chance he'd be open to recutting it? Might only lose a few points if it's close to ideal already...
I had brought this up but she wasn't sure how to go about asking about the cut. The diamond does have a cert but how do you say, "honey before I give you an answer on the diamond, can I see the cert to check the crown and pavillion angles first?"

Do you think he might take that thought as an insult? Like the diamond isn't good enough for her? I think my thoughts are if she wants to accept it, maybe it is best to accept as/is?
 

mayachel

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It sounds like this won''t be the last bit of fine jewelry in her box. I would say take the sentiment and heart of the 5.5 diamond, and propose that the critical eye for diamond shopping happen for the band, earrings, necklace etc that she will "need" for the wedding!
 

Rhea

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Date: 3/21/2009 4:06:44 PM
Author: mayachel
It sounds like this won''t be the last bit of fine jewelry in her box. I would say take the sentiment and heart of the 5.5 diamond, and propose that the critical eye for diamond shopping happen for the band, earrings, necklace etc that she will ''need'' for the wedding!
I agree! There''s no way that this will be the last piece of jewellery that he ever gives her.
 

canuk-gal

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Date: 3/21/2009 4:06:44 PM
Author: mayachel
It sounds like this won''t be the last bit of fine jewelry in her box. I would say take the sentiment and heart of the 5.5 diamond, and propose that the critical eye for diamond shopping happen for the band, earrings, necklace etc that she will ''need'' for the wedding!
HI:

Well said.

cheers--Sharon
 

iheartscience

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Does she want to wear a 5.5 carat diamond? If she does, but isn''t crazy about the cut, I would ask if he wouldn''t mind if she got it recut into a hearts and arrows cut. (Sounds more romantic than ideal cut, right?) But I lean towards the brutally honest, so it might not be something she''d be comfortable doing.

If she doesn''t even want to wear a 5.5 carat diamond, I think it''s easy enough to tell him she appreciates the gesture but would rather have something a little smaller, and then send him towards Whiteflash since they''re in Texas!
 

radiantquest

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i would accept the diamond that he already has. the sentiment means alot and like many already said, she could have it cut again to get a better cut and still have a substantial carat ring.
 

Skippy123

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Date: 3/21/2009 4:18:36 PM
Author: canuk-gal

Date: 3/21/2009 4:06:44 PM
Author: mayachel
It sounds like this won''t be the last bit of fine jewelry in her box. I would say take the sentiment and heart of the 5.5 diamond, and propose that the critical eye for diamond shopping happen for the band, earrings, necklace etc that she will ''need'' for the wedding!
HI:

Well said.

cheers--Sharon
Thritto this.
 

LaurenThePartier

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My sister in law wears a diamond of similar beginnings. It was her husban''d father''s pinky ring that he wore often before he passed away, and when he proposed, he had the diamond set in a wide gold 6 prong setting. It''s an amazing diamond, and huge (at least 4.5 ct.) and not ideally cut, but the sentiment behind it is so sweet.

There''s always time for additional jewelry/a recut later.
 

zhuzhu

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If I were her, I would not fuss about the "cut" but focus on how impressive this ring is overall.

You can always find faults in anything in life if you look hard enough, but the symbolism of the ring and the fact that it already sounds like one heck of a rock, should make her very proud of wearing it.
 

diamondringlover

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My thoughts are if the ring is sparkly and it looks good, then I wouldnt care about the cut, if it is a beautiful diamond then wear it with pride and love, especially since it means so much to him
 

Fly Girl

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Date: 3/21/2009 2:59:15 PM
Author:jazmine
She is torn because she knows more than a little about diamonds and would really would like the cream of the crop in terms of cut. In discussing rings with her, I know she''d sacrifice color/clarity but never cut.
I already owned a well-cut 60/60 diamond from before I joined PS. After learning about cut, I looked into exchanging my diamond. But it just wasn''t worth it, and besides, my diamond is absolutely gorgeous in its own right. I decided to enjoy what I had, and have since purchased two ideal cut diamonds from PS vendors. So, assuming the 5.5 ct is a beautiful, well-cut diamond, I expect that she will learn to love it, and I agree that this won''t be the last piece of jewelry she will ever own.

On the other hand, it sounds like there is no reason why he should give up his diamond. She could have her own. But, for sure, I would not mention cut as a reason not to use the diamond that has been offered.

Congratulations to your friend!
 

atroop711

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she should take the 5ct ring. This ring means so much to him that just the sentiment is enough to make me say OK GIVE IT TO ME. I''m pretty sure he will give her more diamonds in the near future
 

KimberlyH

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I say take the ring and be thrilled he wants to give her something he clearly values a great deal.
 

AmberGretchen

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Part of me agrees with the others that she should take the ring, mostly because of the nice sentiment behind it.

But if she really, truly feels she couldn''t get past wondering about the cut quality, then it seems like it might be worth trying to find a way to bring it up tactfully - the cert should get checked anyway for insurance purposes, to make sure its up to date, accurate etc...and so that might be a good starting point.

I think as long as she is open and honest but still makes it clear how much she appreciates his very loving gesture, there is a good chance they can come to a solution both will be happy with.
 

jaz464

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Date: 3/21/2009 11:19:09 PM
Author: AmberGretchen
But if she really, truly feels she couldn't get past wondering about the cut quality, then it seems like it might be worth trying to find a way to bring it up tactfully - the cert should get checked anyway for insurance purposes, to make sure its up to date, accurate etc...and so that might be a good starting point.
I think that this is a good idea. Like I said, he has owned the diamond for several years and she also mentioned he doesn't have it insured
. So having it appraised for insurance purposes for her, would be a tactfull way to find out more. Then she can take it from there.
 

Phoenix

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Date: 3/21/2009 10:30:08 PM
Author: KimberlyH
I say take the ring and be thrilled he wants to give her something he clearly values a great deal.
I second this. An e-ring should be about sentiment and clearly he loves her so much that he wants to give her something that he''s been treasuring for so long. I''d definitely take it and not question it. His feelings would be hurt otherwise.
 

Madam Bijoux

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If she has doubts about the stone, she could say something like "I really love seeing you wear that ring, and I would feel awful if you gave it up to have the stone re-set for me. Let''s get a new stone for me so that we can wear our rings together"
 

swimmer

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Rough problem
Good luck, wow she will need to do extra arm exercises to prep for that ring, in whatever form it arrives.
 

Deelight

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The sentiment behind the diamond would mean more to me then cut any day, something that means so much to him and he wants to give it to the one he loves the most - I would take it as is and wear it proudly.
 

icekid

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Date: 3/21/2009 4:06:44 PM
Author: mayachel
It sounds like this won''t be the last bit of fine jewelry in her box. I would say take the sentiment and heart of the 5.5 diamond, and propose that the critical eye for diamond shopping happen for the band, earrings, necklace etc that she will ''need'' for the wedding!
Well said! I really think the sentiment would win out for me, over the perfect cut..
 

isaku5

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I haven''t read everyone''s response, but I''ll offer mine, for what it''s worth.

The guy has offered his pride and joy of many years to his beloved wife-to- be. If I were she, I''d accept it in the spirit in which it''s offered.

Should she suggest a written appraisal, a re-cut or anything more than a new setting? He$$ no!!!! If she did suggest anything even hinting that it''s not *perfect* enough for her, he should get out of there now.
 

zhuzhu

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Date: 3/22/2009 4:52:46 PM
Author: isaku5
I haven''t read everyone''s response, but I''ll offer mine, for what it''s worth.


The guy has offered his pride and joy of many years to his beloved wife-to- be. If I were she, I''d accept it in the spirit in which it''s offered.


Should she suggest a written appraisal, a re-cut or anything more than a new setting? He$$ no!!!! If she did suggest anything even hinting that it''s not *perfect* enough for her, he should get out of there now.
I kinda agree with you.
Even though 2 people getting engaged should both have a say in the e-ring, it still is after all, a gift from him to her. If he was to ask her "hon,is there anything about the diamond that you do not like?", then she can tell him all about the problems she sees. However it sounds like he wants her to feel as proud of wearing the exact diamond as did he, her concern may actually hurt his feelings and ruin the priceless sentiment associated with the ring.
 

jewelerman

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take the stone,and just the way it is...no discussion about recut or size or quality...any thought that the stone isnt good enough could be very insulting or misunderstood as selfishness.Play it safe and wear the already impressive diamond as is and wait for the other jewelry to be exactly what she wants...his feeling are the important thing here and if she isnt careful she could put a big dent in the enjoyment of giving and recieving diamonds in the furure.TAKE MY ADVISE...Ive seen men stop giving jewelry as gifts because the early pieces wernt accepted in the right way and they were very hurt to the point of resentment when its time to buy a bday,christmas or Annirversary gift.
 
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