Wedding 2 Etiquette Qs: Thank You Cards

[CrownJewel]

I know very little wedding etiquette, so:

1. This is a rather dumb question - do I specify the amount of money we received from the guest in their thank you card? I thought the answer was no, just a generic "thank you for your gift of money" will suffice. But when it is a non-monetary gift, we specify the gift they gave us, right? Like, thank you for the toaster and the 2 sets of china. Why do we get specific about the non-money gift, but remain general regarding the monetary gift?

2. I know that guests have a year to send a card or gift. What if we received neither a card nor a gift - do I still send a thank you card expressing appreciation that they came to our wedding?

 

[violet02]

On my cards I just said thank you for the ''check'' or for the ''money'' we''ll be putting in a savings account towards x or whatever we were using it for.

For the second question I had a tough time on that one. I decided thank yous to gift givers and I''m making a postcard out of one of our pro pics and sending that to everyone who came to the wedding expressing thanks for being a part of it.

 

[OMG]

I wouldnt mention the money per se---instead you could say something like "thank you for your generous gift".

Secondly - you are to send EVERYONE who attended your wedding a thank you card. Etiquette says that guests are NOT ever required to send or bring a gift with them to a wedding - and you are not supossed to be expecting one.

Hope this helps

 

[Sabine]

I wouldn''t mention the specific amount either. For the second question, there was a recent thread about that, but I can''t remember who started it or what it was called, but there were people on both side of the fence. Some sent a thank you to everyone, and some just said thank you for the gifts.

 

[geckodani]

I also said something along the lines of, "Thank you for your generous gift! We will be putting it towards our new life together and greatly appreciate your thoughtfulness." No mention of specific amounts.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Date: 10/21/2008 8:39:31 AM
Author: geckodani
I also said something along the lines of, ''Thank you for your generous gift! We will be putting it towards our new life together and greatly appreciate your thoughtfulness.'' No mention of specific amounts.

Ditto!

As for thank you cards - I plan to send them to everyone who attended the wedding regardless of whether they gave a gift as a thank you for sharing in our special day.

 

[SparklyLibra]

I have to agree with Geckdani on the second question. If the person is so dear to you that you invited them to celebrate and share in making your day special by being present, then that is what you should be thanking them for. If they bring a gift then that is an added bonus. It is always nice when guest give gifts and most people know by now that when invited it is proper etiquette to bring something; if not money, or a gift, then at least a card. But I don''t think that one should withhold their thanks to their guest if they didn''t bring anything; the invitations usually say that their presence would make your day joyous, not their gift/ money.

HTH,

~SL.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 10/21/2008 8:39:31 AM
Author: geckodani
I also said something along the lines of, 'Thank you for your generous gift! We will be putting it towards our new life together and greatly appreciate your thoughtfulness.' No mention of specific amounts.

That is what we did too. I think it's tacky to mention the specific amount personally...we also made sure to say that we were so happy they were able to make it to the wedding, it was great to see them, etc. So you could send a card like that to anyone who didn't bring a gift.

 

[CrownJewel]

Thanks ladies! I asked a friend this morning and she referred me to Emily Post online.

In response to "who needs a thank you note?":
Anyone who gives a gift of money: cash, checks, contributions to savings accounts and donations to charities. Mentioning the amount is optional, but it does let the person know the correct amount was received. You should mention what you plan to do with the money.

I guess either way goes. DH says that we shouldn''t mention the amount, so that''s what we will do. And for anyone who would like confirmation from Emily Post regarding the guests who did not give gifts - while I was on the website, I found:

For the week of May 30, 2005

Q. I was recently married and did not receive gifts from three good friends (one a groomsman). Perhaps these people just did not give a gift or will be sending one in the future. However, I am concerned that perhaps they did give a gift but it was misplaced or stolen at the wedding. Is there a proper way for me to investigate whether or not a gift was given?

A. In a situation like this, and it is not unusual, the best thing you can do is write a letter to the so-far non-gift-giving guests. Thank them for being with you on your special day and express your pleasure in having them be there. This shows your excellent manners and enables them to write back or call and say, "gee, you didn’t mention my gift… did you receive it?" If you don’t write, and they did give you a gift, they will think you are one of those ill-mannered couples who don’t write thank-you notes and think badly of you. You can explain what happened if they call or write in response to your note. If they didn’t give you a gift, they will nonetheless be impressed that you wrote!

 

[karasue91]

Date: 10/21/2008 12:27:07 PM
Author: CrownJewel

Thanks ladies! I asked a friend this morning and she referred me to Emily Post online.

In response to ''who needs a thank you note?'':
Anyone who gives a gift of money: cash, checks, contributions to savings accounts and donations to charities. Mentioning the amount is optional, but it does let the person know the correct amount was received. You should mention what you plan to do with the money.

I guess either way goes. DH says that we shouldn''t mention the amount, so that''s what we will do. And for anyone who would like confirmation from Emily Post regarding the guests who did not give gifts - while I was on the website, I found:

For the week of May 30, 2005

Q. I was recently married and did not receive gifts from three good friends (one a groomsman). Perhaps these people just did not give a gift or will be sending one in the future. However, I am concerned that perhaps they did give a gift but it was misplaced or stolen at the wedding. Is there a proper way for me to investigate whether or not a gift was given?

A. In a situation like this, and it is not unusual, the best thing you can do is write a letter to the so-far non-gift-giving guests. Thank them for being with you on your special day and express your pleasure in having them be there. This shows your excellent manners and enables them to write back or call and say, ''gee, you didn’t mention my gift… did you receive it?'' If you don’t write, and they did give you a gift, they will think you are one of those ill-mannered couples who don’t write thank-you notes and think badly of you. You can explain what happened if they call or write in response to your note. If they didn’t give you a gift, they will nonetheless be impressed that you wrote!

haha this just sparked a discussion between dh and me.....what if you expect that people will give you a gift but haven''t gotten around to it yet? i know one of my good friends got married last year, and i think it was about 3 or 4 months before i sent her a gift (some will scoff, but i was busy!) i would have felt REALLY bad if i had gotten a card from her thanking me for coming to the wedding before i had gotten around to sending her gift.

i guess we could send the "thanks for coming" cards to people we don''t expect to receive a gift from, and just not worry about it for our close friends who haven''t gotten around to giving us anything?