1 Ragdoll vs. US = Unhappy Household

[Amethyste]

I know I am going to sound awful...
Positively, I do NOT like my ragdoll cat
He's mean to my other older girl kitty, he bites her and he's rough with her. He's 2 times her size and it's hard for her to fight him off or pull herself away from him.

We got a ragdoll because they are supposed to be laid back, loving and easy going. This one has actually been the opposite of what the breed is somewhat portraying. He's destructive, and everytime we try to pet him, he slithers away at our touch like "ewwwww don't touch me". My husband and I are wondering WTH?

He's 1 year old - he's gorgeous and all. He's not affectionate - doesn't want to be picked up, he's aggressive and just not really into anything other than his food.

I am mostly concern about my female kitty... Her sweet caracter has actually changed since he's been displaying aggresiveness towards her, and it breaks my heart cause we got her from the SPCA and she is the kindest soul...

I don't know what to do with this situation. When I am home, I am able to control what is going on between her and him - but we are at work I hate to think that she is being bullied by him. I tried to keep him upstairs, but you know? I came back home to poop and pee on the carpet and my neighbor told me that he meows so loud that she thought he was being injured. She probably thinks I am abusing my animals!

I am starting to think he doesn't like us either I've given him love, toys, caring, patience... But seems that nothing is working...

Any suggestions?

 

[Trekkie]

Hi Amethyste

I'm sorry you are going through this with your kitty. It happened with us too, many years ago when we added an unloved 8 month old kitty to our menagerie, so I understand a little about how you feel. Our kitty was Siamese and had to adapt to living with 2 other Siamese kitties and hated it. He would pick fights with our (very gentle) English Pit Bull and then run and hide on a high shelf, taunting the poor dog.

What helped us was getting the kitty neutered. After he had time to recover from his op he was the most relaxed and docile creature and stopped fighting immediately. He never quite stopped teasing the dog, but the violence definitely decreased.

Has your kitty been neutered? If not, this may be an option.

 

[swingirl]

Maybe it's time to find your rag doll a new home. Not all animals like to share territory. And not all animals made good pets.

 

[Amethyste]

Hi Amethyste

I'm sorry you are going through this with your kitty. It happened with us too, many years ago when we added an unloved 8 month old kitty to our menagerie, so I understand a little about how you feel. Our kitty was Siamese and had to adapt to living with 2 other Siamese kitties and hated it. He would pick fights with our (very gentle) English Pit Bull and then run and hide on a high shelf, taunting the poor dog.

What helped us was getting the kitty neutered. After he had time to recover from his op he was the most relaxed and docile creature and stopped fighting immediately. He never quite stopped teasing the dog, but the violence definitely decreased.

Has your kitty been neutered? If not, this may be an option.

Yes, He is neutered... I wish is was the easy fix-up...

He weighs 18lbs abd she is only 6 lbs... It's like David and Goliath - but not ending like the known story...

 

[Amethyste]

Maybe it's time to find your rag doll a new home. Not all animals like to share territory. And not all animals made good pets.

Thank you. I think I'll be looking into it probably soon... I am sad about this actually...

 

[davi_el_mejor]

Ame, that's too bad about the new addition.

Unfortunately cats never seem to follow any sort of game plan when it comes to how they act.

Some cats are just loners. My mom's 17 year old cat has only in the last 2 or 3 years become a love bug. She would hide most of the time or lounge far from reach of humans or the other two cats when they were alive. Since she's become the only cat, her attitude has changed dramatically.

You say that he likes his food. That would seem the best way to get him to tolerate you. Most cats will learn to do something for food.

During feeding time, put the food dish in your lap. If he's hungry enough he'll eat from your lap. Cats will not starve themselves (barring any health conditions). Eventually he'll tolerate you touching him while he eats, and then eventually even when he's not eating.

I would also suggest rescue remedy for pets or children (neither contain alcohol). It's worked wonders for my high strung nervous dog when she has to encounter strangers in the house. Just a couple of drops and hello mellow dog/cat.

When you're not home, I know it seems bassackwards, but if you put the older cat in her own room and let mean kitty have free roam, that may help in the neighbor and inappropriate elimination situations.

The inappropriate elimination could be signs of UTI too. Cats are prone to UTI's and crystals. I would have him checked for that too.

Good luck and hope this helps.

 

[Liane]

I just went through a similar situation with our two guinea pigs. One of them was constantly bullying and biting the other, and nothing we did could get him to stop. After months of trying to reconcile them, we finally gave up the bullying pig earlier this week. Even though guinea pigs are supposed to be social animals and the pig we kept (Biscuit) had previously shown signs of depression when he lost his companion (his first companion caught a flu and died after a couple of years, and Biscuit also appeared depressed when he had to be separated for a few weeks because he was recovering from an operation to remove a cancerous tumor), he literally jumped for joy the day we took the bullying pig away. It was the first time he'd been able to eat a meal in months without getting bitten or chased away from the food bowl (unless we took the other pig out of the cage first, which we'd been doing).

I'm not proud of this story and was/am a little hesitant to recount it because I don't like admitting that I failed to correct a pet's behavior, but we tried everything and nothing was working. I still don't know what caused the change; they'd lived together for years, since the younger pig was a baby, and had gotten along well until about six months ago. Then their relationship just gradually deteriorated and although we could stop the fights when they happened, we couldn't prevent the bullying altogether.

I've never been unable to train a rodent before -- and I have had dozens of rodents -- but I guess everyone eventually finds some animal or situation they can't work with (except Cesar Millan, but he has the benefit of an editing crew), and I finally had to concede defeat on this one.

I do not advocate giving up easily. Shelters are filled with animals who suffer because their people didn't have the patience or knowledge to correct relatively easy problems. But, at the same time, some animals are just animal-aggressive and can't live with other pets. If you can't monitor them constantly, and your other pet(s) are suffering, there may come a time when you have to make a choice between them. It's not an easy decision and it's not one that should be made quickly; I devoutly hope you have more success correcting your cat's behavior than I did with my guinea pig's. But sometimes, realistically, you can't keep both pets in the same home.

 

[Aoife]

Amethyste, I'm so sorry. If he isn't neutered, that would be the first thing I would do. But it may not solve the problem. Some cats just don't get along, and that may be what you are facing. Or, your male may not have been adequately socialized and handled when he was young: the fact that he doesn't like to interact with you and your husband, poops and pees inappropriately indicates that might be at the root of the problem. Or, he may be acting that way because he is stressed out trying to establish his dominance.

In the short term, one of the best things you can do is to defuse the situation by giving each of the kitties a "safe" room that the other cat doesn't have access to. This means a door that closes, with food, water, bed, toys and litterbox. If one has the run of the house, the other should be in his/her "safe" room. You can alternate who is in and who is out. Make sure that you give both kitties lots of attention so they don't associate being in their safe room with being neglected. Keep them completely separated, even when you are there to watch them. Right now they associate being together with Very Bad Stuff happening, so you have to try to turn that stress switch off. After a week or so of them being separated you may have a better idea of what the male cats true personality is, then you'll have to make some decisions.

Just so you know where I'm coming from, we currently have two cats, a Scottish Fold brother and sister who do not get along. They are both delightful on their own, affectionate, loving and playful with us, family and guests, but if they are in the same room it is WWIII. The male will do his best to really hurt the little female, and she just will not knuckle under and submit. So we keep them completely separated, and have done so for the last two years. One of our daughters had a similar situation to yours with a second cat she adopted, and had to end up finding another home for the new adoptee because her older cat was too terrified to come out and eat and was literally starving to death.

Good luck, you have my sympathy!

 

[MonkeysInk]

I have a ragdoll, too, and he's not particularly friendly. He'll sit on your lap or let you touch him, but it's all on his own terms. If you pet him too long, he bites (gently at first, then much harder). He...ummm...well, you know....with my other male cat, despite the fact that both are neutered.

A girlfriend has a ragdoll, too, and I find him to be very similar in disposition. I wouldn't ever knowingly get another one - they're so beautiful, but between the biting and the fur everywhere, they're not my ideal pet.

Mine gets extra-bad if the box is dirty or there's no food in the dish. We bought an auto-feeder to cure the problem of him acting badly trying to get food (he'd jump on the table or nip your ankles or knock things off the countertops) and try to clean the box every other day.

Sorry that you're having this problem...

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Well... if you have a cat you, "positively do not like," you should be actively seeking out a new home for him. It's not fair to him to force a relationship that clearly isn't working between him and your female cat AND attempting one between you and him. He needs a new home where he can be the primary and ONLY cat in that household. Some cats do need their own homes and there will be an individual/family out there who can provide that.

Since shelters are over crowded, I would suggest placing an ad on CL. Yes, there are odd people out there, so your best bet is to interview potential families and make sure the cat is a fit for them. At this point, it's become even a bigger issue that he has peed as now you're possibly subjecting who adopts him to cat pee on their floor/rug.

Sorry to sound preachy and I try not to be, but to see a person post saying they hate their pet is just heartbreaking. I've lost THREE cats here in 2010 and loved them all so much. I can't comprehend feeling negativety about them

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Well... if you have a cat you, "positively do not like," you should be actively seeking out a new home for him. It's not fair to him to force a relationship that clearly isn't working between him and your female cat AND attempting one between you and him. He needs a new home where he can be the primary and ONLY cat in that household. Some cats do need their own homes and there will be an individual/family out there who can provide that.

Since shelters are over crowded, I would suggest placing an ad on CL. Yes, there are odd people out there, so your best bet is to interview potential families and make sure the cat is a fit for them. At this point, it's become even a bigger issue that he has peed as now you're possibly subjecting who adopts him to cat pee on their floor/rug.

Sorry to sound preachy and I try not to be, but to see a person post saying they hate their pet is just heartbreaking. I've lost THREE cats here in 2010 and loved them all so much. I can't comprehend feeling negativety about them

Ditto the bolded. I don't know - he's still young - I wonder how much it's a personality problem, and how much it is a socialization problem on the part of the breeder. I think maybe he'll be better off in a one-cat home (where he's the only cat) - can you ask around and see if your friends want a cat? I disagree about CL. I think you should try finding someone you know first before resorting to it - way too many crazies out there.

And if you can't find anyone, will the breeder take him back? (I assume you got him from a breeder). Most purebred breeders make you sign a contract, and one of the stipulations is that if you can't keep the cat, you have to offer it back to them first. At least then you know he'll be going back to a good home.

I'm so sorry. I'm actually hesitant about adding a third cat because of those quirky cat dynamics. Lots of hugs, and keep us updated.

 

[tina sparkle]

Maybe there is a ragdoll rescue, or purebred cat rescue in your area and they can care for him until he can be placed. i know it's a difficult situation, but it isn't fair to your other kitty and may never get any better.

 

[Matata]

Ame....What conditions, if any, did the breeder place on the purchase of the kitten? The breeders of my 3 Savannahs require that I contact them first if anything is either wrong with the cat or with the relationship. There are a lot of breeders who would prefer to get the cats back for them to rehome. Perhaps the breeder would be willing to exchange your cat for another?

 

[TooPatient]

Amethyste, I'm so sorry. If he isn't neutered, that would be the first thing I would do. But it may not solve the problem. Some cats just don't get along, and that may be what you are facing. Or, your male may not have been adequately socialized and handled when he was young: the fact that he doesn't like to interact with you and your husband, poops and pees inappropriately indicates that might be at the root of the problem. Or, he may be acting that way because he is stressed out trying to establish his dominance.

In the short term, one of the best things you can do is to defuse the situation by giving each of the kitties a "safe" room that the other cat doesn't have access to. This means a door that closes, with food, water, bed, toys and litterbox. If one has the run of the house, the other should be in his/her "safe" room. You can alternate who is in and who is out. Make sure that you give both kitties lots of attention so they don't associate being in their safe room with being neglected. Keep them completely separated, even when you are there to watch them. Right now they associate being together with Very Bad Stuff happening, so you have to try to turn that stress switch off. After a week or so of them being separated you may have a better idea of what the male cats true personality is, then you'll have to make some decisions.

Just so you know where I'm coming from, we currently have two cats, a Scottish Fold brother and sister who do not get along. They are both delightful on their own, affectionate, loving and playful with us, family and guests, but if they are in the same room it is WWIII. The male will do his best to really hurt the little female, and she just will not knuckle under and submit. So we keep them completely separated, and have done so for the last two years. One of our daughters had a similar situation to yours with a second cat she adopted, and had to end up finding another home for the new adoptee because her older cat was too terrified to come out and eat and was literally starving to death.

Good luck, you have my sympathy!

Great advice. We had an older cat who hated our other two cats so we had a "safe room" situation in our house too. They got to where they could sit at the table with us for dinner (all 3 together + the dog) and even watch TV with us for awhile but otherwise had to be separated.

We also had a very agressive cat. I don't know why she was that way, I had her from the time she was 3-4 months. We found her beating up our other cat (not the older one) one day and realized that it was an all the time thing. I don't know how long she had been doing this when we weren't around. She even started attacking people (claws & teeth...).
My mom LOVED her and this cat just snuggled up with her every time she visited so on one of her visits when she said "I love you so much I could just take you home with me" I asked if she really meant it.
Huggy went home with my mom that day and is living with her now. She is now in a home that is a perfect match for her -- 2 other cats who like to play and are able to smack her back. (they really play great together and now her behavior is less attacking and more playing)

It sounds like you love your kitty and want to make him comfortable and happy as part of your family. Try some of the suggestions you've gotten here and see what happens. BUT if you decide that he is not a good fit with your family, do your very best to find him a good home that WILL be a good fit for him and know that you did what is best for him -- gave him a good home where he can be happy.


BTW, I'm in your area so if you do need to find a new home for him, let me know if you need any help. I'd be happy to ask around the people I know or arrange a location (NOT your home) for someone to meet him and see if they click.

 

[Amethyste]

Well... if you have a cat you, "positively do not like," you should be actively seeking out a new home for him. It's not fair to him to force a relationship that clearly isn't working between him and your female cat AND attempting one between you and him. He needs a new home where he can be the primary and ONLY cat in that household. Some cats do need their own homes and there will be an individual/family out there who can provide that.

Since shelters are over crowded, I would suggest placing an ad on CL. Yes, there are odd people out there, so your best bet is to interview potential families and make sure the cat is a fit for them. At this point, it's become even a bigger issue that he has peed as now you're possibly subjecting who adopts him to cat pee on their floor/rug.

Sorry to sound preachy and I try not to be, but to see a person post saying they hate their pet is just heartbreaking. I've lost THREE cats here in 2010 and loved them all so much. I can't comprehend feeling negativety about them

Oh sheesh... it was a figure of speech. I did say I did not LIKE him - I didn't say I HATED him. You might be a lucky person that all of your animal got along well. When I left him upstairs by himself - he peed and pooped on the rug for protest - otherwise he's using the litter just fine.

I would really appreciate to not be crucified by saying that his behaviour or caracter is one that I do not like. I can put up with him being unfriendly and all, but I cannot tolerate him being aggressive toward my other female cat. He's over 2 times her size and I am worried that one day he'll hurt her and won't be home to prevent or intervene. All of his aggressiveness happened when we moved into our new home. He's been biting her, nip at her, pick fights, growl at her... I have goodexperience at training dogs, but cats - it's a different ballgame!

 

[Amethyste]

Ame....What conditions, if any, did the breeder place on the purchase of the kitten? The breeders of my 3 Savannahs require that I contact them first if anything is either wrong with the cat or with the relationship. There are a lot of breeders who would prefer to get the cats back for them to rehome. Perhaps the breeder would be willing to exchange your cat for another?

Matata - I just looked over his papers and yes, she wants to be notified if the relationship is not working out.
I will need to let her know in the event I decide so... THanks for pointing this out!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Well... if you have a cat you, "positively do not like," you should be actively seeking out a new home for him. It's not fair to him to force a relationship that clearly isn't working between him and your female cat AND attempting one between you and him. He needs a new home where he can be the primary and ONLY cat in that household. Some cats do need their own homes and there will be an individual/family out there who can provide that.

Since shelters are over crowded, I would suggest placing an ad on CL. Yes, there are odd people out there, so your best bet is to interview potential families and make sure the cat is a fit for them. At this point, it's become even a bigger issue that he has peed as now you're possibly subjecting who adopts him to cat pee on their floor/rug.

Sorry to sound preachy and I try not to be, but to see a person post saying they hate their pet is just heartbreaking. I've lost THREE cats here in 2010 and loved them all so much. I can't comprehend feeling negativety about them

Oh sheesh... it was a figure of speech. I did say I did not LIKE him - I didn't say I HATED him. You might be a lucky person that all of your animal got along well. When I left him upstairs by himself - he peed and pooped on the rug for protest - otherwise he's using the litter just fine.

I would really appreciate to not be crucified by saying that his behaviour or caracter is one that I do not like. I can put up with him being unfriendly and all, but I cannot tolerate him being aggressive toward my other female cat. He's over 2 times her size and I am worried that one day he'll hurt her and won't be home to prevent or intervene. All of his aggressiveness happened when we moved into our new home. He's been biting her, nip at her, pick fights, growl at her... I have goodexperience at training dogs, but cats - it's a different ballgame!

I didn't quote you as saying, "hate." Just exactly what you said. You don't like him. You're complaining about your pet and I just interpreted it the way I did based on your complaining.

I'm not a lucky person. I have had cats who have fought. And guess what? I DID give a few up for adoption. It's a sad choice, but often times the best solution for everyone involved.

Oh, and you did ask for suggestions!

Good luck to you and your cat.

 

[Asu]

I know I am going to sound awful...
Positively, I do NOT like my ragdoll cat
He's mean to my other older girl kitty, he bites her and he's rough with her. He's 2 times her size and it's hard for her to fight him off or pull herself away from him.

We got a ragdoll because they are supposed to be laid back, loving and easy going. This one has actually been the opposite of what the breed is somewhat portraying. He's destructive, and everytime we try to pet him, he slithers away at our touch like "ewwwww don't touch me". My husband and I are wondering WTH?

He's 1 year old - he's gorgeous and all. He's not affectionate - doesn't want to be picked up, he's aggressive and just not really into anything other than his food.

I am mostly concern about my female kitty... Her sweet caracter has actually changed since he's been displaying aggresiveness towards her, and it breaks my heart cause we got her from the SPCA and she is the kindest soul...

I don't know what to do with this situation. When I am home, I am able to control what is going on between her and him - but we are at work I hate to think that she is being bullied by him. I tried to keep him upstairs, but you know? I came back home to poop and pee on the carpet and my neighbor told me that he meows so loud that she thought he was being injured. She probably thinks I am abusing my animals!

I am starting to think he doesn't like us either I've given him love, toys, caring, patience... But seems that nothing is working...

Any suggestions?

I hear you.I have a birman that behave very similar.He loves my husband way too much,disliked me from day one.He loves my husband so much,that sometimes it creeps out both of us.He would aggressively try to push me away with his back paws and his nails out when we sit together or are hugging;he would stare at me with his ears pointed back and growling everytime I touch my husband;he literally try to sit with his whole body on my face while I'm asleep,and he is a big cat,so I have to be very careful that he isn't in the room when I go to sleep.He can meow for the whole day out of a door,when he knows my husband is in,and he meows so loud people actually complained about him.he pee everywhere he can,just to piss me out.I know because we tried everything,but he doesn't stop,and also he pee only when I'm around.If he is alone with my husband,he is fine.I can barely touch him,and if I pick him up to try to pet him,he try to look dead and after about 30 seconds,he start to meow in a very creepy way.while he loves my husband,he doesn't like to be held by anyone,not even him.He bite to get your attention,and there is no way to teach him not to.We have other two cats,and not one of them behave like this,never had.They love both of us and are very affectionate.I just don't get why the hell he act like this,but I've had enough.I'm pretty sure he need to be an only pet,so that he get enough atenction for his tastes,and maybe can have a balanced relationship with his owner.I want to find him a new home,maybe a single person (better someone young,or maybe a new retired,'cause he is just 3 years old),so that he can have the whole attention for him.My husband really want to keep him,but he is not the one who has to clean up pee everyday,and that is desperately trying to find a way to take out pee odour from walls and wood (yea,the little monster pee right on the walls and on the doors..I'm going to get a diaper and tape it on him!!)

 

[Aoife]

. All of his aggressiveness happened when we moved into our new home. He's been biting her, nip at her, pick fights, growl at her... I have goodexperience at training dogs, but cats - it's a different ballgame!

This is the crux of it right here. You moved, so it is a territorial thing. He's trying to claim the entire house as his territory...that's what males do. He's stressed out, and your little female is stressed out, so try the safe room, total separation thing to defuse the situation. Then you can re-evaluate after a few weeks when they have had time to get their inner balance back.

Good luck!

 

[Amethyste]

. All of his aggressiveness happened when we moved into our new home. He's been biting her, nip at her, pick fights, growl at her... I have goodexperience at training dogs, but cats - it's a different ballgame!

This is the crux of it right here. You moved, so it is a territorial thing. He's trying to claim the entire house as his territory...that's what males do. He's stressed out, and your little female is stressed out, so try the safe room, total separation thing to defuse the situation. Then you can re-evaluate after a few weeks when they have had time to get their inner balance back.

Good luck!

I thought this could have been it at the beginning of his aggressive behavior, but we moved into our new home almost 4 months ago... Seems a long time to adjust to new surroundings...?

 

[Amethyste]

I didn't quote you as saying, "hate." Just exactly what you said. You don't like him. You're complaining about your pet and I just interpreted it the way I did based on your complaining.

I'm not a lucky person. I have had cats who have fought. And guess what? I DID give a few up for adoption. It's a sad choice, but often times the best solution for everyone involved.

Oh, and you did ask for suggestions!

Good luck to you and your cat.

Sorry to sound preachy and I try not to be, but to see a person post saying they hate their pet is just heartbreaking. I've lost THREE cats here in 2010 and loved them all so much. I can't comprehend feeling negativety about them

That's what i was referring to - I don't hate my raggie - I dislike his personnality and aggressive tendencies. You also mentionned that you do not comprehend people who can feel negatively about them, so... Did you feel negatively about yours when you had to re-home them, or mostly felt negatively about the whole situation that you were in? I feel terrible about the fact that I might have to re-home him or talk to the breeder about it - the situation leaves me sour cause I wish he'd snap out of it and at least leave my female cat alone. I can certainly put up with an unfriendly Raggie in our home, but I also have to make sure my elderly female kitty is also happy and right now, I don't think she is...

Yes I did ask fior suggestions, and thank you for offering your point of view.

 

[Amethyste]

I hear you.I have a birman that behave very similar.He loves my husband way too much,disliked me from day one.He loves my husband so much,that sometimes it creeps out both of us.He would aggressively try to push me away with his back paws and his nails out when we sit together or are hugging;he would stare at me with his ears pointed back and growling everytime I touch my husband;he literally try to sit with his whole body on my face while I'm asleep,and he is a big cat,so I have to be very careful that he isn't in the room when I go to sleep.He can meow for the whole day out of a door,when he knows my husband is in,and he meows so loud people actually complained about him.he pee everywhere he can,just to piss me out.I know because we tried everything,but he doesn't stop,and also he pee only when I'm around.If he is alone with my husband,he is fine.I can barely touch him,and if I pick him up to try to pet him,he try to look dead and after about 30 seconds,he start to meow in a very creepy way.while he loves my husband,he doesn't like to be held by anyone,not even him.He bite to get your attention,and there is no way to teach him not to.We have other two cats,and not one of them behave like this,never had.They love both of us and are very affectionate.I just don't get why the hell he act like this,but I've had enough.I'm pretty sure he need to be an only pet,so that he get enough atenction for his tastes,and maybe can have a balanced relationship with his owner.I want to find him a new home,maybe a single person (better someone young,or maybe a new retired,'cause he is just 3 years old),so that he can have the whole attention for him.My husband really want to keep him,but he is not the one who has to clean up pee everyday,and that is desperately trying to find a way to take out pee odour from walls and wood (yea,the little monster pee right on the walls and on the doors..I'm going to get a diaper and tape it on him!!)

Oh wow... ASU I am so sorry to read this!!! Seems that this Birman is an absolute freak of nature! Wow.... Did you get him when he was a kitten or an adult? And I understand about your hubby wanting to keep him - but you are the one cleaning up after the cat's messes. I am the one who is trying to come up with creative ways to make this work and I am running out of ideas... I totally feel you, Asu!

 

[Aoife]

I thought this could have been it, but we moved into our new home almost 4 months ago...

You may not have seen or noticed the first signs. A lot of times cat to cat aggression escalates gradually. It's one of those circular kind of things where for example, the cats are stressed, one of them hisses or swipes casually at the other. Then the next time they encounter each other, they're both even more tense, more hissing, more swiping, and then it gets nastier from there. Who knows what the original trigger was (a favored spot in the sun, one kitty marking the litter box first, etc), the problem is that at this point it's escalated to become a habit, and it's clearly not going to just go away on its own. My suggestion about totally separating them, providing separate safe rooms, not allowing them out at the same time, then alternating which cat has the run of the house so that the house has the other cat's scent even when the other cat is in his/her safe room are all techniques that cat behavior specialists suggest. When we were desperately looking for a solution for our kitty-war, we tried everything, and this was the only thing that worked, short of finding another home for one of the cats, which we really didn't want to do.

 

[Asu]

Oh wow... ASU I am so sorry to read this!!! Seems that this Birman is an absolute freak of nature! Wow.... Did you get him when he was a kitten or an adult? And I understand about your hubby wanting to keep him - but you are the one cleaning up after the cat's messes. I am the one who is trying to come up with creative ways to make this work and I am running out of ideas... I totally feel you, Asu!

We got him as a kitten.He never liked me,ever.He always tried to keep me away and never liked being petted by me,unless my husband ignored him for a while (he work at night,so sometimes he is just too tired to mind the cats),then it come to be petted a bit,but he was never aggressive,thought he always bited to get attention.then,about a year ago,he started to behave like this and pee around.We got him tested for anything the vet thought of,but he is fine.He had urinary troubles two years ago,but he was operated,and has been good since.He his on a special diet and only drink bottled water,and get a control trip to the vet every six months.He his healty.The vet said he is probably depressed and that's the main reason he act this way.He said a comportamentalist is the only way,but I can't afford a terapist for me right now,let alone the cat My husband think that if we move into a house with a little bit of garden,or at least out of town,so we can let them go around,he will get better again,but when?We will probably stay here another year to two years,it's a long time cleaning up pee and still there is no guarantee it will get better.Sigh.the vet also actually suggested me to try the diaper he said that sometimes it works,depending on the cat,obviously.Basically,when a cat pee around with apparently no reason,you put a diaper on him,tape it if necessary,just enough for the cat not to lose it,and then put a pair of panties on (if he try to destroy the diaper,wich I'ms ure he will).You just leave the diaper on,and then take it off about three times a day,and put the cat directly in the litter.It's like readucating him on using the litter,so when he is not using it he has something on that prevent him from pee around.If he does pee,it's in the diaper so it doesn't make a mess,and also make him learn that if he pee outside the litter,he will get wet and dirty.Maybe a bit extreme,but sometimes...

 

[D&T]

Sorry Ame! I don't have any advice I just wanted to say I hope things get better with possibly your safe rooms? like others suggested. Good luck sweetie.

 

[tenorgirl33]

Have you tried Feliway? I got my cats all at seperate times (actually only adopted/paid money to a shelter for the first cat, the other two I rescued, one from a neglect situation and one was a feral cat I took in), and using the Feliway diffuser really made a huge difference.

Also, I definitely agree with the safe room thing. When I got my second cat, he pretty much lived in his safe room for the first 7 months I had him, even when the door was open and he was free to go out. Now he barely spends any time there, but it did take him a long time to get to that point.

 

[LGK]

Ame, that is a truly unpleasant situation. I'm glad your breeder would take him back, that's at least a safety net if nothing works.

Sometimes cats just do *not* get along. Especially males & females it seems like. We had that experience with our littermate boy & girl cats- he wanted to play rambunctiously and would bounce over to her and start wrestling. She interpreted that as true aggression and would freak out and really attack back, and it would escalate from there. Luckily it wasn't a constant thing. Well, when we ended up getting a second male cat, now the first boy cat has someone he can wrestle with for play, and they do, all the time. And the female kitty is left alone like she's always wanted. And the boy cats are super close and happy. It's hard to suggest getting another male cat for your guy to play with though, it was just chance it worked out so well for our kitties.

I'd probably look at trying the safe room thing, and then rehoming him. It's hard, but he is young and as a purebred he has a good chance of finding a new home easily.

And it could be, he might be affectionate with an owner if he's an only cat. I hope the safe-room and absolute separation thing works, if your home is big enough for each cat to have their own room of course. (I certainly couldn't have done that in the place I lived last year!)

Good luck. Don't feel bad about resenting a cat that's torturing your little girl cat, that woudl be frustrating indeed.

 

[Laila619]

Hugs Amethyste. You don't sound awful at all. I totally understand, because I don't like my second cat either--she is constantly attacking my first cat. It's really hard to like an animal when they are attacking and harming your beloved pet. I mostly keep them separate but it's just a bad situation for everyone. I wish I could say I found something that worked. Your first priority is to keep that sweet little girl cat safe. She could end up depressed or worse. If you have to end up rehoming the ragdoll, then so be it.

 

[Miss Sparkly]

Maybe it's time to find your rag doll a new home. Not all animals like to share territory. And not all animals made good pets.

Thank you. I think I'll be looking into it probably soon... I am sad about this actually...

I agree. He may be very unhappy. We had a beautiful long haired siamese that was mean as heck and sprayed all over the house. We found him a new home as the only pet. His new parents said that they have had no spraying issues and that they couldn't believe it when I said that he was mean. He's a totally different cat now as an only pet.

 

[Natylad]

"HUGS" Ame...I totally understand how you feel...

My mom has a cat who was the most affectionate and sweet pet ever...She always enjoyed rubbing herself on my mom's legs and sitting on her lap, standing in front of her and looking straight in her eyes miowing and showing how much she loved her...My mom was sooo extremely happy with Lucifer...Then Lucifer got pregnant and gave birth to three kitties. Two of them were given to family friends who were looking forward to getting a cat for their children and the third kitty, Lucinda, stayed at my mom's place with the mother cat.
Hmm...Ever since Lucifer realized that she's not the only cat at home, she transformed into a totally different animal and my mother is extremely frustrated. She is attacking the younger one, she never goes near my mom anymore unless Lucinda is not around and in general she acts as if she doesn't like anybody at home...She is always keeping her distance from Lucinda even when the poor thing is trying to play with her and she's making sounds that show...well, hatred!
Sometimes she goes out in the garden and doesn't come back until late at night...We really don't know what to do. Mom says that both of them are unhappy because of Lucifer's behaviour, but for the time being there's no chance og giving up on her because she has loving memories from their relationship before Lucifer gave birth. In general, we are all very upset with the situation and don't know how to deal with it...