How do you feel about yourself as a mother?

[whitewave]

You are very lucky his school has been so good with his situation. My daughter works in res life and has been at 4 colleges. Only one of the four has had services like you describe. All 4 sent the “disturbed” (for lack of a better word right now) student home for at least one semester before they could return to school so the roommate should really not be there. They require intense counseling provided at home by the provider of their choice before they can return. I think parents in general would be shocked at how many suicide attempts are made at college. Most you will never hear about. At her current institution she had a student who called 7 times in 2 weeks saying they were going to do it. The school finally told her to stop calling them and just go to the hospital. Heartless. Take good care of your son and get him whatever help he needs to process what happened with his roomie. No way he should be back with him next semester.

That is disturbing that they said to go to hospital.

They did let the roommate back, but it was under strict conditions that he went to counseling with them every day and could prove compliance to meds etc (as much as they could tell me about the process, but I made it clear that this boy needed intensive help, and while I was in no position to make my opinions known about his situation, statistics show he has a high chance of re attempt in 90 days, and I didn't think it was fair to the new roommates to just dump him off on them with a possible surprise later...)

This University is known for a family atmosphere and every time we visited it was ridiculously friendly and welcoming. (like I was thinking this is either the friendiest university in the US or there is a whole stepford wife thing going on lol) The tour guides said this was where the professors know your name, etc.

It doesn't surprise me that they have handled it so well for my son. They also have walk in counselors available for any student. My son has used this service twice and twice he was able to get an appoinment right when he called. I made sure to tell the university president how thankful I was to experience this and that they handled my son's situation exactly as I wanted them to.

I'm glad to hear we lucked out, and I'm sad to know this is unusual.

 

[arkieb1]

Unfortunately, I think there is a whole culture of women who judge other women, we are not thin enough, not young enough, too young, not great mothers if we do x or y or z.

I remember an old post suggesting people must be horrible parents if they put leashes on toddlers - that one got very heated. Pleased to say I put a leash on my son when I figured out he like to bolt faster than I could run, particularly in parking lots in front of cars. Several years later he is bright, kind and well adjusted so I think other people that judge really do need to walk a mile in someone else's shoes.

We all do the best we can with what we have, and that is all anyone can ask from us. As a former teacher, provided kids have a safe secure place to live and people that love them and they know that, that is more than enough.

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

I try my best but I fret. We have a 5 year old who is the light of our lives. Hubby and I honestly think these are the best years of our lives and that it's all going to go downhill from here because both of us are scared of dealing with teens!

I like huggable, affectionate toddlers who are always in bed at 7.30pm. You feel like they are safe and all is right in the world. Any tantrums or chaos can be dealt with a cuddle. Mine is starting kindy next year and I dread it. I dread sending him out into the big wide world.

Schooling, housing, relationships. It all seems like there is so much stress waiting for them in the world! I wish I could always make it ok for him but I figured I survived my teens, found darling Hubby and am enjoying adulthood so hopefully he will do the same.

 

[whitewave]

@arkieb1 teaching for one year should be a requirement before having kids lol

@mellowyellowgirl honestly, the teen years have been fine for us in terms of the sterotypical unruly kids out to undermine every thing you do. That hasn't happened for us. They are respectful, calm, happy.

The later teen years with the real world drama are what we have experienced that has been stressful-- Friend committed suicide by hanging himself (daughter #1, started her down the panic attack road). death of a friend (son #2 golf team mate, drunk accident), son #1 standing up for what he believed in and then getting kicked out of school for it senior year (I backed him 100%... he did an honorable thing defending a student against an injustice the school did to him. He went down with that ship and paid a heavy price.... but what he did was right). (Stupid, crap, small private school... I was happy to be done with them).

Two months ago son #2 lied to us and stayed out all night, so of course he was grounded. I had parents text me saying not to be too hard on him, that he is a good kid lol.

It is all part of growing up and for me learning to let go so they can learn how to fix things themselves...

 

[House Cat]

@redwood66 thanks. The school has been wonderful to my son. I was contacted by the University President, the Dean of Student Life, the Director of Counseling, the Director of Residental Life who all acknowledged my son as a hero to this boy and to the school, how he did everything right, and how impressed with him they are that he saved someone's life.

But the fallout for my son has been heavy.

Obviously, I'm not mad at the roommate, but I would be lying if I said I wish it never had happened. Of course, another minute later and he would have died and everything would be MUCH worse. It is a bottle of wine story... so much I can't say of this long long story about what happened that night and the following week. It is the internet and I don't want any identifications to slip out, no matter how unlikely it would be for that to happen.

I spoke briefly to the boy's mother during this time and she quicky wrote it off an accident and then set my son up in her mind to be her son's caretaker (she obviously struck me as bat shit crazy.... I feel bad this boy is back home with her....) but anyway... we had to have several meetings with housing to get the boy moved and then he showed up the night of discharge because she drove him a few hours to drop him off....!!!!!!????!!!!

So anyway, the doc doesn't want to call this a hypomanic since it was caused by an extraordinary situation, but she is putting him back on a mood stabilizer until his panic attacks subside, which means we have to do a several med change tonight.... you all who go through this know what a pain med changes can be. The school set my son up with an ADA accommodation, so at least we have that to work with. His professors have bent over backwards to help him. This was the same weekend the boy from LSU died( like Monday or Tuesday) from fraternity hazing, so my son's university has made it clear how grateful they are for my son that they didn't have to have a press conference or press release about a death on their campus. Oh, the next son was at LSU that weekend visiting his friends there and met that kid who died...

So I'm about to have 3 in college and I'm sending them out into a batshit crazy, violent, dangerous world.

LSU has since had 2 more students die, one from suicide and one last week so far undetermined causes, though the grapevine says OD.

@House Cat I am so sorry for hijacking your thread. This has obviously been weighing heavily on my mind and I didn't know how to start a thread on it... "hey, y'all, guess what happened..." seemed tone deaf.

Don’t be sorry. I never feel like threads are “mine.” I’m glad you are getting the support you need.

 

[OreoRosies86]

We're all just doing our best. I worry so much about being their primary parent, it is an enormous responsibility. My attitude is you can either support my efforts and be nice, or stay away from me.

 

[tyty333]

I remember an old post suggesting people must be horrible parents if they put leashes on toddlers - that one got very heated. Pleased to say I put a leash on my son when I figured out he like to bolt faster than I could run, particularly in parking lots in front of cars. Several years later he is bright, kind and well adjusted so I think other people that judge really do need to walk a mile in someone else's shoes.

...and Alive.

I remember the first time I saw a child on a leash and it sort of struck me odd (didnt have kids at that point). After having a while to logically think about it,
I had no problem with it. I think if I had kids at that point I wouldnt have had to think about it...I would know!

My FIL who had double knee replacement and could not walk well (much less run) wanted to take my 2 year old to the park by himself. I declined. I felt
bad about it but I could see my child bolting and Gpa not being able to catch him. Gpa was also diabetic and I pictured him having an issue while driving
the car. I just could not deal with all that...so for my son's safety and my peace of mind, I declined.

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

@whitewave this is what worries me. The real world dramas that we would never wish upon them and we certainly have no control over these things that happen.

But I tell myself that throughout our own lives things have happened and we ultimately survived so they will too.

On another note I was a TERRIBLE newborn mum. I'm not sure why (and there has never been any rational reason for it) but I went into motherhood all prepped and ready and expecting to deal with a toddler. It was like being pushed off a cliff when I had this lump that I had to keep alive and thriving. If I am to be honest I don't think I enjoyed motherhood until he was at least ten months old. I'm just pretty terrible with babies and find them so isolating. I would take any number of toddlers/preschoolers over a newborn.

@arkieb1 hehe I am a mad dog lady so I had no qualms about leashing my son up if he needed it. Fortunately he is a very cautious child and would never bolt but I have always been so pro leash! I think my pro leash stance is because of the devil golden retriever firstborn I raised who had sketchy recall despite years of training.

 

[whitewave]

@whitewave this is what worries me. The real world dramas that we would never wish upon them and we certainly have no control over these things that happen.

But I tell myself that throughout our own lives things have happened and we ultimately survived so they will too.

On another note I was a TERRIBLE newborn mum. I'm not sure why (and there has never been any rational reason for it) but I went into motherhood all prepped and ready and expecting to deal with a toddler. It was like being pushed off a cliff when I had this lump that I had to keep alive and thriving. If I am to be honest I don't think I enjoyed motherhood until he was at least ten months old. I'm just pretty terrible with babies and find them so isolating. I would take any number of toddlers/preschoolers over a newborn.

My mother loves the infant stage. I'm like you-- 7+ months and we are good... I loved every moment of my kids getting older. I'm really looking forward to them all getting on their own and dealing with their own lives. I'm ready for more me time.

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

My mother loves the infant stage. I'm like you-- 7+ months and we are good... I loved every moment of my kids getting older. I'm really looking forward to them all getting on their own and dealing with their own lives. I'm ready for more me time.

My 5yo waltzed in one day and announced "I don't have to worry about raising children like you do because daddy is going to raise all my babies when I have them."

Me: Did you discuss this with Daddy or is this all your idea?

5yo: Oh yes we talked about it. I'm going to hand them all to him because he'd do anything for me. He will even fly with them so I don't need to entertain them on the plane. Did you want to raise my babies with Daddy too?

Me: Let me think about that.

I've never let Hubby live that one down!

 

[whitewave]

My 5yo waltzed in one day and announced "I don't have to worry about raising children like you do because daddy is going to raise all my babies when I have them."

Me: Did you discuss this with Daddy or is this all your idea?

5yo: Oh yes we talked about it. I'm going to hand them all to him because he'd do anything for me. He will even fly with them so I don't need to entertain them on the plane. Did you want to raise my babies with Daddy too?

Me: Let me think about that.

I've never let Hubby live that one down!

Smart kid

 

[Calliecake]

@whitewave, I'm so sorry your son has had to deal with such a traumatic event.

I have no children but gosh I think the moms here are really being rough on themselves. You all sound like great moms. All kids are different and they can be raised in the same family and end up on both sides of the spectrum. One of my nephews at 5 acted more mature than many 30 year olds. I think so many things come into play when raising kids and most parents do the best they can.

@mellowyellowgirl Your story had me laughing out loud. One of my husbands coworkers told him a story about her 5 year old daughter. They were going to a big family wedding and as she was getting dresssed she asked get her mom "who she was going to dance with?" When her mom said daddy. The little girl said "no daddy will be dancing with me all day, you know he will, you better find someone else"

 

[AprilBaby]

I think my kids turned out fabulous considering we were their parents. I loved being mother of 4 and now a Grammie of two!

 

[Calliecake]

@whitewave , I'm just going to say this to you for some prespective. Often times the hardest things we go thru in life, bring out the best in us as people going forward. Your son sounds like a wonderful young man. His actions showed his true character (you did a GREAT job mom). I feel terrible that he had to go thru any of this. You are getting him the right help, and will be there to help him thru it. Your son is already a kind compassionate person. He will probably be even more so after this. He will more than likely help others in a way he is completely unaware of because of what he went thru. We never know what people are struggling with in their lives but often kindness of others is what gets us thru the day in very hard times, even if they are strangers.

I'm sorry you are also having to deal with this Whitewave. Reading your post I wish your sons roommate had you for his mom.

If this post isn't helpful @whitewave I will ask to have it deleted immediately

 

[lyra]

The nice thing about having adult children is that you can tell them directly that you may have screwed up big time somewhere along the line, but you didn't know better at the time. No baby comes with a manual. Each child is different even when raised the same. I have made apologies, and will continue to do so although I'm actually at the point where they are going to be the ones looking after me (maybe?) in the nearish to me future.

 

[AGBF]

@mellowyellowgirl[/USER] Your story had me laughing out loud. One of my husbands coworkers told him a story about her 5 year old daughter. They were going to a big family wedding and as she was getting dresssed she asked get her mom "who she was going to dance with?" When her mom said daddy. The little girl said "no daddy will be dancing with me all day, you know he will, you better find someone else"

I have told my story here before, but when my daughter was in the Oedipal stage and describing her future, she told me how she would spend a usual day. (It bore a great resemblance to how I spent mine.) I asked her, as she expanded on the the theme, mentioning her husband, who she would be married to and she said "Daddy". I told her that daddy was already married. I explained that she could find someone like daddy to marry when she grew up. I will never forget how she cried. Tears streamed down her face and said, "But you got the best one!".

 

[Jambalaya]

I'm not a parent, and know I'm too selfish to be one.

Must add that IMO parenting is the hardest job on the planet.
Your life as you knew it ends, and you become a life-support unit for another life.

I'm astonished anyone does it.
Kudos to y'all.

Kenny, you're feeding into very destructive stereotypes about childless people being selfish here. You do know that childless women have to put up with this stereotype all the time, wherever they go? It is not selfish to not want children. Some people do not want the lifestyle of pouring much of themselves and their lifestyles into raising children, and that's OK. It's just a matter of different strokes for different folks and it's not a matter of selfishness, it's simply different preferences about how you want to spend your time. I don't know you, perhaps you're a selfish person, but it's not a lack of desire for kids that would make you selfish. Putting yourself first in the majority of your dealings with others is an example of selfish behavior (only you know if that's something you do).

This whole thing about being too selfish to have kids really elicits a hollow laugh from me...you think there aren't any selfish parents out there? Parents who insist their children toe the family line, insist that their kids are just like them in all ways, parents who sabotage their kids' independence, intrude into their lives as adults, require payback for all the years spent raising them, and had them mostly so that they have a caregiver in old age? This describes MANY parents.

So please don't feed into stereotypes about childless people being childless because they're selfish. I am MUCH more giving than some mothers I've known all my life, who were selfish human beings as children and became selfish adults and then selfish parents. When you say what you said above, you're propagating the myth that parents are somehow better than non-parents. Not cool.

 

[Tekate]

Every day since 9/16/87 I have doubted my mothering. I love my sons, they just turned 26 and 30. They seem happy. They love me. I think they think I was a great mom (or good ) but I often do think of the times I wasn't the best. I had a tough adolescent, which in turn made me ignore my son who was 4 years younger, and he had anger at me for that.. I didn't provide what they needed. But I did the best I could do and they both love us and that is all I can say. One thing.. the fear.. I remember when my older son got strep throat I was scared.. I was always worried they would get sick. UNTIL they DROVE. Without a doubt, for me, high fever, strep throat, why I worried when faced with DRIVING. TEXTING. I still worry about them and every time I speak to my sons I end my conversation with 'please drive carelfully' the 'other guy is an ahole'.. When you have to let go, it's so hard. Being the mother of a little one is EASY PEASY. Being the mother of a adolescent and young adult is much much harder.. and scary.

I feel for the Mom's who have bipolar children, my youngest brother is bi-polar and I think after diagnosis my mom never had a good nights sleep. I send you all hugs.. I am with you.

 

[Tekate]

Being Child-Free is a good thing. People should not have children if they don't feel that is what they want. They may love their furbabies, they may love their siblings kids, they may not give a hoot and live their life. People should not feel bad if they want a life that is not one of a parent.

Kenny, you're feeding into very destructive stereotypes about childless people being selfish here. You do know that childless women have to put up with this stereotype all the time, wherever they go? It is not selfish to not want children. Some people do not want the lifestyle of pouring much of themselves and their lifestyles into raising children, and that's OK. It's just a matter of different strokes for different folks and it's not a matter of selfishness, it's simply different preferences about how you want to spend your time. I don't know you, perhaps you're a selfish person, but it's not a lack of desire for kids that would make you selfish. Putting yourself first in the majority of your dealings with others is an example of selfish behavior (only you know if that's something you do).

This whole thing about being too selfish to have kids really elicits a hollow laugh from me...you think there aren't any selfish parents out there? Parents who insist their children toe the family line, insist that their kids are just like them in all ways, parents who sabotage their kids' independence, intrude into their lives as adults, require payback for all the years spent raising them, and had them mostly so that they have a caregiver in old age? This describes MANY parents.

So please don't feed into stereotypes about childless people being childless because they're selfish. I am MUCH more giving than some mothers I've known all my life, who were selfish human beings as children and became selfish adults and then selfish parents. When you say what you said above, you're propagating the myth that parents are somehow better than non-parents. Not cool.

 

[Calliecake]

I have told my story here before, but when my daughter was in the Oedipal stage and describing her future, she told me how she would spend a usual day. (It bore a great resemblance to how I spent mine.) I asked her, as she expanded on the the theme, mentioning her husband, who she would be married to and she said "Daddy". I told her that daddy was already married. I explained that she could find someone like daddy to marry when she grew up. I will never forget how she cried. Tears streamed down her face and said, "But you got the best one!".

Oh @AGBF All little girls deserve to have a father they look up to that much!

 

[Jambalaya]

The thing that gets me, Tekate, is the "selfish" label attached to non-parents. Being selfish is refusing to listen to a friend in need, being rich and keeping it all to yourself, ignoring the needs of people around you, taking from others and not giving....all these things are behaviors that are selfish. I fail to see how not wanting to live one particular lifestyle makes a person selfish, but voluntarily non-parent women are really given a rough ride, and some social research bears this out. Women who choose not to have kids are seen as unfulfilled, selfish, etc etc.

It's sad that the social stigma of not having children is so strong that it even leads non-parents to declare themselves as selfish for not wanting kids, as Kenny did. We've been brainwashed into verbal prejudice against ourselves on behalf of the kid-crazy lobby! Their work is done!

Well, I never really wanted children and I am significantly less selfish than many parents I know; in fact I am one of the most selfless people I know. I would never, ever denounce myself as selfish because I don't want kids when I know that nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, some of the most selfish people I know are parents - I have been left to twist in the wind in times of real need by friends because they have been so utterly, completely caught up in small children - it's like no one else in their world exists. (Real need = bereavement, marital desertion, serious cancer risk.)

Regarding the topic at hand, I'm sure all the parents in this thread are doing/have done their very best for their kids.

 

[whitewave]

@whitewave , I'm just going to say this to you for some prespective. Often times the hardest things we go thru in life, bring out the best in us as people going forward. Your son sounds like a wonderful young man. His actions showed his true character (you did a GREAT job mom). I feel terrible that he had to go thru any of this. You are getting him the right help, and will be there to help him thru it. Your son is already a kind compassionate person. He will probably be even more so after this. He will more than likely help others in a way he is completely unaware of because of what he went thru. We never know what people are struggling with in their lives but often kindness of others is what gets us thru the day in very hard times, even if they are strangers.

I'm sorry you are also having to deal with this Whitewave. Reading your post I wish your sons roommate had you for his mom.

If this post isn't helpful @whitewave I will ask to have it deleted immediately

Thank you very much.

He did say he noticed lately his empathy for others has increased and that he wants to help others. His major is environmental science and his minor is political science, so maybe he is a budding environmental attorney or environmental policy maker... I see him doing things like fighting for clean water in places like Flint.

 

[Calliecake]

@ Whitewave, I seriously think you can quit worrying about if you are a good mom. Honey, you made and raised this one and he sounds wonderful.

 

[arkieb1]

The thing that gets me, Tekate, is the "selfish" label attached to non-parents. Being selfish is refusing to listen to a friend in need, being rich and keeping it all to yourself, ignoring the needs of people around you, taking from others and not giving....all these things are behaviors that are selfish. I fail to see how not wanting to live one particular lifestyle makes a person selfish, but voluntarily non-parent women are really given a rough ride, and some social research bears this out. Women who choose not to have kids are seen as unfulfilled, selfish, etc etc.

It's sad that the social stigma of not having children is so strong that it even leads non-parents to declare themselves as selfish for not wanting kids, as Kenny did. We've been brainwashed into verbal prejudice against ourselves on behalf of the kid-crazy lobby! Their work is done!

Well, I never really wanted children and I am significantly less selfish than many parents I know; in fact I am one of the most selfless people I know. I would never, ever denounce myself as selfish because I don't want kids when I know that nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, some of the most selfish people I know are parents - I have been left to twist in the wind in times of real need by friends because they have been so utterly, completely caught up in small children - it's like no one else in their world exists. (Real need = bereavement, marital desertion, serious cancer risk.)

Regarding the topic at hand, I'm sure all the parents in this thread are doing/have done their very best for their kids.

Actually yes all this is true I don't think you can generalise either way some people who don't have kids are really selfish some who don't aren't. Just as I saw plenty of children while teaching that had selfish self absorbed parents like drug addicts, a Mum that would allow her boyfriend to sexually assault her teenage daughter, another Mother that would go off on wild drug and booze filled binges for days and not care if her kids were locked out of the house with no food and no clothing for half the school week....

Having or not having kids doesn't stop you being an A-hole, plenty of people that have kids should never have been allowed to have them.

 

[Tekate]

Yes, the selfish label that is put upon those who are child free by 'SELFISH PEOPLE' I don't find it selfish that a person doesn't feel the need to have a child. It isn't selfish to do what one wants to do, it's smart. Living life as one wants to is the least selfish thing I can think of. It takes guts to not give in to society and 'the people' who want a person to have kids. I wanted kids, but that doesn't mean anyone else does. I would never impose on another person. It's always so interesting to me that people think THEY know what is best for SOMEONE else. Glad you are happy and screw the rest of the people who want you to be in their club. People

The thing that gets me, Tekate, is the "selfish" label attached to non-parents. Being selfish is refusing to listen to a friend in need, being rich and keeping it all to yourself, ignoring the needs of people around you, taking from others and not giving....all these things are behaviors that are selfish. I fail to see how not wanting to live one particular lifestyle makes a person selfish, but voluntarily non-parent women are really given a rough ride, and some social research bears this out. Women who choose not to have kids are seen as unfulfilled, selfish, etc etc.

It's sad that the social stigma of not having children is so strong that it even leads non-parents to declare themselves as selfish for not wanting kids, as Kenny did. We've been brainwashed into verbal prejudice against ourselves on behalf of the kid-crazy lobby! Their work is done!

Well, I never really wanted children and I am significantly less selfish than many parents I know; in fact I am one of the most selfless people I know. I would never, ever denounce myself as selfish because I don't want kids when I know that nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, some of the most selfish people I know are parents - I have been left to twist in the wind in times of real need by friends because they have been so utterly, completely caught up in small children - it's like no one else in their world exists. (Real need = bereavement, marital desertion, serious cancer risk.)

Regarding the topic at hand, I'm sure all the parents in this thread are doing/have done their very best for their kids.

 

[LLJsmom]

@AGBF I'm so sorry. You did and are doing the best you can. (((hugs)))

I am a parent and I'm pretty selfish. I know I need time to myself and I do my own thing and don't always do things with the best attitude. I don't hold back usually when there are conflicts in the house, when my DH and I are worried about family stuff, money stuff, or have disagreements. But honestly, I don't feel much guilt about it all. There are moments that I worry that they will be all screwed up as adults because I rarely use a filter, but I think it's better for them not to be that emotionally sheltered so they don't expect "happy and no arguments" all the time. Yes, their parents argue, but they communicate and work it out and stay together. Yes, we work to pay the bills. Electricity and the phone costs money. Mom brings lunch to save money. The roof over their head is not free. People have to go to work, well at least I do, and I can't spend as much time with them to do their homework and projects as they would like, but they gotta figure out how to study and manage and excel on their own, when the parents are not there. Life is a struggle, but I grew up with parents that struggled, and it taught me that struggle is normal and expected and you just suck it up and do what you need to do. And if it screws them up a little, then they learn to deal with that too.

And I am fortunate that my kids are kind-hearted, hard working, strangely straight-laced, and just good peoples. My wonderful husband probably has a lot to do with it because he is an amazing person. With me, they just learn how to deal with difficult people, which will serve them well later in life.

So to answer your question, I am definitely far from ideal, but I think my kids will be able to survive in this world. My daughter will probably always be super anal, and my son will always be "whatever", but that is fine. No one is perfect. They will figure out a way to cope and survive while maintaining their identity, and to make good decisions that will help them become functional, contributing people in this society.

 

[dk168]

I baby-sat a family friend's first born when he was 2 weeks old for 2 weeks, and decided if that's what being a parent was all about, then I would pass.
He turned 34 recently, and I had not regretted having made the decision not to have kids all those years ago.
It's not for me.
I would probably be very strict, however I would probably be less demanding and more tactile compared with my parents.
DK

 

[Arcadian]

I'm thankfully nobody's mother...except my dog! I would have been a terrible parent, at least I know that about myself.

Before anyone gets hot under the collar, its all by design and choice. When I had cancer in my 20's, I was more than happy to have it all taken out. they left the ovaries because of my age, then had to go back and remove one (but thats a whole other thread)

I'm perfectly ok with calling myself childless, no kidlets in this house. but I'm not child free, I have lots of great nephews now who need lots of advice (they are so funny those kids!) My oldest great nephew is 15... my goodness!

 

[redwood66]

I don't think it is at all selfish to make the decision not to have children. No one should ever have to feel the need to explain why they decided not to have kids as though it were a mistake. People spend way too much time in other people's business.

 

[Queenie60]

I don't think it is at all selfish to make the decision not to have children. No one should ever have to feel the need to explain why they decided not to have kids. People spend way too much time in other people's business.

Agree - it's more selfish to have them and to then decide it's not for you. This happens as well. Parenting is a lifetime challenge. They're still your children when they are adults making bad decisions.