How to deal when you fall in love with an EXPENSIVE dress

[goldenstar]

I was surfing the ''net just for fun and I think I found THE DRESS. It truly gives me that special feeling. The wedding is YEARS away (Spring 09) so I have a lot of time to think about what to do.

The Problem:

I have a nice size dress budget but the dress is waaaaay more than what I was planning to spend. I tried to attach the dress pic here, but the website doesn''t allow me to copy pics. If you''re interested, its on pronovias.com, 2007 collection-- Elie by Elie Saab-- Kira. Its seriously a knockout. Drop Dead Gorgeous. Stunning. You get the picture...

What are my options? I was thinking that somehow, somewhere I could get it when its out of season possibly at a discount. Is this possible? I get the feeling that this would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

Alternatively, I could have a dressmaker create a dress inspired by the designer one. I''d be willing to make a few changes to keep the costs down. I''m nervous about this option because I feel like the dress is so intricate that I''d need one heck of a dressmaker. I''m also worried that a copy of this dress won''t be close to the original.

If any of you ladies have been in this situation or have any ideas, please share!

 

[dtnyc]

what size are you? would searching sample sales be an option? it sounds like you have the time to look around on your side.

I got a dress that originally cost more than 8k for 2k...

 

[surfgirl]

Well, given that your wedding date is years away, your taste may change quite alot in that time

But honestly, I just cannot justify spending more than $1000 tops on a wedding gown no matter what type of wedding. It's a personal issue for sure but I'd rather have a really incredible ring that I'll wear forever, and an awesome honeymoon, than blow thousands on a dress. But that's just me.

Having said that, there are literally countless knock off sites and Julius Bridal will replicate anything as long as you can give them photos, and at a fraction of the cost...Save your money, you have options!

ETA: I just re read your email...have you gone shopping to actually try on dresses yet? Because I've found that alot of dresses that look nice on the hanger look awful on, and visa versa...

 

[anchor31]

goldenstar, I can sympathize because I started looking at dresses early on too. Last year, two years before the wedding, I had a pretty different idea of what my dream dress was than it is now! My advice is to at least go try on some dresses before falling head over heals with one. You might realize that some things you want don''t fit you so well, or that something you don''t want ends up looking stunning on you.

It''s also a good idea to know what type of wedding you''re going to have before choosing the dress. The dress I''d fallen in love with at a bridal show in January ended up not fitting our weddig at all, so I had to do some more research.

If you just have the itch, just go try on some with a friend...

I did that last fall and it helped a lot!

Good luck!

 

[neatfreak]

Here it is for your viewing pleasure. IMO, this is a dress that might look really really awful on most people. It looks stunning in this picture, but it's a model, with a professional photo shoot, and lends itself to a more dramatic look.

If by chance you can get in to try it on, you might find out you don't even like it! If you DO love it, try to make arrangements with a bridal boutique NOW to buy their sample next year once the next season's dresses come out if you can fit in the sample.

 

[basil]

Pinch pennies?

Seriously, you have a lot of time before your wedding, so plenty of time to save up. I auto transferred $50/week from my checking to my savings, and put in any gift money, any rebate money, and any shift I worked overtime and saved $4500 in a little less than a year.

 

[Alienor]

If you try the dress and still like it, maybe wait until the new season comes up and they are putting that gown on sale...But it is possible you might not have it in your size by then...
Like others said, your taste might change in two years. Just follow your gut.

 

[Gypsy]

Sample or pre-worn or save you pennies.

There is a store named... Michaels in NY that has a niche on high end dresses of this sort. Ebay. And sample sales at authorized retailers.


I do agree that you should try it on before you decide it''s perfect. My DREAM dress... a Bagley Mishka off the shoulder mermaid with a empire waist looked well... awful on me. YOu never know until you''ve got that puppy on what it''s going to look like.

 

[E B]

Have you tried the dress on? If so, ignore what I'm about to say. If not, I can speak from experience: I saw many gowns online that made my knees weak, but when I went to try them on, they looked awful. Trying a dress on is KEY, unless it's something like a basic a-line and you're able to try something similar on.

My dress, at a small amount over $2k, was the highest I'd go. It's silk with a beautiful cut. But for a long time, I seriously considered having a dress custom made, and in the case of a $$$ couture design, that might be the way to go. See if you can find a dressmaker with great reviews.

ETA: Gypsy beat me to the punch!

 

[goldenstar]

Thanks for the feedback. Its nice to bounce ideas around here for future reference.

dtnyc-- I''m a size 4 in regular clothes.

surfgirl, anchor, neatfreak --I''m definitely going to hunt the dress down and try it on before I commit. I''m not planning to buy any dress anytime soon since I realize its too early. We''re currently looking at venues so I''ll have that finalized before the dress purchase. Thus, I''ll know what type of dress is compatible with the site and the formality of the wedding.


As for pinching pennies, I''m all for it. But this dress is so expensive that I''d feel really guilty about spending that much on a dress. Its not so much a lack of funds as it is the guilt factor.

Hopefully I''ll be able to try this dress on and if I decide I love it then I''ll go from there. It might look heinous on me, but I was attracted to it because it has the components that I like on my body type. Maybe then I''ll start researching the sample sale idea. However, there''s only one retailer in my area that carries Elie by Elie Saab. I''ll call them soon.

 

[Gypsy]

Samples are usually in a size 8 or 10. But they run SMALL... wedding dress 8 could easily be a street size 4. So IF the dress looks good, you can look at the size chart and go from there.

preownedweddingdresses.com (I think) is a good one too.


Also, just because there is only one retailer near you doesn''t mean you have to stick with them. You can call ALL the retailers that carry that line, ask them if they have the dress... and if they are willing to sell you the sample (be sure to get all communications regarding the dresses condition in writing on email). That''s how I basically bought my Rivini.

 

[neatfreak]

If you''re a 4 you''ll fit right into the sample sizes most likely with a bit of alterations. I''m a 4 and bought a size 10 (crazy huh?) Judd Waddell sample gown. It''s a tad big, but still fits, and the alterations are nothing that a good tailor can''t fix in a snap.

 

[Jas12]

If you are a bit of a fashionista (and judging by the dress you like and how unique it is, i am guessing you are!) i really woudn''t stress too much--a year and a half from now you may have totally changed your mind.
I know ancedotal stories don''t mean much, but i fell in love with a Jim Hjelm dress that was 6k--drove 4 hrs to try it on and....echh. Not anything like the model pics and a total let down. I thought i wanted an all-lace, zero poof, romantic gown. I ended up with a whimsical flowy, organza gown covered in swiss dots by melissa sweet. SO radically different from what i anticipated....wait a long while, try on many styles and if you still love it a year or so from now then i say go for it!

 

[goldenstar]

Here''s a pic of the dress just for fun...

I''m going to try my hardest to try this dress on, even if I have to travel a bit. Ya know, if it looked horrible on me I''d be kinda relived because then I can go back to my predetermined budget without feeling disappointed.

I thought of another question. Do dresses get discontinued when the newer collection arrives? Assuming I somehow am able to buy this dress, will I still be able to order it in 2008 when its from the 2007 collection? I hope my question makes sense.

I am definitely keeping an open mind and will continue to look around. Maybe my taste will change but for now I am SMITTEN! The cost is still a major barrier so I don''t know yet how this will play out.

 

[surfgirl]

golden, if I"m being honest, it doesn''t really look like a wedding gown, if that''s important to you. It looks more like a red carpet event gown (do you feel better? I''m trying to help you and your budget!

).

If you really like this one, start collecting pictures of it and if you still love it closer to your wedding, maybe you can have Julius Bridal re-create it for you for a few hundred dollars...

 

[Ann]

That is a beautiful gown....but!

Many many many years ago I was a bridal consultant for
the top bridal salon in town. I worked with brides every day
going through what you are now. I have vivid memories of one
sweet bride who bought a gown way too soon. She wanted to exchange it
for one she liked better now. We couldn''t do it.

The gown you love has a very low and barely there bodice.
IMHO, you''d be yanking and pulling to keep yourself covered up!

 

[Pandora II]

Aren''t her designs lovely!

I''m very keen on Pronovias and I hope that I find they look good on me as that is what I''m hoping mine will look like.

Right now I won''t try anything on till I lose some weight! I can''t do any exercise because of my back (surgeon''s orders) and at 35 it''s not so easy to keep looking slim with zero effort.

 

[nano76]

dear goldenstar,

i tried the dress today in london and loved it.. its also way above my budget.. my wedding is in december.. i can buy the dress wear it, get it cleaned and send it to u and we can share the cost. what do u think? i''m in between size 4 and 6 US.

 

[janinegirly]

nano & goldenstar-you guys should go for it and split the costs---what a fantastic idea!

may i ask how much this dress is? it is gorgeous and unique. but i def couldn''t wear it...i''m more traditional not to mention nothing in front to help with that daring drop!

 

[nano76]

after discount and deducting VAT it is 6700 british pounds.. goldenstar we can also sell it on ebay after we both wear it.. let me know..

 

[goldenstar]

AHHH! What an idea!

I''ve gotten quotes from salons in the US and the price is around $15,000!!! That''s outrageous! There''s no way I would or could pay that much.

Nano, what is the price in London translated into US dollars? I''ll talk to my friends to see what they think of the dress. I am a little hesitant because no salons in my area or even in my state carry the dress as a sample, so I won''t be able to try it on. Additionally, my wedding is not until Spring 2009 so I''m nervous about financially committing so soon.

I DO LOVE THE DRESS THOUGH. I like that its very fashion forward and have no problem with the deep V neck. I also think that it would suit my body type. I''ve been to three salons to get an idea of what I like, and though I found several pretty dresses, none made me swoon as this one did.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 7/26/2007 4:10:26 PM
Author: goldenstar
I like that its very fashion forward

But it won''t be "fashion forward" in 2009. That''s the problem with choosing so far ahead of time.

Even with the share idea & ultimate resale: you get a big fat

from me. SORRY!


But I will say, as someone who also fell in love with an expensive dress that I had no choice but to forget about (budget would NOT allow) -- I later saw pictures of another bride in the dress and

. I''d been SO JEALOUS when I read on her blog that she''d purchased the very one I wanted ... but then, in reality -- HORRORS! It was SO not flattering on her and those pix will live on forever.

Not saying my w-dress didn''t have a issue or two ... but I paid 10-20x less for my "issues".

 

[Independent Gal]

If you guys decide to do this, I would definitely advise writing up a contract of some sort between you, especially if goldenstar lays out money ahead of time! What if it tears!!! What if it gets stained? What if it won''t look right after being alterred twice?

Just some things to consider...

You should also look into whether there would be a hefty import duty and how much shipping would cost. And I would definitely, definitely advise both trying it on if you possibly can because it may not even be flattering.

That''s a LOT of money still ($5000 each?) so just to say be cautious...

But it IS a good idea if you can work out the details, which I''m sure you can with a little planning!

 

[goldenstar]

Deco, it would be so awesome if I could find a pic of a real life bride in this dress. I''ll search around online.

 

[Love in Bloom]

Hi Goldenstar. Just want to say the dress is beautiful, but I think you should wait to buy. I would just hate to see you waste a lot of money like I did. I started looking at dresses in 2005 and my wedding is this year...I ''m on dress #3. I thought I was totally in love with my first dress because it was different. It was over budget and I obsessed over it for a full year before I bought it. It finally came in and I was thrilled. Then I tried it on for some fittings and the feelings started to fade...and I started looking at other dresses. Found my second dress and loved it because it was similar in style to the first dress, but less ornate and more flattering to my frame. I thought the second dress was so perfect! Now I don''t know what possessed me to do so, but when I was picking out headpieces, I tried on dresses yet again...On this third and final dress, I ditched the previous style for a surprisingly more traditional dress.

 

[nano76]

in US dollras it is 14,000.. i know we have an extremely expensive taste...

 

[goldenstar]

Nano, after thinking about it more I''ll have to pass.

It really is too early to commit to a dress. Not only that, even if we did have a contract it would be difficult to enforce since we are in two different countries.

Its a great solution to the problem, but the timing and the distance is too big of an issue. Sharing a dress might work if it were closer to my wedding and the transaction was within the US. I''ll keep this idea in mind.

Thanks anyway!

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 5/29/2007 3:42:20 PM
Author: Pandora II
Aren''t her designs lovely!

I''m very keen on Pronovias and I hope that I find they look good on me as that is what I''m hoping mine will look like.

Right now I won''t try anything on till I lose some weight! I can''t do any exercise because of my back (surgeon''s orders) and at 35 it''s not so easy to keep looking slim with zero effort.

LOL...just turned 35 myself, Pandora, have back, shoulder and neck problems, and WOW, do I feel your, um...well, pain! It is soooo hard to stay slender when you can barely move! I think my downhill slant on the figure started at oh, about, age 33...you?

I hope you''re feeling better soon and back in tip-top shape in no time!

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 7/26/2007 4:49:29 PM
Author: Love in Bloom
Hi Goldenstar. Just want to say the dress is beautiful, but I think you should wait to buy. I would just hate to see you waste a lot of money like I did. I started looking at dresses in 2005 and my wedding is this year...I ''m on dress #3. I thought I was totally in love with my first dress because it was different. It was over budget and I obsessed over it for a full year before I bought it. It finally came in and I was thrilled. Then I tried it on for some fittings and the feelings started to fade...and I started looking at other dresses. Found my second dress and loved it because it was similar in style to the first dress, but less ornate and more flattering to my frame. I thought the second dress was so perfect! Now I don''t know what possessed me to do so, but when I was picking out headpieces, I tried on dresses yet again...On this third and final dress, I ditched the previous style for a surprisingly more traditional dress.

LIB...you are too funny!

I have been looking on ebay and the used wedding dress sites, as well as craigslist...I figure if I keep buying them at under $50 each, maybe I can find at least ONE to wear when the big day comes and still be under budget for what I would have bought new!

It''s all about the options!

 

[Mara]

i fell head over heels with a badgley mischka slim lace gown that was $17k i think, my dream gown....i mean no way would i even consider a gown that much, that was like what our entire wedding cost. also it looked fab on the model but who knkows what it would have been like on me...i am 5'7" not 5'11" and about 20 lbs heavier than the model it was on hehee. no gown is worth so much $$ in my opinion UNLESS you or your family can easily pay cash for a 100k wedding to go along with the 15k gown (one component!). i'm just way too practical to be that much in love with anything i guess. even sharing it, 5k each or more....i can't even imagine. my dress cost 1k and it's boxed up in the closet.

i do agree with others re: lots of gowns looking wonderful in theory but horrible on me. and vice versa, sometimes on hangers the gowns looked odd but then i tried them on and they looked great on me. i would not buy or committ to sharing a gown sight unseen or unseen on body.

also i agree that in 2009 this dress won't be fashion forward and you may not even like it! my tastes in things like clothes and even jewelry can change from year to year or every few years, that is 2 years from now. how horrible would it be to buy or commit to this gown and then in 2 years hate it and feel obligated to wear it or sell it and take a huge loss since it's so out of season. styles changed so much from one year to the next after we got married, there were so many cute dresses out that i would have loved to try on that were not available when we got married. wedding fashions change so quickly. just some things to consider.

lastly, if you really love it....i'd keep the images of it and then in a year when things are getting closer, see what else is out there and if you can't find the gown again, have it made!! it will cost WAY less than 15k, even with great materials and you can also adapt elements of the gown you didn't really love and/or add other elements you do love about it.

just my thoughts...!! it's actually so mind-boggling to me that someone who isn't a Getty or royalty would consider a $15k gown but maybe that's not so unusual these days.