Proposal Scenarios: intimate OR public?

[questzener]

I'm just wondering what this board thinks about the two basic
'styles' of proposing:

Option 1) an intimate, romantic proposal for made
just for two

Our relationship grew on the beach: rollerblading,
sunset walks, afternoons. If I were to propose on
the beach it would be meaningful for us as a couple.
I've asked a friend to agree to shoot some photos
of us as a couple as a favor--I've told her I have
special plans for the day but she doesn't know
what yet. I'll tell her we need to get dressed up
in our finery and as we get down there, she'll
see the friend with his cameras so she'll know
immediately that was the event. Then, he'll
leave and I'll ask to walk along the beach while
the sun sets. At some point I'll pop the question.
There is a restaurant nearby that has agreed to help
me out with a post-proposal candlelight & bubbly
meal. Just us love doves, together!

OR

2) a public, romantic proposal in front of
family and friends.

My belle's mom holds an annual holiday party for
friends of the family. Her dad just died last year
and this is a tradition he started. It would be both
symbolic to propose on the night of this party because
it would be "like he was there" for the proposal. Her
mom is gung ho for this option partially
because she was not included in my belle's first
marriage much at all. It would also be a way for
me to be accepted into her family's social circle
in a very clear way--something that is not to be
underestimated! BUT, this would be the "public
announcement" par excellance.

I'd really appreciate your thoughts: intimate or public?

 

[ellewoods]

Hello!

What a wonderful dilemma to have!

First, I wanted to say that I was in the minority and I voted for the public proposal at the party. Personally, I would want some sort of private proposal, followed by meeting up with several good friends, etc. to celebrate afterwards.

But I voted for the public proposal because there wasn''t a choice to do a combination.....in your situation, I think the annual holiday party would be perfect timing because it would mean a lot to your girlfriend''s mom....and I''m sure it''d mean a lot to your girlfriend too. It would let them fully incorporate you into their family and extended family of friends. That''s why I think you should somehow do something for the party. It would let you honor your girlfriend, and her mom and departed dad all at the same time.

That being said.....can you do something like the day of the holiday party, you propose to your girlfriend before the party? Either during the day, or early evening before the party? That way you can have a private proposal, which most of us ladies here would prefer......but then you get the public part too, as you get to share your news with friends and family at the holiday party later that day. That way her mom would be really happy it was incorporated in the party, but you also get your private proposal.

I''m still thinking of a creative way to do this....the private proposal part would be easy but then you''d have to do something special at the holiday party too....not just announcing "hey we''re engaged," and not re-doing the proposal in front of everyone.... but somehow doing something like saying "Everyone, I would like to make a toast...." and you say some nice words about the holiday etc. and then you say "Mrs. Smith, would you do me the honor of being my mother in law?" or something like that. Anyone else have any ideas?

 

[questzener]

I LOVE ellewoods! She rocks my world...

Thanks so much for the feedback. I''m really torn. I''m glad you
see my dilema.

My belle doesn''t want an engagement ring, though I offered
multiple times. She''s Danish and in Europe, they only do
wedding rings. I purchased a cool necklace/earring set.
I''ve reposted the pics of the bling in case y''all want to
see it. It seems everyone here is interested in bling...
I was thinking of giving her the necklace on our private
proposal day and the matching earrings on the night
of the party. That way, there were two "parts" to the
proposal.

I''m been trying to think of some way to tie them
together because I think you''re right, ellewoods,
it''s very important to me as well to include her
mom, family, and her dad as well.

Other advice would be greatly appreciated as well!

Hey, why don''t any GUYS respond to these posts?
Anyway, I appreciate all the opinions I can get!!!

 

[sunkist]

Well, everyother day I would have said "Private proposal! It''s soo romantic", but tonight in your case you may have persuaded me to vote for the public proposal with family. I really like the family Christmas party and having it commemorate her father and welcoming you into the family. And then of course afterwards you can take her aside and say all the mushy stuff that I''m sure she is longing to hear

 

[pebbles]

Hey! I''m Danish too!

Don''t find too many Danish people around here!

Normally I would say private proposal but in your case, I would definitely do it in front of the family at the party. I''m glad that her mom is gung ho about it. Bonus points for you.

We had a similar situation. My dad died right after I met my now-husband. My dad never got a chance to meet him. When my husband proposed to me almost 2 years after we started dating, it was a complete surprise, so much a surprise that he never asked my mom for her blessing (not that he needed permission, just one of those things that would have been nice). He proposed to me in private and we made the announcement to my family the next day at my birthday party. Everyone was thrilled for us, but I just found out recently that my mom was very hurt that she wasn''t let in on the proposal from him. His family all knew about it, but mine didn''t, and especially since my dad wasn''t around, that hurt my mom even more.

Because of your unique situation I think it is even more important to do it in front of everyone. I think she will like that you thought of her dad too.

 

[questzener]

Oh, pebbles! If you''re Danish, then you''ll know: the annual holiday party is their family''s collective glogg party! It''s a grand affair, complete with yummie Danish cheese, pastry and even the non-alcoholic wassail. You know the routine...Any insight in to how to do a Danish proposal?

 

[pebbles]

I don''t think that there are any special proposals traditions the Danish have; what if you actually proposed to her in Danish? No one in my family speaks Danish, but if my husband had done that, they would think it was the coolest thing.

You can also do a special toast in Danish; for the life of me I can''t remember it right now, but we always say it at the christmas parties!

It is my understanding that the man does not propose with a ring, but rather the couple picks out the rings together. Also, another Scandinavian custom (I think from Sweden) is to present the bride with two gold rings during the marriage cermony - one is the wedding ring and the other is a ring to symbol "fruitfulness."

The only traditions I could find were wedding traditions. One is the "Gate of Honor" that is an arch of pine braches that is placed in front of the bride''s parents'' house that the couple walks through. There are also traditional kinds of wedding cake, but I would save that for the wedding itself.