When I was working these steps I wrote them out on small cards that I could carry in my pocket or bag; I also texted some to myself to have them there too. It helped me go forward, I knew that if I was surprised by a flashback or really bad thoughts I could handle them.
One thing, Housie: I did not report either. I feel no shame about that. It would have been the 'wrong' thing for me.
Consider writing out all the fall out from it that you still carry today---shame, panic, rage, etc. and write a contract with yourself that you forgive yourself completely for X behavior or feeling or response, that you did the best you could in that moment and you're doing the very best you can today and there just isn't more to give/do/be than your best in this. Free yourself from all of that. We can't render ourselves 'unraped' or 'unattacked' but we CAN refuse to self-abuse ourselves for idealistic fantasies about what we "should" be doing or feeling. In the words of one of my profs: Stop should-ing all over yourselves!
One thing, Housie: I did not report either. I feel no shame about that. It would have been the 'wrong' thing for me.
Consider writing out all the fall out from it that you still carry today---shame, panic, rage, etc. and write a contract with yourself that you forgive yourself completely for X behavior or feeling or response, that you did the best you could in that moment and you're doing the very best you can today and there just isn't more to give/do/be than your best in this. Free yourself from all of that. We can't render ourselves 'unraped' or 'unattacked' but we CAN refuse to self-abuse ourselves for idealistic fantasies about what we "should" be doing or feeling. In the words of one of my profs: Stop should-ing all over yourselves!