WWYD? Feral cat vs friend

[Cehrabehra]

You all know I live overseas and the selection of people to befriend is limited. I have a friend here who lives on my street and her two sons and my two sons are same ages and good friends. Two in particular are best buds but it's a dysfunctional relationship I would normally just discourage but because of the situation I have tried to guide him through. I could go on about that but it's off the point. The mother and I are what I would consider buddies. She lacks a depth I prefer in my friends. Anyway there was a feral cat in the neighborhood and she was super friendly, desperate to find a home to the point of pestiness. She would wait by front doors and try to enter houses. She was super sweet but confused and lonely and somewhat pitiful. Her kittens all died from the cold and she was probably getting ready to have more at some point. Remember this is china so there just aren't American resources here. Some people were feeding her and would let her in sometimes.

So the friend gets a little tiny shihtzu puppy and let's it out in her front yard, unfenced but with her there. The cat walks up to the dog and smacks the puppy on the nose. Twice. But rather than monitor their dog and shoo the cat away they take the cat downtown (we live in the country) near a restaurant so it can get fed. More like it will get hit by a car. Chinese drivers deserve every bit of their crazy driver reputation and have no value on animals at all. This cat will die.

It's done and nothing to be dine about it. But I find myself repulsed by their selfish actions with complete disregard for that cat who has lived here longer than any if us. I think this screams dealbreaker for me back in America and in a few months when they leave I don't have to think about it. But in the meantime we hang out as couples every weekend, we are thrust up in each others face and I can't just turn a cold shoulder without causing drama in our neighborhood which is a harmonious group of about 20 families, all mutual friends. I know I have to suck it up but I have absolutely NO desire to be around her family at all mow and I'm having a really hard time reconcilling it.

I know this is long... Any help is greatly appreciated.

ETA- sorry for all the typos lol I typed this whole thing with 1 finger on my iPhone in a car on a bumpy road lol

 

[lulu]

I wouldn't cause an argument in the short run. I suspect you're not likely to change her mind about cats. But after she leaves that would be it for me.

 

[ForteKitty]

Cat > that pitiful excuse of a person, and i'd tell it to her pathetic and heartless face. NO doubt about it.

I would have no qualms burning that bridge three times over. Stories like this infuriate me.

 

[VapidLapid]

At first when you said they took it into town to a restaurant I thought they were going to sell it to the restaurant as meat! Short of going to the aspca or whatever they have in china (unless the only resource for cats is the butcher) and getting a hundred condemned cats and putting them all in her yard in the middle of the night, I think that while you want to confront her and would be right you maybe want to play things with the interest of the neighborhood's veneer of harmony and tough it out. She's leaving shortly. The stress that you would have with her and the other neighbors would be greater and more protracted, perhaps even escalating then making you even more angry. I say choose your battles and let this one pass. Or give her a tiger!

 

[meresal]

I am by no means a pet lover. I like them, I just don't want any of my own.

If I were in your position, I would let it go. The way I see it, I had no personal relationship to the cat, so not my problem. Also, if the cat began pestering my own pets, I would feel the need to "do something" as well.

Also, I don't mean for this to come across as accusatory (though I'm sure it will, and for that I apologize), but you mentioned that all of her babies/kittens died from the cold... if your street was so welcoming to her for such a long time, why did no one take her in with the little ones? This is kind of why I feel this shouldn't be as big of a deal as you feel it is.

Just my .02

 

[Maria D]

You snubbing this woman/family does nothing to help the cat. I would ask her specifically where she brought the cat (what restaurant) and go and try to find the cat, bring it back and give it a home. It's a shame that with with so many families around no one took this cat in and got it spayed. (Unless spaying is not a possibility in China; I'm not sure what you mean by "no American resources.") The cat is not a true feral if it is friendly. It sounds like she could have been a nice pet. While I find this woman's actions of displacing an animal from the only territory it knows despicable, as a cat lover I'm turned off by your entire neighborhood! No one could step up and give this friendly cat a home?

 

[Dee*Jay]

You know what I would do Sara -- I would put that cat in my garage and solve all the problems!!!

But seriously... I agree that distancing yourself from the people won't help the cat at this point, but I would have a hard time being friends (or buddies, as you put it) with the woman. This might be a little too "karma," but I really do think what goes around comes around, even with animals...

 

[movie zombie]

ok, i'm a hardliner now that i'm older: deal breaker for me especially given its a marginal relationship at best. i find it hard to be "friendly" with people i don't share values with...... yes, she would get a cold shoulder from me and if asked why, well, i think i'd tell i objected to what she did because had i known what she was going to do, i'd have taken the cat in. actually, i'd already have taken the cat in.

MoZo

ps the really nasty side of me would tell her to remember where she dropped that cat off because if her dog goes missing it might be the first place to start looking......

 

[VapidLapid]

The other first thought that I had (that I quickly dismissed as too implausible) was that she was taking the cat to the restaurant to buy it lunch!
I do know that in many other countries peoples's attitudes about animals is vastly different than "ours" here in the states. Let me know if she brings a hibachi to the Galapagos Islands and starts to bar-b-que a blue-footed booby. She'll be soooo Sarah Mclachlaned!

 

[KimberlyH]

I am not sure why her actions are any worse than those of the rest of the neighborhood. If the cat is as friendly as you describe someone could have taken her in. It sounds like she's not your cup of tea and so it isn't hard for her to do things that you find fault with. Proximity and similar circumstance (living abroad) do not garuantee friendship. There's no reason you can't be friendly, but not friends, and allow your children to continue their relationship.

 

[dragonfly411]

I have to ask a bit more. Is this family Chinese? Or are they American as well? Did she mention where she dropped the cat off? If you are so concerned for the cat, then why not go find her if you can and bring her back, or why didn't you take her in in the first place? I'm not saying this to sound cold, but You're angry at her but you weren't willing to help the cat yourself. If the family is Chinese, they have a VERY different perception on animals, their value, and what they are meant for.

 

[movie zombie]

I have to ask a bit more. Is this family Chinese? Or are they American as well? Did she mention where she dropped the cat off? If you are so concerned for the cat, then why not go find her if you can and bring her back, or why didn't you take her in in the first place? I'm not saying this to sound cold, but You're angry at her but you weren't willing to help the cat yourself. If the family is Chinese, they have a VERY different perception on animals, their value, and what they are meant for.

better response than mine.....and actually what i was thinking......

my fear was she dropped the cat to become part of the menu.......hence my hardline response.

MoZo

 

[KimberlyH]

Many Americans also have different perceptions regarding animals. People who live in rural vs. urban areas, farmers vs. non-farmers, etc. If the woman had hurt the cat I could understand a negative response, but it sounds as though she thought she was helping the cat (and eliminating a neighborhood nuisance from the way Cehra describes the animal).

 

[ForteKitty]

That poor cat was probably someone's pet at one point. When they moved, they left her behind.

 

[slg47]

it's also possible your friend thought she was helping the cat??? when you say they don't have american resources I am assuming you mean something like a SPCA?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

The cat described isn't feral. Feral cats won't let you touch them. Sounds like the cat of discussion is a regular domesticated pet that as FK said was probably someone's pet at one point.

The friend sounds more like a "mommy friend." The type we ususally have to change our personalities a bit to mesh with that person. This is pretty common. Personally, I am horrified that the cat was taken to a resturant. That is just weird. Why not cook it up at home? Ugh! Anyway, since time is short and you won't see her after a few months, then I'd just let the kids play because it's YOU who will be living there in the neighborhood long after she's moved. Don't cause ruffled feathers that could impact your life after you never see her again.