Moving with a baby!~med school

[blondebunny]

Date: 5/12/2010 3:13:02 AM
Author: pennquaker09

Date: 5/12/2010 12:59:25 AM

Author: blondebunny


thanks! although it isnt the school we were hoping for... it still is the best caribbean school.. and i know no matter where DH goes.. he will do amazing because he is incredibly smart and has a passion for it I dunno what is going on with med schools this year... DH had a 4.0 in his masters (micro and molecular bio) with published papers, and got a 30 on the MCAT (which i think is awesome-although he should have had a 33..but didnt study the physics section as much as he should as-he isnt very good at it, i had to help him through physics hehe) but he had friends who had like 3.5-3.75 with 35s on the MCAT and still didnt get any interviews in the US! Although a girl with a 24 on the MCAT and like maybe a 3.5? if that?? got in a US med school... i dunno how they pick people... but seems a little crazy... DH says ''i wouldnt let that person touch me with a stick!!'' lol he is weird...anyways he got into the Honors program that does the year in the UK but we turned it done as its REALLLY expensive... I did the math (finance major) and it was like $110k just in interest for that one year... i told him no way in hell! lol


we are going to try the first semester apart and see how it works... i dunno though lol.. we are never apart... longest time was like a week when he was shadowing some drs at his parents... and i hated that and cried lol i dunno how 4 months is gonna work... but his entire family is overly excited for me to come live with them lol they have all kinds of plans for me and im not even there yet! we are hoping that i just stay busy and dont think about it too much.. but we already plan to use ichat and stuff and send letters and emails and stuff to each other I think it will make our marriage even stronger and just show us how strong our love is i dont think his parents really understand how hard its going to be on us... they always make fun of DH''s uncle and aunt because they dont like to be apart...but DH and I are the same way and I dont think they have realized it yet... LOL... but i am starting a list of things that i want to learn how to do while DH is away to keep myself busy! Learning to sew better, golf (already have clubs!), getting into awesome shape, photography (just got a D5000 for graduation!) and much more! Im sad and excited at the same time.. Ill probably be on here all the time when DH is gone to keep myself busy...


Thanks for the info on the maternity clothes... Because i have rather large boobies and already sometimes have to buy size larges in shirts and they are always too big around my midsection because im a size small there.. i guess ill just have to play by ear and go with the flow!

A lot of this depends on the specific medical school. And, being completely thoughtful about where one is applying. I mentioned my DH didn''t initially match for his fellowship, but that was due in large part to his applying to a lot of programs in Texas. Texas is one of those states that being a resident is an important factor.


Also, a lot of people apply without enough volunteer/shadowing experience AND in the case of some med schools, scientific research. One can have average MCAT scores and a relatively decent GPA and be admitted to Harvard if they have a great deal of research (hard core research) and experience with patients. The main med school in my home state, Alabama-Birmingham (UAB) isn''t a super high ranking med school, but definitely above average. And there, it''s pretty much expected that one have a certain number of volunteer/shadowing hours. I think outside of academics, first hand experience is the most important factor because without it, how does one know they truly want to be a doctor?


Anyway, I guess all I can say is, save as much as you can! And maybe buy one of Suze Orman''s books and I think you''d have yourself in a good position.

DH actually has shadowed numerous doctors, maybe like 20? i think more though...he also grew up around doctors and the medical field and has always loved it...

DH also has scientific experience in a field that only 3 other people in the world work on. It''s a very hard and grueling since there isnt anything out there on it....

DH applied to all of the schools in florida (where we live) and schools in other places that did accept a good amount of out of state students that matched his criteria, and nothing. We thought he would atleast get an interview at our current school where we both got out bachelors and masters from, but nothing actually they only accepted like 3 out of 60 students from our school, which is very wrong in my world because they have no loyalty to their students.

So we are sure whats going on right now with med schools, we do know that there were double the amount of applicants this year...DH was told he has an awesome application by numerous admission people and stuff and then nothing, so i dunno? I think he should have written about all of my medical problems we had to overcome last year (back surgery, brain lesion, MS, and much more) but he thought it would be bad to talk about his wife that they would not want a student married and i told him he is nuts, but whatever... OH well! he will be attending St George''s and will do awesome, and he can always transfer if he wants after his second year..

What is the title of Suze Orman''s books??

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Yeah...med school admissions are always a bit of a mysterious crap shoot. I remember being rejected by schools I thought I'd be a shoe in at, and I got quick acceptances to schools I didn't think I even had a real chance at.

I guess maternity clothes aren't that expensive compared to regular clothes, it's just that I rarely buy regular clothes so 1k over 9 months for clothing I might not ever wear again seems like a lot to me. Mostly since I usually only spend maybe 250$ a year on new clothing. I go to work in scrubs most days so I can't say I invest much into my closet!

When I was applying, I was engaged to DH, and talked quite openly about having a fiance even though I was only 21 at the time. At that point, I had taken a year off after college, and my CV was well rounded so I don't think anybody took that as a sign of compulsiveness or immaturity. My biggest concern at that time was that they'd be worried that I'd be distracted by starting a family etc. But it turns out, med schools mostly just want to make sure you can handle the work load, but if you have the time and energy to have a family too, they see that as a great thing (at least my school does). DH and I are planning on TTC right after my core rotations are finished, my school only has 1.5 years of basic sciences, so we start our clinical years early and end early, so our "4th year" is really a year and a half, lol.

Sadly, the moving around doesn't stop for awhile unless your husband is willing to make location his #1 priority. After med school there's Residency, possibly Fellowships, and then finding a suitable job... As of now I'm planning to limit my residency applications to my current city and places within driving distance. It means I run a high risk of not matching and having to have a back up plan for a year or crossing my fingers to hope I can scramble into something suitable. Maybe I'll change my mind when residency applications are due, but right now that's my plan because DH and I have a home and a life here, and I don't want to keep uprooting his job (and our lives in general) every 4 years.

 

[Pandora II]

Maternity clothes - I''m tall and a size 4, but put on 75lbs while pregnant - almost all was water, I wasn''t eating a lot and it fell off in weeks PP. I bought all my maternity clothes on eBay - top designer brand from Paris, even the midwives were saying how gorgeous they were. I spent $80 total for the whole lot.

Baby Stuff - right from when they are newborn you can take them in the bath with you so you don''t need a baby bath;
High chairs etc are not needed for at least the first year.
If you co-sleep, a) it makes breastfeeding easier, b) you don''t need a crib, !c) it''s nice and snuggly especially if your DH isn''t there, d) you don''t have to get out of bed at night.
Clothes - you can get loads of eBay for bargain prices (even brand-new) and grab any hand-me-downs.
Toys - they are barely interested for the first 6 months
Changing mat - your knee works pretty well!
Stroller - honestly, I love my stroller but I use a sling 90% of the time. I have major spinal issues and yet with a Mei Tai I can carry my 1 year-old around all day with no problems. For the first year you could easily get away with just a sling.
Breastfeeding - is hell for the first 3 weeks and then gets easier. Make sure you have access to a good LC as it can make a big difference. Do get a hand pump, some bottles and formula before the baby arrives. IMO, nipple confusion is VERY rare - I did a mix of formula/breastmilk for the first 5 weeks as my milk took nearly 3 weeks to come in and Daisy never had any issues with confusion.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I think it is great you are supporting his dream. That''s part of what makes a partnership but do not underestimate how difficult it is to essentially raise a child on your own. I am not saying it cannot be done but it will be stressful, difficult, and most likely take its toll on your relationship. My parents had their first two children before my dad finished his residency. My mom worked full time and got her master''s degree. I think the only way they got through it was because they had a support system. That is great that your family will give you money (but remember NOTHING is ever free) but like you mentioned you are going to need help in the childcare department. Even if you don''t work every mom needs a break. Hopefully you can meet other moms and child swap. Then again if you move often (lots of added stress with a baby/toddler) I am not sure how you will be able to make those types of connections.

As for money, besides saving every penny you can now I don''t think there is a way to prepare. Kids are expensive. You WILL need maternity clothes but they aren''t any more money than larger size clothing. Target and Old Navy have a great selection. Pandora mentioned buying stuff second hand. You will need to provide food. BFing is tough. It is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Hopefully it will come easy to BOTH you and your baby but I don''t think you can count on that. I believe you have mentioned having implants which I believe can make BFing more difficult. That is a question for your doctor. You will need to provide a safe place to sleep, diapers and a car seat. Honestly everything else makes mom''s life easier. If you are moving around I would keep it to the bare minimum.

The only thing you can out on being a mom is that you are truly powerless over everything. If might take you years to get pregnant. You might get pregnant on the first time. You baby may come early. He may come weeks late. You make have a high needs child (colic, fussy, clingy). He may be easy going. You just don''t know what your going to get. So stay flexible and don''t waste the next two years planning on something that you can''t control anyways. Enjoy today and live for today. That''s my best advice.

 

[Jas12]

saving is a good idea, but get pregnant first, then start worrying about all the other details.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 5/11/2010 4:41:53 PM
Author: blondebunny
Maternity clothes- well i am hoping that since I am very thin already, and already fit in XS-S clothes that hopefully I wont have to really purchase maternity clothes that are rather epensive but just size L in somethings.

How tall are you? Unless you're taller, being a small clothing size will NOT matter. I'm petite and because my waist is so short, my tummy stuck out a lot more than my tall thin friend. She's 5' 8" 110ish and I'm 5' 4" 110 ish (okay 115 now because I'm been eating too many ritz.) She didn't even show till she was 7 months. At 7 months, I was smashing my tummy (and breasts) into everything.

Like I said, go to Old Navy when they're having a sale. Of course, they're not the highest of quality, but you won't be wearing them for very long. Just hang-dry the shirts/dresses so they don't shrink up.

ETA - I take it it will be warm. If you're preg in the summer, keep in mind your feet will SWELL up big time. Invest in a couple good cozy pairs of designer flip flops or havanias (sp?) to get you by.

The best thing you can do is GO INTO A POOL a few times a week as for some reason this reduces swelling. It worked really well with me. You have to stay in the water for at least 20 mintutes!

 

[pancake]

In Australia we moved around a lot during the last 3 years of a 6 year (now 5, I think) course. My only advice would be not to underestimate what you are getting yourself into.

If it''s anything like it is for us, then you will be moving around semi-dorm-type situations, or at the very least, sharehouse type living. You will be away from family and your usual group of supports (friends, extended family etc) and it is quite unsettling.

I guess there is the argument that having a newborn/baby/toddler already turns your life upside-down, so you may as well do it now.. but I have to say, I cannot imagine it happening amongst my fellow students of the time.

Re the timeline - you have LOADS of time! Wait and see how you feel and what it''s like once you are moving around before making a firm decision to start trying. I am now 30, I graduated from med when I was 23 and only recently got married - still not planning to start for a year or two. Not that I''m saying that my way is the only way, but just that you do not need to be bound by your previous ideals.

 

[rough_newbie]

thought i''d chime in about medical school. As a recent grad, I would have to say having a child during medical school will not be easy but definitely doable, more doable then residency without a doubt. As I am not even engaged yet, I do have a few classmates that had children during their medical school career and they seemed to be able to keep their grades up (a couple made AOA -- highest medical school honors).

I am in no way bashing Carrib schools but their applicants are not as competitive for U.S. residency positions as their American counterparts. It is not that they aren''t as smart or don''t score as well. It is just a general U.S. hospital bias against any IMG (international medical grad)/ FMG (foreign medical grad) [which politics I won''t get into]. So chances are he will have to settle on where he gets accepted into residency if he wants to come back State-side (especially if he is pursing a bigger academic institution). I state that so that you are aware that you will probably have to move with him in the next few years and plan accordingly.

As I have no fiance yet or family, I can''t really answer any questions about baby savings and cost/tips. If you have any questions regarding medical school and/or getting into residencies, feel free to contact me. I have a few weeks before I get murdered when I start my intern year come July

 

[blondebunny]

Making- ya they are pretty ridiculous. Its VERY hard for a white male to get into med school nowadays...i mean no offense to anyone.. especially since I am a female, but for an ethnic female to get into a US school with a 24 on the MCATS and a low GPA just makes us all go hmm...

but ya gotta deal with what you have been handed! and with my DH and I, we never win, except finding each other, and whenever something like this happens (usually worse) we just say how lucky we are to have found each other! I really tried to convince my DH to talk about me in his essays and stuff, because part of his not doing as good as he should have on the MCAT was due to all of my illnesses last summer. I felt awful for him. granted he still did amazing, but having to take me to all of my doctor appts, and not knowing what the heck was going on with, thinking i had something really wrong with me definitely took a toll on him! poor guy! he wishes he would have retaken the MCAT but i told him that still doesnt guarantee he would have done better without those stresses! Such as life! I think he doesnt better when he has something to prove, which is that he does not belong at a caribbean school!

Pandora- thanks for the tips on the maternity clothes and baby stuff!! I told DH about all of it!

Tacori- thank you for all of your advice i appreciate it! your little tessa is the cutest thing!

MC- I am 5'' 7" about 110lbs. but I have like 34D size booooobies So really i wear like size M-L shirts just for the boobs and nothing else fits! so I dunno, I guess I will see when I actually get pregnant, but I am hoping dresses and solid color tees will be my best friend I am hoping I am like my friend who just had an almost 8lb baby... and she only gained 28lbs!!! lol i am getting some serious advice from her lucky girl! Thanks for the tips on the swelling!! I have been worried about that as we live in FL! Or atlest will when we are pregnant! I actually LOVE flip flops and have some really nice pairs (Stuart Weitzman and Coach) so I will make sure to take really good care of them, but i am sure by then I will have some others i like! Gives me a good reason to tell DH he needs to buy me my favorite flip flops whenever i see them!

pancake- I guess everyones definition of having LOADS of time if different. I HATE the fact that my mother had me later (32) and my sister at (39-40).. DH and I have always said we wanted to be young parents, our timeline was always 27, so hopefully if things go as planned hopefully by 28 Plus we cant decide how many little ones we want, sometimes its one, but lately we have been thinking 3! I definitely wanna be done by 35! My dr told us NOT to have kids past then because he is 41 and says it is really hard chasing after a 2 yr old! But everyone has their own opinions!

rough_newbie- I am not sure how to even respond to you. If my DH had been afforded an opportunity to attend a US medical school (which in every professors opinion at our school is that they would be very lucky to have my DH) he obviously would be going there. My DH''s PI wrote the curriculum for our med school, and DH didnt even get an interview. Everyone we know is very shocked about him not getting into a US medical school, but he is going to St. George''s which is the best caribbean med school, so he will be fine, no doubt. He is incredibly smart and talented and will be fine


** SO DH and I have been talking lately about babies and are really excited for some reason. I know we would probably start TTC sooner than we can, but its been nice and fun to talk about it! I think i have come to the conclusions that DH really wants a daughter. As much as I think guys want a little boy, anytime u mention having a daughter to DH he just lights up! Its the cutest thing in the world. Everyone around us lately has been asking about babies too! Its been weird, and when i tell them when we are going to start TTC, they ask why so late, and then I have to explain about DH not being in the country and what not and then i get sad. I mentioned before about MIL and having babies. She told me she wanted them sooner than later and that she wanted to deliver them, but then told DH something different on how they dont have time for a baby and blah blah blah, and then when I mentioned our timeline when she asked us, she goes oh, so we wont be able to be around it alot then, and got sad. I dont even know what to say sometimes, like you tell DH you dont have time for that, and then all of a sudden you are sad because you wont be around the baby?? make up your damn mind lady! I mean i dont even know what to say, why would when we have babies revolve on when she is gonna be able to see them?? its like she wants them now, but doesnt have time, so then we wait, but then she wont be where we are, so she wont be around them and she''s sad...

Thanks for everyones help! I have told DH everything as well and we appreciate all of the input

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Date: 5/26/2010 1:35:12 AM
Author: blondebunny
Making- ya they are pretty ridiculous. Its VERY hard for a white male to get into med school nowadays...i mean no offense to anyone.. especially since I am a female, but for an ethnic female to get into a US school with a 24 on the MCATS and a low GPA just makes us all go hmm...

but ya gotta deal with what you have been handed!

If you mean no offense, perhaps a generalization shouldn''t have been made. I understand frustration related to a seemingly less-capable candidate''s admittance into a graduate program and witnessed similar situations during the law school admission progress... But I''ve learned a lot since then, especially since staring my masters in urban education.

Dominant racial groups, specifically white males, need to come to grips with unconscious biases and unintentional racism. Meritocracies (our schools) have placed subordinate groups in a cycle of inequity that''s incredibly difficult to overcome. Simply "working hard" doesn''t guarantee future educational and professional success for those in the inequity cycle, and so it comes as no surprise that subordinate groups are LARGELY underrepresented in most professions.

I''m not denying that white male candidates don''t try with all their might to succeed academically and overcome obstacles, but most don''t realize what an advantage they have simply because of race (Beverly Daniel Tatum has written a lot on this topic)... And instead of looking at a "lesser" candidates admittance as, "Oh.. she only got in because she''s female and XYZ race or from XYZ ethnic group," we should focus instead on what that candidate brings to the table that the average white male does not and CANNOT: Unique funds of knowledge, her social and cultural responsiveness, etc.

I''m a mid-class white gal, FWIW, but I''m starting to learn what advantages I experience (without trying) because of my race, ethnicity, and upbringing. I guess my suggestion is to not imply that diverse students are less-scrutinized by admissions personnel, but instead realize that admissions criteria go above and beyond GPA and standardized test scores and that qualities diverse students bring to medical school might make for better doctors. You may not think an "ethnic female with a 24 MCAT and low gpa" is qualified, but there''s a lot beyond those two numbers that you don''t know.

...Just another opinion

 

[pancake]

+1, PPM

 

[gingerB]

+2 PPM

 

[rough_newbie]

Date: 5/26/2010 1:35:12 AM
Author: blondebunny

rough_newbie- I am not sure how to even respond to you. If my DH had been afforded an opportunity to attend a US medical school (which in every professors opinion at our school is that they would be very lucky to have my DH) he obviously would be going there. My DH''s PI wrote the curriculum for our med school, and DH didnt even get an interview. Everyone we know is very shocked about him not getting into a US medical school, but he is going to St. George''s which is the best caribbean med school, so he will be fine, no doubt. He is incredibly smart and talented and will be fine

Thanks for everyones help! I have told DH everything as well and we appreciate all of the input

Hi blondebunny. I didn''t mean to offend you if I did in any way. It is just a political matter and stance that U.S. hospitals tend to follow. I know St. Georges is a great school, better than some U.S. schools, but the bias against them is the same when it comes to residency. I am not saying it is impossible for him to match at the institute of his choice for residency but if he is going to want to live in a more desirable area (ie. California) and work at Stanford, he will have a harder time getting into the program than a U.S. counterpart that scores a bit lower on his/her USMLE exams.

With that said, St. Georges did have a pretty good match list this past year but you''ll see most people matching into community based programs or smaller academic institutions. of course there are a portion that did match into what is regarded as fine ACADEMIC institutes (whom I am sure your husband will be a part if he so chooses)

A copy of the list can be found here

I know when I was a pre-med, StudentDoctor network was an invaluable source of information. The link to their forums is here

Hope you get as much info from that website. It is also pretty good during medical school to see information on residency programs.