Is destination easier for a family girl?? (kinda long)

[meresal]

This is my first post in the BIW form... but just so that you know, I''m not engaged yet. C wants it to be a huge surpirse, but after talking about timing earlier this week, we decided that booking a venue would be a good idea. Our original date area was Spring 2010, but neither of us want to wait that long... and since I promised him it wouldn''t be during football season, we are now looking at July/August 2009. (Lots of friends, including him on a big game day... might not show up bc of college games on Saturday''s. A few of his buddies and one of my sisters are Aggies, pshh!!) LOL. One of the many reasons I love him... the football part, not the Aggie part.

Anyway, I absolutely love the idea of a very elegant evening wedding, but as I have thought about it this week, I am beginning to think that it will be too much for me. I am "Daddy''s Little Girl" and my entire family came to terms long ago (we''re talking middle school) with the fact that I will be a complete mess on my wedding day. I''m already getting anxiety about walking down the aisle and knowing that the minute I let go of my dad''s hand, I will no longer be his. (Yes, my eyes are watering...) It''s a really emotional subject, and I''m now thinking that just being engaged for the rest of our lives doesn''t sound so bad.

C and I love to travel and love the ocean... being the youngest of 3 older sisters, my family has done the church thing to a tee, and I think that a beach would be very relaxing, and I wouldn''t get that dreaded feeling of leaving my family "behind". However, there are a few catches, and mostly have to do with C''s family and friends. His GF and GM are pretty much house-stricken. Taking them to a secluded beach would not only be hard on them, but would also mean that C''s mom would have to watch them the entire time, and the whole point of destiantion is for everyone to have a great time. Second problem is some of C''s friends. Though we both are young and have been blessed with amazing jobs, some of his friends haven''t been afforded the same luxury. Getting them to spend, heck just SAVE, the money to attend would be impossible for us and them. I don''t have a problem paying for the wedding party to attend, but we''re not going to front the cash for everyone we want to be there. I think lots of our friends will end up not coming. Which I thought a great black tie affair after we came back would take care of, but then I come back to his grandparents, and I can''t imagine them not being there for the ceremony. AHHHHHHH!!!!

I know that the wedding is supposed to be about us, but what do you do when you think one thing will kill you from anxiety and tears, and the other means you can''t have the ones you love? Please give me some insight. I thought that this would be better to post in BIW, than LIW, since I''m hoping many of you have conquered this dilemma already.

If you made it all the way here, thank you!!!

 

[fieryred33143]

Well I’m not a BIW but I just wanted to say that regardless of whether you get married in a church, at the beach, in a backyard, or in a bowling alley, the emotions will always be high…especially if you are a daddy’s girl. I can understand/appreciate the anxiety over letting go of daddy’s hand and grabbing hubby’s hand but its going to happen regardless of the venue. That being said, do a location that speaks to your heart. The friends that matter will be wherever you are. And as far as his family goes, well that’s a decision you and your FF have to make together.

My thoughts are destination is never easy but always beautiful. I have been invited to a few destination weddings...I have only gone to those that are much closer to my heart.

 

[mimzy]

meresal, where do you live? is there anywhere close to home, but not in a church where you could get married? a park, forest, lakeshore, garden? that way it''s close to home so everyone could still attend, but it''s not the traditional church wedding that you fear?

 

[meresal]

Date: 6/11/2008 3:23:25 PM
Author: mimzy
meresal, where do you live? is there anywhere close to home, but not in a church where you could get married? a park, forest, lakeshore, garden? that way it's close to home so everyone could still attend, but it's not the traditional church wedding that you fear?

Mimzy: I've thought about that. We live in Houston, where he is from, but he had already said he was fine with getting married at either of my churches back in D/FW. We both attened school in the Hill country, which is the area from about 10 miles south of Austin to about 20 miles north of San Antonio. It's a gorgeous area, and we both love being there on the river... but we didn't date in college, and the fact the we both had a bf/gf while there, just doesn't feel right. I'm almost certain that this will come down to church or beach.

We talked last night about a chruch wedding, and then a 1-yr anniversary vow renewal on a beach the following year. But then that doesn't solve the separation from my family issue. There's always something... Ha

 

[choro72]

My suggestion. Have both!!!!

That''s what FI and I are contemplating. We are planning our ceremony+reception here, and if budget allows we will have another one in Japan (Where a lot of my friends are)!

 

[Morgie44]

If you got married close to his family in Houston, wouldn''t that be the same/similar as going to another destination? You wouldn''t have to worry about the anxiety of being in your home town. Also, would your FI''s g-parents be able to travel to your home town, if you chose that?

 

[meresal]

Choro: Thanks for the idea... however, I have a feeling that my parents will find that "over-indulgence". Knowing good a well that I can get all of my friends to a wedding no matter where it is in Texas. However, if it is a destination wedding, there WILL be a HUGE party back here, that will more than likely last all weekend!!

Morgie: Getting married here in Houston would be like a destination. The only problem is that C didn''t really care much for his church, and I have no real attachment to anywhere in the city that I want to get married. We both love the ocean, and we both don''t love Houston (aka Me). His granparents... this is what makes starting the planning process hard before you''re engaged becuase we can''t talk to anyone, (i.e. his mom) about their situation. I''m not even sure if they would make it to a wedding in Houston. I would like to think that they could make it to Fort Worth, but when I think about it, I''m pretty sure they''ve haven''t been in a car for longer than an hour since C graduated college in 2005. I''m not really sure there IS a solution here?

 

[mimzy]

this is just a touch off topic, but you should read The Conscious Bride. it talks a bit about transitioning from your family to your husband and how relationships change, etc. just wanted to throw that out there!

 

[meresal]

Date: 6/11/2008 5:36:26 PM
Author: mimzy
this is just a touch off topic, but you should read The Conscious Bride. it talks a bit about transitioning from your family to your husband and how relationships change, etc. just wanted to throw that out there!

I definitely will. Not off topic at all, and sounds like something I could really benefit from. Thanks mimzy!!!

Has anyone else read this book?

 

[noelwr]

hi there. not really sure from your post where this secluded beach would be? can you find a beach in Texas that everyone can get to? or you could have an intimate wedding on a beach with your closest family and friends and then a bigger party near home.

we are having a destination wedding. we live in Europe and our wedding will be in South Africa because his family is there and would not all be able to fly to Europe. we have set the date Sep 2009 so that any of our friends who want to come have enough time to save up. we know it''s expensive and we''re not paying for anyone. if they want to be there, they will save up. if they don''t - then it''s just not meant to be. my mom and brother will be there and that''s most important to me.

our friends are all saying how they will definitely come, but we''re already expecting that everyone has the best intentions but when they realize how much the flight costs and that they''d actually have to book a vacation around it to get their money''s worth that they''ll bail out. which is fine - but in my opinion people shouldn''t say they''re coming if they don''t really know.

 

[meresal]

The destination would most likely be somewhere in Mexico/Carribean. However, now that we''re chnaged the date, that would put us right in the middle of hurricane season. A beach in Texas just wouldn''t feel like a getaway to me. It''s not so much the beach, it''s the ambiance that comes with the resort and feeling like you''re away from everything else.

I understand about the friends not being able to go. It''s a nice thing to say, but I won''t be hurt unless you get my hopes up and then bail at the last minute. The whole thing that would keep us from the destination is C''s grandparents, and even if they could go, I want to make sure his mom can have a good time and not worry about them the whole vacation.

I''m realizing that it is just something that we will have to talk with his parents about, but neither of us want to talk about a wedding with our parents until we''re actually engaged. I have a strong feeling that the date will go back to Spring/Summer of 2010 by the time we plan it all.

Thank you for your advice. And best of luck with your wedding. I bet South Africa will be wonderful!!! Where are you having the ceremony?

 

[Daydreamer7130]

If you really want to do the destination wedding, I would do some research on where you can get married and have the entire ceremony live via the web. Anyone you invite to the site can see the ceremony, including those who are stricken in bed. Just get a laptop and wha-la!

 

[meresal]

Date: 6/12/2008 5:42:36 PM
Author: Daydreamer7130
If you really want to do the destination wedding, I would do some research on where you can get married and have the entire ceremony live via the web. Anyone you invite to the site can see the ceremony, including those who are stricken in bed. Just get a laptop and wha-la!

OMG!!! This is a great idea. I was already planning on taking a MUA and hair girl with, I bet we can find a videographer that can hook up a live feed back to the states. Did I ever tell y''all everyone here is soooo much help!!! Thank you!!!