Compromises?

[mjso]

Our biggest compromise so far has been me including purple as one of our wedding colors. I really wanted blue and green...but I asked FI his opinion on what colors he wanted and he said "Purple." I about fell on the ground and then I was like "No, seriously...what colors do you want". He looked at me and said "Umm, Purple?"

So I''ve given up green and our colors are now blue and purple.

I got to have the wedding in my hometown, which was a semicompromise, but was also the most logical choice.

Another compromise we are working on is the bridal party. I don''t care if there are even numbers, he does. I don''t need a flower girl/ring bearer, he wants them (anyone got a kid we can rent for the day?

)

I''m all about including my FI in as many decisions as possible...I want it to be OUR wedding not just MY wedding.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 6/11/2008 9:42:51 PM
Author: kellybelly
on a related note, my mom saw something online to the effect of asking your groom how he pictures you on your wedding day. my guess is that some girls would want to fit that description to a degree in order to fulfill this image. personally, i have no interest in what he pictures me looking like because i am the one one that has to wear the dress and the hairdo all day long! plus i want it all to be a surprise, but that''s just me.

After all of this discussion, I did an experiment last night when I was talking to SO. I was genuinely curious and we were talking wedding stuff anyway -- so I asked him if he had any preferences about dress, hair, the works. Or if he had anything specific in mind when he envisioned everything. And he was like, uh... no? I tried prodding a bit for clues- like if he preferred poufy/princessy versus sleek- but still, no go. What can I say, he''s pretty much your typical beer-drinking alpha male (and I love it!).

 

[Gwyn]

Our cake. Not so much a compromise as a ...I just let him pick out what he wants. FI has not said no to pretty much anything I asked for, so if he wants some wacky cake that I think is tacky or lame or whatever, oh well.

I sense that the music during the wedding is going to require some compromise. my FI has expressed that he thinks there should be no vulgarity/sexuality/swearing or anything in any song played at the wedding. Now, I have to agree to most of that but there are certain songs that may have something innapropriate here and there (like Hey Ya by outkast) that I think are good dancing songs that should be included.

We will see. I did get him, after an insane amount of persuading, to let us have "Turn me on" by Nora Jones as our first dance. So, I think i might be able to get some outcast/black eyed peas in the wedding mix.


Now for my two cents on your compromises, not that you asked

Oh and as a note, I didnt read any replies before I write this. So if this has already been covered, I apologize.

How I see it, you got two things out of the "deal" right.

A processional song and the location.

Well he chose the recessional song, so that should even out your processional song.

As for the location, he gets to chose the music during the coctail hour, thats atleast worth half the location. I would offer him something else like flower choices, or menus choices.

Your hair and your bouquet should be what YOU invisioned not him. You are the one wearing/carrying it. It also makes sense you would chose the song you walk down the aisle with, but, i think him chosing the recessional is a good trade.

To me, it sounds like he is getting the WAY better end of this "deal" you all go going on.

By the way, what crazy processional/recessional song are you having/did you want?

 

[mimzy]

musey- no no no i was hoping people would answer the question....i really didn''t want speculation on my own situation! i didn''t take any offense to your post at all haha.

Sarah - thanks

mjso - purple?! i bet that was so out of left field for you. that''s great that you worked it in though, and i think purple and blue sounds nice

Gwen - well... things kind of worked on a sliding scale. me picking the venue that i wanted meant that we weren''t getting married in the church he''s gone to all his life AND it''s costing us more than he originally wanted to spend, so it was a really big sacrifice on his part. he was VERY against the processional song (which is ''hymn'' by jars of clay

), whereas i don''t really care all that much about the recessional song (i probably would have let him pick it regardless if he wanted to) and i''m not actively ''against'' his choice for the other music, it just wouldn''t have been my first choice. it has more to do with how much we want/don''t want something, than just this-for-that. you know what i mean? good luck in persuading him with the music selections!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Mimzy, no problem. When you mentioned the church thing I just remembered that we bad a similar situation. FI always imagined a church wedding (so did I to be honest), but we couldn''t find a church we liked and decided to try to do a wedding on site. We ended up picking the outdoor venue instead of a church wedding. He wasn''t necessarily opposed to it, but it wasn''t want he wanted or had envisioned. I also think he had envisioned an organ for the music, but we''re having a harp and flute. Me on the other hand, I had always envisioned some massive, grand ballroom reception. FI hates that idea it''s too "stuffy" for him he says. We are having a ballroom, but it''s more simple with small chandeliers as opposed to massive glass ones like I envisioned. Finally, he really wants a reverend to officiate; whereas, I do too, but I would probably also use a judge more readily. Anyway, just wanted to share the other things I remembered that we compromised on.

 

[sweetjettagirl04]

We''ve compromised on quite a few things. I wanted tiffany blue, he didn''t like it, so we chose green, which I couldn''t be happier with. We originally wanted beach (my dream for a long time, his way to get married without feeling bad it''s not in a church) but that was too expensive, so we found something we both had to compromise on, but we love our new venue, and ceremony will be outside. He wanted plated, I wanted buffet, we are doing buffet because it''s cheaper... And that''s about it so far. He''s very involved - moreso than I ever imagined he would be!

As far as mimzy''s FI giving his opinion on certain things, I think it''s great. Doesn''t anyone ever think that guys don''t just want to be told what to wear and when to be there? I mean, women in general pick out the attire for them on the day, based on what the bride wants them to look like, so what''s the difference in him voicing his preference? Maybe he has the same idea in mind of what the bride looks like on the wedding day - much like the bride envisions the whole day. I think it is admirable that they both have input and are willing to consider each other''s wishes. There is no reason to put down the concept of the guy having a say as well. As long as all parties involved are happy, then who cares? I, too, agree that I don''t think she was asking what others thought about it, because she is perfectly happy with the choices. I think she was asking what others compromised on in regards to their wedding, so being catty about her personal decisions doesn''t contribute to the thread, IMO.

 

[Sharon101]

Date: 6/10/2008 10:25:49 PM
Author: mimzy

Date: 6/10/2008 10:08:45 PM
Author: thing2of2
Well I think if you feel disappointed about these things, you need to stand up for yourself. He gets to pick his own attire and hairstyle, yes? Then you should, too. I don't know, him telling you how to do your hair and picking out the bouquet you carry doesn't sit well with me since it's not what you wanted or envisioned for your wedding day. And a fake guilt trip is just plain old passive aggressive behavior, in my opinion.


And I am not one of those 'It's MY day!' type of brides because I realize two people are getting married, but you are the one wearing the hair and carrying the bouquet, so in my opinion, that's your choice 100%. Totally not my business of course, but I just started typing as soon as I read your post...

i totally know what you are saying, but he asked respectfully and i'm happy to oblige him. it sounded like it meant a lot to him and i've already picked out a dress that wasn't exactly what he described as something he'd really like. besides, i FULLY intend to give him my two cents about the tux he picks out for himself, and only seems fair that i at least consider what he 'has always dreamt of' (the fake guilt trip really wasn't aggressive - we tease each other and i said there was no way i was going to do that (wear my hair up) and he brought up all the things that he's given in on and when he saw that i paused to seriously consider it he just ran with it). he's not being controlling or anything, he's letting me know his preferences when i ask him for them and i'm obliging because i want to make him happy. i mean, if your FI gave you a cute little spiel about how he's always envisioned you blah blah blah, wouldn't that soften you up to compromise a bit?

. if it was really important to me i would fight it, but in the great scheme of things, hairstyles and bouquets aren't that high on my list! if i stood firm on everything that i would feel disappointment over, he wouldn't get anything he wanted!

surely there have got to be other girls out there who gave in to their FI's on things! cake flavors, centerpieces, something!

Good luck!!!

 

[HollyS]

Sarah: Did you read post number 2? The very first response to mimzy? It wasn''t me. So I''m not the only one who did not grasp that she was just kvetching in a good-natured way. I apologized because it was the right thing to do, even when it was just a misunderstanding. I don''t owe you an apology as well. And yes, you are attempting to start something, but let''s not hijack her thread.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Whatever Holly, I am not asking you to apologize to me, I just don''t like seeing people get attacked when it is unwarranted. This is usually a very positive place, and I''m sorry if me getting defensive over nice people being attacked offends you.

 

[bee*]

D and I have kind of picked everything together and have kept looking at vendors until we''ve found one that we both love so I don''t think either of us have compromised a huge amount. Although I did a test yesterday and put up photos of lots of wedding dresses and asked him which he liked the most and he picked the one that I adore (anjolique 930) so if I do decide to go with that one, he''ll be happy!
I think that the compromising is fine although I don''t think I''d like it if D picked the way that I wear my hair. The bouquet I wouldn''t mind as I''m not a huge flower person. If you''re happy with it mimzy, that''s the main thing.

 

[Sabine]

I wish my FI had an opinion on more wedding related things! I have to admit that I''ve been a bit of a bridezilla on some things, because it seems that the only things FI has an opinion on would be hard to accomodate. For example, the ONLY music FI likes is really obscure indie rock. His current obsession is some Icelandic band that only makes noises, not really sings. He doesn''t really like ANY popular music, and if he had his way, there wouldn''t be a single pop song played at our wedding. We did compromise a bit and said that our main music will be oldies, and we''ll have classic rock played quietly during dinner, but I really felt like I had to stand my ground to have popular music played later in the evening so that people will dance and have fun. I could just imagine if we played his music, people would be standing around going huh? and then leave.

The other main thing that I did compromise on is the processional down the aisle. We have an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. I wanted all the groomsmen to be standing at teh front with FI and the girls to walk down alone. He wanted the groomsmen to meet the girls halfway up. Our compromise is that his best man will stand with him at the alter, the other groomsmen will walk the whole way down, and 2 girls will walk alone.

 

[mimzy]

sabine, is there any way that you could let him have his music during any part of the event? maybe during cocktail hour or dinner? it''s played softly and no one is likely to get up and leave then because they don''t like the music

i think sigur ros (my guess?) would be nice during dinner or the cocktail hour!

angielea - thanks for those links! i have to wear flats too, but i loved those heels!