LiW You ladies were right...

[Smurfysmiles]

....when you told me the ex SO would try to get in touch with me.
And of all times on my BIRTHDAY! So we had all gone out dancing and consuming alcohol (well it was my bday afterall) so anyways we are heading home around 2am-ish and me and current SO and my best friend are playing scattegories to wind the night down and I get a text that says "hope you had a good bday, i miss you, call me when you can" from guess who. so i was drunk and told current SO i had to call him and just get it sorted out and would he mind if i spent the night alone. of course i call ex SO and there is no answer so i came on pricescope and read all my old posts from when i was so upset with him about things to remind myself why i dont want to be with him and then i passed out on the couch with my kitten. the next day current SO shows up and blindfolds me (for my bday present) and takes me to a park for a picnic he made which was very sweet(and reminded me why i am dating him) but not convenient as i was very hung over. so all in all i was able to resist the ex so trying to get me back thing which is good and just thought you ladies would like to know i didn''t give in.

 

[FrekeChild]

Lol smurfy. Of course he would try and get in touch with you! You''re probably the best thing that ever happened to him.

I''m glad you went and read back through your old posts. It helps, doesn''t it?

 

[Smurfysmiles]

i felt like a jerk when i sent my bf home so i could try to get in touch but luckily he was understanding about it and made really good sandwiches for lunch

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 7/8/2008 4:25:40 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles
i felt like a jerk when i sent my bf home so i could try to get in touch but luckily he was understanding about it and made really good sandwiches for lunch

He sounds like a good guy. If the ex tries to get in touch again, erase or block his number. Then go and give your new guy (and your kitten) a smooch.

 

[FrekeChild]

Did the ex ever call you back?

ETA: Ditto to Gwen. You don't need him back in your life. Although, I'd leave his # in your phone just because I like to screen calls, but I'm weird like that.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 7/8/2008 4:27:41 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Did the ex ever call you back?


ETA: Ditto to Gwen. You don''t need him back in your life. Although, I''d leave his # in your phone just because I like to screen calls, but I''m weird like that.

I screen calls too, and don''t pick up any number I don''t have stored in my phonebook. If they want me, they''ll leave a message!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

yeah i keep it so i can screen them too
he texted me the next day and said "sorry about last night, hope you had fun"
*confused face*

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 7/8/2008 4:33:33 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles
yeah i keep it so i can screen them too

he texted me the next day and said 'sorry about last night, hope you had fun'

*confused face*

"Sorry I didn't answer your call when you called me, I was terrified of what to say and really just wanted to see if you'd acknowledge my existence by texting back, awesome that you did, I will feel free to keep texting you occasionally now" ???

That's how that sounds to me. If you leave his number in your phone, you'll think about him every time he contacts you, which is exactly what he's trying to get you to do now. Think about him...not really communicate with him (otherwise he'd have called, really, not just texted), but just stay in your consciousness long enough so you don't forget him totally.

I've dated guys like him. Every couple of weeks, you'll get another text. Bleh. Just ignore him and be done with it all. Sounds like the current boyfriend treats you the way the ex never did, so why waste any more thought on him?

 

[Smurfysmiles]

that would make sense except i do see him if i go out on weekends (he manages at the nightclub down the st) and i usually am friendly and ask if i have any mail still coming so he knows im not going to be mean or anything, i dunno, its just weird

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 7/8/2008 4:46:51 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles
that would make sense except i do see him if i go out on weekends (he manages at the nightclub down the st) and i usually am friendly and ask if i have any mail still coming so he knows im not going to be mean or anything, i dunno, its just weird

Eh, I think bumping into him in social situations with lots of people around is different than wanting to talk on the phone, which is a lot more personal. He said he misses you, which was a tentative way to see if you missed him too. You called him back, he probably saw a missed call from you, and (maybe) now thinks that he has a chance of getting you back. Maybe not, maybe he just had a weak moment too and now is fine. Dunno. But I''d ignore any further calls/texts from him unless it''s "your cell phone bill came in the mail," not "happy bday, miss you, call me" or whatever.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

lol ok sounds like good advice gwen
sometimes i just need to get my head out of my butt

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 7/8/2008 4:38:33 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 7/8/2008 4:33:33 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles
yeah i keep it so i can screen them too

he texted me the next day and said ''sorry about last night, hope you had fun''

*confused face*

''Sorry I didn''t answer your call when you called me, I was terrified of what to say and really just wanted to see if you''d acknowledge my existence by texting back, awesome that you did, I will feel free to keep texting you occasionally now'' ???

That''s how that sounds to me. If you leave his number in your phone, you''ll think about him every time he contacts you, which is exactly what he''s trying to get you to do now. Think about him...not really communicate with him (otherwise he''d have called, really, not just texted), but just stay in your consciousness long enough so you don''t forget him totally.

I''ve dated guys like him. Every couple of weeks, you''ll get another text. Bleh. Just ignore him and be done with it all. Sounds like the current boyfriend treats you the way the ex never did, so why waste any more thought on him?

Oh no. This reminds me of my best friend''s ex. Who also happens to be her BF''s (my other best friend) ex-roommate. He gets drunk and calls or texts her ALL THE TIME. On Halloween last year he called her 18 times between 9pm and 1am, and text her 35 times between all of that too. After the first couple of times of him calling her, she turned off her ringer and went to sleep, just to wake up to a gazillion and a half messages and missed calls. They broke up over a year ago-a year and 3 months, actually. And she dumped him because he wouldn''t call, text or communicate with her for a month before she got sick of it.

Yeesh. I''m with Gwen. Delete his number. No reason to be uber nice to him.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 7/8/2008 5:03:25 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles
lol ok sounds like good advice gwen

sometimes i just need to get my head out of my butt

No prob, just trying to save you from the hard lessons I learned myself.

 

[choro72]

My ex contacted me a lot. He even had the nerve to say whether or not my next boyfriend was good enough for me. He was trying for the "I''m going to be the nice guy and look after you. Then later on you''ll use me for a shoulder to cry on, and then BINGO!!". Bleh.

Your current SO sounds like a gem. I don''t think there is any contest between them

 

[absolut_blonde]

In my experience, they always come crawling back. My psycho ex is a notoriously bad offender for this -- it''s been almost a year since we spoke (which ended on bad terms) and he''s probably texted me 10 times since then. Same old pathetic thing, "I miss you, I wish you would talk to me".

My advice would be to save his number as Do Not Answer. If you delete it altogether, you run the risk of forgetting his number and you may inadvertently answer if he calls.

Or another alternative would be a new cell number altogether. It''s kind of a pain, though. I put it off til I HAD to change mine because I moved to SO''s city. But the ex not having my brand-new number is a HUGE bonus.

 

[purrfectpear]

OK girlie, I''m going to give you a tiny smidge of a smackdown here (you''ll get enough niceness from the other girls

).

You did NOT resist the EX.

The very second you read the text the first thing you did was to get rid of BF so you could attempt to contact this LOSER!!!
Drunk dialing is NEVER a good idea even if you were going to communicate with him.

Now I''m being firm with you because THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN.

I don''t want to hear about how you "just wanted to clarify things" or "wanted to be polite" or any other darn excuse your pretty little head tries to rationalize about why you found yourself picking up the phone or return texting.

THIS GUY IS DEAD TO YOU. GET IT? D-E-A-D. HE''S A LOSER. L-O-S-E-R.

Now, no more nonsense about sending BF''s away and grabbing for the phone.

Phew. I''ve done my part. My job here is finished

 

[Izzy03]

Wow, what a great guy! I don''t think my BF would have been that understanding. You are way better off with this one!

 

[purelily]

Men are jerks when they do that. I agree with the rest of the LIW. Just don't answer the phone.

I went through a similar situation. My ex and I were together for 4 years and engaged for two of them. He never wanted to marry me just wanted a ring on my finger so everyone else would know I was "his". He made me cry every day, i felt alone, my grades throughout law school suffered. I would cry every time I saw a romantic comedy because i knew that I would never be happy like that. And I cried every time one of my friends found a new boyfriend that made her happy because i knew I would never be happy. i broke up with him in January after my parents and friends (separately) sat me down and told me it was time to leave him.

He called me for 4 months begging me back that he'd be different and that he still loves me. all the while he is currently dating some poor girl who is "in love" with him, has put her life on hold for him, and thinks they're getting married. Yah, good luck with that one.

My SO told me to answer all his phone calls because he felt sorry for him. He said he needs a friend and i should try to explain to my ex why things between us would never work. So, I answered them. And the ex called me on all my important test days to make sure I couldn't study.

It was finally when he called me and told me that I was a whore and never would be good enough for my SO that my SO agreed with me that talking to him was not a good idea.

I know it was a little bit of a rant, but here is the thing and what I learned from that experience...... If the relationship was unhappy no matter how much you want to talk to him about why it went wrong, he will never understand. Some men never will. Talking to him will only make you upset. Its best to cut him completely out of your life. at least until you really know that the things he says and the things he will say wont hurt you.

 

[NYCsparkle]

i fully agree with purrfectpear....it WILL happen again and you Will probably give in and call. i honestly don''t think that your current SO fully understood why he "got thrown out" for this loser. He was just being nice. if you felt the need to get rid of your SO right away...thats really not a good sign for him and where he stands with you. you probably needed more time to sort out yourself before jumping into another relationship. sorry to be harsh, but just my honest opinion.

 

[Independent Gal]

Good for you Smurfy, but if I were your current SO, I would be deeply, deeply hurt. So you may want to be careful about that. I know you were drunk, but you don''t want to sabotage what you''ve got, right?

Just don''t respond if he gets in touch again. Just ignore him. Believe me, that''s the best revenge.

 

[Independent Gal]

Date: 7/8/2008 5:53:27 PM
Author: purelily

I know it was a little bit of a rant, but here is the thing and what I learned from that experience...... If the relationship was unhappy no matter how much you want to talk to him about why it went wrong, he will never understand. Some men never will. Talking to him will only make you upset. Its best to cut him completely out of your life. at least until you really know that the things he says and the things he will say wont hurt you.

Word! Talking to the EX only helps if you had good communication and understanding in the first place. Just because you break up doesn''t mean the communication is going to get better. So if he doesn''t ''get it'' and doesn''t listen BEFORE you break up, he will continue to not get it afterward. It''s not like he magically becomes a good communicator when you break up. So talking just makes it worse, not better. Now, if you communicated well before you broke up, then sometimes talking things through can help. But if that were the case, 8 times out of 10 you wouldn''t have broken up!

Although it''s a little kooky of your SO to tell you to take his calls because he "needs a friend". What was that about?

 

[gigglebuns1186]

Aww, your current bf sounds so sweet! I know I had to delete my ex bf''s number and screen name from AIM. Just seeing his name pop up made me very anxious. That was 4 years ago though. I hope everything works out with your current bf, he sounds like a keeper! Take care!

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/8/2008 5:51:17 PM
Author: purrfectpear
OK girlie, I''m going to give you a tiny smidge of a smackdown here (you''ll get enough niceness from the other girls

).

You did NOT resist the EX.

The very second you read the text the first thing you did was to get rid of BF so you could attempt to contact this LOSER!!!
Drunk dialing is NEVER a good idea even if you were going to communicate with him.

Now I''m being firm with you because THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN.

I don''t want to hear about how you ''just wanted to clarify things'' or ''wanted to be polite'' or any other darn excuse your pretty little head tries to rationalize about why you found yourself picking up the phone or return texting.

THIS GUY IS DEAD TO YOU. GET IT? D-E-A-D. HE''S A LOSER. L-O-S-E-R.

Now, no more nonsense about sending BF''s away and grabbing for the phone.

Phew. I''ve done my part. My job here is finished

Amen, sister!

Couldn''t have said it better myself!!

 

[lliang_chi]

Smurfy,

Ignore the rest of his texts & calls from now on. Tell him to call you only if you get mail/tax information etc. But change ALL your bills/correspondence/address record with your work to your new address. He''s really trying to get back into your life and you don''t need it. I agree with purrfectpear, he''s dead to you, so just leave it at that. No need to talk to him when you''re walking by his club. No need to be polite and answer his calls. Just walk by looking happy and fabulous like you are. You have a perfectly wonderful life now and he''s just seeing if you''ve come out better after you guys split. Well, you did. Much, much better thank you Mr. Ex.

Rock on girl!

 

[Snickerdoodle]

Ahhh, the 2 am drunken text! I''m very familiar with that concept. I have an ex-bf that used to pull that crap with me. You just need to focus on what a great thing you have going now with current SO, and ask yourself if you''re willing to risk losing it by putting yourself in the position to be tempted by what former SO may or may not be offering. Once I put it to myself like that, I had no problem flat-out telling ex-bf "no", and then ignoring his calls and texts when I realized that he just didn''t understand "no".

Good luck!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Aha, the old "I''ll use your birthday as an excuse to contact you to see if you''ll still call me back" approach. Everybody else hit it on the head--he wanted to know if you would call him back for a little ego stroke. The breakup is still pretty fresh, so I can completely understand having a tough time with this. I would seriously consider changing your number that way you won''t have to worry about him contacting you anymore.

As for your current SO, I know there is a fine line between being hurt and being understanding when the person you''re dating has some baggage to sort out, but he MADE you food and took you on a PICNIC the next day?!?! Holy canoli, the man is a saint!! Talk about going above and beyond! The fact that you needed some time to figure out what to do after your ex texted you may be a bit of an indication that you''re not as over it as you thought, but this little incident might be a great catalyst or you to put it all behind you and focus on the great things you have now.

 

[vslover]

Your ex-SO didn''t answer the phone because he wasn''t really interested in talking to you. He just wanted the ego trip of having you rush to the phone to call him back. And it worked. Good grief. I hope the new guy doesn''t dump you over this, but I honestly kind of feel like he should.

 

[Fancy605]

Date: 7/8/2008 4:27:41 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Did the ex ever call you back?


ETA: Ditto to Gwen. You don''t need him back in your life. Although, I''d leave his # in your phone just because I like to screen calls, but I''m weird like that.

Yes, leave it, and store it under DON''T ANSWER...EVER.

 

[princesss]

Oh, honey, I''ve got to ditto the posters that say you didn''t resist...you fell exactly where he wanted you to. He proved to himself you''ll still drop everything (including your new guy) whenever he wants you to. He''s proved he still has power over you. Lots of it. Do yourself a favour and change his number to "DON''T ANSWER" and then listen to it whenever it pops up. DON''T ANSWER.

And honestly, if you''re still in a place where you rush to answer your ex, you might not be in an emotional place to truly give yourself to this new relationship. Maybe you need a little more time to straighten yourself out. Sorry, I know it''s not what you want to hear, but rushing into a new relationship is often a mistake that ends up hurting the person you are with next.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I just want to thank you guys for your honesty (although a little harsh at times, that is something i''ve gotten used to on here). you are right that he should have left me but he didn''t and i am glad and for that reason and many others we are going to keep dating. current so is someone who makes me laugh and smile and think and feel loved, etc. etc. and i see no reason to end what we have. anyways, we are both sunburned from going down the river, i am going to go lay in a bathtub of aloe vera now

ciao!