Would you upgrade your stone without telling your SO in advance?

[Dancing Fire]

 

[foxinsox]

No - my engagement ring is part of us so changing it without his involvement would be rude imo. Any non-significant stone, maybe.. but I’d probably still let him know since it’s our joint finances involved

 

[tkyasx78]

It depends on the cost. I have had way too many rings over the years for him to care much at this point. 10-15 years ago I bought a 1.5 ct princess cut and told him afterward. He didnt care.
I wouldn't bother if I was just changing the stone out and the cost was just a couple hundred. Switching for a higher color or a better cut, I doubt he would be interested in being bothered with the details.
Anything more than a few hundred though I would. I have bought quite a few rings that were under 1000 without talking to him before hand ( mostly bands and CS rings ) he never noticed and never cared.

 

[whitewave]

I did, yes. 12k. He was perturbed for about 2 days and then didn’t care. I broke him, lol. He doesn’t care what I buy now.

In all fairness, he bought an 11k toy a few months before and only told me as I was driving out of town with the kids lol I was about 2 hours away, what could I do or say?

 

[whitewave]

I feel the need to state for the record that we have been happily married for over 20 years.

 

[D&T]

Yes, after the Zales earring debacle our first year of marriage he leaves my jewelry upgrade, purchase, resets up to me as long as we have budget for. We have been married 15 years.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I feel the need to state for the record that we have been happily married for over 20 years.

The secret to a long-lasting marriage is never to tell your SO in advance of what ya gonna buy.

 

[D&T]

Yes, after the Zales earring debacle our first year of marriage he leaves my jewelry upgrade, purchase, resets up to me as long as we have budget for. We have been married 15 years.

Forgot to mention we take turns every other year on the budget now... sooo I will add “bling” budget come my year

 

[bmfang]

My wife would kill me if I did that (we have joint finances). The two closest things to this type of scenario that I’ve had are:

1) went to the Chanel boutique in Singapore to buy wifey a Jumbo Flap (not the 2.55) handbag in black caviar leather on the morning before we flew out of Singapore earlier this year. Even so, I had hinted to her that I was going to do it. She thought I was joking until I sent her a WhatsApp message with a photo of me in the boutique holding the bag. I consider that to be one of the most expensive investments in our relationship ever (then again, she deserves it after working part time while also being the primary caregiver of our son over the last two years).

2) wifey mentioned that she had seen a really good deal on a website for some skincare products (but it was a really expensive set and she didn’t feel that she needed it). I ended up ordering the set for her earlier this year as an early Christmas present while she was showering and after Bub had gone to sleep. She only found out about it when she checked her phone after showering and saw the credit card spend notification and the forwarded email from me advising of the order details.

 

[MeowMeow]

If I was doing it with my own cash, sure. My money my choice. But since I am not working I would absolutely not do that. It's his money not mine and when we do upgrade it will be a mutual decision.

 

[Dancing Fire]

If I was doing it with my own cash, sure. My money my choice. But since I am not working I would absolutely not do that. It's his money not mine and when we do upgrade it will be a mutual decision.

I thought his money is your money?.

 

[bmfang]

I thought his money is your money?.

As a married guy, I thought that was how it always is!

 

[dk168]

Until I agree to put money towards a joint pot for whatever purposes, I shall continue to spend my hard earned money the way I see fit.

DK

 

[diamondringlover]

I would tell him, we have joint finances so to me a large purchase should be a joint decision...now when I bought a Lexus I didn't ask I called him and guess what I bought honey, however he did know I was out car shopping he just didn't expect that large of an expense......fyi been married 34 years

 

[MarionC]

One of the arguable perks of the single life...no one to talk you down off the ledge!

 

[Dandi]

When I was working full time and we each had our own discretionary spending money, I upgraded the fairly average cut diamonds in my engagement ring (same diameter size, but to ideal cuts) on my own. I did mention it to my husband when I was waiting for BGD to post the diamonds to me, and his eyes glazed over and he said "whatever makes you happy dear". He was, however, most impressed when I had my jeweller swap out the diamonds, and how spectacular the difference was!

Now that I only work part time with 2 small people at home, I always run bling purchases past him first, as he is the main breadwinner earning about 8 x what I do, plus all of our finances are combined now...I feel that's fair and respectful to him and how hard he works. That said, when I asked how he felt about me resetting my engagement ring for our 10th anniversary, I received much the same response again anyway

 

[Matthews1127]

I wouldn't.
DH & I discuss every large purchase, together.
He is particularly fond of my center stone, as much as he’s not into jewelry, and I know he would be extremely hurt if I upgraded my diamond without talking to him about it, first. We are both sentimental saps, and we both hold a special place in our hearts for our WR’s....especially my ER. He’s very proud of the effort and time he put into finding the perfect ring, and planning the proposal. I know he would feel as though that would all be lost, if I upgraded. So would I. I truly love our story.
If I should ever change my mind, I’d have to have a conversation with him about it, and involve him in the process; I’d want him to love the new upgrade just as much (if not more-so) as the original.
For a guy who has zero interest in jewelry, himself, he is very supportive of my love of and for it all. Santa finally brought me the Gemology Starter Kit I’ve wanted for the past 3 years, and a Magnasonic Jewelry Cleaner...lol! The first thing out of DH’s mouth, after I opened the Magnasonic, was “Can you clean my ring, now?” LOL!!
There’s just no way I could replace my original stone without him.

 

[yssie]

We let each other know about large purchases beforehand. For me “large” means over a few hundred... that number varies by how necessary (or unnecessary...) the subject of expense is. He, on the other hand, feels routinely compelled to give me a laundry list of everything he buys that costs over $20 or so. And he’s a paragon of self-restraint - no expensive hobbies, no desire to spend on frivolities for himself... I wish he’d buy himself an 11k toy!! It would do wonders to assuage any guilt over my own selfish materialism

ETA - We combine finances. Income disparity is not substantial. In the early days I was terribly insecure about bringing less to the table than him - “if I’m contributing 41.8% of our pot I have 8.2% less right to spend on myself than you”.... whatever the heck that means... then life happened. We’ve both switched jobs. We’ve moved. We’ve each spent months unemployed and wholly reliant on the other’s paycheck. These days it really is just all “ours”, equally!

 

[Elizabeth35]

Nope---for two reasons.
#1--it would hurt his feelings as he put a lot of care into selecting my stone.
#2--Any upgrade I would do would cost as much as a nice car. We don't spend that kind of money without discussing it.

We never kept our $ separate and we married in our 50's with 6 kids. It was all one pot from day one and this worked for us.

 

[Tekate]

no.

 

[LJsapphire]

I wouldn't upgrade my e-ring. It's not something that's usually done in the UK. I would have other pieces.
I am the one who is working full time and supporting the family at the moment, he has been out of full time employment for nearly 2 years. (He wanted a change of direction, he had a planned break but it has been harder for him to get back into work than he imagined it would be). He is frugal, so he doesn't like when I spend on unnecessary things. When we are both earning again we will be a bit more relaxed. But I don't want much really.

 

[KristinTech]

No, I wouldn’t make a sentimental decision like that without him. But this conversation has turned to finances, and I’ll say that hubby and I had a chat about that this summer.

I was a stay at home mom for seven years. I work part-time as a contractor. I wanted a bling budget, lol. He has always bought me jewelry, we reset the engagement ring at our 15th anniversary, I’ve gotten a couple of anniversary bands through the years... necklaces, earrings, but I just wanted more of my own mad money for this hobby! I wanted to get some legitimate buying power.

So he took about 20 seconds to look up what I made in the last 12 months, averaged out in my two-week paychecks. And we agreed that anything over amount would be my “slush fund,” as he calls it.” The kids even refer to my slush fund. I am very lucky—I can take on more work whenever I want to, and it can be short or long-term. There is always more work waiting. I’m also so, so blessed that I love my job! Even though I don’t wear much bling when I do it!

It’s funny, though, now that this slush fund has been established and I’ve got this buying power, I have done things like buy hubby a bike, make a $1K loan to our local grocery coop, give a random $250 donation to a local cause... having this extra money that is separate from the monthly budget, savings, retirement, college—it’s fun!

I will probably buy a $3K watch this year without going into details with him about it. But the wedding set is a joint discussion!

 

[missy]

No. We’re a team and even if we didn’t have joint accounts I’d discuss it with him beforehand. He always tells me to go ahead but that’s not the point. Out of respect and consideration we discuss any sizable purchases with each other before we actually make those purchases.

For the record I’m earning 0$ now but that in no way affects our team mentality. Our money is our money. We don’t separate it into his and hers and never have. But what works for one couple isn’t necessarily the right formula for another couple. So there is no universal right or wrong answer to this question. It depends on what works for the individual couple.

 

[missy]

One of the arguable perks of the single life...no one to talk you down off the ledge!

I’m here for you @Jimmianne. Ready to talk you off any ledge blingy or not.

 

[lambskin]

No. Purchases are always discussed.

 

[Bonfire]

Is that what you did DF?

 

[Niel]

I didn’t tell my husband any of the times I changed my e ring

 

[luv2sparkle]

No, I wouldn't. It would be a multiple thousands of dollars to upgrade at this point. I wouldn't have even if I would have done it when we were younger either, now that I think about it. Some things just need to be talked about, and that is one of them.

 

[kmarla]

I wish!! DH is a great guy but he just does not get the jewelry bling thing!! Things like diamond upgrades are a decision we make together, but I do have a jewelry fund that’s great for smaller purchases and I don’t check in with him about those.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Since we share a bank account and finances and he is the primary source of income, I would not upgrade without a conversation first. We do not have the kind of disposable income to buy now ask later.