Would you hire a manny?

[fieryred33143]

Date: 1/26/2010 11:08:40 AM
Author: TravelingGal
Well, that''s exactly another point I was going to bring up.

Even if I did find someone I like, I don''t think my husband would go for it. My husband is a manly aussie bloke.

I think he would find it disconcerting that a male would want to be a nanny. And even if he didn''t (because TGuy can be shockingly progressive sometimes), as a father, his gut instinct would be to keep males away from his daughter!

I work from home, so I''d probably be the perfect person to try a manny for Amelia. But in a world of ''what if''s'', I believe that my child''s safety as well as MY OWN has better odds in the hands of a nanny. If the person turned out to be a psycho, I''m better equipped to fend of a woman over a man.

And let''s face it...statistically, most sexual offenders are male.

This is why I base my judgment in the manner that I do.

When it comes to her safety, I do an internal risk assessment.

Is the risk of hiring a manny that could potentially cause sexual harm and have it go unnoticed for a long period of time (because of no bruises) greater than hiring a nanny that could cause physical harm but it be noticed much sooner? To me it is.

Believe me, I am very well aware of the fact that I am being unfair and presumptuous but equality stops at the door when it comes to DD. I can''t shield her from all risks but I can mitigate it as much as possible. I won''t ever dare to assume that my way of doing something in my household is the best option for every mother though.

 

[Aloros]

I''d like to say it depends on the guy, but my gut feeling is to say ''no'' to a manny. We had a babysitter come over in the summer for a week before my stepson''s day camp kicked in. She had good references, seemed like a nice lady, and kept him entertained, but I still felt uneasy about it. I would have felt extremely uncomfortable had the babysitter been a man.

 

[janinegirly]

Date: 1/26/2010 11:37:07 AM
Author: fiery

Date: 1/26/2010 11:08:40 AM
Author: TravelingGal
Well, that''s exactly another point I was going to bring up.

Even if I did find someone I like, I don''t think my husband would go for it. My husband is a manly aussie bloke.

I think he would find it disconcerting that a male would want to be a nanny. And even if he didn''t (because TGuy can be shockingly progressive sometimes), as a father, his gut instinct would be to keep males away from his daughter!

I work from home, so I''d probably be the perfect person to try a manny for Amelia. But in a world of ''what if''s'', I believe that my child''s safety as well as MY OWN has better odds in the hands of a nanny. If the person turned out to be a psycho, I''m better equipped to fend of a woman over a man.

And let''s face it...statistically, most sexual offenders are male.

This is why I base my judgment in the manner that I do.

When it comes to her safety, I do an internal risk assessment.

Is the risk of hiring a manny that could potentially cause sexual harm and have it go unnoticed for a long period of time (because of no bruises) greater than hiring a nanny that could cause physical harm but it be noticed much sooner? To me it is.

Believe me, I am very well aware of the fact that I am being unfair and presumptuous but equality stops at the door when it comes to DD. I can''t shield her from all risks but I can mitigate it as much as possible. I won''t ever dare to assume that my way of doing something in my household is the best option for every mother though.

Agree and these are good/valid points. I guess to me I knew TGAL was at home, so those issues are mitigated, but then it could bring up other issues of a young man in the house when TGUY wasn''t around!

Everyone understands the need to protect our children and the strong emotional instinct/reflexes that come into play--I guess my point was it''s perfectly fine to have that reaction and it doesn''t even require detailed supporting arguments. Do whatever you are most comfortable with for whatever reasons! But we do have to admit that female nannies can do alot of damage too--a stranger is still a stranger.

 

[fieryred33143]

Agreed Janine! And I think working from home vs out of home would also probably sway my opinion.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/26/2010 9:18:06 AM
Author: elledizzy5
I would not ever let a man watch my kids unless he was a close friend. But I'm jaded.

This would be for my theoretical kids!

Isn't it said that most child molesters are individuals who are friends/family? So, having a guy be a "close friend," doesn't mean he won't be a risk to a child.

I don't think I'd hire a manny. Not even sure about a nanny. Even though the kids don't have one-on-one interaction in a preschool, I do like that there are checks and balances by having teachers work together rather than just one person watching a child all day and having the option of doing whatever he/she pleases and nobody knows any different.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 1/26/2010 11:52:11 AM
Author: MC

Date: 1/26/2010 9:18:06 AM
Author: elledizzy5
I would not ever let a man watch my kids unless he was a close friend. But I''m jaded.

This would be for my theoretical kids!

Isn''t it said that most child molesters are individuals who are friends/family? So, having a guy be a ''close friend,'' doesn''t mean he won''t be a risk to a child.

I don''t think I''d hire a manny. Not even sure about a nanny. Even though the kids don''t have one-on-one interaction in a preschool, I do like that there are checks and balances by having teachers work together rather than just one person watching a child all day and having the option of doing whatever he/she pleases and nobody knows any different.

Yes, they are usually friends and family, and believe me I''d have to know someone inside and out before leaving my kids with them. Male or female.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/26/2010 12:10:06 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Yes, they are usually friends and family, and believe me I''d have to know someone inside and out before leaving my kids with them. Male or female.

Yep, me too. That explains why in my kids entire lives, they''ve never had a babysitter come over to watch them. Aside from preschool, the only people who''ve been in charge have been mommy friends who watch the kids during playdates or my inlaws.

My friend gave me a list of local babysitters and now that my kids are older, I may hire one next summer - for a few hours one day a week. All of the individuals on the list are girls and I was told that most of the parents all hire from among that list. I''m still so paranoid. I guess with the age the boys are at, I''m less concerned with my kids (as they can take care of themselves enough at 7 & 9 - the worst they ever do is sneak on the computer when I''m in the shower - lol). Now, I worry more about someone poking through my stuff!

 

[charbie]

Growing up, we didn t have a nanny, but had lots of male babysitters as we got older. I had two sisters, and it just so happened that in our neighborhood, we had 3 teenage guys who my mom was friends with their moms.

We LOVED having them babysit for us! They would play video games, hide and seek, sports...it was the best! In fact, we didn''t enjoy the female babysitters at all. And since my mom knew their parents so well, she trusted them and had no issues having them care for us.

If it was a responsible male caring for my kids, I don''t think I would have an issue at all.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

My dad is a college professor and hi students used to babysit us, male and female. We loved the male ones too. Like Charbie, we found them to be so much fun. My younger brothers and I had a great time! But those were also one-off kind of things in a very small town, where we played outside pretty much 24-7.

For long-term care I think I would be ok with a fully vetted manny for boys over 7 or so, in fact I might prefer it. DH might have some issues with that though...

I was a nanny and always thought if I couldn''t stay home that I wanted a nanny until they were three, but I am leaning towards daycare, or possibly a nanny share for our future kids. I want more checks and balances If daycare doesn''t work out, I am hoping that one of my unemployed opera singer friends will be available and they can watch our kids when we have them

it''s a difficult decision that''s for sure!

 

[packrat]

Date: 1/26/2010 12:17:25 PM
Author: MC

Date: 1/26/2010 12:10:06 PM

Author: elledizzy5


Yes, they are usually friends and family, and believe me I''d have to know someone inside and out before leaving my kids with them. Male or female.

Yep, me too. That explains why in my kids entire lives, they''ve never had a babysitter come over to watch them. Aside from preschool, the only people who''ve been in charge have been mommy friends who watch the kids during playdates or my inlaws.

We have a few select family/friends (male and female) that would be allowed to watch the kids if we need someone (which is rare b/c I''m usually home). The males on the list, if they were to leave their careers to become manny''s, (like the friend of ours that we asked) by all means, if I wanted to work full time, I wouldn''t have a problem with it at all. But to go thru the hiring and screening process or call up one of the boys in high school, no. I won''t call up one of the girls in high school either. I personally can''t/won''t allow someone I don''t know to watch my kids-not that there''s anything wrong w/it-I just feel that way for ourselves. I do have a female family member that neither JD nor I would allow to be around the kids unless supervised.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

re risk of sexual abuse / harm, it is true that more registered sex offenders are male than female. Of those registered for an offence involving children though, while more are male, the gap is not as wide as you might think. (I'm talking about statistics and registration where I live, not in the US, so things may be different where you are).

People who wish to offend against children seek out opportunities to be trusted with children, ideally while staying inconspicuous. Women care givers are inconspicuous, male care givers less so. The last few high profile reported cases of significant sexual offences against children in the UK have involved female perpetrators, all of whom were employed as child care professionals.

When it comes to safety, use all the screening tools you like, be as discriminatory as you like (I would), but be aware that gender is not going to be a reliable screening tool.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 1/26/2010 1:51:47 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
re risk of sexual abuse / harm, it is true that more registered sex offenders are male than female. Of those registered for an offence involving children though, while more are male, the gap is not as wide as you might think. (I''m talking about statistics and registration where I live, not in the US, so things may be different where you are).

People who wish to offend against children seek out opportunities to be trusted with children, ideally while staying inconspicuous. Women care givers are inconspicuous, male care givers less so. The last few reported cases of significant sexual offences against children have involved female perpetrators, all of whom were employed as child care professionals.

When it comes to safety, use all the screening tools you like, be as discriminatory as you like (I would), but be aware that gender is not going to be a reliable screening tool.

MrsM, I agree it''s not a reliable screening tool, but it is *a* screening tool and I think it''s a valid one.

I certainly think there must be great mannies out there. But in a sea of women applicants, there is a percentage of really good, qualified nannies. I would think just by sheer numbers, it would be harder to find a great manny.

 

[vespergirl]

I wouldn''t hire a manny, and I hate to say it, but I would also be worried about the child molester possibility.

I have a guy friend who is a 6th grade teacher. He was originally interested in teaching kindergarten, but he was basically told that men generally aren''t considered for teaching preschool or kindergarten because of concerns by parents and school districts that men interested in being around children that age are possible child molesters. It certainly doesn''t seem fair, but come to think of it, there are no men AT ALL that work at my son''s preschool/kindergarten, and I wonder if that''s just kind of an unspoken industry rule.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

If the risk you're screening to reduce is that of sexual harm, I don't think it is a useful screening tool, in that I don't think it is going to reduce that already small risk significantly. I could be wrong, but based on my previous job which included work with people who committed sexual offences against children in particular and child protection work more generally, I think it is more likely to reject a good candidate than avoid a dangerous one, plus I think it gives some element of false security. A manny is by definition conspicuous. A nanny is not. People who abuse children most often try to be as inconspicuous as possible. Personal opinion, based on anecdotal experience, and worth what you paid for it, but there it is.

End of the day, it doesn't matter what I think, really. People would be mad to hire a carer they aren't comfortable with and if that means no men, then it means no men. I suppose I'm just explaining why I personally would not have a female only attitude when looking for a carer. I should think you are right and it would be harder to find a good manny, but if one presented himself, I would not rule him out, personally.

ETA, that was in reply to TGal's last post, sorry I forgot to quote.

 

[partgypsy]

I surprised myself. I think of myself as being progressive, but yes the thought of a manny for my 2 kids, or even a male babysitter, don''t think I could do it. Other than a babysitter we have known since she was a teenager, the only people watching my kids are my husband or my mother in law, so it''s a moot point anyways.

My husband is wonderful with our kids (a more natural parent than I am really) so it''s not that I don''t think males can''t be good caregivers. But it seems the exception than the rule, and I would automatically question their motives for going into this line of work.

 

[gailrmv]

I think that I would. Hard to say without actually being in the situation. I am thinking of that friends episode

 

[somethingshiny]

I wouldn''t do a manny. An uncle or grandpa watching the kid(s) is one thing, but a hired man is different. Sure, some are highly qualified, nurturing, caring, capable, etc. However, it just rubs me the wrong way. And I can''t imagine what my DH would think of some other man spending time with his son, ya know?

 

[miraclesrule]

I would hire the person best suited for the child, be it a manny or a nanny. It goes without saying that the decision needs to be suitable for both parents, if both are living together (and ideally...even when they aren't).

It wouldn't matter to me the color, religion, gender...because they are going to have a surveillance system watching them anyway...and they won't know it, unless they do something inappropriate. Nanny cams rock.

ETA: Isn't it odd that we have no trouble with male professionals with our children? Doctor's, therapists, but "childcare"? Hmmmmm, interesting.

I find it disturbing that the male therapist was removed from the girl, but I understand the risk factors and reasons behind it. How sad though. It's such a sick twisted soul that would hurt a child.

 

[purselover]

I was curious so I asked DH this morning if he would hire a manny and he didn''t hesitate to yes, I then told him about this thread he too was surprised how many people were against mannies.

 

[Sha]

No, I think a woman would naturally be more nurturing than a man would be. Physically speakiing as well, I think children probably better soothed/cuddled by women - since they are physically ''softer'' (for lack of a better word) than men. Not to offend the dads - but when it comes to a male stranger being hired- I think a strange woman would be more comforting overall than a strange man.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 1/27/2010 12:40:02 AM
Author: miraclesrule
I would hire the person best suited for the child, be it a manny or a nanny. It goes without saying that the decision needs to be suitable for both parents, if both are living together (and ideally...even when they aren''t).

It wouldn''t matter to me the color, religion, gender...because they are going to have a surveillance system watching them anyway...and they won''t know it, unless they do something inappropriate. Nanny cams rock.

ETA: Isn''t it odd that we have no trouble with male professionals with our children? Doctor''s, therapists, but ''childcare''? Hmmmmm, interesting.

I find it disturbing that the male therapist was removed from the girl, but I understand the risk factors and reasons behind it. How sad though. It''s such a sick twisted soul that would hurt a child.

I don''t really think of it as odd. DD''s pedi is a male. All of the pedis in the office are equally qualified but I chose him because his parenting style is inline with my own and he was really supportive of breastfeeding.

However, no one is ever alone with DD when I take her to the pedi. I''m there the whole time. I think it''s going to be like that for a long time, until she''s too embarrassed to have me in the room with her I suppose. And by then I''ll let her make her own decision if she wants a male or female doctor.

 

[fieryred33143]

OK so here are the results of the poll.

73 responses of babies 6-12 months:

Yes. I have a son. (27.4%)-approx 20
Yes. I have a daughter. (15.1%)-approx 11
No. I have a son. (30.1%)-approx 22
No. I have a daughter. (27.4%)-approx 20
43 responses of toddlers 12-24 months:

Yes. I have a son. (27.9%)-approx 12
Yes. I have a daughter. (23.3%)-approx 10
No. I have a son. (25.6%)-11
No. I have a daughter. (23.3%)-approx 10

Really interesting how close the results were!

 

[pennquaker09]

Date: 1/27/2010 12:40:02 AM
Author: miraclesrule
I would hire the person best suited for the child, be it a manny or a nanny. It goes without saying that the decision needs to be suitable for both parents, if both are living together (and ideally...even when they aren''t).


It wouldn''t matter to me the color, religion, gender...because they are going to have a surveillance system watching them anyway...and they won''t know it, unless they do something inappropriate. Nanny cams rock.


ETA: Isn''t it odd that we have no trouble with male professionals with our children? Doctor''s, therapists, but ''childcare''? Hmmmmm, interesting.


I find it disturbing that the male therapist was removed from the girl, but I understand the risk factors and reasons behind it. How sad though. It''s such a sick twisted soul that would hurt a child.

I don''t have a nanny cam . . .

 

[butterfly 17]

I wouldn''t have a problem with a manny. As long as he is qualified and experienced.

This does bring to mind something funny that happened at work the other day.

We had a 34 weeker born with a cyst on the spine, transfer from another hospital. We were told that both parents were teenagers, the mother was 14 or 15, the father was 15. (The immediate thoughts running through my mind were- okay, teenager mother, no prenatal care, didn''t take prenatal vitamins or folic acid, hence higher incidence of spina bifida or some other similar disorder and the baby comes out with a spine disorder).

Anyway, the baby came and had the surgery and we had a male nurse taking care of the infant that day. When the father came in, he was livid.

He made a huge deal about a "male" nurse taking care of his baby and having to change her diaper and see her privates and touch them (obviously during diaper changes). Eventually, the assignment was changed and a female nurse was given the assignment instead.

 

[phoenixgirl]

I asked DH what he thought about this last night when we wound up watching "Supermanny" (thought it was Supernanny, but Jo Frost was replaced by a man). He said he wouldn''t feel comfortable with a manny. I said, "Because of molestation?" and he said, no, he''d feel jealous of Claire having a close relationship with another man. Interesting; that didn''t occur to me!

 

[NY Princess]

I asked my husband what he thought and he definately was not comfortable with the idea.

I was reminded of an incident when my oldest was a baby, my husband participated in a Daddy Bootcamp for men who wanted to learn how to take care of their newborns. After the class, the fathers were emailed with a request to participate in the next round of Daddy Bootcamp as volunteers with their own children. My husband said he wouldn''t do it because he was not about to change our daughter''s diaper in front of a bunch of men!