Would you give your teen ****?

[softly softly]

I think what megumic is wondering with this topic is how to make sure her future children have a healthy attitude towards sex, relationships and sexuality. While I am not convinced that showing them **** is the best way to go about it, and I can't imagine doing it myself, I can certainly understand the concern.

Interestingly, had I stumbled across this topic a few months ago I probably would have had a similar reaction to many of you - why in the world would anyone think it a good idea to show their kids ****? Why would any parent take that sort of approach to sex education? Recently I watched a couple of episodes of a British show called 'The Sex Education Show'. Now I would not classify this show as particularly serious or well made, but I did find it thought provoking. On one particular episode the host showed a group of parents the sort of pornography their children claimed to have watched. While they didn't show any of the images on screen, what struck me was that all the parents without exception were not only shocked by what they saw, they were genuinely distressed at the thought of their children having been exposed to such things. This included fathers who admitted to having watched and enjoyed pornography before.

The other point this show made was how easy access to hardcore pornography was giving today's teenagers not only a potentially distorted view of sex and relationships, it was also giving them a distorted view of body image due to the highly, shall we say 'plastic' nature of the women who star in these films. They showed a group of teenage boys a line of bare-chested women and without fail they all gravitated to the one woman with enhanced breasts as being representative of what breasts should look like, what they had up until that point thought that they all looked like. Similarly when they showed these same women to a group of teenage girls they all pointed to the enhanced breasts as being the most desirable. Later when they showed the same boys a picture of unshaven female genitalia their shock and revulsion would have been almost comical were it not for the fact that this was far from the first up close and personal image of female genitalia these boys had seen.

So while I still can not imagine sitting down with my kids and watching ****, I can see where megumic is coming from in wondering how we as parents can help counteract or mitigate the potential damage done by the prevalence of hard-core pornography. It pains me to think of my daughter ever feeling she had to submit to anything degrading or painful because some boy has spent too many hours with his friends watching hard-core pornography and thinks all women should behave and look like **** stars, just as it horrifies me to imagine my son ever thinking it was appropriate to treat women in the same manner women are regularly treated in pornographic films. I guess the best I can do like Pandora is to do my best to give them a healthy body image and sense of self.

Circe I can see why you would find it creepy to give lube to your son or daughter and I imagine I will feel the same way when my kids reach their teenage years, but part of me still wonders how it is any different than providing them with contraception?

 

[LGK]

I think what megumic is wondering with this topic is how to make sure her future children have a healthy attitude towards sex, relationships and sexuality. While I am not convinced that showing them **** is the best way to go about it, and I can't imagine doing it myself, I can certainly understand the concern.

Interestingly, had I stumbled across this topic a few months ago I probably would have had a similar reaction to many of you - why in the world would anyone think it a good idea to show their kids ****? Why would any parent take that sort of approach to sex education? Recently I watched a couple of episodes of a British show called 'The Sex Education Show'. Now I would not classify this show as particularly serious or well made, but I did find it thought provoking. On one particular episode the host showed a group of parents the sort of pornography their children claimed to have watched. While they didn't show any of the images on screen, what struck me was that all the parents without exception were not only shocked by what they saw, they were genuinely distressed at the thought of their children having been exposed to such things. This included fathers who admitted to having watched and enjoyed pornography before.

The other point this show made was how easy access to hardcore pornography was giving today's teenagers not only a potentially distorted view of sex and relationships, it was also giving them a distorted view of body image due to the highly, shall we say 'plastic' nature of the women who star in these films. They showed a group of teenage boys a line of bare-chested women and without fail they all gravitated to the one woman with enhanced breasts as being representative of what breasts should look like, what they had up until that point thought that they all looked like. Similarly when they showed these same women to a group of teenage girls they all pointed to the enhanced breasts as being the most desirable. Later when they showed the same boys a picture of unshaven female genitalia their shock and revulsion would have been almost comical were it not for the fact that this was far from the first up close and personal image of female genitalia these boys had seen.

So while I still can not imagine sitting down with my kids and watching ****, I can see where megumic is coming from in wondering how we as parents can help counteract or mitigate the potential damage done by the prevalence of hard-core pornography. It pains me to think of my daughter ever feeling she had to submit to anything degrading or painful because some boy has spent too many hours with his friends watching hard-core pornography and thinks all women should behave and look like **** stars, just as it horrifies me to imagine my son ever thinking it was appropriate to treat women in the same manner women are regularly treated in pornographic films. I guess the best I can do like Pandora is to do my best to give them a healthy body image and sense of self.

Circe I can see why you would find it creepy to give lube to your son or daughter and I imagine I will feel the same way when my kids reach their teenage years, but part of me still wonders how it is any different than providing them with contraception?

And here's another frightening thing. I hadn't known this- it's been ages since I've seen any **** videos, probably since *I* was a teenager, lol- but a bunch of my guy friends were saying this the other day. Apparently, in **** videos now, women don't even *fake* orgasms, and that generally the only time you hear female **** stars make any noise is when the *guy* gets off. That totally blew my mind, I have to admit. How very Victorian in an utterly strange, strange way.

 

[Haven]

The question about what makes one comfortable with her own body and sexuality is actually pretty interesting. I can't imagine that giving **** to a child is the best way to accomplish that.

This made me think about my own experiences. I have what I believe to be a healthy attitude toward sex, and I've always been comfortable in my own skin. These are the things that contributed to my comfort and healthy attitudes:

- My mom gave me her beat up old copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves when I was a young teen, and then she bought me a new copy when I requested it. (Hers was falling apart at the binding.)
- I had a lot of opportunities to share stories about bodies and sex and experiences with girlfriends growing up. I had close girlfriends in school, and at sleepover camp, and we shared everything. I had friends who weren't going to laugh at me for sharing that xyz turned me on, or that I wished a guy would do a certain thing. I think this is really important, but the idea of a parent being that person just seems off to me.
- Sleepover camp. Seriously, this is probably the biggest. We played "I LOVE MY BODY!" every summer, where we would go around the tent and take turns sharing our favorite part of our body and then scream "I LOVE MY BODY" together before we went to sleep. We lived in close quarters and showered in giant rooms together and were thus exposed to all sorts of bodies. We kissed boys in the kissing tree and did other things as we grew older and spilled everything to our tents when we snuck back in. I think these experiences help you feel comfortable in your own skin.
- My friends and I used to sneak in viewings of Real Sex on HBO during sleepovers, and I think it's a great show! Much better than **** for showing the wide variety of sexual fantasies and experiences that are out there, in my opinion.
- Anyone have an older sibling? They're the best source of information! (I AM the older sibling, but I had friends with older brothers and sisters and they definitely helped us all out along the way.)

I think having peers with whom you can share your experiences and desires and questions is really important for young adults. Much more important than seeing people actually having sex, in my opinion.

 

[Sha]

I think what megumic is wondering with this topic is how to make sure her future children have a healthy attitude towards sex, relationships and sexuality. While I am not convinced that showing them **** is the best way to go about it, and I can't imagine doing it myself, I can certainly understand the concern.

Interestingly, had I stumbled across this topic a few months ago I probably would have had a similar reaction to many of you - why in the world would anyone think it a good idea to show their kids ****? Why would any parent take that sort of approach to sex education? Recently I watched a couple of episodes of a British show called 'The Sex Education Show'. Now I would not classify this show as particularly serious or well made, but I did find it thought provoking. On one particular episode the host showed a group of parents the sort of pornography their children claimed to have watched. While they didn't show any of the images on screen, what struck me was that all the parents without exception were not only shocked by what they saw, they were genuinely distressed at the thought of their children having been exposed to such things. This included fathers who admitted to having watched and enjoyed pornography before.

The other point this show made was how easy access to hardcore pornography was giving today's teenagers not only a potentially distorted view of sex and relationships, it was also giving them a distorted view of body image due to the highly, shall we say 'plastic' nature of the women who star in these films. They showed a group of teenage boys a line of bare-chested women and without fail they all gravitated to the one woman with enhanced breasts as being representative of what breasts should look like, what they had up until that point thought that they all looked like. Similarly when they showed these same women to a group of teenage girls they all pointed to the enhanced breasts as being the most desirable. Later when they showed the same boys a picture of unshaven female genitalia their shock and revulsion would have been almost comical were it not for the fact that this was far from the first up close and personal image of female genitalia these boys had seen.

So while I still can not imagine sitting down with my kids and watching ****, I can see where megumic is coming from in wondering how we as parents can help counteract or mitigate the potential damage done by the prevalence of hard-core pornography. It pains me to think of my daughter ever feeling she had to submit to anything degrading or painful because some boy has spent too many hours with his friends watching hard-core pornography and thinks all women should behave and look like **** stars, just as it horrifies me to imagine my son ever thinking it was appropriate to treat women in the same manner women are regularly treated in pornographic films. I guess the best I can do like Pandora is to do my best to give them a healthy body image and sense of self.

Circe I can see why you would find it creepy to give lube to your son or daughter and I imagine I will feel the same way when my kids reach their teenage years, but part of me still wonders how it is any different than providing them with contraception?

And here's another frightening thing. I hadn't known this- it's been ages since I've seen any **** videos, probably since *I* was a teenager, lol- but a bunch of my guy friends were saying this the other day. Apparently, in **** videos now, women don't even *fake* orgasms, and that generally the only time you hear female **** stars make any noise is when the *guy* gets off. That totally blew my mind, I have to admit. How very Victorian in an utterly strange, strange way.

Yes, the influence that **** has on our sexual culture is scary. It's so unrealistic! A lot of boys are growing up thinking that all women have earth shattering orgasms and that hours or penile thrusting is all that's needed to achieve them, and that all the average woman can manoeuver into all kinds of positions with ease. It puts so much pressure on women to have to live up to the 'expectations' set by **** stars. I'd like to think that men can tell fantasy from reality, but from my own experience and talking to friends, a lot of men seem to want to act out **** scenarios in their real lives, and they get disappointed if you're uncomfortable or have a problem with it.

 

[megumic]

Another scenario: you share some "nice" **** with your daughter and give her a vibrator. She happens to come to me for counseling. During the course of counseling, she brings this up to discuss. I am a mandated reporter of child abuse. I consider your actions to be under the category of child sexual abuse. I call the Department of Social Services to report you and they take it from there. In addition, I am working with your daughter who is confused about the **** and the vibrator and wants to discuss them with me. I have to explore this behavior--your behavior--and her feelings about this situation. You have no idea how difficult this is for the child, the counselor and the family. Having been in similar situations, during my career, I can tell you that it is not appropriate behavior.

You can consider me giving my kid **** whatever you want. The law is such that while my minors cannot legally purchase ****, but as a parent I can purchase it and legally provide it to my child. The realm of parental rights is far and wide (albeit shrinking within the last 100 years...) and unfortunately, giving your kid nudie mags is not child abuse or child sexual abuse.

 

[megumic]

Another scenario: you share some "nice" **** with your daughter and give her a vibrator. She happens to come to me for counseling. During the course of counseling, she brings this up to discuss. I am a mandated reporter of child abuse. I consider your actions to be under the category of child sexual abuse. I call the Department of Social Services to report you and they take it from there. In addition, I am working with your daughter who is confused about the **** and the vibrator and wants to discuss them with me. I have to explore this behavior--your behavior--and her feelings about this situation. You have no idea how difficult this is for the child, the counselor and the family. Having been in similar situations, during my career, I can tell you that it is not appropriate behavior.

While I'm definitely in the "no way" camp, I'd like to know what makes you qualified to discuss confusion about **** and vibrators etc. while you consider it "abuse" for a parent to discuss this with her own child. It just seems a bit condescending and state vs. citizen to me. I realize that you wouldn't have been the one to give the child a vibrator, so it's not exactly the same situation, but I'm going to give the original poster the benefit of the doubt and assume that she wouldn't thrust this material on her child without some sort of prior conversation where the child expressed an interest or curiosity about sex. I assume it wouldn't be out of the blue. Thus, she has a right to guide, counsel, etc. her own child. I just don't think you can automatically call this abuse.

and, in addition, what Guilty Pleasure said.

 

[megumic]

I think what megumic is wondering with this topic is how to make sure her future children have a healthy attitude towards sex, relationships and sexuality. While I am not convinced that showing them **** is the best way to go about it, and I can't imagine doing it myself, I can certainly understand the concern.

Interestingly, had I stumbled across this topic a few months ago I probably would have had a similar reaction to many of you - why in the world would anyone think it a good idea to show their kids ****? Why would any parent take that sort of approach to sex education? Recently I watched a couple of episodes of a British show called 'The Sex Education Show'. Now I would not classify this show as particularly serious or well made, but I did find it thought provoking. On one particular episode the host showed a group of parents the sort of pornography their children claimed to have watched. While they didn't show any of the images on screen, what struck me was that all the parents without exception were not only shocked by what they saw, they were genuinely distressed at the thought of their children having been exposed to such things. This included fathers who admitted to having watched and enjoyed pornography before.

The other point this show made was how easy access to hardcore pornography was giving today's teenagers not only a potentially distorted view of sex and relationships, it was also giving them a distorted view of body image due to the highly, shall we say 'plastic' nature of the women who star in these films. They showed a group of teenage boys a line of bare-chested women and without fail they all gravitated to the one woman with enhanced breasts as being representative of what breasts should look like, what they had up until that point thought that they all looked like. Similarly when they showed these same women to a group of teenage girls they all pointed to the enhanced breasts as being the most desirable. Later when they showed the same boys a picture of unshaven female genitalia their shock and revulsion would have been almost comical were it not for the fact that this was far from the first up close and personal image of female genitalia these boys had seen.

So while I still can not imagine sitting down with my kids and watching ****, I can see where megumic is coming from in wondering how we as parents can help counteract or mitigate the potential damage done by the prevalence of hard-core pornography. It pains me to think of my daughter ever feeling she had to submit to anything degrading or painful because some boy has spent too many hours with his friends watching hard-core pornography and thinks all women should behave and look like **** stars, just as it horrifies me to imagine my son ever thinking it was appropriate to treat women in the same manner women are regularly treated in pornographic films. I guess the best I can do like Pandora is to do my best to give them a healthy body image and sense of self.

Circe I can see why you would find it creepy to give lube to your son or daughter and I imagine I will feel the same way when my kids reach their teenage years, but part of me still wonders how it is any different than providing them with contraception?

I appreciate your response and insight. A lot of what I've been trying to say, you said much more eloquently and provided illustrative examples. That tv episode sounds exactly like the ob/gyn mom friend of mine who found her kids search terms for **** and was mortified. Thanks for your input!

 

[iugurl]

The realm of parental rights is far and wide (albeit shrinking within the last 100 years...) and unfortunately, giving your kid nudie mags is not child abuse or child sexual abuse.

What if you give your toddler ****? How about a 6 yr old, 8 yr old etc? At 16-17 I don't consider it abuse, but I think it is inappropriate. At 5 or 7 yeah I think it is abusive. I know you are not talking about giving this material to young children, but I don't agree with you at that it is always your "right" to give a kid such stuff, depending on the age of the child.

 

[megumic]

I appreciate everyone's input and responses. It's an interesting topic to think about and awkward all at the same time. As open-minded and liberal as I am, I don't know exactly what I'd do down the road, but I appreciate the healthy debate that you're all willing to entertain, as I think it's an important topic. I just have a hard time accepting that my kids are going to be exposed to all of this craziness and I can't keep them in a bubble so I'd rather it come from me first, instead of last or never.

 

[Maria D]

Another scenario: you share some "nice" **** with your daughter and give her a vibrator. She happens to come to me for counseling. During the course of counseling, she brings this up to discuss. I am a mandated reporter of child abuse. I consider your actions to be under the category of child sexual abuse. I call the Department of Social Services to report you and they take it from there. In addition, I am working with your daughter who is confused about the **** and the vibrator and wants to discuss them with me. I have to explore this behavior--your behavior--and her feelings about this situation. You have no idea how difficult this is for the child, the counselor and the family. Having been in similar situations, during my career, I can tell you that it is not appropriate behavior.

You can consider me giving my kid **** whatever you want. The law is such that while my minors cannot legally purchase ****, but as a parent I can purchase it and legally provide it to my child. The realm of parental rights is far and wide (albeit shrinking within the last 100 years...) and unfortunately, giving your kid nudie mags is not child abuse or child sexual abuse.

But if the child is disturbed by it and seeks counseling, the counselor could consider it abuse and would then be mandated to report it, regardless of whether or not you think it is abuse. Megumic, I am curious about what you would do if your child did not agree with your ideas about "healthy ****." What if your child felt that indulging in fantasies that you consider "bad" was OK? What if, since you are so comfortable sharing the "good" **** with your child, they felt comfortable sharing what *they* like in **** with you and you find it disgusting? I'm curious as to how you would handle that.

 

[megumic]

The realm of parental rights is far and wide (albeit shrinking within the last 100 years...) and unfortunately, giving your kid nudie mags is not child abuse or child sexual abuse.

What if you give your toddler ****? How about a 6 yr old, 8 yr old etc? At 16-17 I don't consider it abuse, but I think it is inappropriate. At 5 or 7 yeah I think it is abusive. I know you are not talking about giving this material to young children, but I don't agree with you at that it is always your "right" to give a kid such stuff, depending on the age of the child.

It's not me you have to agree with, it's the constitution and our laws. Parents have the right to the care, custody and control of their children -- there are few avenues where the state can step in to stop a parent.

 

[megumic]

Another scenario: you share some "nice" **** with your daughter and give her a vibrator. She happens to come to me for counseling. During the course of counseling, she brings this up to discuss. I am a mandated reporter of child abuse. I consider your actions to be under the category of child sexual abuse. I call the Department of Social Services to report you and they take it from there. In addition, I am working with your daughter who is confused about the **** and the vibrator and wants to discuss them with me. I have to explore this behavior--your behavior--and her feelings about this situation. You have no idea how difficult this is for the child, the counselor and the family. Having been in similar situations, during my career, I can tell you that it is not appropriate behavior.

You can consider me giving my kid **** whatever you want. The law is such that while my minors cannot legally purchase ****, but as a parent I can purchase it and legally provide it to my child. The realm of parental rights is far and wide (albeit shrinking within the last 100 years...) and unfortunately, giving your kid nudie mags is not child abuse or child sexual abuse.

But if the child is disturbed by it and seeks counseling, the counselor could consider it abuse and would then be mandated to report it, regardless of whether or not you think it is abuse. Megumic, I am curious about what you would do if your child did not agree with your ideas about "healthy ****." What if your child felt that indulging in fantasies that you consider "bad" was OK? What if, since you are so comfortable sharing the "good" **** with your child, they felt comfortable sharing what *they* like in **** with you and you find it disgusting? I'm curious as to how you would handle that.

I agree, the counselor certainly could and should report it if she/he thinks it amounts to abuse b/c she/he is a mandatory reporter and it is not their job, but that of child welfare, to investigate such an allegation.

To answer your question, I don't consider any fantasies "bad" -- everyone has a different idea of what turns them on. So there's that. As for ****-sharing between parent-teen, that's not at all what I've been talking about. I've been talking about making something appropriate available, at the right time, place, and with the right conversation. Sure, there's definitely some stuff that I find disgusting, but that isn't how I'd address it with my teen. Unconditional acceptance.

 

[monarch64]

What a fascinating topic of discussion! I would probably not be inclined to provide my child/children with pornographic material, but I don't feel that I could guarantee that they wouldn't find some way, somehow, to get their hands on certain things I might NOT consider pornographic in my home. For instance, I sometimes buy paperback novels, some of which contain graphic sexual scenes. I might also have somewhere a book of erotica that I've forgotten about. FI might have a stack of magazines that I don't know about containing pictorials...who knows?

When I was growing up, either other students/club members/scouts/athletes/band members were my typical source of learning, although my mother tried her best with several well-meaning conversations to teach me (and assumably, my older brother) about sex. Well...good on her...but...FAIL. I learned more from my peers from grade 1 going forward than I ever did from her. My dad had Playboys hidden in one of my parents' closets...I remember during one of my slumber parties when I was a 5th grader grabbing one of those (sneaking, of course) and showing some of the girls.

I don't think any of us turned out to be sexual deviants...but I don't think I'd be comfortable with providing my offspring with anything more than an anatomy textbook or something. FI is far too conservative, there is no way in hades he'd be willing to do so, either.

This is not to say that I think it's wrong...it's just out of my comfort zone. Maybe I should reconsider my stance. Thanks to whomever began this thread--again, a fascinating topic.

 

[risingsun]

Another scenario: you share some "nice" **** with your daughter and give her a vibrator. She happens to come to me for counseling. During the course of counseling, she brings this up to discuss. I am a mandated reporter of child abuse. I consider your actions to be under the category of child sexual abuse. I call the Department of Social Services to report you and they take it from there. In addition, I am working with your daughter who is confused about the **** and the vibrator and wants to discuss them with me. I have to explore this behavior--your behavior--and her feelings about this situation. You have no idea how difficult this is for the child, the counselor and the family. Having been in similar situations, during my career, I can tell you that it is not appropriate behavior.

You can consider me giving my kid **** whatever you want. The law is such that while my minors cannot legally purchase ****, but as a parent I can purchase it and legally provide it to my child. The realm of parental rights is far and wide (albeit shrinking within the last 100 years...) and unfortunately, giving your kid nudie mags is not child abuse or child sexual abuse.

What I was trying to say to you is that I wouldn't have any choice. This is not about your children purchasing pornography, it is about you sharing it with them. If a mandated reporter has any question about the behavior, Social Services must be contacted. They do the investigation and determine if sexual abuse took place and, if so, what to do about it. There is no reason to get short with me. I have been a counselor for many years and have had teens disclose behaviors to be that had to reported. I would have to check with Social Services to find out if giving **** to your children falls under the abuse category. What it will do is put your family into the system. I hear many things from the under age 18 age group. If I have any questions about reporting, I ask my clinical supervisor. We advocate for the child in these situations. You have been discussing ****. I'm not sure of the distinction you are making between **** and nudie magazines. You might be surprised to hear the feelings which are expressed from the child's point of view. They may not say anything to the parent, but that doesn't mean that there can't be a negative effect of which the parent is unaware. I hear about these things from my adult clients who are dealing with guilt and shame from childhood experiences.

 

[megumic]

Another scenario: you share some "nice" **** with your daughter and give her a vibrator. She happens to come to me for counseling. During the course of counseling, she brings this up to discuss. I am a mandated reporter of child abuse. I consider your actions to be under the category of child sexual abuse. I call the Department of Social Services to report you and they take it from there. In addition, I am working with your daughter who is confused about the **** and the vibrator and wants to discuss them with me. I have to explore this behavior--your behavior--and her feelings about this situation. You have no idea how difficult this is for the child, the counselor and the family. Having been in similar situations, during my career, I can tell you that it is not appropriate behavior.

You can consider me giving my kid **** whatever you want. The law is such that while my minors cannot legally purchase ****, but as a parent I can purchase it and legally provide it to my child. The realm of parental rights is far and wide (albeit shrinking within the last 100 years...) and unfortunately, giving your kid nudie mags is not child abuse or child sexual abuse.

What I was trying to say to you is that I wouldn't have any choice. This is not about your children purchasing pornography, it is about you sharing it with them. If a mandated reporter has any question about the behavior, Social Services must be contacted. They do the investigation and determine if sexual abuse took place and, if so, what to do about it. There is no reason to get short with me. I have been a counselor for many years and have had teens disclose behaviors to be that had to reported. I would have to check with Social Services to find out if giving **** to your children falls under the abuse category. What it will do is put your family into the system. I hear many things from the under age 18 age group. If I have any questions about reporting, I ask my clinical supervisor. We advocate for the child in these situations. You have been discussing ****. I'm not sure of the distinction you are making between **** and nudie magazines. You might be surprised to hear the feelings which are expressed from the child's point of view. They may not say anything to the parent, but that doesn't mean that there can't be a negative effect of which the parent is unaware. I hear about these things from my adult clients who are dealing with guilt and shame from childhood experiences.

I completely understand what you're saying and completely 100% agree you'd have to report it because it is the job of child welfare services to investigate it, but only your job to report it. I get that and completely accept it. I did not intend to be short, I was just telling you the law. In my family law experience, sometimes child welfare is called when it is unwarranted and it's a frustrating thing. It ties child welfare's budget up since they must investigate every single allegation and like you said, it puts families in the system and on the radar. I'm not suggesting that's what you'd be doing in your position as a mandatory reporter in this case.

But to fully answer your hypothetical, the threat of social services doesn't scare me when I know where the law stands.

 

[risingsun]

I completely understand what you're saying and completely 100% agree you'd have to report it because it is the job of child welfare services to investigate it, but only your job to report it. I get that and completely accept it. I did not intend to be short, I was just telling you the law. In my family law experience, sometimes child welfare is called when it is unwarranted and it's a frustrating thing. It ties child welfare's budget up since they must investigate every single allegation and like you said, it puts families in the system and on the radar. I'm not suggesting that's what you'd be doing in your position as a mandatory reporter in this case.

But to fully answer your hypothetical, the threat of social services doesn't scare me when I know where the law stands.

There is more than the law to be considered here. I am also asking you to think about the second part of my response. You cannot know in advance the effect it will have on the child. I have worked with a number of young women whose parents shared **** with them. It had negative consequences, which lasted into their adult lives. Working through these experiences is often difficult and traumatic. As parents, we must be able to set healthy boundaries with our children. I am asking you to consider the unintended consequences of your actions.

 

[risingsun]

Another scenario: you share some "nice" **** with your daughter and give her a vibrator. She happens to come to me for counseling. During the course of counseling, she brings this up to discuss. I am a mandated reporter of child abuse. I consider your actions to be under the category of child sexual abuse. I call the Department of Social Services to report you and they take it from there. In addition, I am working with your daughter who is confused about the **** and the vibrator and wants to discuss them with me. I have to explore this behavior--your behavior--and her feelings about this situation. You have no idea how difficult this is for the child, the counselor and the family. Having been in similar situations, during my career, I can tell you that it is not appropriate behavior.

While I'm definitely in the "no way" camp, I'd like to know what makes you qualified to discuss confusion about **** and vibrators etc. while you consider it "abuse" for a parent to discuss this with her own child. It just seems a bit condescending and state vs. citizen to me. I realize that you wouldn't have been the one to give the child a vibrator, so it's not exactly the same situation, but I'm going to give the original poster the benefit of the doubt and assume that she wouldn't thrust this material on her child without some sort of prior conversation where the child expressed an interest or curiosity about sex. I assume it wouldn't be out of the blue. Thus, she has a right to guide, counsel, etc. her own child. I just don't think you can automatically call this abuse.

I am a therapist licensed by the state in which I reside to provide mental health counseling. I have trained to work with victims of abuse, as well as other trauma victims. I also work with a variety of mental health concerns. I seek clinical and peer supervision on a regular basis. I am in a hospital based practice and we are very careful to abide by the laws of our state and the code of ethics of our profession. If a situation gives the appearance of abuse or neglect, it is reported. The DSS determines if the incident meets their definition of abuse. My definition may be different, based upon the effect on the child. I did not mean to sound condescending, but rather to offer my professional opinion. If a counselor fails to report and something else should occur, we are the ones who are at risk of being held responsible for not intervening. If you have any further questions, I would be happy to answer them.