Would you give your teen ****?

[Guilty Pleasure]

It would not be against the law since you would be a consenting parent/guardian, but it's still too close to "display of harmful material to a minor" (Texas Penal Code, Section 43.24) for my comfort. Plus, as someone said, if that **** was then shown to other children, you could be held responsible for showing **** to minors.

So, no, I would not show pornography to my child. Even if it weren't possible to get in trouble for it, the creep factor alone makes the idea distasteful. Nobody wants to watch **** that their parents gave them.

 

[House Cat]

I think kids look up the extreme stuff due to conversations out on the high school quad. I don't think they're actually aroused by the extreme pornographic content. They look at it for the gross goof.

The internet is full of wild stuff. The world is full of curious people.

I would never give my kid ****. I actually talked to my 16 year old son about this thread. He basically said he would die of embarassment if I gave him ****. Glad he and I are on the same page.

 

[mayachel]

I think this question assumes A LOT of the audience being asked, wherever you ask it. It is my opinion, that in the US, culturally we don't have enough in the media that encourages the healthy attitude towards sex you are describing. The way I interpret your question, you are assuming that the responder is familiar and comfortable with the differences in the **** scene.

I don't think I would "offer" my teen **** of any sort, however I would start the conversation by the time they are developmentally aware about the **** industry and the issues involved. I think it is possible to educate/converse about the male gaze/ female gaze, the impact of sexually implicit/explicit material without the visual aid. I think it is important and healthy to talk about the concept of consent, enjoyment, being ready and what that means for them, and yes providing condoms.

I see too many young women with too many STDs and unintended pregnancies to not be forthright about safe sex. I also think there are very blurry line for teens about the idea of consent. Even when saying yes, and the intention is there, the emotional maturity to feel safe, and loved, and involved with the experience vs. "getting it over with" it something I want my children to know.

 

[megumic]

Okay, I digress. Everyone disagrees and I might even have CPS called on me by a few of you. But I beg, how is allowing an 15 year old (for example...) to watch two individuals having sex harmful to them? Sorry to those I upset so intensely -- y'all should already know I'm a Liberal Lucy.

I honestly think sex is a natural thing and that as a voyeuristic society there is definitely a curiosity about ****. I disagree that it can be likened to throwing my kid a bag of weed -- weed is illegal for everyone. **** is only illegal to be sold to minors, but consenting parents can provide it to their children legally (sorry, CPS callers.)

I didn't want to go there, but Oprah had a show where Dr. Berman advocated parents purchasing vibrators for their daughters. I think the point I'm trying to make is on the same wavelength. Controversial? Sure. Perfectly "normal" teenage behavior? Sure. Weird for mom to toss you a ****? Definitely. Will your kid look at it? Totally. Kids look to their parents for guidance in every other area of life, why not sex and sexuality?

Here's part of the article:

To teach your 15- or 16-year-old daughter the concept of pleasure, Dr. Berman recommends a product many mothers may not think of getting for their daughters—a clitoral vibrator. "I know it's controversial, but I can tell you giving them this kind of information makes them safer in the long run," Dr. Berman says.

Dr. Berman recommends a small vibrator. "I'm talking about something external for the clitoris," she says. "I'm not talking about things that go internally at all—[just] things that they can explore externally to arouse them."

"The reason I suggest a vibrator is because so many women and girls and adult women have a hard time reaching orgasm through self-stimulation alone," she says. "This is just a way to normalize it and normalize sexual exploration."

Source: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Talking-to-Your-Kids-About-Sex/13

What do y'all think about that?

 

[mayachel]

Wow! Buying my 15 yo a vibrator is a challenging idea. I don't think I would, despite being an advocate for their use (seriously all my close friends were gifted with them in our early 20's by me) But because I don't think it's my place, and because I am hesitant for a young person starting out to disassociate from the value of her own touch. Many women tend to not want to touch themselves, and are more comfortable having a partner or vibrator do it for them. It is my opinion, that this stems from an internalized message of self-doubt.

So instead, I would find sex positive informative books sorta the Joy of Sex for Teens if you will, hey "the guide to getting it on" is pretty straight forward, i don't think I'd mind my 15 yo reading that.

 

[Circe]

Okay, I digress. Everyone disagrees and I might even have CPS called on me by a few of you. But I beg, how is allowing an 15 year old (for example...) to watch two individuals having sex harmful to them? Sorry to those I upset so intensely -- y'all should already know I'm a Liberal Lucy.

I honestly think sex is a natural thing and that as a voyeuristic society there is definitely a curiosity about ****. I disagree that it can be likened to throwing my kid a bag of weed -- weed is illegal for everyone. **** is only illegal to be sold to minors, but consenting parents can provide it to their children legally (sorry, CPS callers.)

I didn't want to go there, but Oprah had a show where Dr. Berman advocated parents purchasing vibrators for their daughters. I think the point I'm trying to make is on the same wavelength. Controversial? Sure. Perfectly "normal" teenage behavior? Sure. Weird for mom to toss you a ****? Definitely. Will your kid look at it? Totally. Kids look to their parents for guidance in every other area of life, why not sex and sexuality?

Here's part of the article:

To teach your 15- or 16-year-old daughter the concept of pleasure, Dr. Berman recommends a product many mothers may not think of getting for their daughters—a clitoral vibrator. "I know it's controversial, but I can tell you giving them this kind of information makes them safer in the long run," Dr. Berman says.

Dr. Berman recommends a small vibrator. "I'm talking about something external for the clitoris," she says. "I'm not talking about things that go internally at all—[just] things that they can explore externally to arouse them."

"The reason I suggest a vibrator is because so many women and girls and adult women have a hard time reaching orgasm through self-stimulation alone," she says. "This is just a way to normalize it and normalize sexual exploration."

Source: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Talking-to-Your-Kids-About-Sex/13

What do y'all think about that?

I think I addressed this in my first response, though I came at it by way of an advice column in the New York Times.

I still think it's creepy. I would think it was creepy to buy lube for my son, I would think it was creepy to buy a vibrator for my daughter ... I think that some lines between parents and children don't need to be crossed, and for me, the direct line to sexual stimulation is the primary one.

And, just to be clear, here - I am probably about as far from prudish as it's possible for a human being to get. I am pro-erotica, pro-sexual health, pro-self-knowledge, the works. I just ... don't know if I would ever want to discuss the virtues of the Rabbit vs. the Magic Wand with my mom, and I certainly wouldn't want her to buy one on my behalf. I love my mom, but she can't even guess what sort of a purse I want to carry!

P.S. - The only thing creepier? The random sex column from a couple of years ago where, if I'm remembering correctly, the columnist suggested that the proper way to handle it was to have lots of your OWN sex toys, let your kids know where they were kept, and ... share. GRODY, DUDE.

P.S. - I mentioned this thread to my husband in passing, and he totally thinks I'm being an Americanized prude, and this all sounds like a nifty idea. Then again, he's a Swede, and I'm already (pre having any kids) having to have the "No, we will not be a naked household" talk with him. So, YMMV.

 

[Aoife]

Okay, I digress. Everyone disagrees and I might even have CPS called on me by a few of you. But I beg, how is allowing an 15 year old (for example...) to watch two individuals having sex harmful to them? Sorry to those I upset so intensely -- y'all should already know I'm a Liberal Lucy. It has nothing to do with being liberal. And by 15 years of age a fair number of teens have either a) had sex themselves, or b) watched someone either via the media, or IRL. It has to do with boundaries. A parent offering a minor child **** is very different than the minor finding it him/herself. There's a difference.

I honestly think sex is a natural thing and that as a voyeuristic society there is definitely a curiosity about ****. I disagree that it can be likened to throwing my kid a bag of weed -- weed is illegal for everyone. **** is only illegal to be sold to minors, but consenting parents can provide it to their children legally (sorry, CPS callers.)Sex is natural. But a parent offering **** does nothing except insert the parent into something where they have no place: their child's sex life. Boundaries.

I didn't want to go there, but Oprah had a show where Dr. Berman advocated parents purchasing vibrators for their daughters. I think the point I'm trying to make is on the same wavelength. Controversial? Sure. Perfectly "normal" teenage behavior? Sure. Weird for mom to toss you a ****? Definitely. Will your kid look at it? Totally. Kids look to their parents for guidance in every other area of life, why not sex and sexuality?

Here's part of the article:

To teach your 15- or 16-year-old daughter the concept of pleasure, Dr. Berman recommends a product many mothers may not think of getting for their daughters—a clitoral vibrator. "I know it's controversial, but I can tell you giving them this kind of information makes them safer in the long run," Dr. Berman says.

Dr. Berman recommends a small vibrator. "I'm talking about something external for the clitoris," she says. "I'm not talking about things that go internally at all—[just] things that they can explore externally to arouse them."

"The reason I suggest a vibrator is because so many women and girls and adult women have a hard time reaching orgasm through self-stimulation alone," she says. "This is just a way to normalize it and normalize sexual exploration."

Source: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Talking-to-Your-Kids-About-Sex/13

What do y'all think about that?

I think it would depend on the relationship the parent had with the child whether this would be intrusive or not. Can't say I feel strongly one way or the other.

 

[Maria D]

I'll answer your last question first, I think Dr. Berman is either a complete idiot or a genius who knows that being controversial gets you on Oprah. Promoting vibrator use to teenagers for self-pleasure is a complete disservice to them. If a woman can't learn to get herself off without the use of mechanical aids, I think she's setting herself up for a lifetime of disappointment in sexual relations with a real, human, partner. I'm all for parents making sure their children understand that masturbation is normal and healthy, but tossing a girl a vibrator is ridiculous. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with women using whatever toys they like, but if a toddler can figure out how to self-stimulate, so can (and should!) a 15 year old girl.

I'm pretty liberal myself, and the mother of a 17 year-old young woman. When you say " how is allowing an 15 year old (for example...) to watch two individuals having sex harmful to them? " that is not the same question you started this topic with. I allow my daughter to watch Sex and the City. Sometimes Samantha is having casual sex and sometimes Charlotte is making love to her husband. I don't call my daughter into the living room to say, hey you need to watch this sex here on TV, the adults are consensual and I want you to know this is "good" sex. I have no idea (and I like it this way) what my daughter has discovered beyond HBO. It's NONE of my business.

You may consider yourself liberal but there are women who would find your views pretty puritan. What if you end up with a daughter who thinks like **** star Sasha Gray, that it's normal and healthy for women to explore their sexuality through the acting out of rape and violence fantasies (all consensual of course). Then what?

 

[Dancing Fire]

NO ..and IMO,pornography shouldn't even be legalized.

 

[ksinger]

If my mom had given me **** I'd be a note in a medical journal now - as one of the rare fatal coronaries prior to the age of 20.

You know, other than providing a bit of overall information and letting your kids know where you stand as to responsibility and all, I think that that level of "direction" of a child's budding sexual life, is too dang intrusive. I mean why ****? Watching strangers? Why not just give a demo yourself? No? Didn't think so. Icky. Invasion of privacy. And other than the other person you're having sex with, sex IS pretty darn private, even at 15.

Somehow, with a mom who didn't give me ****, or who even really TALKED to me about sex, I figured out the directions for TAB A and SLOT B. We just do. Giving your kids **** is just gross.

 

[chemgirl]

Okay, I digress. Everyone disagrees and I might even have CPS called on me by a few of you. But I beg, how is allowing an 15 year old (for example...) to watch two individuals having sex harmful to them? Sorry to those I upset so intensely -- y'all should already know I'm a Liberal Lucy.

I honestly think sex is a natural thing and that as a voyeuristic society there is definitely a curiosity about ****. I disagree that it can be likened to throwing my kid a bag of weed -- weed is illegal for everyone. **** is only illegal to be sold to minors, but consenting parents can provide it to their children legally (sorry, CPS callers.)

I didn't want to go there, but Oprah had a show where Dr. Berman advocated parents purchasing vibrators for their daughters. I think the point I'm trying to make is on the same wavelength. Controversial? Sure. Perfectly "normal" teenage behavior? Sure. Weird for mom to toss you a ****? Definitely. Will your kid look at it? Totally. Kids look to their parents for guidance in every other area of life, why not sex and sexuality?

Here's part of the article:

To teach your 15- or 16-year-old daughter the concept of pleasure, Dr. Berman recommends a product many mothers may not think of getting for their daughters—a clitoral vibrator. "I know it's controversial, but I can tell you giving them this kind of information makes them safer in the long run," Dr. Berman says.

Dr. Berman recommends a small vibrator. "I'm talking about something external for the clitoris," she says. "I'm not talking about things that go internally at all—[just] things that they can explore externally to arouse them."

"The reason I suggest a vibrator is because so many women and girls and adult women have a hard time reaching orgasm through self-stimulation alone," she says. "This is just a way to normalize it and normalize sexual exploration."

Source: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Talking-to-Your-Kids-About-Sex/13

What do y'all think about that?

First, I don't think they necessarily need a vibrator to explore their sexuality, and if they did, Durex makes "massagers" and sells them at the drugstore. If they're really keen on getting one, they can go buy one with money from their job or allowance! I think it would be incredibly awkward coming from a parent. Not necessarily because we're all prudish and uptight, but because sexuality is something personal and Mom can't really go and make that decision for their child. Its up to the child. They will take that step on their own, when they're ready.

 

[Kaleigh]

Heck no.

 

[somethingshiny]

I never saw a sex toy, handcuffs, or anything else until I was married. I have lots of fun with them now but no child needs that kind of fun.

Giving your daughter a toy is like a father sitting down with his son and telling him how to spank his monkey! It's wrong.


Is letting a 15 yr old watch a sex scene wrong? IMO, yes. DH and I don't even watch movies with any nudity.

 

[beesha77]

HELL'S NO! I have 3 kids, all boys and that's a big are you kidding me?? NO!

 

[Circe]

First, I don't think they necessarily need a vibrator to explore their sexuality, and if they did, Durex makes "massagers" and sells them at the drugstore. If they're really keen on getting one, they can go buy one with money from their job or allowance! I think it would be incredibly awkward coming from a parent. Not necessarily because we're all prudish and uptight, but because sexuality is something personal and Mom can't really go and make that decision for their child. Its up to the child. They will take that step on their own, when they're ready.

Actually, this hits upon an important point that I hadn't even thought about. I know quite a few people who identify as asexual, who already get way too much pressure from day-to-day society to conform. How much worse would that be, coming from a parent? People develop at their own pace. I have no idea where I fell along the continuum compared to my parents (and I think teen-me would have preferred to keep it that way), but I'm guessing that feeling like you might be "behind" a parent could be more than a little jarring. I am way overthinking this thread, I think.

 

[iugurl]

NO!!
I am sorry, but I do not understand the reasoning that giving them "nice" **** will stop or delay them from viewing non "nice" ****. If a teen gets it in his (from here out, automatically add or her) mind that he wants to view whatever type of ****, he will find it. It does not matter if he has tons of magazines, videos or whatever of the "nice" stuff or not. I think if anything, it will make them MORE curious about the other types. I had no curiosity when I was a teen to look at ****. I think if I had been exposed to the "vanilla" stuff, then it may have lead to more digging around to find other stuff. I guess the only comparison I can think of is a parent thinks that smoking pot is wrong. So the parent gives them cigarettes, because it the kid has access to cigarettes, he will not want to try pot. Maybe this isn't the best or most accurate comparison, but I think it is somewhat similar. Plus, I don't think any porno movie is "loving." I think if someone were to watch such videos, they need to be mature and old enough to realize that porno movies are NOT reality in any way, shape or form. They are fantasy. Sex is not like that. People are not like that.

 

[Pandora II]

My role is to teach my daughter self-confidence, to feel that she has a sense of her own self worth and has high self-respect and self-esteem. I hope that she will take that with her when she is making all her choices in life.

One of those choices is whether, when and what **** she wants to look at.

When I was little 'The Joy Of Sex' was in the bookcase in the living room and we all looked at the pictures and giggled. We'd had 'How A Baby Is Made' since we were tiny and with the number of pets we had and my father being a doctor we had a very clear idea of how and where babies came from (the fact I thought that sex=baby till my mid-teens is possibly because in the case of the cat it was true!)

My sister found my father's stash of soft-**** literature (all classics) when she was about 11 and we both read them avidly. My mother found out and was furious... in case the cleaning lady found them!

Otherwise I guess I just discovered **** as I grew up and dated various boyfriends and went to college.

The worrying thing today - IMO - is the internet. Looking at the odd copy of Playboy or the 'College Kids go Camping' video was one thing, but the Internet makes it easier to access things fast and things that perhaps you weren't looking for. The kid who just wants to see some boobs may be a bit shocked to be confronted with some of the things out there.

Sex-ed in the UK starts early and is pretty comprehensive so I'll leave most of that to school and peers - but be there to answer questions. The frank conversation I will be having is about the Internet -ie what you look at is not erased from the computer even if you delete it from the history, chat-room danger etc

Circe - by a naked home do you mean one where nudity isn't an issue and you don't need to bother with a dressing-gown or full-on 'breakfast in the buff' kind of thing?

 

[y2kitty]

****? What happened to just giving them National Geographic?

 

[Circe]

Circe - by a naked home do you mean one where nudity isn't an issue and you don't need to bother with a dressing-gown or full-on 'breakfast in the buff' kind of thing?

Pandora -I think what you're describing sounds incredibly healthy!

Re: the issue of future nudity, somewhere in between. As far as I can tell, Swedes aren't nudists because it's not a philosophy: it's just ... life. At one point, my husband mentioned to a couple of friends that I'd never been to a sauna, and they looked at me with these expressions of pity, like, "Oh, the poor dear! She's never seen running water!" Cracked me up.

Whereas, me? I don't really care between adults (raised by Russians, so while it wasn't a naked house, it was definitely less body-conscious than the typical US standard, I think), but I figure it we raise our kids in America, by American standards it could be odd. So why put potential offspring into a potentially awkward position if they realize the difference between their homes and their friends? I think I'm going to win this one by sheer degree-of-caring more.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Well we had a hard enough time having the puberty talk a few months ago and she really wasn't ready for the sex talk...

Me: "do you know where babies come from?"
Her: "yes"
Me: "do you know how they get there?"
Her "not exactly"
me "do you want to know?"
Her "not really"
Me: "well when you do, just ask!"
Her *runs off as fast as she can*

I left the books that I got out from the library lying around for a few weeks and she didn't touch them, so even though physically her body is ready for the changes that puberty brings she is obviously not emotionally ready to hear about the rest of it (she was 9 at the time... Heck! I wasn't ready for the talk either, I thought I had a couple of more years before I had to deal with this)

So back to the ****.. No I won't be having that conversation with her, I'm having a hard enough time having the conversations with her that I am supposed to have without adding on a few more. The puberty conversation was embarrassing enough for the both of us, the **** conversation would be mortifying!

 

[Pandora II]

Circe - by a naked home do you mean one where nudity isn't an issue and you don't need to bother with a dressing-gown or full-on 'breakfast in the buff' kind of thing?

Pandora -I think what you're describing sounds incredibly healthy!

Re: the issue of future nudity, somewhere in between. As far as I can tell, Swedes aren't nudists because it's not a philosophy: it's just ... life. At one point, my husband mentioned to a couple of friends that I'd never been to a sauna, and they looked at me with these expressions of pity, like, "Oh, the poor dear! She's never seen running water!" Cracked me up.

Whereas, me? I don't really care between adults (raised by Russians, so while it wasn't a naked house, it was definitely less body-conscious than the typical US standard, I think), but I figure it we raise our kids in America, by American standards it could be odd. So why put potential offspring into a potentially awkward position if they realize the difference between their homes and their friends? I think I'm going to win this one by sheer degree-of-caring more.

The UK is quite mixed I think. Some people are very private about what body parts they reveal. I vaguely remember a discussion about this at boarding school and it was about 50/50 between whose parents walked around naked at home and whose weren't.

My parents have always walked around in the altogether until we started having friends staying over and my mother pointed out that they might not think it normal to be woken up by my Dad yelling 'Get up, the day is half gone' and get an eye full of dangly bits in the doorway! Years ago there wasn't so much in the news about child abuse etc and I think this can impact on what parents feel is appropriate - like we all used to get in the bath with my dad when we were little, I suppose I was about 8 or 9 when we got to the point where we didn't fit anymore. I didn't hit puberty till I was 17 so it's not as if my father was bathing with his quasi-pubescent daughter, we were all very much still small kids. However while I'll happily have baths with Daisy, my husband would not and I think my father today would probably feel that he shouldn't because of the way it might sound if we were to ever mention it to friends at school. Sad that things like child abuse are so current in the media that people feel that totally innocent activities might be misread...

I lived in Italy and it was totally normal to only wear bikini bottoms at the swimming pool or beach. (I remember one boyfriend nicking the bottoms when I was swimming in Lake Como and giving them back very fast when I made it quite clear that I would just get out without them! I probably wouldn't have done but he wasn't taking the risk!)

DH and I would probably be sans clothes more often if it wasn't so blooming cold!

Please tell me that you have now been in a sauna? The only thing that I would like in my house more would be a Turkish Bath complete with masseuse!

 

[MakingTheGrade]

No, I know where you're coming from. But my point is, showing them "normal nice" stuff isn't going to stop them from looking up the "mortifying" stuff either. And generally speaking, from a natural discovery point of view, most kids will find the vanilla stuff first anyways, usually quickly followed by all the variations, just due to the fact that there is still probably more free vanilla stuff than anything else out there. And the first time they try to find it on the internet, they'll probably just google "****", and I would guess that most free **** is on the more vanilla side (and by that, I just mean, 2 people having sex in some capacity).

I would never offer them **** or vibrators etc. But if we had the sex talk, and those topics came up I'd be open and honest about what kind of a role those things play in people's lives and my opinions on it (for the record, I'm generally fine with both). If they asked where and how you bought these things, I wouldn't withhold that information, and so if they choose to purchase something like that, they can go and do it themselves.

Personally I think receiving any kind of sex related article from my parents would gross a kid out, just because no kid wants the mental idea or image that their parents have sex, no matter how open a relationship you may have.

ETA: Then there is always the problem of when to give them the **** if you decide to go that route. I think I was 12 when I first found it (I was an avid tech geek and gamer, and it's one of the inherent dangers I suppose).

 

[TravelingGal]

I'm very confused by this thread. You mean Amelia may actually have sex before she's 38? Hm.

 

[Sha]

Circe - by a naked home do you mean one where nudity isn't an issue and you don't need to bother with a dressing-gown or full-on 'breakfast in the buff' kind of thing?

Pandora -I think what you're describing sounds incredibly healthy!

Re: the issue of future nudity, somewhere in between. As far as I can tell, Swedes aren't nudists because it's not a philosophy: it's just ... life. At one point, my husband mentioned to a couple of friends that I'd never been to a sauna, and they looked at me with these expressions of pity, like, "Oh, the poor dear! She's never seen running water!" Cracked me up.

Whereas, me? I don't really care between adults (raised by Russians, so while it wasn't a naked house, it was definitely less body-conscious than the typical US standard, I think), but I figure it we raise our kids in America, by American standards it could be odd. So why put potential offspring into a potentially awkward position if they realize the difference between their homes and their friends? I think I'm going to win this one by sheer degree-of-caring more.

The UK is quite mixed I think. Some people are very private about what body parts they reveal. I vaguely remember a discussion about this at boarding school and it was about 50/50 between whose parents walked around naked at home and whose weren't.

My parents have always walked around in the altogether until we started having friends staying over and my mother pointed out that they might not think it normal to be woken up by my Dad yelling 'Get up, the day is half gone' and get an eye full of dangly bits in the doorway! Years ago there wasn't so much in the news about child abuse etc and I think this can impact on what parents feel is appropriate - like we all used to get in the bath with my dad when we were little, I suppose I was about 8 or 9 when we got to the point where we didn't fit anymore. I didn't hit puberty till I was 17 so it's not as if my father was bathing with his quasi-pubescent daughter, we were all very much still small kids. However while I'll happily have baths with Daisy, my husband would not and I think my father today would probably feel that he shouldn't because of the way it might sound if we were to ever mention it to friends at school. Sad that things like child abuse are so current in the media that people feel that totally innocent activities might be misread...

I lived in Italy and it was totally normal to only wear bikini bottoms at the swimming pool or beach. (I remember one boyfriend nicking the bottoms when I was swimming in Lake Como and giving them back very fast when I made it quite clear that I would just get out without them! I probably wouldn't have done but he wasn't taking the risk!)

DH and I would probably be sans clothes more often if it wasn't so blooming cold!

Please tell me that you have now been in a sauna? The only thing that I would like in my house more would be a Turkish Bath complete with masseuse!

This part made me laugh out loud!

 

[anchor31]

megumic, I think I may understand your intentions, and I think they are good ones and you certainly don't intend to cause any harm to your future children, or try to control their sexuality. However, I'm not convinced that **** or vibrators are the best way to encourage healthy sexual discovery. It seems to me like **** doesn't depict well the reality of a loving, consentual sexual encounter. Erotica does sometimes, but again, I haven't seen that many love scenes in mainsteam cinema where the participants practice safe sex. I think those things can be more effectively taught through discussion.

I was raised in a very puritain, abstinance only, Catholic household. Sex was not something to do or talk about. My mother brought in book for young children about the anatomy of the genitalia, and we must have had a very basic "birds and the bees" talk at somepoint (although I don't remember). I had my first period at 10 years old and had no idea what it was, and was too afraid to ask my mother. I learned everything at school, starting 6th grade. Obviously, that's not how I want to raise my children. I studied biology in college and I have studied and discussed the reproductive system and function of countless organisms, so it doesn't embarrass me anymore. Especially since the public school system in Qc removed the sex ed classes in 2006 ( ), it will be my job to teach my children about safe sex, consent, ect. I'll definitely try to have the open discussions I wish I could have had with my parents.

 

[risingsun]

Another scenario: you share some "nice" **** with your daughter and give her a vibrator. She happens to come to me for counseling. During the course of counseling, she brings this up to discuss. I am a mandated reporter of child abuse. I consider your actions to be under the category of child sexual abuse. I call the Department of Social Services to report you and they take it from there. In addition, I am working with your daughter who is confused about the **** and the vibrator and wants to discuss them with me. I have to explore this behavior--your behavior--and her feelings about this situation. You have no idea how difficult this is for the child, the counselor and the family. Having been in similar situations, during my career, I can tell you that it is not appropriate behavior.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

haha, did anyone else think sex ed in school was confusing and lacking in general direction?

I remember our 6th grade sex ed class was all about reading about puberty..out loud. I'm pretty sure none of us understood anything better since the teachers were all super careful to keep everything as technically as possible, to the point where the class wasn't entirely sure how anything applied to themselves. It was similar to a medical anatomy course..for 12 year old..in latin. Oy. We were learning about fallopian tubes and LH surges. Meanwhile, our biggest questions were things like : "does it hurt?" "how do tampons work" "is my period normal?" "why does my underwear get wet at certain times of month". My friends and I had these questions and usually found answers through big sisters or the internet, once we asked our teacher, but he was male and kind of clueless. He referred us to the school nurse, lol.

Yeah, I'm hoping to have the "sex ed" talk with my kids before their formal talk in school. I don't think the "sex" part of the talk is as important as the "puberty" part. I think for girls especially, things start going on that make you go

Neither of my parents had any sort of talk with me, other than a general "boys are bad" talk. Needless to say, puberty caught me somewhat unaware, with some highly disastrous and highly embarrassing results.

 

[Haven]

If any parents hope to avoid having the sex talk with their children, just send them to sleepover camp. I learned everything I need to know at sleepover camp. And then some.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Probably not....I'm sure by the time my kid is a teenager he will have already found his dad's Playboy stash!

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Another scenario: you share some "nice" **** with your daughter and give her a vibrator. She happens to come to me for counseling. During the course of counseling, she brings this up to discuss. I am a mandated reporter of child abuse. I consider your actions to be under the category of child sexual abuse. I call the Department of Social Services to report you and they take it from there. In addition, I am working with your daughter who is confused about the **** and the vibrator and wants to discuss them with me. I have to explore this behavior--your behavior--and her feelings about this situation. You have no idea how difficult this is for the child, the counselor and the family. Having been in similar situations, during my career, I can tell you that it is not appropriate behavior.

While I'm definitely in the "no way" camp, I'd like to know what makes you qualified to discuss confusion about **** and vibrators etc. while you consider it "abuse" for a parent to discuss this with her own child. It just seems a bit condescending and state vs. citizen to me. I realize that you wouldn't have been the one to give the child a vibrator, so it's not exactly the same situation, but I'm going to give the original poster the benefit of the doubt and assume that she wouldn't thrust this material on her child without some sort of prior conversation where the child expressed an interest or curiosity about sex. I assume it wouldn't be out of the blue. Thus, she has a right to guide, counsel, etc. her own child. I just don't think you can automatically call this abuse.