Working Moms: how does it work long term?

[janinegirly]

I'm trying to think long term, and it's hard for me to picture balancing it all once pre-school/grade school starts.

It seems like for ages 1 & 2 it's either stay at home full time or daycare/nanny or a mix of the two. Then at age 2.5, kiddies start going to pre-school, which is about 2 hrs--which works out for SAHM's, but working moms most likely keep theirs in daycare. Then at around age 4-5, it's time for real school which typically is 5 days a week until 3pm? At that point working moms then opt for that (no more daycare) and have some kind of extended activity that the school offers from 3-6pm--is that how it generally works? It just seems like a long day for kindergarteners to start going to school and then stick around for 3 more hours.

I imagine if there's another little one at the same time it's even harder to juggle...b/c the daycare/nanny options become 2x more expensive and if one is in school, the other would still require the full time care.

Just curious how it works IRL for other working mamas. I'd like to stop working for a year or two at some point so trying to identify when would be best time for that.

 

[Clio]

It really hasn''t been a problem for us. Our kids'' daycares have always had good quality preschool programs once they hit 3-4. In elementary school, our neighborhood school has a great after school program that the kids enjoyed, with a good mix of structured time (homework time, crafts, etc) and unstructured play.

The part that''s hard is when the older kid is in elementary school and the younger kid is still in preschool. Then you''re picking up/dropping off at two locations, and that gets old (especially if they''re not close by).

 

[MustangGal]

I''m in about the same boat, having a 7 month old, but I have looked into it a bit, and this is what we plan on doing:

Right now he''s at an in-home daycare, where we plan on keeping him until he''s about 3 and potty trained. At that point I''ll switch to a pre-school/daycare center that does the learning parts as well as just keeping him for the day. Once he starts kindergarten he''ll either have to do the before/after school program, or possibly go back to my in-home lady for an hour or so before or after school, depending on the work schedule. I might also try to find a SAHM in my neighborhood with a child the same age to watch him for the fill-in bits so that he could ride the bus from our area and have a playmate during those times.

At this point I only plan on the 1 kid, but I can imagine it gets much more complicated with 2 or more!

 

[Mara]

Most of my coworkers who are working mom's really have a hard time coming back to work after the baby... they say this is because the baby goes through SO many developments in the first 1-2 years and they feel like they are 'missing out' on all the important stuff. aka the Nanny calls you at work to tell you that the baby crawled or rolled over for the first time. This consistently seems to make the gals sooo sad they are missing it.

And costs for 2 are crazy... some of these Mom's are paying like $2k a month for 2 kids in daycare at young ages!!

 

[KristyDarling]

I have a 6 year old and a 4 1/2 year old. They are 19 months apart. I worked 4 days a week (and still do now) when they were babies. We "shared" a nanny with another family. That dramatically reduces childcare costs, but the trick is that you need to find a very talented, competent nanny who is good at multitasking. So, we did nanny-share with each child until they were 2, at which point they went to preschool full-time. Yup, for 8 hours a day....I was dubious at first, but our preschool was great with the young ones, made sure they fell asleep at nap time, and even helped to potty train. It''s true that preschool is expensive, but it''s still cheaper than having a nanny-share! I feel that preschool prepared my children well for grade school - they were well-socialized, accustomed to routine/structure, and took instruction well from teachers.

If you plan to continue to work, I think it''s all about finding the right nanny and preschool. If you do your research and luck out and get the right ones, it can be a very workable solution. I found that I really liked the work-family balance of being a working mom. I personally don''t feel that I missed out on their early childhoods at all. Now that they''re in school, I love that I have my own work to focus on during the day, and my career is still thriving and has been on a solid trajectory. As my kids advance through grade school, I imagine that I''ll continue my work schedule - which at only 4 days a week is fortunately very flexible - and still be able to do things like volunteer my time in the classroom, chaperone on field trips, work on school fundraisers, etc. So far, I''ve been able to maintain that balance.

 

[Kaleigh]

I worked when the kids were preschool age... Did so for a few years till they were about in first grade. I wasn't happy, wasn't making a boat load and wanted to be with them full time. So I quit. I loved being there for everything. School plays or just helping out in the classroom to being the vistitng celebrity reader. I was fully immeresed in what was important to them. And that was in turn soooo important to me. I missed work for a bit, but got into the whole SAHM groove, made a ton of friends through the kids and found myself to be busier than ever...



I grew up with a Mom who didn't work, but still had the housekeeper pick me up after school. It really pissed me off, because she was what?? Getting her hair did....her nails done?? One time , it was pouring rain, I mean buckets. She told me to walk home. I did, I was a freshman in High school. I didn't walk home. But to my Best friends house. Her Mom drove me home. My father was horrified when I came home all soaking wet. I said Mom wouldn't pick me up, she must have gotten a new issue of Town and Country...

Elizabeth who was their housekeeper, was the one who raised me, who loved me.. They fired her ages ago. Elizabeth and I talk all the time, and I support her. My parents found this out recently and said why would you do that???

Thank god I had her in my life growing up is all I can say...

 

[qtiekiki]

Obviously we are not at that stage yet, and currently Meena is being cared for by MIL. We plan to put her in daycare when she turns 2, so she can get some social interactions with kids her age. She get some at home now with our 5 yrs old nephew who come to our house after school. When she gets to preschool age, we will probably enroll her in the after school program that the school offers. Mainly b/c we want her day to be more structured/productive and for her to do her homework there. A lot of these plans are based on what I observed with our nephew and also on what I’ve heard from other moms.

Our 5 yrs old nephew is going to preschool now, and he gets off at noon. FIL picks him up from school and bring him to our house where MIL and FIL are watching him. There is no activities planned for him, so he just watches TV or plays with his toy. Inlaws does not make him do his homework or other craft-type activities. So from noon to like 6:30pm when his dad comes home, he is just playing. Then BIL will start doing homework with him. Sometimes the work doesn’t get done before dinner, and he’ll have to finish after dinner. I just don’t think that’s a good schedule. Inlaws are totally push over with the grandkids, and I expect them to be the same with Meena if she was to come home at noon. So I rather have Meena in an after school program where she is more productive.

Our cousins’ kids are in the after school program at their school, and they really like it because the kids are done with homework when they pick them up. So they just have to check the homework, and then they can spend time doing things at home.

 

[redfaerythinker]

Both of my parents worked so I was in preschool from 7 to 7 and then elementary school from 7 to 6 and then high school from 7:30 to 4:30. My elementary school had an after school program, and an all day summer program, in high school I just sat outside the school from 3 to 4:30. You do what you have to, to make it work.

 

[isaku5]

I thought I wanted to be a SAHM for our two kidlets, but when DD headed off for kindergarten, I felt my time could be put to better use if I started teaching secondary school. Both grandmas offered their services (bless their hearts

) and off I went knowing our kids were in good hands. If I had a staff meeting, there was no problem really as hubby had come home by then.

Yes, I regret missing school plays and all those good things that happen during the day, BUT it was a tradeoff. I made enough money for both of them to get through post secondary education without having to work while in school. They each had summer jobs after they were 16. Now that they''re both in their 40''s, I''ve asked each separately whether the arrangement really worked for them and both agreed that they were closer to their grandmas than they might have been otherwise. I was able to be a full-time SAHM for the summers.

I''m certainly not saying that this would be a reasonable solution for all new moms, but it worked very well for us.

 

[Clio]

Date: 9/30/2009 6:40:57 PM
Author: qtiekiki

Obviously we are not at that stage yet, and currently Meena is being cared for by MIL. We plan to put her in daycare when she turns 2, so she can get some social interactions with kids her age. She get some at home now with our 5 yrs old nephew who come to our house after school. When she gets to preschool age, we will probably enroll her in the after school program that the school offers. Mainly b/c we want her day to be more structured/productive and for her to do her homework there. A lot of these plans are based on what I observed with our nephew and also on what I’ve heard from other moms.

Our cousins’ kids are in the after school program at their school, and they really like it because the kids are done with homework when they pick them up. So they just have to check the homework, and then they can spend time doing things at home.

This is one of the things I love about the afterschool program that my kids attend. They arrive home having done their homework, so we can do other things with them at home.

 

[janinegirly]

Thanks all--it''s interesting to hear how everyone handles it.

Where I live, pre-schools are out of churches mostly and about 2 hours in the morning 3 days a week. There is no extended program. So for us, daycare is probably the only option until Pre-K. Glad to hear the after school programs can be a positive experience when the time comes.

I currently work 1 day at home, hopefully moving to 2 so would only be 3 days a week for full day care/school (knock on wood).

 

[luv2sparkle]

I worked when my daughter was little and off and on until I had three kids. I always felt torn. I remember going to work after my daughter (1st) was born and
crying all the way to work and back for several weeks. I had a very supportive workplace. By the time we got to three and got into a house we thought we would
stay at I quit. All my children remember, is my being home for them. I love that.

There is so much written about the actual cost of working, I think it is important to take all that in consideration. Sometimes it really doesnt pay to work. But if
it is necessary there are many mom who do it well, but I don''t think it is ever easy. Heck, being a mom isn''t easy. Hopefully, you are able to find childcare
you love and that will go far to ease the burden.

 

[janinegirly]

i hear that alot luv2. I still feel there can be a balance..why do i have to either be a full time SAHM (who could potentially feel stifled) or a full time working mom plagued by guilt? Surely there is something in between? I hope to find it...maybe by working from home half the week. But in the meantime, I''m curious how those who pull it off full time with 2+ do it, b/c it really is a tough thing to balance from what I can see and I''m amazed by how much women can manage!

 

[Clio]

Date: 10/1/2009 11:50:51 AM
Author: janinegirly

Where I live, pre-schools are out of churches mostly and about 2 hours in the morning 3 days a week. There is no extended program. So for us, daycare is probably the only option until Pre-K.

Janine, when the times comes, you might try looking for it the other way around - daycares that also offer a preschool component. In the programs we used (each of our 3 kids went to preschool in a different state!), they were full-day daycares, but once the kids got to be 3, they went into preschool classes. They were still there full day and had some of the more unstructured play time of a daycare, but they also had art and music class; games and activities about the alphabet; special units on things like colors, growing plants, etc.; special field trips . . . the sorts of activities one would associate with preschool/pre-K.

Look for daycares accredited by the National Association for the Education of Young Children - they will also tend to have good quality preschool classes for children in the 3-5 age group.

 

[Burk]

Date: 10/1/2009 2:18:06 PM
Author: janinegirly
i hear that alot luv2. I still feel there can be a balance..why do i have to either be a full time SAHM (who could potentially feel stifled) or a full time working mom plagued by guilt? Surely there is something in between? I hope to find it...maybe by working from home half the week. But in the meantime, I''m curious how those who pull it off full time with 2+ do it, b/c it really is a tough thing to balance from what I can see and I''m amazed by how much women can manage!

Janine~I feel like I have the "something in between"

I teach part-time (4 hours a day) and during that time T goes to daycare. Her daycare is a center that transitions into a preschool and they even have a kindergarten class, although I think we''ll probably put her in public school when she reaches kindergarten (since I''m a public school teacher and all). Her class (18 months-2.5 years) already follows a certain "curriculum" and each day there is a lesson plan. Maybe look for a daycare that has the preschool part? Good luck and keep us posted!!

 

[janinegirly]

The daycare I am likely to enroll her in (whenever that happens--been saying it''s time for 6 months, but still can''t quite do it..maybe 18 months..) does have a preschool and pre-K afterall! Thanks Clio and Burk for the clarification (I thought pre-school meant part of the schooling district or church oriented..

 

[Mara]

i have a few friends who are able to work somewhat from home and they swear by it...at least splitting the days up so that the child is not in daycare or with nanny ALL the time. i am hoping that i can do something like that as well but we''ll have to see how it shakes out. one of my other friends works from home (in sales) and she has a nanny 6 hours a day but at least she is home with the child and nanny at the same time, so it''s not like being out of the house. she loves it.