amy_dub
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2007
- Messages
- 167
Please forgive me if I get bridzilla-ish on this, I will try my best not to. I''d really appreciate your advice on how to deal with this.
Ok, so Jon and I are getting married September 27. We''re just under 3 months away. We asked everyone we wanted in our wedding party if they would participate back in January (roughly a month after getting engaged). My best friend from childhood gets online shortly after we were engaged and is telling me that she and the father of her 5 year old are finally getting married. She''s set her date for oct 15 and she''d like for me to be in her wedding. I told her yes and then asked her to be in mine as well. She was thrilled and mentioned that she would love for me to be her maid of honor. I was a little shocked by this, but then she changed the subject and nothing else was mentioned about it.
In february she emails me pictures of a dress she''s chosen for her bridesmaids and tells me i need to be measured here (we live 4 hours apart) by a seamstress so she can order my dress. i get measured and email her. She then emails back that the wedding dress she bought cannot be altered to fit her so the bridal shop is buying the dress back. So now she''s purchasing a dress from David''s Bridal and that''s where she''ll get the bridesmaid dresses too. I''m like, ok, just let me know the dress and I can purchase it here at the local david''s bridal.
Well I never hear anything back from her until this past Tuesday night, 4 months later. she emails me to tell me her mother, who has a long history of drug abuse, passed away over the weekend and the funeral is wednesday. Her mother hasn''t been a part of her life for a good 6 years following her parents divorce. I email her back with my apologies over her mother and offer to help in anyway i can. I also ask how wedding plans are going. She emails me back last night (5 days later) and says "well, I don''t know if I''m going to be able to make it to your wedding. My cousin is getting married the week before you and i''m getting married 2 weeks after you. I''ve just got so much going on" then she continues to tell me she needs to know what size dress i wear if I plan to be in her wedding because the dress she chose has been discontinued and she doesn''t even know if she can order one for me. She says everyone else ordered their dresses and matching shoes weeks ago and that she didn''t mean for it to be like this, but she didn''t know the dress was going to be discontinued.
As you can imagine i''m furious. I''m 3 months from getting married and she''s telling me she doesn''t even know if she''s going to be here. So i email her back and tell her with so much going on with her and with the dress situation that maybe it''s best if we both just remove ourselves from each other''s wedding. I don''t want it to get to the day of my wedding and she not show up. Is it wrong of me to be like that? She never contacted be about the dress for her wedding and is now acting like it''s my fault that I don''t have a dress, when she never called or emailed me about it. I''m not a mind reader!
So now I guess I have to find a "replacement" BM to fill her spot, but I feel like whoever I chose, possibly my 15 year old cousin, is going to feel badly about being a replacement. My mom says "well, we''ll just remove a groomsmen. 5 bridesmaids is ridiculous anyway" I of course protest because you don''t just remove a groomsman because a bridesmaid drops out. Mom says "we''ll find something else for one of them to do." I''m like, yeah ok, let''s hurt one of their feelings and have them pissed and not show up either! My mom thinks more than 3 BMs is overkill, simply because she only had 3 when my parents got married back in 1980. Every person i chose as a BM was someone that I wanted in my wedding and aren''t just random people i''ve chosen for the heck of it, as are Jon''s groomsmen.
At this point i don''t know what to do. My Dad says to just ask my cousin to be in the wedding, despite the fact that it''s short notice and don''t tell her that she''s a replacement. He says to just say that I realized I didn''t have her involved in my wedding and that I would really like to have her as a BM. I''m letting my BMs pick their own dresses, as long as it''s black and tea length, they can wear what they want (to make it easier for them). It shouldn''t be hard for her to find a dress to fit within those two requirements in 3 months.
Any advice? Am I being unreasonable? What would you do in this situation? I realize her mom just died, but she hasn''t been in her life for years, and i don''t think that her mother passing away has anything to do with the fact that she never told me about the dress.
Ok, so Jon and I are getting married September 27. We''re just under 3 months away. We asked everyone we wanted in our wedding party if they would participate back in January (roughly a month after getting engaged). My best friend from childhood gets online shortly after we were engaged and is telling me that she and the father of her 5 year old are finally getting married. She''s set her date for oct 15 and she''d like for me to be in her wedding. I told her yes and then asked her to be in mine as well. She was thrilled and mentioned that she would love for me to be her maid of honor. I was a little shocked by this, but then she changed the subject and nothing else was mentioned about it.
In february she emails me pictures of a dress she''s chosen for her bridesmaids and tells me i need to be measured here (we live 4 hours apart) by a seamstress so she can order my dress. i get measured and email her. She then emails back that the wedding dress she bought cannot be altered to fit her so the bridal shop is buying the dress back. So now she''s purchasing a dress from David''s Bridal and that''s where she''ll get the bridesmaid dresses too. I''m like, ok, just let me know the dress and I can purchase it here at the local david''s bridal.
Well I never hear anything back from her until this past Tuesday night, 4 months later. she emails me to tell me her mother, who has a long history of drug abuse, passed away over the weekend and the funeral is wednesday. Her mother hasn''t been a part of her life for a good 6 years following her parents divorce. I email her back with my apologies over her mother and offer to help in anyway i can. I also ask how wedding plans are going. She emails me back last night (5 days later) and says "well, I don''t know if I''m going to be able to make it to your wedding. My cousin is getting married the week before you and i''m getting married 2 weeks after you. I''ve just got so much going on" then she continues to tell me she needs to know what size dress i wear if I plan to be in her wedding because the dress she chose has been discontinued and she doesn''t even know if she can order one for me. She says everyone else ordered their dresses and matching shoes weeks ago and that she didn''t mean for it to be like this, but she didn''t know the dress was going to be discontinued.
As you can imagine i''m furious. I''m 3 months from getting married and she''s telling me she doesn''t even know if she''s going to be here. So i email her back and tell her with so much going on with her and with the dress situation that maybe it''s best if we both just remove ourselves from each other''s wedding. I don''t want it to get to the day of my wedding and she not show up. Is it wrong of me to be like that? She never contacted be about the dress for her wedding and is now acting like it''s my fault that I don''t have a dress, when she never called or emailed me about it. I''m not a mind reader!
So now I guess I have to find a "replacement" BM to fill her spot, but I feel like whoever I chose, possibly my 15 year old cousin, is going to feel badly about being a replacement. My mom says "well, we''ll just remove a groomsmen. 5 bridesmaids is ridiculous anyway" I of course protest because you don''t just remove a groomsman because a bridesmaid drops out. Mom says "we''ll find something else for one of them to do." I''m like, yeah ok, let''s hurt one of their feelings and have them pissed and not show up either! My mom thinks more than 3 BMs is overkill, simply because she only had 3 when my parents got married back in 1980. Every person i chose as a BM was someone that I wanted in my wedding and aren''t just random people i''ve chosen for the heck of it, as are Jon''s groomsmen.
At this point i don''t know what to do. My Dad says to just ask my cousin to be in the wedding, despite the fact that it''s short notice and don''t tell her that she''s a replacement. He says to just say that I realized I didn''t have her involved in my wedding and that I would really like to have her as a BM. I''m letting my BMs pick their own dresses, as long as it''s black and tea length, they can wear what they want (to make it easier for them). It shouldn''t be hard for her to find a dress to fit within those two requirements in 3 months.
Any advice? Am I being unreasonable? What would you do in this situation? I realize her mom just died, but she hasn''t been in her life for years, and i don''t think that her mother passing away has anything to do with the fact that she never told me about the dress.
300x240.png)