why a bride''s family is supposed to pay for a wedding?

[purselover]

My parents are still very traditional in that they paid for my wedding as well as my sister''s but don''t plan on paying for my brother''s.

If we ever have a daughter I plan on paying for everything, but if we have a son I would definitely offer to contribute as well it only seems fair. I was actually really surprised when my parents said my brother''s wedding was his responsibility it didn''t seem fair to me.

 

[Arkteia]

Date: 2/9/2010 8:34:50 AM
Author: elle_chris
Crasru- In Russia and other eastern european countries it is normal for the bride''s family to pay. So I don''t know whey your friend from Russia were surprised?

Granted, i do think it''s a throwback tradition and shouldn''t be expected.

No, it is not! Granted, children tend to stay with parents longer (or used to) and rely on them financially for a longer time, but both families chip in. I never heard of the bride''s family paying for the whole wedding.

I advised my Russian friend to let them elope. You have to understand, it is not the situation when they just came from Russia and were happy to marry their only daughter off to an American citizen. No, they had been living here for a long time. The girl was graduating from our best university, consistently on the Dean''s least, had a job, etc. Her FI was going to a community college and although he had a job, he was living in her house with her family. And when his family (frankly, pretty redneck-ish, sorry if I should not use this term) refused to pay for the wedding...I said, they are going to be there and bring in their guests, so why pay for it. Let the kids elope, we won''t be unhappy. But no, there are these traditions...

 

[MustangGal]

When we got married 8 years ago, DH and I were still both living with our parents, and didn''t have much of our own. We ended up splitting about 25% his parents, 25% DH and I, and 50% my parents. When DH''s brother got married his parents gave him the same amount they had contributed to our wedding, then BIL and SIL paid the rest (her father was willing to pay, but would have made her do it "his way", so they chose to pay themselves instead).

It is an outdated tradition, and hopefully, now that the average age of a bride is creeping up, the tradition will get phased out.

 

[elle_chris]

crasru- I''m also Russian and yes, it is!

Could be regional, but it''s a "tradition" I''ve always known about.

I also think it''s outdated, and my parents always told me that they''d give me a big wedding (but i got married in vegas) or, I could just take the money. My choice. Either way, they thought they''d be paying for the whole thing.

 

[Callisto]

Date: 2/8/2010 9:59:03 PM
Author: ringthings


I plan on 25% by me, 25% by spouse, 25% by groom''s family, 25% by bride''s family.

We''ll see how that goes.

That sounds nice, I hope mine ends up like that. I know my parents think they''ll have to pay for my wedding, even though FF''s family nor me or FF have made any indication of that to them. Although I know when FF''s brother got married recently they chipped in for the wedding but definitely didn''t split it.

As you said, we''ll see how it goes...

 

[zoebartlett]

I have one sister who got married 3.5 years ago, and when she and my BIL were first beginning to plan their wedding, we were surprised to learn how traditional my dad was. He was pretty adamant that my parents were going to pay for the wedding, and they''d leave the RD up to my BIL''s parents to plan and pay for. In the end, my sister and her husband paid for a few things (one of which was their photographer), but my parents paid the majority of the expenses. I got married 1.5 years ago, and the same thing happened for the most part. My husband and I paid for the rehearsal dinner, photographer, officiant, and DJ, and welcome bag items, and my in-laws gave us a check to help with expenses. My parents paid for the rest.

I think that in general, couples are paying for more and more of their own weddings these days. I don''t think a bride''s family is *supposed* to pay for everything anymore.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Well, this is my thought on the matter: We have paid for private school for our son since he was in pre-K, right thru and including grad school.

He''s on his own for a wedding.................. we want to retire soon.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I think when couples are older and established in their careers, they are in a better position to contribute toward the wedding costs. Younger couples who''ve recently finished school would be less able to pay for a wedding.

It is certainly still the tradition in the south for the bride''s family to pay for the wedding and the groom''s family pays for the rehearsal dinner. There is one BIG reason I wouldn''t want the groom''s family to help pay for the wedding, and that is because it would add more input into the wedding arrangements! The groom (or his family) is also supposed to pay for the honeymoon, but I can see how the couple might contribute toward this together.

My wedding was paid for by my family and we''ll certainly happily pay for our daughters'' weddings.