When are you NOT humble?

[Dreamer_D]

Way too often, according to my superiors

I spent much of my life having people try to "put me in my place". In elementary school I was rude. In high school, I had an "ego." In graduate school I was always told to be more respectful, to edit my questions and commentary.

When I graduated I was told by my supervisors that I had really changed! I was much better at editing myself. Behaving myself.

I don't think I have changed at all. I think my status and station in life finally has reached a point where it is ok for me to be a know-it-all, and it is ok for me to speak my mind without self-editing.

I finally reached my "place" I guess

This is almost exactly my own experience. Well described.

And all we had to do, Circe, was go to school for 13 years, earn PhDs, and become professors to be taken seriously

 

[Circe]

Way too often, according to my superiors

I spent much of my life having people try to "put me in my place". In elementary school I was rude. In high school, I had an "ego." In graduate school I was always told to be more respectful, to edit my questions and commentary.

When I graduated I was told by my supervisors that I had really changed! I was much better at editing myself. Behaving myself.

I don't think I have changed at all. I think my status and station in life finally has reached a point where it is ok for me to be a know-it-all, and it is ok for me to speak my mind without self-editing.

I finally reached my "place" I guess

This is almost exactly my own experience. Well described.

And all we had to do, Circe, was go to school for 13 years, earn PhDs, and become professors to be taken seriously

I do think the notion that humbleness is a virtue makes it tough for smart kids - I didn't think I was "better" than anybody as a child, but the fact that I knew more, sometimes than the teachers? That was read as "showing off."

The idea that people should pretend to be ignorant for protective camouflage is not made more palatable when we term it a virtue: the idea that it's more valuable to shelter peoples illusions of collective conformity is just insulting all around.

P.S. - I'll also point out that this is a quality promoted in women, but not so much in men. Which could be why they tend to succeed in professions that call for confidence and decisiveness, given the vicious cycle that encourages women to denigrate themselves, and then codes them as incompetents when they do, and as bitches when they don't. Makes it hard to get ahead at the office ....

 

[Haven]

I do think the notion that humbleness is a virtue makes it tough for smart kids - I didn't think I was "better" than anybody as a child, but the fact that I knew more, sometimes than the teachers? That was read as "showing off."
[/quote]
My third grade teacher said, "watch yourself" when I pointed out that she marked an item as incorrect on my spelling test. I spelled the word correctly, yet there was an error in the spelling workbook, and so she gave students credit for spelling it the way the book spelled it, and marked mine wrong when I was the only student who spelled it right. When I protested she went on to tell me that I obviously hadn't studied, otherwise I would have spelled it the incorrect way as it was in the book. This was one of the few times my mother ever called a teacher.

 

[Laila619]

With relationship advice.

I picked a really darn good man for a husband! As honorable and loyal as they come. I knew how to screen out the 'bad' guys with red flags and issues, and I like giving advice when friends ask.

 

[Laila619]

I can try as hard as I want, work as hard as I can, do everything in my power, and I can't make a single flower. I can't create a bird, or a cat, or even a weed. In the face of nature's superiority, I can't help but be humble.

Human constructs are just that; constructs of materialism, competitiveness, one-up-manship, etc. Throughout history they've created brutality, cruelty, callousness, etc.

Meanwhile, nature made some more flowers.

So what's the point?

Yeah, I know that wasn't the kind of fun reply you were hoping for, but that's honestly how I think.

Really like this post, iLander!

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

I am not humble in my interactions with doctors and hospitals. They talk, I talk. I speak up when I don't like something even if some of them get angry. If i don't like a nurse, I ask for her to be changed. If I don't like my bedmate, i ask for a change. This is one place I will not be humble.


But, Danny, lack of humility is based on arrogance and pride. Some people handle their successes without a sense of self importance. Acknowledging ones abilities is a good thing and knowing ones limits is also good. I like to give examples.

I met a prominent successful man some years ago. He was well known in his field, had written books and was on the cover of sunday magazine sections. When we went to dinner people would come to our table just to meet him. He was a wonderful man. He was an immigrant who had been here for 35 yrs. He was not humble about his work, but as our friendship progressed he asked me to correct his English when he misspoke, This seemed ridiculous to me, but he was quite serious. He would tell me he was a very humble man and I think he was. I never corrected his English, but he wouldn't have minded. He was a humble man, without any arrogance or pride. He had the right mix.

Annette

 

[Missy]

Hi,

I am not humble in my interactions with doctors and hospitals. They talk, I talk. I speak up when I don't like something even if some of them get angry. If i don't like a nurse, I ask for her to be changed. If I don't like my bedmate, i ask for a change. This is one place I will not be humble.


But, Danny, lack of humility is based on arrogance and pride. Some people handle their successes without a sense of self importance. Acknowledging ones abilities is a good thing and knowing ones limits is also good. I like to give examples.

I met a prominent successful man some years ago. He was well known in his field, had written books and was on the cover of sunday magazine sections. When we went to dinner people would come to our table just to meet him. He was a wonderful man. He was an immigrant who had been here for 35 yrs. He was not humble about his work, but as our friendship progressed he asked me to correct his English when he misspoke, This seemed ridiculous to me, but he was quite serious. He would tell me he was a very humble man and I think he was. I never corrected his English, but he wouldn't have minded. He was a humble man, without any arrogance or pride. He had the right mix.



Annette

Thank you Annette for sharing that story. It's a great example.

I am not shy about my strengths (or weaknesses) but I try not to be arrogant or brag about them. Being humble (IMO) has to do with accepting yourself and all your virtues and vices and not being so insecure that you need to brag about your talents/strengths. It doesn't mean you cannot accept compliments (or criticism) about yourself graciously however.

I like this quote by Benjamin Franklin:

"In reality there is perhaps not one of our natural passions so hard to subdue as pride. Disguise it, struggle with it, beat it down, stifle it, mortify it as much as one pleases, it is still alive, and will every now and then peep out and show itself...For even if I could conceive that I had completely overcome it, I should probably be proud of my humility." - Benjamin Franklin

 

[Dreamer_D]

I believe in being honest in my interactions with others, and being authentic in my interactions. I fully admit to my many flaws and shortcomings. And I also will admit to my strengths.

In my opinion there is a line between confidence and arrogance that is fairly easy to spot. A confident person will take constructive criticism gracefully and openly. An arrogant person will bristle and get defensive. A confident person will seek out successful people from whom to learn. An arrogant person will seek out the company of sycophants. A confident person feels energized by pushing his or her limits and welcomes the possibility of failure if it means personal growth can occurr. An arrogant person will never test his or her limits for fear of failure. These distinctions apply to basically any quality about which one can take "pride". Obviously, confidence is a good thing whereas arrogance is lame.

Honestly owning one's strengths is no different than honestly owning one's flaws. Both are simply self-knowledge and self-awareness. Neither is inherently wrong.

 

[Echidna]

I do think the notion that humbleness is a virtue makes it tough for smart kids - I didn't think I was "better" than anybody as a child, but the fact that I knew more, sometimes than the teachers? That was read as "showing off."

My third grade teacher said, "watch yourself" when I pointed out that she marked an item as incorrect on my spelling test. I spelled the word correctly, yet there was an error in the spelling workbook, and so she gave students credit for spelling it the way the book spelled it, and marked mine wrong when I was the only student who spelled it right. When I protested she went on to tell me that I obviously hadn't studied, otherwise I would have spelled it the incorrect way as it was in the book. This was one of the few times my mother ever called a teacher.[/quote]

I've had that one too after I told a teacher that we had previously covered the Grade 11 geography content...in primary school. I assumed at the time that my delivery was flawed.

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

When I talk about the treatment of animals. Most of the time, I'm an easy going person that always tries to see the other persons perspective, but when it comes to the ethical treatment of animals, I gotta hold my ground. Im a vegetarian and I cant stand the abuse of animals. Not that I push everyone to be vegetarian like me, to each his own, but when someone blatantly don't take are of their animals or shoot birds or squirrels for enjoyment, I go into this crazy rant.

 

[Imdanny]

I am not humble in my relationship. Make no mistake, I am humbled by my relationship. I am overwhelmed, when I think about it, in fact, that my SO cares for me the way he does, and by my own feelings likewise. But I am not "humble" in my relationship, now that I am older, if that makes sense.

I want to have control in my relationship in that I want and expect it stays within certain boundaries. To put it simply, there is a lot of BS I have put up with over the years, that I simply refuse to put up with at this point in my life. And I am "not humble", too, in terms of the fact that I want to have complete control over my perceptions, reactions, and actions. SO find this a little surprising, I'm guessing, and a little difficult to get used to? But I'm a certain age, I've been with this person for almost twenty years, and I've reached the point that I want to, and know how to, assert myself.

I don't think that's a bad thing. In fact, I think it's good not only for me but for my SO. I think my SO is better served by me having this new sense of myself. I think he'll realize it in time. SO has a very much in control type of personality. He tells me he wants me to take over certain things. I think he means he's delegating to me? I'm not sure. The thing is, however, that if you're going to have the responsibility for something, you have to have the power. You can't be held responsible for something when you don't have the power to make the decisions that need to be made.

So this is a time of learning for me. My aunt's death, my car accident, and my grandfather's death followed very closely, and put me in a state of grief, definitely. SO has been very understanding. He and my aunt were very close and he knew my grandfather. He never once held my accident against me, even though that accident was my fault, and even though he suffered immensely because of it. I know he's glad for me that I'm no longer depressed about these things. He's just not sure who this "new me" is who stands up to him and says, "This is the way it will be." or "I am not willing to do that." etc.

I think he'll adjust just fine, if I follow through with what I say I'm going to do. If I don't, I probably don't deserve his respect and certainly won't get it.

 

[Begonia]

I am humble all the time. I don't see it as a flaw or a weakness. It comes from my culture, my beliefs, my upbringing and is part of this body I was born into. I know my strengths and never feel pressure to impress people with them. Sometimes my gifts come out, mostly they don't. That's okay. I know they are there. They aren't going anywhere.

It is interesting to me to see how some people place a value on my worth based on 'what I do' (profession). I have a Master's, but have been a stay-at-home-Mom for years (part-time work). It is a high level of education for the group I hang with. I don't tell people - if it comes up that's fine, but I don't hide it either. I don't really give a fig what level of education people have, or what they do for a job, I prefer to look at the content of their character (as a great man once said). I seek those that have kind hearts. Sometimes that is the gal who works at Tim Horton's and sometimes it is my neighbor who has a PhD. I seek the company of animals a lot. They get me. I work with plants. They get me too. And I get them.

 

[Missy]

I am humble all the time. I don't see it as a flaw or a weakness. It comes from my culture, my beliefs, my upbringing and is part of this body I was born into. I know my strengths and never feel pressure to impress people with them. Sometimes my gifts come out, mostly they don't. That's okay. I know they are there. They aren't going anywhere.

It is interesting to me to see how some people place a value on my worth based on 'what I do' (profession). I have a Master's, but have been a stay-at-home-Mom for years (part-time work). It is a high level of education for the group I hang with. I don't tell people - if it comes up that's fine, but I don't hide it either. I don't really give a fig what level of education people have, or what they do for a job, I prefer to look at the content of their character (as a great man once said). I seek those that have kind hearts. Sometimes that is the gal who works at Tim Horton's and sometimes it is my neighbor who has a PhD. I seek the company of animals a lot. They get me. I work with plants. They get me too. And I get them.

Well said and I agree 100%.

 

[Imdanny]

So many great answers everyone! Please keep them coming. I'm really enjoying reading this.

I have something else to add. I'm not humble about academic achievement. I want to write a post about that but I can't right now because it would have to be a long post and I'm too tired to write a long post.

I'm not humble when I make judgment about art and artists. I hope I can write a post about that too.

BTW, the posts in defense of humility are fantastic too. I don't want to limit the discussion. All posts are welcome. No worries.

 

[Polished]

I think as we grow older we develop more of a sense and awareness of our own identities. We begin to realise that personal choice is important and there are things we don't want to compromise on. This might be more of a boundaries thing with others as opposed to humility. On humility, a few years ago my husband went onto Who Wants To Be a Millionaire and did rather well on it. What people commented on afterwards was that he came across as very humble rather than showing off knowledge. Having confidence in your ability is great but I think some humility can often make it more comfortable for others to enjoy or learn from what you are able to offer.