When are you NOT humble?

[Imdanny]

I've been thinking about this for quite a long time.

I'm not talking about 'humility' as in "Before a fall comes pride, before honor humility.' NOTHING THAT SERIOUS!

I mean usually we like to think of ourselves as being or striving to be humble, "nice", not arrogant, not conceited, not, how do I say, egotistical.

But I've been watching some music videos and a lot of it is about self-expression and empowerment. And these young women (and men) aren't pretending not to be the best at what they do.

So my question is: is there ever a time when you feel and think it's right to feel: smart, smarter, smartest, good looking, very good looking, the best looking person around?

Is there ever an appropriate time to judge yourself and others and find others lacking? Do you ever feel alienated from other people? Do you ever feel that is because your are better OR not as good as other people at something?

And do I win the award for the most PC post of the day?

 

[kenny]

When it is not appropriate.

 

[Circe]

I've always thought humbleness was a misplaced virtue, an excuse for moral cowardice. If you're good at something, you owe it to yourself, and more importantly, to the rest of society, to excel at it and contribute it to the greater good. Hard to excel when you're too busy denying.

So, uh ... all the time? I'm an elitist, and proud of it.

 

[chel180]

Its not possible for me to be humble at work. I have a fairly self depreciating humor and would consider myself fairly humble, normally, but that really doesn't work here. For example, If I made a joke about not being the best photocopier in the world, the next day I'd here comments like "don't trust C with the photocopier, even she thinks she'll break it". My colleges are the least humble people in the world, they are all world champions at everything! It makes me very uncomfortable to stand up and say I'm great at this or that, but if I didn't I'd have no work to do and no-one to work with. Its probably just my company culture but I worry how much I am being led astray by them.....

 

[JewelFreak]

Talking politics. I'm always smarter than everybody else!

 

[dragonfly411]

I think if you know that you are in a position where you could educate a person further then it is ok. I do that in the horse world. If I know I'm more knowledgeable, I don't flaunt it, but I will take the opportunity to teach someone.

 

[Pandora II]

I've always thought humbleness was a misplaced virtue, an excuse for moral cowardice. If you're good at something, you owe it to yourself, and more importantly, to the rest of society, to excel at it and contribute it to the greater good. Hard to excel when you're too busy denying.

So, uh ... all the time? I'm an elitist, and proud of it.

It is a British disease to pretty much apologise for existing and for you/your product/project/whatever having so many things wrong with it. And we all say it so often that we actually believe it. It's not healthy!

Confidence is a good thing, knowing your abilities and owning them is also a good thing, it's also okay to admit that people are not all created equally good at things - and those that are should celebrate it, not hide away in case someone thinks they are not modest.

 

[tuffyluvr]

In the kitchen!!! I am a very good cook, but what I'm most proud of is my ability to whip up a nice meal on the spot, with whatever ingredients are on-hand. I usually don't have to brag, though--others will do it for me. My friend credits my cooking with making him get over his lifelong hatrid of onions, tomatoes and mushrooms. I cook for a lot of parties and I love it when I am hearing compliments year later--one of my good friends, "C" tells me that her college friend still talks about the brown butter and sage flatbread I made at C's engagement party... 5 years ago!

 

[jeweln]

the secret of being humble in my opinion is that even if you know that you excel in something ,you do not think yourself better than other people .because they maybe good at something else you are not aware of . if you think yourself better than them then you will treat them accordingly ,and that is bad .my 2 cents .

 

[Haven]

When am I not humble? Well, that usually only happens whine I'm drunk.

Teaching is a humbling profession. Over time, you learn that the only way to be effective is to make yourself as unnecessary as possible. You can't really teach others if you lack humility. You may communicate information, but that's not teaching. So, my profession has humbled me.

I don't think of modesty as being self-deprecating, though. I think of it as realizing that you are not the most important/intelligent/beautiful/interesting person in the room.

 

[MissStepcut]

When my boss/assigning supervisor is a man.

 

[princesss]

When I talk about travel. Maybe it's a ridiculous thing to be proud of, but I'm damn well traveled and I love it. I don't understand not having a desire to explore the world, but if I hear a hint of it in you, I'll be telling you stories and encouraging you to explore. I'll tell you about the ridiculous things that have happened and the places I've been, and give you any tips I've got if I know where you're going. If I could spend my life traveling, I would, but I know I can at least spend my life talking about traveling. So I do. Often.

There are things I want to actually be proud of - I think I'm a decent writer, and I love writing (okay, not totally true. I love telling stories, and writing happens to be a way to perfect the story - to choose the right image, the right language, the right syntax - but writing itself can be exhausting), and I want to feel like I'm good at it. Right now, unfortunately, I fall far short of the writers I use as inspiration.

I want to feel like I'm pretty. I really do. I get told I'm pretty, and I can look at myself and kind of admit there are features that most people find attractive, but I don't ever feel pretty. I'd like to. It seems like it'd be a nice thing to feel, even if it's only every now and then.

 

[JewelFreak]

Ditto with you on travel, Princesss.

You ARE pretty! I think you are. Funny how often we don't feel that we, ourselves, are good lookng.

--- Laurie

 

[sapphirering]

I don't think of modesty as being self-deprecating, though. I think of it as realizing that you are not the most important/intelligent/beautiful/interesting person in the room.

+1. As usual Haven expressed what I was thinking eloquently.

I'm confident in areas where I deserve to be, but I am aware that there is always room for improvement.

 

[iLander]

I can try as hard as I want, work as hard as I can, do everything in my power, and I can't make a single flower. I can't create a bird, or a cat, or even a weed. In the face of nature's superiority, I can't help but be humble.

Human constructs are just that; constructs of materialism, competitiveness, one-up-manship, etc. Throughout history they've created brutality, cruelty, callousness, etc.

Meanwhile, nature made some more flowers.

So what's the point?

Yeah, I know that wasn't the kind of fun reply you were hoping for, but that's honestly how I think.

 

[amc80]

When I'm dealing with Excel. I'm an Excel master (self-proclaimed). Well, when the IT guys call me for help with excel help, I figure I've earned the title.

Oh, and trivia. I'm freakishly good at trivia games (Trivial Pursuit, Jeopardy, etc.).

 

[Porridge]

At work!

 

[pandabee]

It is a British disease to pretty much apologise for existing and for you/your product/project/whatever having so many things wrong with it. And we all say it so often that we actually believe it. It's not healthy!

Confidence is a good thing, knowing your abilities and owning them is also a good thing, it's also okay to admit that people are not all created equally good at things - and those that are should celebrate it, not hide away in case someone thinks they are not modest.

I would say this is an Asian disease as well...for me it has been instilled since a young age to always be modest to the point of downplaying every single strength. Was a very difficult obstacle to overcome when I started interviewing for schools, jobs, etc.

So for me, I can't really think of a situation where I am not humble. I try to always be considerate and not brag about myself. But I have learned there is a fine line between being humble and being confident in your own abilities. Especially for my future profession, I have to have confidence in my skills and abilities especially if I am going to be giving advice or recommending things to other people so that I will be taken seriously.

 

[FrekeChild]

Cooking. I went to the best culinary school in the USA, I have a degree in culinary arts from a local school and I can make anything edible, and I can make it pretty too. Even if we haven't been to the grocery store for a month I can make a more than decent meal.

And I'm not actually trained to cook, but trained to bake/in pastry.

 

[rainydaze]

I can try as hard as I want, work as hard as I can, do everything in my power, and I can't make a single flower. I can't create a bird, or a cat, or even a weed. In the face of nature's superiority, I can't help but be humble.

Human constructs are just that; constructs of materialism, competitiveness, one-up-manship, etc. Throughout history they've created brutality, cruelty, callousness, etc.

Meanwhile, nature made some more flowers.

So what's the point?

Yeah, I know that wasn't the kind of fun reply you were hoping for, but that's honestly how I think.

holy sh*t, ilander... GREAT post!!

 

[Dancing Fire]

since the day i was born...

 

[Echidna]

Job interviews!

Well, perhaps that's a mix of communicating that you're great at X, Y and Z but willing to learn and flexible as well.

 

[isaku5]

When I taught secondary school...

 

[Gypsy]

I've always thought humbleness was a misplaced virtue, an excuse for moral cowardice. If you're good at something, you owe it to yourself, and more importantly, to the rest of society, to excel at it and contribute it to the greater good. Hard to excel when you're too busy denying.

So, uh ... all the time? I'm an elitist, and proud of it.

I agree with this.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Way too often, according to my superiors

I spent much of my life having people try to "put me in my place". In elementary school I was rude. In high school, I had an "ego." In graduate school I was always told to be more respectful, to edit my questions and commentary.

When I graduated I was told by my supervisors that I had really changed! I was much better at editing myself. Behaving myself.

I don't think I have changed at all. I think my status and station in life finally has reached a point where it is ok for me to be a know-it-all, and it is ok for me to speak my mind without self-editing.

I finally reached my "place" I guess

 

[Trekkie]

Oh, and trivia. I'm freakishly good at trivia games (Trivial Pursuit, Jeopardy, etc.).

Same here! My other daily "go-to" site is www.funtrivia.com.. I practically live there!

My "thing" is words. I am not very eloquent but for some reason I have an unlimited capacity for spelling, word definitions and etymology. Bizarre.

Oh, and cars and computers/tech. I know waaaay too much about cars and I'm not afraid of sharing my knowledge!

 

[ksinger]

I've always thought humbleness was a misplaced virtue, an excuse for moral cowardice. If you're good at something, you owe it to yourself, and more importantly, to the rest of society, to excel at it and contribute it to the greater good. Hard to excel when you're too busy denying.

So, uh ... all the time? I'm an elitist, and proud of it.

I agree with this.

False humilty is unattractive, yes. But too often without a dash of the genuine kind, arrogance ensues. Being good at something without being an abrasive ass is the trick. But then if you're genuinely good at something it generally shines through and you don't have to toot your own horn much. And I've always found it helpful to remember, that no matter how good I am at something, there is ALWAYS someone who is better.

That said, I'm not humble when it comes to singing. While I have not kept my voice up as much as I should, I can still sing quite well. And furthermore, I know quite a bit about technique, historical singing styles, and can (and do) critique singers, from a position of knowledge and having done it. I know much more than your average bear.

But...there are plenty of people who are better and know more.

 

[Maria D]

Teaching is a humbling profession. Over time, you learn that the only way to be effective is to make yourself as unnecessary as possible. You can't really teach others if you lack humility. You may communicate information, but that's not teaching. So, my profession has humbled me.

Oh, I love this Haven. So true!

 

[Circe]

I've always thought humbleness was a misplaced virtue, an excuse for moral cowardice. If you're good at something, you owe it to yourself, and more importantly, to the rest of society, to excel at it and contribute it to the greater good. Hard to excel when you're too busy denying.

So, uh ... all the time? I'm an elitist, and proud of it.

I agree with this.

False humilty is unattractive, yes. But too often without a dash of the genuine kind, arrogance ensues. Being good at something without being an abrasive a$$ is the trick. But then if you're genuinely good at something it generally shines through and you don't have to toot your own horn much. And I've always found it helpful to remember, that no matter how good I am at something, there is ALWAYS someone who is better.

That said, I'm not humble when it comes to singing. While I have not kept my voice up as much as I should, I can still sing quite well. And furthermore, I know quite a bit about technique, historical singing styles, and can (and do) critique singers, from a position of knowledge and having done it. I know much more than your average bear.

But...there are plenty of people who are better and know more.

Definitely a big difference between NOT being humble and being a braggart, IMO. I just hate that whole, "Oh, I could be wrong ... just my opinion" bookending that a lot of women do habitually, as well as the dynamic that Princess mentioned. Why shouldn't a lady who is pretty be able to feel good about it? For that matter, why should a lady who isn't, objectively, be able to feel good about it? Because our society hinges on making the most of people's insecurities, and literally capitalizing on them. Diet pill? Eyelash extensions? A copy of How to Make Friends and Influence People?

PASS.

It's actually one of the reasons the Samantha Brick thread got up my nose so much. For the cardinal sin of saying she was pretty, she got henpecked to pieces, and over things other women have, too. Every comment I read about her cellulite, her wrinkles, her "mastectomy-surviver" looking chest, all I could think was, "Yep - odds are good that either the person who said it or the person who agreed with it is processing some version of 'I have it and/or am scared I will have it, and sniggering at it is a good form of denial/prophylaxis.'"

Not to say that constantly tooting one's own horn is the way to go - just that it's nice to have one.

 

[Circe]

Way too often, according to my superiors

I spent much of my life having people try to "put me in my place". In elementary school I was rude. In high school, I had an "ego." In graduate school I was always told to be more respectful, to edit my questions and commentary.

When I graduated I was told by my supervisors that I had really changed! I was much better at editing myself. Behaving myself.

I don't think I have changed at all. I think my status and station in life finally has reached a point where it is ok for me to be a know-it-all, and it is ok for me to speak my mind without self-editing.

I finally reached my "place" I guess

This is almost exactly my own experience. Well described.