violet02
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 5, 2007
- Messages
- 2,201
So some of you may have read about my bachelortte party from H E L L recently... one bridesmaid being a friend of mine for 19 years, one bridesmaid I've know for 2 years, my friends husband.... and now my other best guy friend... and then my old friend who's my DJ!
First off I feel like with the wedding being so near everyone's gone a bit whacky. There are mean comments flying left and right, passive agressive mean friends... snotty remakrs and so on... One of my best guy friends today get into a huge argument... and it wasn't even worth arguing about... I started to notice that within the last week or so if I said red, he'd say blue and then we'd fight about it. When I came back from the bachelorette weekend he wasn't very sympathetic... or supportive. He instead wanted to focus on what I did wrong and would harp on me about why I couldn't put myself in their shoes otherwise I'd never be able to work through it. That's just for starters... today was the capper when I said I had an issue at work that I had to talk to HR about... it turned out to be a good idea to go to them but he proceeded to tell me what a huge mistake I made... how it would come back to haunt me... that he never goes to HR... that I must not understand office politics etc. I was like wow, I'm 4 years older than you and I've been in business longer than you and you're talking to me like I don't know my way around the office at all? It was rude. He then proceeded to say that I just got mad at him because I don't like it when people don't agree with me, that's why I surround my self only with people that placate and pander to me. Over the top! So yeah we're having some issues right now... he started to turn into BM#1 at one point, 'you're so mean to me, I never say anything bad to you and you just attack me' whaaaat?
So then DJ friend calls and he's like how's it going? I say wow rough week, give him a brief recap and say do weddings make people nuts? (he's been married twice)... and he was like well.... 'look 99% of the time, its the bride... sorry but thats true'. I was like okay please elaborate.. he then goes on about how he knows how much money and time I've put into this and how high my expecations are and that while he doesn't know anything that's been going on he does know that brides can be insenstive to their bm's and not care about their needs or wants...
I was like ok fair enough but from my point of view I've gone above and beyond on more than one occasion including fronting money... just payiing for multiple things rather than have to hear about it. The list goes on... I mean honestly BM#1 hasn't had to do hardly anything... both BM's even charged the whole shower on my MOH's credit card.. oh and they asked my other best guy friend who's not in the bridal party to give them money for it... I was a bit put out by that, he said yes though so that was big of me but I feel really bad about that.
My perturbance here also comes from the fact that everyone seems to like to just tack this big 'your'e a stressful bride, you know now what you do' label on me and I think I have been pretty rational and collected through some pretty lame crap lately. People paint such an ugly portrait of the screeching demanding bride... I told my dj friend, 'look it IS my wedding... when am I allowed to just say f' it, its my day!'... and he was like welll you do have to cater to other people too. I was like sigh... story of my life. If you get in one tiny disagreement wtih any of them theyre like 'omg... she's just crazy cause she's so stressed'. Drives me insane!! What an easy out for them to not have to take responsiblity for their own actions!
What I'm really stressed about the most here is that I feel like some of my close friends (not my man of honor thank god! mr rational cool headed man) are being VERY passive aggresive towards me. I have good news they find a way to kind of tell me how I could have done it better or how I'm wrong. ME: You know we dont always have to be 'right and wrong' sometimes just be a supportive friend, whats wrong with that? HIM: 'Thats placating and pandering... so i dont do that, sorry'... ugh.
I really do feel like I'm seeing who my real friends are right now... at my bridal shower the other day BM#1 (aka hysteria) sat in the middle of the table... she really does want to mend fences with me but when she gets uncomfortable she overcompensates... which equates dominating every conversation, being loud, boisterous, butting in... 'what are you doing, what are you talking about HRMMM?' ... I was talkiing to a friend later on and she had to run over and make us look at old photos of her and that friend... like who cares? So we try to go back to talking but she wasn't having any of that... then people who are my old freinds are there and she's like omg you're so awesome la la la... like suddently she's in love with these people. I know that's her way of trying to get attention or my attention but jeez... I'm surrounded by two year olds! BM#1 last night was overhearing my conversation wtih FI and the DJ about what order we wanted to do the dances in and I was like well I'm not sure I want to do mother/fson before father/daughter and she's like 'GAH... no ones even gonna cares, sheesh, why do you care??'... I was like excuse me but this is my wedding and I would like to consdier what I would like to do about it, being that its MY wedding (and who asked you anyways?). She made multiple eye rolling, GAH comments to different topics along the same vein.
My ex today told me my problem is that I'm not the hand holding, huggy lovey, reassuring, coddling kinda person.. and the more people want to suck emotions out of me the more resistant I am... he said maybe it's time to taper off from those people and find new ones... sad! So his advice: suck it up for now, enjoy the wedding, then after... TAPER TAPER TAPER! Some of these people are old good freinds too.. its depressing as heck. Even when I say he it's two weeks out from my wedding can't we all just get along... Noooopppeee not good enough! I was home sick today... one of my friends is like I'm worried about all these sick days you're taking your'e getting a bad reputation at work, you're going to ruin your career. Er I took one sick day all month... and they dont' have a clue what my career is like.
This whole depressing process started 10 months ago almost when we first had to go through the painful snarky relative situation.. which still rears its ugly head. I wonder if people are thinking now that I'm getting married I'm leaving them or something... I don't know... some of them treat me like I'm acting like a prima donna and maybe I am? I don't think I am... I don't see how... and I'm not the one calling people names, or cutting them down.. I'm just trying to get through it. I guess I never realized what kind of people I surrounded myself with... after the wedding we're going to do what my ex calls 'tapering'... so you don't flat out dump people you just taper off talking to them for awhile until you just don't anymore. Maybe that's passive agressive but I'd rather just let it fade out then blow up all over the place. I'm tired just thinking about it.
Anyways sorry for the long scattered VENT... I was feeling pretty alone the last couple of days in terms of my friends... then I'd pick up a phone and get some crappy comment and that would just ruin the next few hours. I think my best bet is to distance myself from most of these folks before the wedding.
I had one question though... what do I do about the tables? My original plan that a friend did was (we're using rectangular 8 seater tables) was to put all of the bridal party and their hubbys/wifes/dates on one big long table.... I was toying with the idea of just breaking it down even more and maybe having a bride/groom plus man of honor and best man table separately or something. My MOH said that probably won't work but I was having a tough time sucking it up all through my shower when I would try to get a word out edgewise and between either her or her univited hubby they'd casue enough of a ruckus that I couldn't really talk to people at the end of the table. I was trying to work around that somehow with the reception... my MOH is saying that he can't imagine they would be that bad on the wedding day. Who knows! Cant really trust any of them fully at this point. I do want to sit with my whole bridal party but... SIGH... I guess I just need to suck it up!
ETA: I'm also exhausted to the bone... just painfull tired but I have barely slept in the last 3 days... seriously its like i can't!
First off I feel like with the wedding being so near everyone's gone a bit whacky. There are mean comments flying left and right, passive agressive mean friends... snotty remakrs and so on... One of my best guy friends today get into a huge argument... and it wasn't even worth arguing about... I started to notice that within the last week or so if I said red, he'd say blue and then we'd fight about it. When I came back from the bachelorette weekend he wasn't very sympathetic... or supportive. He instead wanted to focus on what I did wrong and would harp on me about why I couldn't put myself in their shoes otherwise I'd never be able to work through it. That's just for starters... today was the capper when I said I had an issue at work that I had to talk to HR about... it turned out to be a good idea to go to them but he proceeded to tell me what a huge mistake I made... how it would come back to haunt me... that he never goes to HR... that I must not understand office politics etc. I was like wow, I'm 4 years older than you and I've been in business longer than you and you're talking to me like I don't know my way around the office at all? It was rude. He then proceeded to say that I just got mad at him because I don't like it when people don't agree with me, that's why I surround my self only with people that placate and pander to me. Over the top! So yeah we're having some issues right now... he started to turn into BM#1 at one point, 'you're so mean to me, I never say anything bad to you and you just attack me' whaaaat?
So then DJ friend calls and he's like how's it going? I say wow rough week, give him a brief recap and say do weddings make people nuts? (he's been married twice)... and he was like well.... 'look 99% of the time, its the bride... sorry but thats true'. I was like okay please elaborate.. he then goes on about how he knows how much money and time I've put into this and how high my expecations are and that while he doesn't know anything that's been going on he does know that brides can be insenstive to their bm's and not care about their needs or wants...
I was like ok fair enough but from my point of view I've gone above and beyond on more than one occasion including fronting money... just payiing for multiple things rather than have to hear about it. The list goes on... I mean honestly BM#1 hasn't had to do hardly anything... both BM's even charged the whole shower on my MOH's credit card.. oh and they asked my other best guy friend who's not in the bridal party to give them money for it... I was a bit put out by that, he said yes though so that was big of me but I feel really bad about that.
My perturbance here also comes from the fact that everyone seems to like to just tack this big 'your'e a stressful bride, you know now what you do' label on me and I think I have been pretty rational and collected through some pretty lame crap lately. People paint such an ugly portrait of the screeching demanding bride... I told my dj friend, 'look it IS my wedding... when am I allowed to just say f' it, its my day!'... and he was like welll you do have to cater to other people too. I was like sigh... story of my life. If you get in one tiny disagreement wtih any of them theyre like 'omg... she's just crazy cause she's so stressed'. Drives me insane!! What an easy out for them to not have to take responsiblity for their own actions!
What I'm really stressed about the most here is that I feel like some of my close friends (not my man of honor thank god! mr rational cool headed man) are being VERY passive aggresive towards me. I have good news they find a way to kind of tell me how I could have done it better or how I'm wrong. ME: You know we dont always have to be 'right and wrong' sometimes just be a supportive friend, whats wrong with that? HIM: 'Thats placating and pandering... so i dont do that, sorry'... ugh.
I really do feel like I'm seeing who my real friends are right now... at my bridal shower the other day BM#1 (aka hysteria) sat in the middle of the table... she really does want to mend fences with me but when she gets uncomfortable she overcompensates... which equates dominating every conversation, being loud, boisterous, butting in... 'what are you doing, what are you talking about HRMMM?' ... I was talkiing to a friend later on and she had to run over and make us look at old photos of her and that friend... like who cares? So we try to go back to talking but she wasn't having any of that... then people who are my old freinds are there and she's like omg you're so awesome la la la... like suddently she's in love with these people. I know that's her way of trying to get attention or my attention but jeez... I'm surrounded by two year olds! BM#1 last night was overhearing my conversation wtih FI and the DJ about what order we wanted to do the dances in and I was like well I'm not sure I want to do mother/fson before father/daughter and she's like 'GAH... no ones even gonna cares, sheesh, why do you care??'... I was like excuse me but this is my wedding and I would like to consdier what I would like to do about it, being that its MY wedding (and who asked you anyways?). She made multiple eye rolling, GAH comments to different topics along the same vein.
My ex today told me my problem is that I'm not the hand holding, huggy lovey, reassuring, coddling kinda person.. and the more people want to suck emotions out of me the more resistant I am... he said maybe it's time to taper off from those people and find new ones... sad! So his advice: suck it up for now, enjoy the wedding, then after... TAPER TAPER TAPER! Some of these people are old good freinds too.. its depressing as heck. Even when I say he it's two weeks out from my wedding can't we all just get along... Noooopppeee not good enough! I was home sick today... one of my friends is like I'm worried about all these sick days you're taking your'e getting a bad reputation at work, you're going to ruin your career. Er I took one sick day all month... and they dont' have a clue what my career is like.
This whole depressing process started 10 months ago almost when we first had to go through the painful snarky relative situation.. which still rears its ugly head. I wonder if people are thinking now that I'm getting married I'm leaving them or something... I don't know... some of them treat me like I'm acting like a prima donna and maybe I am? I don't think I am... I don't see how... and I'm not the one calling people names, or cutting them down.. I'm just trying to get through it. I guess I never realized what kind of people I surrounded myself with... after the wedding we're going to do what my ex calls 'tapering'... so you don't flat out dump people you just taper off talking to them for awhile until you just don't anymore. Maybe that's passive agressive but I'd rather just let it fade out then blow up all over the place. I'm tired just thinking about it.
Anyways sorry for the long scattered VENT... I was feeling pretty alone the last couple of days in terms of my friends... then I'd pick up a phone and get some crappy comment and that would just ruin the next few hours. I think my best bet is to distance myself from most of these folks before the wedding.
I had one question though... what do I do about the tables? My original plan that a friend did was (we're using rectangular 8 seater tables) was to put all of the bridal party and their hubbys/wifes/dates on one big long table.... I was toying with the idea of just breaking it down even more and maybe having a bride/groom plus man of honor and best man table separately or something. My MOH said that probably won't work but I was having a tough time sucking it up all through my shower when I would try to get a word out edgewise and between either her or her univited hubby they'd casue enough of a ruckus that I couldn't really talk to people at the end of the table. I was trying to work around that somehow with the reception... my MOH is saying that he can't imagine they would be that bad on the wedding day. Who knows! Cant really trust any of them fully at this point. I do want to sit with my whole bridal party but... SIGH... I guess I just need to suck it up!
ETA: I'm also exhausted to the bone... just painfull tired but I have barely slept in the last 3 days... seriously its like i can't!