Wedding What would you do?

[Smurfysmiles]

Ok, so we are planning to get married next fall or winter in our hometown (fargo nd) but we are moving to the denver area in a month. For auditioning djs and caterers and what not, do you just enlist your bridesmaids and MOH who are in the area to help with these details or do you just plan extra trips back home? Has anyone planned their wedding long distance? My parents and his parents live in town as well but I''m sure their idea of a good dj probably differs significantly from ours. Any advice is appreciated!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Plan to travel.

Do not burden your MOH and Best Man with such a large task. They aren''t there to plan your wedding for you - they are there to participate in it.

 

[blondebunny]

Date: 10/1/2008 2:29:18 PM
Author: Keepingthefaith21
Plan to travel.


Do not burden your MOH and Best Man with such a large task. They aren''t there to plan your wedding for you - they are there to participate in it.

Ditto this, and I mean think about it, what if their expectations arent yours ya know?? You dont wanna blame them day of that they picked a horrible DJ... best to do it yourself so you dont have the possibility of a let down!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I guess I didn't think of it that way, I have lots of learning to do haha
On the upside, we will actually be sharing an apartment with the best man when we move to colorado so the boys can do whatever they want together

 

[lliang_chi]

I''m living in Chicago and planning for Florida. And I''m definitely flying back and forth. The upside, you can make "super wedding trips" where you can bang out 5 or 6 things out at one time. We did a super venue weekend a few months ago and I scheduled all the venues right after the other and was able to make our decision really quickly. We even met with wedding coordinators the same weekend, but ultimately decided against using one.

I''ll be going down again this month around my wedding date to a) see what the weather''s like b) interview photographers c) interview videographers and d) check out what flowers are available in during that time.

Probably our next trip will be DJs, and tastings.

 

[lovesparklies]

I''m getting married in Fargo, too

, and I''m planning long-distance. I had my mom and sister do some background work for me first and then I went home to actually meet with vendors. For DJs you might be able to do that from Denver because unless you go to a wedding that they''re doing you can''t really see them in action anyway. You can get a feel for their personalities over the phone and request a video or CD. But other people you should probably meet in person. For better or worse, Fargo doesn''t have that many options for most wedding-related stuff so it ends up making the choices easier. But since there are fewer vendors they book up really early, so you may want to try to book the venue and whatever else you can get done before you move.

 

[newbie124]

I''m planning a wedding in CA from Chicago.

We were out there for my cousin''s wedding while we were still deciding whether or not to get married in CA, so during that trip we just scheduled some appointments to look at venues to see if we''d find anywhere we liked. That first visit sort of laid the groundwork and solidified our decision.

Then I did a ton of planning via phone and internet. My sister actually went and did the initial tastings for us b/c we have very similar tastes and I completely trust her judgment on food. That helped a lot in narrowing down the caterers for us.

Then we happened to be going out to Seattle for a friend''s wedding in Aug so we tagged on a trip to SF from there and that''s when we scheduled a lot of in person interviews w/ the other vendors. That''s how we found our baker, florist, had my hair/makeup trials, did a 2nd tasting w/ the caterer...

While it might be useful to go out there again, I don''t think it''ll be necessary and I''m not planning another trip before the wedding.

I think if you have some amenable family members whose taste you can rely on, there''s nothing wrong with having them check out some initial vendors for you (don''t know that I would burden your MOH or Best Man, though, unless you''re really close). But I would save asking that favor for things that definitely need an in-person visit (like anything involving food), and where you trust their tastes.

I don''t think you necessary need to visit w/ a DJ in person. We picked ours based on emails/phone conversations...We did meet him in person when we were out there just to have a face-to-face, but I don''t think it would''ve been a big deal if we hadn''t met him until the wedding day.

So I would say that you should plan to make at least 1 trip out there after you''ve narrowed down a few vendors. Then if you can make it back one or two more times, then that''s great. But if not, I wouldn''t worry too much about it. Being able to rely on the internet makes such a huge difference.

Oh, and here are a few tips for you that I learned from my experience:

- If you''re still deciding on a vendor, make sure to schedule visits with at least 3 or 4 strong contenders (but no more than that). You don''t want to overwhelm yourself w/ options, but you also don''t want to totally strike out and have to start from scratch again.

- Carefully space your appointments apart and allow for some downtime in between! The first time we went out to look at venues, I scheduled everything a little too close together so it felt like we were always rushing from one place to the next. I was better about it the second time around and it didn''t feel nearly as rushed and we had time to relax a bit between appointments.

- Try to check out potential guest accommodations while you''re out there to get an idea of convenience/quality. I did mean to do that during our trip but didn''t actually build it into our schedule and then we ended up not going and I kind of regret it now.

- Plan to do a thorough walk-thru of your venue and maybe bring a measuring tape to get room dimensions. Also have someone take LOTS of pictures while you''re talking to the site coordinator.

- Take lots of notes! For the cake tastings I created questionnaires for each interview to remind me of what I needed to ask. Even though we only met with 4 people, I''m really glad I was taking notes, b/c after 2 visits I was already getting answers mixed up in my head so it was good to have the notes to refer back to.

- Bring lots of pictures that give examples of what you''re looking for in terms of style, flowers, colors, etc. If you''ve found your dress, I''d also bring pictures of that to give to the florists. I put everything in clear plastic sheets by category and brought them along in a binder. Also, don''t bother carrying around magazines w/ you...just rip everything OUT as you see stuff you like. (This was a really great piece of advice that a friend gave me.)

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 10/1/2008 2:56:02 PM
Author: lovesparklies
I''m getting married in Fargo, too

Well until Nov. 1 if you want me to look somethin up for ya, I''ll be living here lol
I''m not too terribly worried about the dj because I used to work at a night club here so I know a lot of them personally and if I''m lucky can score one for free because they are all pretty good friends of mine (not that i''m not willing to pay) Also fi''s family has a friend who always makes cakes for weddings of the family so that is good news too! I''m not too concerned about flowers either as I used to work in a floral shop in town
Wow,I have more connections than I had thought lol Good deal!

 

[lovesparklies]

Wow, I''m jealous that you have so many connections! I got a few recommendations from friends of the family but that''s about it.
Now that Frontier flies between Fargo and Denver it''ll be really cheap to fly between the two cities. Sign up for their emails -- they have special sales all the time.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 10/1/2008 3:38:20 PM
Author: newbie124

I think if you have some amenable family members whose taste you can rely on, there''s nothing wrong with having them check out some initial vendors for you (don''t know that I would burden your MOH or Best Man, though, unless you''re really close). But I would save asking that favor for things that definitely need an in-person visit (like anything involving food), and where you trust their tastes.

Well the best man will be in colorado with us but the moh is my best friend whom i''ve known and loved for almost 12 years and she knows my tastes pretty well. Also my mom will be in town and I dunno anyone who knows me better than my mom. I wasn''t thinking asking them to do really tedious stuff but I was thinking of asking for help picking a cake and also having moh go with the girls for the dress fittings to take pictures of it all if i can''t be there (we are all one big group of best friends, i got lucky there)

 

[lliang_chi]

Also I forgot to mention, if your family is up for it, you can have them do some initial scouting of venues and vendors. Narrow it down to a top few and go home on those trips to make a final decision.

 

[Shoopy]

OMG please, speaking as an MOH that has become my bride's slave, just do the planning yourself. And if there is anything that these girls would love to help you with then great. But don't put all the burden on them.

I'm way too nice and my bride put everything on me because she "gets too stressed out." So I had to find the ceremony venue and the location for the reception. It was beyond stressful for me and then on top of that she had to decide whether she liked it or not because we have very different tastes. I've basically become her free wedding planner (and I know its my fault).

Chances are that your MOH and BMs will be too nice to turn it down or too nice to say that they have stuff going on in their own lives. So do them the favor and don't let them have the burden of making your wedding magical.

Edit--And I wanted to add that she didn't mean to in the beginning. Its just that when you are so stressed out with everything you have to do, it becomes very easy to just pile it all on to someone else and just go crazy on them. It's not your real personality it just happens.

 

[swimmer]

Um, have you chatted with your Mom?
My Rabbi gave me awesome advice, "the wedding is not about you two, its about joining families together." Thinking about it that way got me through tough moments; like you, my mom was there to plan and I was a 20 hr drive or two flights away. You will have to give up control of some things, but bonus, you won''t have to worry about some things.

Just find the venue and menu now and everything else will follow.

I would not ask a BM to do that sort of thing...having been a bm about 10/11 times, I have done some major things for my girls, but what fiery is going through is just toooooo much. When I was young, as a BM I bought the dress and showed up with a present.

 

[CaliCushion]

Smurfy, you can soooo do this! Get price quotes from vendors online or on the phone. You can also talk to their past clients from out of town. Pick out pictures of cakes you like from Fargo vendor websites (or, just pick out pictures and plan on asking the vendors if they can recreate the cake). Pick a weekend (or 2) to go back home and meet with ALL your top vendors. Try to pick bridesmaid dresses that are available at a store in CO and in ND. Also, if you have time now, try to get initial scouting out of the way.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

thanks guys, i was starting to feel a little overwhelmed!
Fi''s family also lives in fargo and I am sure his mom would like to be involved with the planning as well too (well involved in at least something you know, im not saying im gonna put it all on her)