What would you do? Awkward situation...

[JuneRose]

I am getting married in May -yippee!
We are planning to go to Italy on our honeymoon but we haven't yet found anywhere that suits our taste and budget.

My mother suggested over Christmas that I contact her ex-boyfriend Peter (she dated him 10 years ago), who works for a travel consultancy firm or something of the like and ask him for suggestions... She mentioned this twice and has since emailed me asking if I have done it yet.

I really don't want to contact him. He was very nice and he was with my mother for about 3 years when I was 11-14. He lives in Canada so they had a long-distance relationship.

The reason I don't want to contact him is firstly because I haven't seen him/had any contact in so long and I feel it will be strange to suddenly contact him out of the blue. Secondly, the last time I saw him was when I was about 15 and, since their relationship had ended amicably, he was in town and my mum asked him round for dinner. The evening went well and it was nice to see him again, but when he left my mother started shouting at me and asking me why I had been flirting with him all evening I was so embarrassed and confused and upset...

I really don't want to remind my mother about this (I know she will take it as my accusing her of being a terrible mother or something like that... ) but I also know she is going to ask me again if I have contacted him and I have no idea what to say!?

(Also if anyone DOES have any good suggestions for a lovely Italian honeymoon destination along the Amalfi Coast then I'd love to hear it!!)

 

[movie zombie]

you owe your mother no explanation. can you simply just tell her that you appreciate her suggestion but you and your FI want to deal with someone local. if she brings it up again, i'd repeat once again that you and your FI are handling it......then change the subject. if she still persists i'd be tempted to invite her to contact her ex herself but that you have no intentions of having him handle your honeymoon plans and to please not bring it up again.

 

[Haven]

It doesn't sound like you have any good reasons to contact him, so if I were you I wouldn't. I'd tell your mom that you have another source that you trust.

It seems like a strange thing for your mom to recommend.

Whenever we travel I spend a lot of time on the Fodors forums and on TripAdvisor. I also borrow the most current Rick Steves book to read before our first visit to a new country in Europe. And I post a thread on PS, everyone here always gives great advice about travel destinations, too.

Have fun! We really wanted to honeymoon in Italy, but we were married in July so it would have been too hot for us to go at that time.

 

[kama_s]

We spent a month in Italy this year and an Amalfi coast honeymoon would be amazing. You really don't need a travel agent to plan the trip - you can do it all on your own fairly easily. Tripadvisor is an excellent resource.

How long do you intend to spend in Italy? If you can give us an idea on timelines and price points, I am sure many of us here can help you plan your honeymoon.

Positano is beautiful, but expensive. You can spend a few days here, or alternatively, you can pick another spot as your main location and take day trips around. Sorrento is very reasonable, so that would be my suggestion. Then take trips out to capri, amalfi, salerno etc.

 

[kenny]

Tell your mother to mind her own business.
I realize that's not polite but what she's doing is WAY worse than not polite.

 

[junebug17]

I don't think you owe her any explanation - just tell her you don't want to contact him and you and FI will handle the arrangements yourselves. The wonderful thing about being an adult is that you don't have to do everything your mother tells you to do! I really enjoyed that part of growing up!

 

[luv2sparkle]

I wouldn't contact him, and I would just tell your mom you would rather not. Make your own plans or check out other travel agents for
itinerary options.

I am so annoyed for you that your mom even suggested it.

 

[Enerchi]

You and your fiance can plan a trip using any other LOCAL travel agent. It seems like perhaps your mother wants to be in contact with this guy, vicariously thru you???

Don't get involved. Back away! Do your own thing with a travel advisor convenient for the two of you. Not sure where you live, but rates in Canada are different than other countries, could be different travel 'rules' to comply with... just not worth the aggravation, especially if you haven't had anything to do with him in years.

Nope - stay away. If your mom wants contact, she can initiate it, not you.

 

[Amys Bling]

we Had a two week honeymoon in Italy!! Amalfi coast can be expensive- you could stay in Sorrento and do trip along the coast. We stayed at the Hotel Plaza in the heart of Sorrento- super reasonable, modern and clean, strong AC , great breakfast included, and rooftop pool to escape the heat!

 

[Amys Bling]

We spent a month in Italy this year and an Amalfi coast honeymoon would be amazing. You really don't need a travel agent to plan the trip - you can do it all on your own fairly easily. Tripadvisor is an excellent resource.

How long do you intend to spend in Italy? If you can give us an idea on timelines and price points, I am sure many of us here can help you plan your honeymoon.

Positano is beautiful, but expensive. You can spend a few days here, or alternatively, you can pick another spot as your main location and take day trips around. Sorrento is very reasonable, so that would be my suggestion. Then take trips out to capri, amalfi, salerno etc.

Exactly my suggestion- stay in Sorrento and do coast ferries or drives along the coast

 

[tuffyluvr]

Ohmygosh, im so sorry to hear this! What an awkward position to be put in! I wouldn't want to call him if I were in your position. I would just say, "I am not going to call him, I just don't feel comfortable."

I agree with everyone--tripadvisor is tremendously helpful.

Good luck planning your honeymoon--it will be wonderful!!!

 

[JuneRose]

Thank you everyone for your suggestions -I agree the best thing to do is to simply tell her we are handling it ourselves. Actually I have been on tripadvisor all morning and already got some potential places. I've heard Positano is expensive, although it does look stunning, so I will definitely check out Sorrento as an alternative option. I will start a separate thread for suggestions

As you can probably tell from my post, my mother can sometimes be a little unreasonable and I just didn't want to handle this situation in the wrong way... I've had similar things happen in the past when I have upset her without meaning to and I wasn't sure how to handle this one or why she was doing it. I have a feeling that if I tell her I "don't feel comfortable" contacting him, it will make the situation worse, so I think I will just tell her we have found some great suggestions online

Junebug -I completely get what you are saying, I certainly don't have to do everything my mother tells me! Unfortunately, although I found it very easy to ignore anything she told me to do when I was a teenager, now that I'm a "proper adult" I find it harder to rebel against my mother in the same way Funny how that happens...

 

[Missy]

Hi Junerose, congratulations on your upcoming wedding and honeymoon! Italy is a gorgeous country to spend your honeymoon in- we were on the Amalfi coast during part of our honeymoon too! If you do decide to stay in Positano I highly recommend Le Sirenuse. It is a gorgeous hotel and perfect for honeymooners. We stayed there for the time we were in Positano and enjoyed our time there. That was a long time ago so I also agree with the posters who recommend TripAdvisor as they are up to date on where to go, where to stay and what to do. I just have lovely memories of Le Sirenuse and thought I would put it out there if you wanted to look it up and see what you thought.

I definitely do not think you should contact your mother's ex boyfriend given the details of your last encounter and your mother's reaction as well as the fact you haven't had contact with him for so long. If you feel awkward about it listen to your intuition and tell your mother you prefer not to. It's not her decision or her business.

Good luck and most of all don't let others stress you out. This time is for happy excitement and enjoyment and ignore those who are not on the same page.

 

[junebug17]

Thank you everyone for your suggestions -I agree the best thing to do is to simply tell her we are handling it ourselves. Actually I have been on tripadvisor all morning and already got some potential places. I've heard Positano is expensive, although it does look stunning, so I will definitely check out Sorrento as an alternative option. I will start a separate thread for suggestions

As you can probably tell from my post, my mother can sometimes be a little unreasonable and I just didn't want to handle this situation in the wrong way... I've had similar things happen in the past when I have upset her without meaning to and I wasn't sure how to handle this one or why she was doing it. I have a feeling that if I tell her I "don't feel comfortable" contacting him, it will make the situation worse, so I think I will just tell her we have found some great suggestions online

Junebug -I completely get what you are saying, I certainly don't have to do everything my mother tells me! Unfortunately, although I found it very easy to ignore anything she told me to do when I was a teenager, now that I'm a "proper adult" I find it harder to rebel against my mother in the same way Funny how that happens...

I know! After I posted I felt my post sounded a little harsh and critical, and I didn't mean it that way! I'm over 50 and still have trouble sometimes being upfront with my mother hehe - I still have to remind myself that it's ok to not always follow my mother's advice or suggestions! You've gotten some great tips in this thread, I'm sure you and your fiance will be able to put together a wonderful trip!

 

[JuneRose]

Thank you Missy, I will try and not let her stress me out -weddings seem to sometimes bring out the worst in people! I looked up Le Sirenuse and it looks beautiful! Thank you again for everyone's suggestions

Junebug- Don't worry I completely understood what you meant by the comment and I didn't take it harshly at all