What to wear to an interment...unsure help appreciated

[btrflygrl23]

Hi,

FI''s dad passed away late October. His wishes were to be cremated which we did but he also wanted his ashes interred where his mom is buried (FI''s grandmom).

The interment is this Friday. The entire family will gather at the cemetary and anyone that wishes to will say some words about FI''s dad and then we are going to release some balloons and put the ashes in with his mom and close the plot. There won''t be a priest or a service.
So I''m unsure how to dress. I mean I realize it should be respectful and there is no question I will be dressed accordingly but do I need to wear all black? Since it isn''t a funeral would be rude/disrespectful if I wear any color at all? I mean I wouldn''t wear red or anything loud but I have a black skirt that has a few pale pink flowers on it and I was considering that would that be inappropriate do you think?

Your thoughts would be much appreciated.
Also, FSIL will be there and she and I DO NOT mesh if I mess up in any way with my attire she will be sure to hold my feet up to the fire and will be happy to tell EVERYONE in the family how I screwed up so pls help!

 

[Sabine]

I would wear mostly black (maybe a pantsuit with a non-loud colored cami or collared shirt, doesn''t have to be ALL black) or another dark color like grey or navy as the primary colors in the outfit. I think it''s okay as part of the outfit is colored as long as the predominant color is dark.

 

[Skippy123]

I am so sorry for your FI''s loss and your loss. Can you post a picture of the outfit? I think a black skirt and pink blouse or grey pants suit or just something subdue.

 

[AprilBaby]

I would wear something black, maybe kahki pants and nice black top or black pants and white or pale colored top. Not too much jewelry and look understated but classy. (I am MIL''s age probably)

 

[redfaerythinker]

I would dress like you would for a standard interview. Subdued and put together. Definitely no bright colors. I don''t think you need to wear all black. I almost didn''t wear black to my father''s funeral because I didn''t own any. Luckily we found a black dress the day before but still.

 

[Kaleigh]

Dress as if you were going to the office, subdued colors, conservative... Notihing bright. I always play it safe and wear black. But that''s just me.... I am sorry for your loss.

 

[fleur-de-lis]

The standard is not quite as dark as a funeral. Head-to-toe black is not appropriate.

When I recently attended the mass and interment of a senior family member, I wore a very dark green dress (that came just past my knees and had covered shoulders) with dark shoes, dark handbag, and subdued hairstyle. Other female attendants wore black blazers over taupe colored dresses, navy pantsuits, and other conservative clothes that weren''t as severe as what people wore to the funeral a few weeks prior. The widow wore black to both.

Hope this helps!
f-d-l

 

[HollyS]

It is perfectly acceptable today to wear any modest and quiet dress/skirt/pantsuit to a funeral or interment. Black is fine, but unneccesary. Prints should be small. Colors should be soothing.

I know this is heinous to most women under 40, but bare legs are still considered inappropriate for funerals if you are strictly adhering to proper etiquette. I know; I hate them too.

 

[Erin]

That''s what I was going to suggest too, Holly. Could you maybe wear pants instead of a skirt? "After all, this isn''t a party" says the FSIL...

 

[btrflygrl23]

Thanks Sabine

Thanks Skippy your condolences are much appreciated and I did pass them on to FI too who was very touched that my ring buddies as he calls the PSers were so sweet to me and him

Thanks too to April and redfaery

Kaleigh thank you for your words of comfort and you are right being closer to all black is better than taking a chance with anything that could be misconstrued as disrespectful

fleur I think head to toe black would be too much for this too b/c in the end it isn''t a funeral

Holly I am going to switch to pants the interment is outside and we are expected to have very heavy rain and winds here tmr and I don''t think the skirt is appropriate and the other plain black skirt I have isn''t either and you are right bare legs even with tights isn''t a great idea if I am going to adhere to strict etiquette

Starset you made me laugh out loud! Thanks for making me laugh during a tough time by the way, so true that''s exactly along the lines of what I would probably hear from FSIL

You guys are awesome thanks for the advice as always and the support!

 

[strmrdr]

sorry for your loss.

Dress code in my area is the same as for a funeral but may be different in other areas.

 

[AGBF]

btrflygrl, I am sorry for your loss. You seem to have received plenty of advice already, but since I was here I thought I would speak my piece. I grew up going to funerals in "my mother''s church", the Eastern Orthodox Church, and even now I seem to go to more funerals there than in other places. That tends to be a place where women are swathed in black with black hose and hats. Although it has relaxed over the years, it is more formal than most other churches (at least in the northeast).

When I have attended funerals and wakes outside of this church lately I have found people attired in brightly colored clothing. I have not found color to be taboo. In fact at wakes, I have seen people wear just about anything. It does not just seem that people have different ideas about what colors to wear to a funeral. Some people do not feel that they need to dress up to go to a wake; they wear whatever they had on while doing their housework.

That does not mean that I would advise you to wear just anything. I understand that you want to look appropriate for your own sake; the sake of your fiancé; and the sake of your fiancé''s family. I do not think that there is any longer a universal expectation that people will dress well for an occasion such as this, let alone to dress funereally!


Deborah