Wedding What to do about people who assume they''re invited?

[ShannonM]

We just got engaged a few weeks ago and I need a little input from you ladies about the right way to manage expectations about our wedding.

Both my fiance and I are from large families (my mom is one of 16 and his dad is one of 12) so just right there our guest list is big. We''ve also been dating for 7 years so we have a lot of mutual friends . Combined all that with the fact that finace keeps in touch with everyone he''s ever met all of the sudden the number of people that we would like to invite (and expect to be invited) is much larger than what we''ll actually be able to afford even though we plan on a big wedding.

I''ve read all the threads that give wonderful gracious answers about having to keep a guest list down, having a small wedding and keeping things intimate as ways to deflect people who just assume they''re invited, but what do you do when the wedding is big?

 

[neatfreak]

You say the same things: The venue has a size limit and we have such huge families that is all we can really accomodate, we have such huge families that this wedding is going to bankrupt us before we even invite one friend, we have to keep our own guest lists down so that we can fit all the family, etc.

Repeat after me: Just say NO.

 

[ShannonM]

Hmmm that word looks familiar but I don''t think I know how it''s pronounced.

 

[Nocturnius]

Agreeing with previous poster.

Be firm and clear. No paper invitation, no attendance. Anyone who has the audacity to invite themselves and/or ask you why they weren''t invited deserves a very clear statement: our families were our priority guests, and there was very little room left after them. Simple as that. You don''t have to explain why other friends took priority over anyone else or anything like that. If they invite themselves, make it clear that they are NOT invited. Do this in whatever manner is appropriate based on the person. (Example: I have a very obnoxious friend who didn''t understand a gentle, "we couldn''t afford to invite you." She had to be blatantly told, "no, T, you are not invited to the wedding.")