Wedding What to do about my groom''s gift?

[violet02]

My FI is having a ring re-set for me with my mother''s diamonds and some dark pink sapphires. It will be a platinum stacking ring to go with my diamond eternity band. Both will be made by Single Stone. This is going to be his weding gift to me.

Now I know that he wants more than anything is a Rolex Explorer II watch. He knows it''s very pricey though and doesn''t want me to buy it fror him or so he says. I know though it''s something he''d wear for years and years to come and would mean a lot to him. I have the money to buy this watch but of course it would come out of my savings to do so. It wouldn''t require me to go into debt. He''s indicated that he''d rather discuss doing this with me then to have me suprise him but I so love suprising people with things they love so I''m not sure what to do.

I don''t know if he''ll be bent that I spent that much on a watch and didn''t consult with him first or if he''ll be happy that I did it anyways. I''m not sure what to do but as I said I love the surprise factor. Then of course there''s the issue of ''should we be spending that much money on a watch right now'' with all the other things we''re spending for he wedding etc.

Considering how much I''ve already spent on myself for wedding jewelery, dresses, veils, shoes and more it seems like a small price to pay. Should I just go for it and suprise him or consult wth him first or just forget the whole thing for now?

 

[Sabine]

I think you should go for it. I also think it''s a little weird that you are supposed to consult with him on spending YOUR money on a gift for HIM. I understand that people should be upfront with how much they spend, but I think you should be able to make a decision on whether you can afford to buy him the watch as a gift yourself.

 

[violet02]

Yes very true... but we''re also in the midst of combining incomes and trying to hopefully buy a houe and pay off some debt so I think his concern may be that I''m overspending when we could use the money elsewhere. It''s such a tough call! It''s easy to get carried away with spending large sums of money around a wedding it seems, at least on my end.

 

[LegalGal]

Surprise him! I think in this case it would be ok.

 

[pocahontas]

Yep, I'm with the other ladies on this one - surprise the heck outa him. Once he gets over the initial shock, he'll be blown away by your thoughtfulness and generosity.

 

[purrfectpear]

I''m going against the crowd here and say nope. It sounds like you guys have pretty good communication and that you already sort of view your decisions as a team, and your finances as a team, and he specifically asked you NOT to do that without discussing it further.

I''m sure he''d love it, and I "hope" he wouldn''t be really peeved, but the bottom line is that you would be doing something different from what he has already indicated to you would be his preference.

Sort of like if you wanted a newer car. Then you guys talk about it and you say "I''d love a car honey, but please don''t just go out and buy one. We should talk it over first". Then he shows up in the driveway with a new car. You''d love it, but you might be a little ticked that he ignored what you said?

 

[violet02]

Date: 6/23/2008 3:50:43 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I''m going against the crowd here and say nope. It sounds like you guys have pretty good communication and that you already sort of view your decisions as a team, and your finances as a team, and he specifically asked you NOT to do that without discussing it further.

I''m sure he''d love it, and I ''hope'' he wouldn''t be really peeved, but the bottom line is that you would be doing something different from what he has already indicated to you would be his preference.

Sort of like if you wanted a newer car. Then you guys talk about it and you say ''I''d love a car honey, but please don''t just go out and buy one. We should talk it over first''. Then he shows up in the driveway with a new car. You''d love it, but you might be a little ticked that he ignored what you said?

So before I read this post I was thinking yeah I should just go for it!

But reading your post purr, gave me pause... I think you do have a very valid point. While he may love the new watch he may be more concerned about us paying for this wedding and having money in the bank for the time being then me blowing 5k plus on a watch. He may want to mull it over first and see if it really is worth it. If I did just go buy it I have a feeling that it''s possible he may not be happy that I ignored what he said.

More food for thought! My job right now is in a weird state of flux too which may play into it. I''ll know more in July, if things are good then, then maybe it will be the time to go for it, but for the time being I better take the conservative road. I do hope I can suprise him later on though if its possible!

 

[zoebartlett]

I agree with PP-- either talk to your FI and see what he says, or find something else. I totally understand wanting to get him something he''s said he''s wanted. I do think though, that as much as I''m sure he''d appreciate the gesture, he may wish that the money would have gone towards something else. If he says something like that to you, would it take some of the fun out of the gift? I would think it could -- maybe a little.

If I wanted to spend $5K on a gift for my FI, he would MUCH rather that I get him something less expensive. He''d rather that we work together to put that money towards saving for a house, etc. I''m not sure if your FI would react the same way.

 

[violet02]

Date: 6/23/2008 5:47:06 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett
I agree with PP-- either talk to your FI and see what he says, or find something else. I totally understand wanting to get him something he''s said he''s wanted. I do think though, that as much as I''m sure he''d appreciate the gesture, he may wish that the money would have gone towards something else. If he says something like that to you, would it take some of the fun out of the gift? I would think it could -- maybe a little.

If I wanted to spend $5K on a gift for my FI, he would MUCH rather that I get him something less expensive. He''d rather that we work together to put that money towards saving for a house, etc. I''m not sure if your FI would react the same way.

No you''re right I think he would. We had been talking about buying a house but decided to put it off until after the wedding since it was too stressful to try and do both at the same time. I''m sure he''d feel that way about putting the money towards something like that. I just feel bad sometimes since he''s gotten me such nice things for the wedding. His $140 tux rental and custom vest and tie dont come anywhere near what we''ve spent on my own wedding outfit and jewelry. So I feel like he deserves something nice too.

 

[vintagelover229]

Your FI knows that you have been dreaming of your wedding and want''s it to be perfect. He understands that your things for the day are going to be more costly than his tux, etc. His reward for that is seeing you when you walk down that isle, and of couse, the memories that you will have because of this joyous day. That is what you spend money on, making memories. Now, if in few years you can still afford a 5k + watch, get it for him for his birthday or something nice. But I agree with what everyone else is saying...I''d wait. Get his something else that''s less expensive that is nice. Perhaps a different really nice watch engraved on the back with your wedding date. You can make it look similar, or completley different. Up to you. Don''t feel bad that he''s spending more on your things than you are on his. The idea is to get something that makes eachother happy. Be creative. I know it sounds silly, but maybe a couples massage for two after the wedding and life is all settled in? The ideas are endless. Congrats on the upcoming day!

 

[violet02]

Date: 6/23/2008 6:03:44 PM
Author: redrose229
Your FI knows that you have been dreaming of your wedding and want''s it to be perfect. He understands that your things for the day are going to be more costly than his tux, etc. His reward for that is seeing you when you walk down that isle, and of couse, the memories that you will have because of this joyous day. That is what you spend money on, making memories. Now, if in few years you can still afford a 5k + watch, get it for him for his birthday or something nice. But I agree with what everyone else is saying...I''d wait. Get his something else that''s less expensive that is nice. Perhaps a different really nice watch engraved on the back with your wedding date. You can make it look similar, or completley different. Up to you. Don''t feel bad that he''s spending more on your things than you are on his. The idea is to get something that makes eachother happy. Be creative. I know it sounds silly, but maybe a couples massage for two after the wedding and life is all settled in? The ideas are endless. Congrats on the upcoming day!

I think we can wait on the watch for now and maybe find something else like you said. I''m sure there''s something I can do that''s nice for him.

I shoudl have said ''we''re'' spending more on my stuff then his since it''s a collective fund, as opposed to his money being spent and my money (and our parents money).

Let''s just hope things go smoothly life and work-wise between now and the wedding! Who knows maybe we''ll find our dream house real soon! Although in the CA real estate market that''ll be tough.