What things do you and your SO do to keep the passion alive?

[Dannielle]

FI and I have been together going on 5 years and have lived together for 2 years. I think that we might be a bit to comfortable around each other which has taken some of the mystery and romance away from our relationship.

So.. what do you do to keep the home fires burnin’

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Go on a vacation together. Even if it's just for a weekend. Check out of your normal life and return the focus to the two of you, your connection and your relationship. Sleep when you're tired, eat when you're hungry and fool around whenever the feeling hits you. Hold hands, make out in public (it's not like anyone knows you...).

I definitely think relationships cool after awhile and getting the spark back definitely takes a lot of work. I've noticed that it's a lot easier for DH and I if we're not at home living our normal lives. This usually means the feeling hits us when we're visiting family or in an equally unacceptable/inconvenient location. When we can take time for ourselves we're more attentive, loving and affectionate. I felt like we really reconnected as a couple on our honeymoon and now that we're home, it's definitely a challenge to keep that connection strong amidst work, refinancing our house, getting a new kitten, etc. We make a point to sit down and eat dinner together every night and talk. I also insist on having conversation time in the morning during our commute in to work (sounds crazy, I know). In the evening we're too stressed out from work and traffic. Still, you can do all of this and not make time for sexy time. Sometimes we have to commit to making time for ourselves that way and just do it. It's though hard because we're so tired during the week. I feel bad saying this, but sometimes you have to take one for the team and just do it. The hardest part is getting started, but once the motor is running, it's good and you wonder why you don't do it more often....

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/28/2009 8:55:00 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Go on a vacation together. Even if it''s just for a weekend. Check out of your normal life and return the focus to the two of you, your connection and your relationship. Sleep when you''re tired, eat when you''re hungry and fool around whenever the feeling hits you. Hold hands, make out in public (it''s not like anyone knows you...).

I definitely think relationships cool after awhile and getting the spark back definitely takes a lot of work. I''ve noticed that it''s a lot easier for DH and I if we''re not at home living our normal lives. This usually means the feeling hits us when we''re visiting family or in an equally unacceptable/inconvenient location. When we can take time for ourselves we''re more attentive, loving and affectionate. I felt like we really reconnected as a couple on our honeymoon and now that we''re home, it''s definitely a challenge to keep that connection strong amidst work, refinancing our house, getting a new kitten, etc. We make a point to sit down and eat dinner together every night and talk. I also insist on having conversation time in the morning during our commute in to work (sounds crazy, I know). In the evening we''re too stressed out from work and traffic. Still, you can do all of this and not make time for sexy time. Sometimes we have to commit to making time for ourselves that way and just do it. It''s though hard because we''re so tired during the week. I feel bad saying this, but sometimes you have to take one for the team and just do it. The hardest part is getting started, but once the motor is running, it''s good and you wonder why you don''t do it more often....

Well said, HH!

*taking notes*

 

[Lilac]

Date: 7/28/2009 8:55:00 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Go on a vacation together. Even if it''s just for a weekend. Check out of your normal life and return the focus to the two of you, your connection and your relationship. Sleep when you''re tired, eat when you''re hungry and fool around whenever the feeling hits you. Hold hands, make out in public (it''s not like anyone knows you...).

I definitely think relationships cool after awhile and getting the spark back definitely takes a lot of work. I''ve noticed that it''s a lot easier for DH and I if we''re not at home living our normal lives. This usually means the feeling hits us when we''re visiting family or in an equally unacceptable/inconvenient location. When we can take time for ourselves we''re more attentive, loving and affectionate. I felt like we really reconnected as a couple on our honeymoon and now that we''re home, it''s definitely a challenge to keep that connection strong amidst work, refinancing our house, getting a new kitten, etc. We make a point to sit down and eat dinner together every night and talk. I also insist on having conversation time in the morning during our commute in to work (sounds crazy, I know). In the evening we''re too stressed out from work and traffic. Still, you can do all of this and not make time for sexy time. Sometimes we have to commit to making time for ourselves that way and just do it. It''s though hard because we''re so tired during the week. I feel bad saying this, but sometimes you have to take one for the team and just do it. The hardest part is getting started, but once the motor is running, it''s good and you wonder why you don''t do it more often....

Couldn''t have said it better myself. Especially the vacation part - I''ve only been on one vacation with DH (and we''re going on our honeymoon in 2 weeks!) but that vacation DEFINITELY brought back some spark to our relationship. Just getting away anywhere for a weekend, or even overnight, really helps. It makes us feel closer together emotionally and physically.

Talking is SO important. When we sit down and turn off the TV and have dinner together and just talk about our day or whatever is on our mind, that always makes us feel closer too (and once we feel closer, it can lead to other more "passionate" things later on...)

And like HH said - sometimes you just have to take one for the team. Now I''m not saying do it when you REALLY don''t want to. But if you don''t care either way and normally would just go to sleep, maybe that night try to get into it - you''ll probably end up being happy that you did. It makes him feel good that you didn''t say no, and once you start it usually ends up being for the best anyway

 

[Haven]

Vacations are a great way to liven things up.

I also find that being in an unfamiliar social situation together--e.g. a friend''s wedding where we don''t know a lot of people, a party where we only know the hosts, that sort of thing--ignites a spark, too. We end up meeting a lot of people and talking about things like how we met, etc. I always end up looking at my DH a couple times during the night and thinking "Look at that sexy man! Is he really my husband?"
So, accept the next invitation to a party you normally wouldn''t attend!

I guess seeing each other in roles that we''re not used to seeing is what I''m really talking about. DH can''t believe it whenever he sees me teach, he says it''s like watching a different person who looks exactly like me. I suppose the whole unfamiliar social scene is a similar thing.

 

[Bia]

Date: 7/28/2009 9:02:09 AM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 7/28/2009 8:55:00 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Go on a vacation together. Even if it''s just for a weekend. Check out of your normal life and return the focus to the two of you, your connection and your relationship. Sleep when you''re tired, eat when you''re hungry and fool around whenever the feeling hits you. Hold hands, make out in public (it''s not like anyone knows you...).

I definitely think relationships cool after awhile and getting the spark back definitely takes a lot of work. I''ve noticed that it''s a lot easier for DH and I if we''re not at home living our normal lives. This usually means the feeling hits us when we''re visiting family or in an equally unacceptable/inconvenient location. When we can take time for ourselves we''re more attentive, loving and affectionate. I felt like we really reconnected as a couple on our honeymoon and now that we''re home, it''s definitely a challenge to keep that connection strong amidst work, refinancing our house, getting a new kitten, etc. We make a point to sit down and eat dinner together every night and talk. I also insist on having conversation time in the morning during our commute in to work (sounds crazy, I know). In the evening we''re too stressed out from work and traffic. Still, you can do all of this and not make time for sexy time. Sometimes we have to commit to making time for ourselves that way and just do it. It''s though hard because we''re so tired during the week. I feel bad saying this, but sometimes you have to take one for the team and just do it. The hardest part is getting started, but once the motor is running, it''s good and you wonder why you don''t do it more often....

Well said, HH!

*taking notes*

agreed.

 

[AdiS]

 

[Lauren8211]

 

[Haven]

You should share a secret fantasy you have that you've never told him about, or unique things that turn you on about him. I bet he'll start sharing, too, and then you'll have a whole arsenal of things to try.

It took my DH a long time to tell me that dark lipstick really turns him on. I had no idea, and I have big lips so I don't usually wear lipstick. Now that I know, though, you bet I put some on when I'm looking to start a fire.

 

[CNOS128]

Er, umm.... wine.

 

[somethingshiny]

Ditto to all of the above.

Also, it''s fun to turn things on while out and about. Kind of like when you didn''t live together and you wanted to be intimate but were obviously at the wrong place. You had to wait and wait and wait before you could. That anticipation is a wonderful thing.

And, we''re outdoorsy people, in the most of ways, so that''s always a fun option too.

 

[trillionaire]

new and novel activities. could be anything... check your local paper and do something new together. We also have themed date nights, which are hysterical! Our next one is a blind date... we will meet each other somewhere and pretend to be strangers... we''ll talk, drink... maybe a ''one night stand''...

sometimes it''s fun to get outside of yourself!

or you can do a team event together... we''ve been talking about doing a mud run, but you could do a relay, or something a little more tame.

get a fondue pot and have a sensual fondue night on the floor.

volunteer together, read a book together.... possibilities are endless.

become pen pals and write to each other!

be creative and have fun.

 

[Dannielle]

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

"Our next one is a blind date... we will meet each other somewhere and pretend to be strangers... we''ll talk, drink... maybe a ''one night stand''... sometimes it''s fun to get outside of yourself!"

SUCH a good idea!!!

 

[tigian]

Vacationing together really lets you focus on eachother and not on daily tasks that need to be done.
I find that not nagging really helps. Sometimes DH doesn''t do things as quickly as I would like, but I know that it really doesn''t make either of us feel good if I am nagging. Things will get done on his own time. It doesn''t always have to be done on my time.
Being outdoors, playing with the dogs, riding bikes all help.
Even if I am tired and not really in the mood, I''m always happy when I do make the effort.

So I remind myself of that. I try to wear pretty things to bed.

 

[cammy85]

I really agree that your appearance makes a difference. My DH teases me when we go out or visit his family, because I almost always put on some makeup (at the minimum eyeliner, lip gloss and eyeshadow) and do my hair. He''s like, we are just going to the grocery store, you don''t need makeup. And while I appreciate that he says that, I tell him that I want to look good for him. I don''t want him to ever think like I''m done trying to impress him just because we are married. I want him to realize that I care about how I look because 1 - it makes ME feel better and sexier and 2 - gosh darn it, he''s worth it. And I want him to know that.

The feeling does come around during inopportune moments as well, or when we try something new or even slightly competitive - like mini golf! Just breaking out of our normal routine does wonders.

And that "once the motor is running, you wonder why you don''t do it more often." I am definitely like this. There are so many outside stressors, finding sexy time can be difficult. We are both somewhat passive people too, so when neither one is an initiator, so to speak, it''s difficult to get things moving. We''ll get home from work, have dinner, do housework, watch a movie and go to bed. then I''ll start thinking, man, when did we get to be so dull?! And we''ve only been married 4 months! It''s not that the drive isn''t there, we do want it more, it''s just difficult to *find the time* when there are so many things going on around us.

So lately whenever we are planted in front of the tv, I''ll grab his hand and take him *you know where.*

With DVR and DVD''s - anything we missed can be rewound and rewatched, so I''m making an effort to get out of our complacency and use that time for fun! We reconnect, have fun, and get some exercise! Win win. AND we sleep better.

I''m realizing that making an effort goes a long way in keeping a spark alive, and I need to make the effort if I want him to do the same.

 

[cammy85]

Date: 7/28/2009 1:11:22 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
''Our next one is a blind date... we will meet each other somewhere and pretend to be strangers... we''ll talk, drink... maybe a ''one night stand''... sometimes it''s fun to get outside of yourself!''

SUCH a good idea!!!

I''d love to try this, but don''t know if I could do the whole ''pretend I don''t know you'' thing. I am pretty sure he would be less-than-enthused haha. Maybe i''ll try it out on him one night!

 

[atroop711]

well passion to my husband is the "dutch oven" Peee-uuu. That keeps me AWAKE and barely alive

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 7/28/2009 1:11:22 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
'Our next one is a blind date... we will meet each other somewhere and pretend to be strangers... we'll talk, drink... maybe a 'one night stand'... sometimes it's fun to get outside of yourself!'

SUCH a good idea!!!

I'm really excited!!!

I'm going to leave my number in lipstick on his bathroom mirror the next morning, saying "call me"... maybe I coud leave for errands early or something? lol! I really want him to wake up to me gone, and lipstick on the mirror

I'm so silly!

after he calls me, we can do lunch or brunch.

 

[Luckyeshe]

Date: 7/28/2009 2:44:23 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 7/28/2009 1:11:22 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
''Our next one is a blind date... we will meet each other somewhere and pretend to be strangers... we''ll talk, drink... maybe a ''one night stand''... sometimes it''s fun to get outside of yourself!''

SUCH a good idea!!!

I''m really excited!!!

I''m going to leave my number in lipstick on his bathroom mirror the next morning, saying ''call me''... maybe I coud leave for errands early or something? lol! I really want him to wake up to me gone, and lipstick on the mirror

I''m so silly!

after he calls me, we can do lunch or brunch.

I think I''m gonna combine these two ideas...

Completely start from scratch...I wait at a bar and have my FI pick me up and hit on me (act like we''re total strangers), get some drinks, go home, and have some fun. Then wake up the following morning, before him and do the lipstick thing on his mirror with my name and "call me". hehehehehehe

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/28/2009 2:53:59 PM
Author: Luckyeshe

Date: 7/28/2009 2:44:23 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 7/28/2009 1:11:22 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
''Our next one is a blind date... we will meet each other somewhere and pretend to be strangers... we''ll talk, drink... maybe a ''one night stand''... sometimes it''s fun to get outside of yourself!''

SUCH a good idea!!!

I''m really excited!!!

I''m going to leave my number in lipstick on his bathroom mirror the next morning, saying ''call me''... maybe I coud leave for errands early or something? lol! I really want him to wake up to me gone, and lipstick on the mirror

I''m so silly!

after he calls me, we can do lunch or brunch.

I think I''m gonna combine these two ideas...

Completely start from scratch...I wait at a bar and have my FI pick me up and hit on me (act like we''re total strangers), get some drinks, go home, and have some fun. Then wake up the following morning, before him and do the lipstick thing on his mirror with my name and ''call me''. hehehehehehe

Oh my gosh I''ve had this exact idea, but never done it before!

i really should!

 

[Dancing Fire]

i learn more about sex than diamond on PS.

 

[AdiS]

 

[Laila619]

I always try to keep some mystery with my DH.

For instance, closed bathroom door policy. I don''t understand why some couples pee in front of each other. IMO, yuck! In addition he doesn''t see me doing any part of my grooming activities at all.

I''ll go out on my own sometimes (just to do errands or what have you) and when I come home, I find it always makes him miss me. So make sure you still do activities without him, to give him space to miss you.

I also agree with trying to look your best, even when you''re just sitting around at home. I don''t always succeed at this, but I try.

Finally, sexy lingerie does wonders. I will sometimes have lingerie fashion shows for DH. He has to sit there, and he can look BUT he can''t touch! It drives him absolutely wild.

Hee hee

 

[katamari]

+1 to many of the above suggestions.

Another for me is keeping it as a part of our talking to one another. FI and I are always telling each other how attractive we think the other is and specific things we love about each other, be they physical attributes, behaviors, or actions. I think simple "I love yous" come too easy after awhile, but if you make it specific it retains being special. With the attraction comments, I think this also really helps because my biggest barrier to intimacy has always been self confidence and to know and feel like FI thinks I am beautiful really helps.

 

[4ever]

Date: 7/28/2009 8:55:00 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
The hardest part is getting started, but once the motor is running, it''s good and you wonder why you don''t do it more often....

I totally agree. I''m glad other people feel the same way I do about this. Many night I just feel really blah and tired and pass up sex but the times I just do it and try and get into it, it is really good. I should do it more often.

I agree with the idea of going away, even if you just go and spend the night in a hotel or B&B. BF and I always have lots of fun and great sex when we stay over somwhere.

I think I''m going to see if BF wants to go on a little trip this weekend. He''s just got a new car so I think he''ll be happy as long as he gets to drive somewhere. It''s been such a long time since we''ve stayed over in a hotel, I think it will do us good.

Lots of great tips here.

 

[Dannielle]

Well, I have bought the new PJs and underwear, I mainly stuck to black and white..

I have also had a talk to FI and we have decided to set some boundaries- bathroom door is closed during showering/grooming/peeing and trying to make more time for ''sexy time''. Over the past year or so he just never seems interested in making time for ''romance''- he prefers to just cuddle or talk but it has gotten to the point where I am a bit worried. When we do it is very routine and sometimes have a few problems. This is strange because for the first 3 years of our relationship he was very confident and.. well, mind blowing

We have decided that FI is going to change his hours at work (He works from 4pm until 2am) so that we can try and get into a better routine, and we are also going to go see a GP because the probelms may be associated with an insulin condition FI has which he might not be managing as well as we hoped.

Thank you for all the suggestions ladies, it is a difficult subject to bring up and I appreciate all the kind words.

 

[Hera]

Research B&B's first. My hubby and I once went to one and stayed in the "apple suite". The room had all of these smiling apple figurines and it was scary. We couldn't do anything because they were watching us.

 

[Hera]

NOT sexy