What happens when 1 partner loves the other one more?

Dreamer_D · Jun 10, 2010

Is she a relationship brachiator? You know, like a monkey swinging from branch to branch, will not let go of one branch until the next is firmly in grasp... some people are like that with relationships, won''t leave one until the next one is all lined up.

I think the other guy is a distraction she is using to create drama and excitement in her life, and to distract herself from the reality of longterm commitment with her current bf. Of course the other guy seems attractive, she does not really know him! I don''t care if they were friends once or are now. That is NOT the same as knowing someone intimately and living with them day in and day out. There are scary risks involved with being in a true intimate partnership -- the risk of getting hurt and being let down. For many, these risks are too scary and so they have a nice safe "relationship" in their heads with someone else... maybe and ex, maybe the mailman... and that safe relationship helps distract them from really thinking about their own relationship and the fear they may have about true lasting and deep commitment. And it buffers them against the fear of loss of the current relationship, because hey, they have options right?

This jazz is pretty common in relationships. And not just in highschool unfortunately Kenny

radiantquest · Jun 10, 2010

It seems that the title and the subject are two different questions.

Answer to question 1. I believe that it goes in waves. I think that in every relationship there is a point where it seems that one person is more caring or more loving and then it switches. That is not to say that it is always this way. It can be equal love between the two people, but sometimes it changes.

Answer to question 2. I think that she needs to be honest with herself. She is obviously lacking something in the current relationship that she is even entertaining the idea of being with someone else. There is one part that isnt being fulfilled. I think that she needs to really think about it. I "get" that every woman wants to be treated like a princess, but that doesnt mean that just because someone treats you that way that you are in love with them.

In a perfect world every woman would be in a relationship with a man that adores her, is great looking, is rich and they are in love with each other. In real life it is nearly impossible to have everything. I would not personally be willing to trade being in love with my partner for someone who treats me like gold, but I dont have that feeling for. Ya know?

celine · Jun 11, 2010

Zip, thank you so much for sharing. And thank you to everyone else who has commented. Dreamer, you are right in the sense that she is not willing to let go of the current relationship until she is sure that she has something else reserved for her. As Lilac said earlier, she is not willing to let go just in case the other guy / breaking up with current bf is not the "better deal" for her.

I have talked to her based on all your advices. She told me that she is willing to try to work things out with the bf. I had suggested that she cut all contact with the other guy, just so that she can focus on her current relationship problems, if any. She seems a little reluctant because they have been friends for so long. Sigh.

Anyway, I agree that my subject title is a little misleading. I was actually thinking about the way the bf loves her more in their relationship.