What do your parents ask you to do for them?

[Puppmom]

I’m really cracking up at all of this technology related *help* because my in-laws are really challenged in that department. My MIL lived with no overhead light in her car for two years because she didn’t know there were 3 settings – on, off and door. Hers was set to “off”. She insisted the car was broken. I went to buckle my toddler in at night and flipped the light on. She shouted, “How did you do that?! It’s been broken for two years!”.

Their main issues are cell phones and remotes. They are OK on computers but can’t keep up with the changes so tend to do things the long way. We once went on vacation and just brought the laptop. MIL couldn’t check her email because she couldn’t figure out how to use the tracking pad. No mouse=no computer.

The remotes are the WORST. We have to program and reprogram and deprogram ALL OF THE TIME. We write notes and put stickers on them and nothing works. They’ll go days with no TV waiting for us to help them turn it on. When we get there, they break out the bifocals and show us how they followed our notes step by step and they didn’t work.

DH’s boss reminds him a lot of his mom. He’s the Assistant Director at a school for kids with Special Needs. The Director is so technically challenged. She doesn’t understand the concept of a network. She’ll ask him to print something from his computer to hand to her so she can RETYPE it. He’ll offer to email or show her where it is or paste the text that she wants into an email. Nope – she just wants him to print it. One of the other funny statements she made was regarding her computer. It was running slowly so she asked DH if he thought they should put blinds up because she thought the reason her PC was running slowly was the sun was shining on it!

My parents don’t ask for anything except transportation. They won’t drive on highways or in the dark or to places they haven’t been before. That is much more cumbersome than the tech issues my IL’s need help with.

All in all, they really do more for us than we do for them…especially the in-laws. They watch our toddler so I’ll answer all of the tech questions they have!

ETA - recently MIL was watching DS during the day and we were going to have pizza for dinner. She wanted to be helpful and order the pizza for us but said she couldn't because she couldn't find the phone book. Really, phone book? We throw it out as soon as we get it!

 

[decodelighted]

I think we're exceptionally lucky in that both sets of our parents are far more *helpful* than *help-requiring* at this time. Even DH's grandma is very selective (too selective) in what *favors* or help she ever asks for.

For a bit of perspective -- we just found out that my mom is very sick & has a tough road ahead of her no matter what treatment course is selected. I'm fully expecting to be pitching as much as I can asap - alongside my five siblings & overwhelmed, stoic father. You never know when someone will suddenly stop *needing* help. You know?

 

[Enerchi]

I think we're exceptionally lucky in that both sets of our parents are far more *helpful* than *help-requiring* at this time. Even DH's grandma is very selective (too selective) in what *favors* or help she ever asks for.

For a bit of perspective -- we just found out that my mom is very sick & has a tough road ahead of her no matter what treatment course is selected. I'm fully expecting to be pitching as much as I can asap - alongside my five siblings & overwhelmed, stoic father. You never know when someone will suddenly stop *needing* help. You know?

Oh Deco!!!! I'm sorry to hear that.
Hoping all goes as smoothly as possible for all of you. dust to you, your mom and your family. and a super big squeeze of a {{{HUG}}}

Life can change in a heartbeat....

 

[isaku5]

Deco, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom.(((((( BIG HUGS))))).

We're on the other end: needing help with property maintenance. It used to be be easy to look after ourselves, but now we hire people to do the yard work.

Our son lives in Orangeville and is a HUGE help to us whenever we need him. We apologize for taking his time, but he keeps saying he doesn't mind at all. He's the best son ever!!!

Our daughter, on the other hand, lives about an hour away and offers nothing. We are lucky to get a 10 minute phone call once a week.

We are' onlies', but DH's mother was amazing. She could figure out how to do just about everything on her own; nevertheless, DH checked on her daily in person and visited every Sunday afternoon for a couple of hours. She never asked; he wanted to be there for her.

My mom was pretty independent too until it came time that she could no longer stay in her two storey house and had to move to a retirement home. All hell broke loose then for 12.5 years. This woman had been like a close friend to me, but after she had to leave 'her' home, she was always mean and nasty to me. It was her doctor, not me, who strongly suggested the move.

 

[Skippy123]

huge hugs and prayers for your Mom Deco.

 

[Kaleigh]

Prayers outgoing you Deco and to your Mom. Big hugs!!!

 

[Missy]

Sorry about your mom Deco. Sending healing vibes her way! And thanks for your words of wisdom. We are lucky they are here to ask for help!

 

[Okie_girl]

Deco is so right, things can change so quickly. My mother used to call me all the time with computer questions (how do I copy and paste? how do I put the pictures on my camera onto my computer?) and I must admit, it did irritate me sometimes. I tried my best to be patient, and really, I *was* proud of my mom for embracing technology as much as she did. Now....I'd give anything for her to call with one of those questions.

In the first few months after my mom died, my dad needed some help with bills/checkbook/etc. because my mom had always taken care of their finances. He's gotten the hang of it now. He does NOT have a clue, though, how to check his voicemail on his cellphone! My brother and I both know better than to leave him a message on his cell phone, but occasionally someone else will leave a message. Then I get the phone call..."how to I get this message?!" Like AMC said, if I were there, it would be no big deal, but it's really hard to tell him what to do when I can't see the device. And he doesn't really get the whole "soft" key thing. So, I am in the midst of creating a "cheat sheet" to give him that'll show him pictures of his phone screen, and a step-by-step of how to check missed calls and voicemail.

My brother and I gave my dad an iPad last year for Father's Day, and he just loves it! He doesn't use it to its full potential, but he does use it for email, reads several papers daily, checks the weather and stock market, and plays solitaire. He's a major jazz fan, so I keep showing him Louis Armstrong videos on youtube, which he enjoys, but then never thinks about looking at again. So, I do get the occasional iPad question as well.

Deco, thinking about you and your mom.

 

[jeweln]

my 3 kids ask my help several times daily ,some times for the same thing repeatedly .I wonder what will they do when I ask them for help when they are grown up ?

 

[decodelighted]

I didn't mean to throw the thread off course at all. I know lots of folks here are w/o their parents period so I thought the perspective might resonate a bit amidst the (many times valid!) griping we all can relate to also. THANK YOU for your well wishes & kind words. I haven't felt like starting a big bummer thread or anything (yet?) but I really appreciate the support offered here.

Let the tech-dunce oldster venting fly free!

 

[lliang_chi]

Hugs Deco. Sending healing dust to your mom.

My dad moved to China. Previously he expected to have his old phone connected and ready to use whenever he came back States-side, like the bill will *magically* get paid somehow. Anyway, so the last time he came (Christmas) we bought him a pre-paid cell phone from Walmart. He expected us to set it up for him. His excuse, "I never did this before, I do'nt know how." Yeah neither have we, but lookie here, they have instructions all printed out for you with a phone # to call and everything. And it's all in English so you can read it. Did he want to do it? NOPE! My sister had to sit down with him and read him the instructions and tell him what buttons to press. But of course he claims he's SO INDEPEDENT! I also have to book his plane tickets to and from China. Fortunately/Unfortunately he doesn't want to come back much anymore, so I won't need to book his flight. But it's a shame since he won't get to meet his grandson. But that's a whole other story...

 

[iLander]

my 3 kids ask my help several times daily ,some times for the same thing repeatedly .I wonder what will they do when I ask them for help when they are grown up ?

Exactly this.

I've driven my DD to school every day for many years, 60 miles a day.

I've had my son projectile vomit on me, pee on me, and taken him to the ER at 3 a.m.

I've changed smelly rotten, dirty diapers.

I've held their hands, cajoled them, taught them to read, laughed, cried, and gotten mad right along with them for nearly two decades.

I think they can take a few minutes and help me figure out why there are no songs on my iPhone.

 

[amc80]

my 3 kids ask my help several times daily ,some times for the same thing repeatedly .I wonder what will they do when I ask them for help when they are grown up ?

Exactly this.

I've driven my DD to school every day for many years, 60 miles a day.

I've had my son projectile vomit on me, pee on me, and taken him to the ER at 3 a.m.

I've changed smelly rotten, dirty diapers.

I've held their hands, cajoled them, taught them to read, laughed, cried, and gotten mad right along with them for nearly two decades.

I think they can take a few minutes and help me figure out why there are no songs on my iPhone.

But babies and kids can't drive themselves or change their diapers. My mom CAN figure out why her songs won't play. Or she can listen one of the first 3 times I explain something to her. Or how to google. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping them or anyone else when it's something that they honestly can't do for themselves. But they are mental sharp and able-bodied. They have unlimited time in their day to learn how to do stuff. So why call me when I'm busy at work so I can google something for them?

 

[Haven]

I was wondering how long it was going to take for someone to get snarky in this thread.

Venting about things does not equal being ungrateful. And not everyone has parents who treated them well as children, so we may not all feel quite so indebted to them as adults.

 

[Haven]

Deco--I'm so sorry to hear about your mom.

 

[iheartscience]

My husband got my mom and dad to switch to Apple products years ago, although I think he sometimes regrets that decision, since he is their permanent tech support!

My dad especially loves to call him and ask him questions about programs that my husband doesn't use much (like Photoshop). My dad is also the most impatient person in the world, so my husband will try to tell him what to do and he'll have already clicked on 10 different things! (...I may have inherited this trait. )

Luckily my husband is patient and doesn't mind, and my parents really appreciate it and do stuff for him in return! My dad will buy him a camera memory card, etc., as a random thank you here or there.

The one super infuriating thing my dad likes to do is not listen to his GPS for some reason, and instead try to figure it out himself or call me or my sister up for directions, depending on which of our cities he's driving to. JUST LISTEN TO THE GPS! I don't have a car and take public transit every day, so him asking me for driving directions is pretty pointless!

 

[iLander]

Not trying to be snarky, it's just that my kids have rolled their eyes at my tech requests too (never did call anybody at work, though, that's a bit much). And it hurt my feelings. So I have some sympathy for the parents that just can't figure it out.

And BTW, no one figured out why my iPhone had zero music, all of a sudden, one day. It was synched with 2 computers full of the same songs, so they just decided to POUFF, disappear. I've reloaded them (myself). I check it periodically, to make sure it didn't decide to POUFF again.

But now it keeps asking for my voicemail password every time I turn it on. . .

 

[Haven]

iLander--Do you have an Apple store in the area? Their "Geniuses" are really helpful. We always bring our laptops in if something isn't working and they fix them up right away. My parents and sister all have iPhones and they have a lot of problems with them, I think they bring them in often. (And my parents are both tech people, so don't feel bad.)

I have a funny story to add about the non-tech savvy parents: My FIL's companion (She's basically like a MIL to me) has the same Droid phone that my husband has. She knows nothing about technology, and really needs a simple cell phone, but her son made her get this one. Every time we see her she has a list of things that are wrong with the phone, and her biggest complaint is that it calls people on its own. DH is really good with the phone, and with her, but it's so funny because there's never anything wrong with the phone, she just can't use it. It's like if someone put me in the captain's seat of an airplane and told me to fly, not going to happen. I feel so bad for her, she gets so flustered, but she just needs a simple phone!

ETA: And just as an aside--I do a lot of complaining about my parents here on PS, but I never roll my eyes or show them if I'm annoyed or irritated. The only people I talk to about this stuff are my husband, my sister, and PSers!

 

[Haven]

The one super infuriating thing my dad likes to do is not listen to his GPS for some reason, and instead try to figure it out himself or call me or my sister up for directions, depending on which of our cities he's driving to. JUST LISTEN TO THE GPS! I don't have a car and take public transit every day, so him asking me for driving directions is pretty pointless!

My husband does this! He has a great sense of direction, but it drives me crazy. Why use the GPS just to ignore it? Is it some kind of man thing, does it feel good to ignore someone's directions and figure it out on your own or something? Too funny.
I love that he calls you for directions, you could always tell him which bus to take!

 

[lyra]

I was wondering how long it was going to take for someone to get snarky in this thread.

Venting about things does not equal being ungrateful. And not everyone has parents who treated them well as children, so we may not all feel quite so indebted to them as adults.

Seems ungrateful to me. Wait until (generic you) your kids are grown. We're seeing a generation gap in this thread. You don't stop doing things for your kids--ever! I agree some parents, especially moms do get needy and some are overly demanding, true. But as one of the people who wishes I HAD parents alive, yeah, this subject hits a sore spot. They died at ages 52 and 65. I'm 50 years old now. I try not to be overly demanding because my own mother never asked for a single thing from me in her lifetime. I would have been happy to do anything for her. We were very close. I'm even closer to my own daughters. I hope to continue to do things for them as long as I'm alive.

 

[Missy]

I was wondering how long it was going to take for someone to get snarky in this thread.

Venting about things does not equal being ungrateful. And not everyone has parents who treated them well as children, so we may not all feel quite so indebted to them as adults.

Seems ungrateful to me. Wait until (generic you) your kids are grown. We're seeing a generation gap in this thread. You don't stop doing things for your kids--ever! I agree some parents, especially moms do get needy and some are overly demanding, true. But as one of the people who wishes I HAD parents alive, yeah, this subject hits a sore spot. They died at ages 52 and 65. I'm 50 years old now. I try not to be overly demanding because my own mother never asked for a single thing from me in her lifetime. I would have been happy to do anything for her. We were very close. I'm even closer to my own daughters. I hope to continue to do things for them as long as I'm alive.

I am so sorry about your parents Lyra. My heart goes out to you. They died much too young.

I worry about my parents all the time (you wouldn't believe how poor their judgment has been getting lately- very worried!) and love them lots but venting does not equate with ungratefulness IMO. Until you are in the middle of your family dynamic you really cannot understand. Just because you love someone does not give them carte blanche to be difficult, rude, unreasonable, etc. Truly and really. And g-d forbid anything should happen to my mom or dad I would be devastated but it still doesn't mean they are perfect. No one is and no one can behave anyway they want to in life. Well, they can but there are consequences.

My grandfather, g-d rest his soul, was a difficult, unpleasant man who sucked every bit of life that he could out of my parents who did everything for him when he got old and my grandmother had died. And he was the least appreciative person I have ever met. Always complaining and being rude, difficult and unpleasant to the nth degree. I miss him of course because I loved him but it wasn't the same as when my grandmother had died. Just wasn't. You (generic you) reap what you sow in life and if you are going to be a nasty old person well, that's on you.

And I reserve the right to vent about my family (here and to my dh and best girlfriend mainly- it's no one else's business) because it allows me to put it in perspective, feel better about it and move on. Doesn't mean I don't love them, doesn't mean they weren't great parents when I was growing up (they were) but doesn't mean they aren't an objective pain in the butt at times.

 

[Haven]

And I reserve the right to vent about my family (here and to my dh and best girlfriend mainly- it's no one else's business) because it allows me to put it in perspective, feel better about it and move on. Doesn't mean I don't love them, doesn't mean they weren't great parents when I was growing up (they were) but doesn't mean they aren't an objective pain in the butt at times.

Missy--You did a much better job explaining this than I could have.

I also think it's important to remember that all parents are not as wonderful as Lyra sounds like she is as a parent. My parents would not do anything for me, never have, but they do expect me to do a whole lot for them.

ETA: I accidentally cut out much of your post, Missy. I meant to quote the entire thing, sorry!

 

[Imdanny]

I’m really cracking up at all of this technology related *help* because my in-laws are really challenged in that department. My MIL lived with no overhead light in her car for two years because she didn’t know there were 3 settings – on, off and door. Hers was set to “off”. She insisted the car was broken. I went to buckle my toddler in at night and flipped the light on. She shouted, “How did you do that?! It’s been broken for two years!”.

 

[monarch64]

Deco, sorry to hear about your mother! I went through the care taking phase with my dad several years ago and even quit my job so I could take a different position with weekends and holidays off because we just didn't know if he was going to live. Thankfully he survived stage iv cancer and is still with us today and doing surprisingly well and I have to believe that it's due in part to the fact that my immediate family pulled together and did everything we could to help both of my parents survive. You and your siblings will be great assets to your mother's well-being and recovery from whatever it is she is dealing with. Best wishes to you and your family!

 

[iheartscience]

The one super infuriating thing my dad likes to do is not listen to his GPS for some reason, and instead try to figure it out himself or call me or my sister up for directions, depending on which of our cities he's driving to. JUST LISTEN TO THE GPS! I don't have a car and take public transit every day, so him asking me for driving directions is pretty pointless!

My husband does this! He has a great sense of direction, but it drives me crazy. Why use the GPS just to ignore it? Is it some kind of man thing, does it feel good to ignore someone's directions and figure it out on your own or something? Too funny.
I love that he calls you for directions, you could always tell him which bus to take!

If I took the bus I could probably help some, but I take the subway so I'm completely useless! And ignoring the GPS has to be a man thing!

 

[iheartscience]

And I reserve the right to vent about my family (here and to my dh and best girlfriend mainly- it's no one else's business) because it allows me to put it in perspective, feel better about it and move on. Doesn't mean I don't love them, doesn't mean they weren't great parents when I was growing up (they were) but doesn't mean they aren't an objective pain in the butt at times.

Ditto this! I absolutely LOVE my parents to death and talk to them almost every day, but that doesn't mean they don't annoy me. I'm quite sure I annoy them too, and I'm fine with that.

And I'm lucky enough to have parents who have done (and continue to do) a lot for me, so I don't mind helping them out when they need me to. If I were in Haven's shoes with parents who didn't do a thing for me, I doubt I'd feel the same way, though-just having a kid doesn't mean the kid owes you for the rest of their lives. Reciprocity needs to exist whether someone is a parent or not.