What causes meanness in people?

[Imdanny]

Here's some suggestions (I don't know the answer; I wish I did): being mean makes people think they're better than other people, being mean is a defense mechanism, people who are being mean aren't thinking about what they're doing, other...

I'm talking about people who don't know each other, don't associate with each other, and are only randoms strangers.

 

[House Cat]

I think *truly* mean people were never shown empathy at a time when they needed it most. Think..three years old and younger. It's a very sad story.

For some, I think it's defense. For others, I truly think they don't know any better. They think they're being "direct" or "witty" but they're just plain hurtful and mean. I still see a lack of empathy there, it's just a bit more elusive.

 

[kenny]

Excellent question Danny.
I think sometimes it is an internal struggle between inferiority and superiority.
Internally they feel inferior so externally they compensate by acting superior.

I think teaching children equality is the antidote.
Nobody, no group is superior.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I think sometimes people are mean because someone was mean to them and they feel the need to unleash it, preferably on someone they don't know or have to suffer the consequences with.

I think sometimes people are mean because they feel defensive about their situation and truly believe they are cornered and defending themselves when the rest of the world looks at the poker in their hand and wonders why they're going around attacking everyone who passes by.

I think sometimes people are mean because they want to get ahead and want to eliminate the competition. A lot of people when faced with someone like that will just get out of the way.

I think sometimes people are mean because they think something is funny and others do not. Perception plays a big role here.

 

[mary poppins]

Fear.

Perceived threat.

Prejudice.

Difference in sense of humor.

Sense of anonymity (enables some to take actions they otherwise would not have if the target of meanness were known to them).

Need to unleash pent up frustration.

Lack of self control / impulsiveness.

Insecurity.

Low blood sugar (causes agitation).

Lack of compassion.

Narcissistic personality.

 

[Miss Sparkly]

I've sat here for some time now trying to think of ways to illustrate how it really comes down to personality. DH and I are so different in our upbringing. I grew up with a very abusive mother and have been told several times by psychiatrists that they cannot believe how well I turned out, and managed my childhood, given my circumstances. DH on the other hand came from a wealthy family who supplied him materialistically and emotionally with everything he could need. DH is extremely passive aggressive and snide towards people. The only two people I've ever been mean to are DH and my mother. It's not right to hurt people the way they do and I will not accept it.

The best psychiatrist that I had once told me that anger (directly related to mean feelings/actions) NEVER comes first. Anger is a defensive wall to protect a person when they feel vulnerable and I believe that meanness just takes that wall one step further in the attempt to show others that the wall exists.

 

[Ella]

Enough everyone. Please take a break with the threads on meanness and on thinking others are attacking. Give everyone a break.