What are you trying to change about yourself?

[Lilac]

Date: 3/15/2010 9:00:58 PM
Author: fsu1227
I would like to love and accept myself more. I am very critical and judgmental of myself.

I am embarrassed to admit this but I think I have something called body dismorphic disorder. I obsess over my physical appearance and am very hard on myself. This is the first time that I have written or said this to anyone (anonymity of the internet I guess..). My husband and I went out to dinner on Friday night, there was a wait and we had drinks at the bar, our table was ready and he paid the bar tab, when he was speaking to the hostess regarding where I had been sat this is what she said ''...you mean the really, really, really skinny girl?''. My husband shared this with me upon sitting down and I argued with him that she must have mistaken me for someone else. I''m not sure when I look in the mirror I see myself..I don''t think I ever have.

fsu - I used to suffer from the same thing (although my issue was intertwined with anorexia, but it stemmed from me looking in the mirror and thinking my body was huge rather than seeing it for what it was - tiny and underweight). The first step is admitting that it''s a problem. It''s so hard to admit it, but it''s really great that you''ve recognized it and you should be *really* proud of yourself. Next step is talking to someone about it. It won''t be easy, but I know you can do it.

 

[Lilac]

I want to be more patient with my husband - he is so wonderful, patient, and calm and never gets angry. Unfortunately, I do. I want to try to stay calmer and explain why I''m upset about something rather than getting mad and yelling like I usually do when I get upset. I think it will be more productive and both of us will be happier!

I need to start standing up for myself. I''ve always let people walk all over me - friends, family, in-laws. If something bothers me and I think I''m being treated unfairly, I want to start standing up for myself....

... I think this stems from my lack of self-confidence. I''ve always felt like I wasn''t good enough and didn''t deserve to be happy. My husband has changed that about me and has helped me realize that I DO deserve happiness. My in-laws have always treated me horribly and my husband has always stood up for me, but I always just stood there and let them walk all over me, say nasty things, and be mean to me. I always knew they weren''t being nice, but I never stood up for myself because I felt like I somehow deserved it in some way. I''ve recently began to realize that I *don''t* deserve to be treated like that - I deserve better than that. I stood up to my mother-in-law last week when she started yelling at me and telling me everything was my fault - I defended myself which I don''t normally do. I did it in a respectful way, but the fact that I even said anything back to her at all made her even angrier. She ended up insulting and yelling at me even more, and in the end she just said some horrible things and made me cry, but I''ve decided I don''t care. If she can''t be nice, she doesn''t deserve my time. I deserve better than being treated that way. It''ll take a while to fully incorporate this into my life, but I''m working on it.

I need to realize I can''t make everyone happy. I spend so much time trying to make everyone else happy that I end up not happy myself! So I''m working on balancing the two things.

 

[purselover]

I am working on controlling my temper, I am definitely a yeller when I''m upset/annoyed and I need learn to remain more calm and not fly off the handle so much. I am trying to remember to take a few seconds to think before I just start reacting to things. Yelling has been such a normal reaction for me for 25 years that it''s hard to let go....

 

[Maisie]

Date: 3/16/2010 8:36:12 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
I''ve been so hormonal and cranky these last three months. Now that I''m heading into the second trimester I''m hoping things level out and I go back to being the relatively normal HH. In the meantime, I''m working on keeping my mouth shut or leaving the room for quiet time when I''m annoyed. I''m also trying to apologize to my husband when he''s subjected to my bad moods. But it''s so hard because he''s 100% NOT understanding of the situation and my relative inability to control it

I apologize to all of my PS friends if my crankiness has overflowed onto the pages of PS and if I''m more mean than usual. I used to be such a nice person. Now I''m just a Pregosaurus Rex!

I haven''t seen you being cranky on PS. You are as lovely as you have always been.

 

[Puppmom]

Lilac, isn''t it ironic that we have a tendency to *bark* at our husbands instead of speaking kindly to them but we let others walk all over us? I wonder if the two are related and, if we learn to stand up for ourselves outside of our marriage, that we won''t have so much pent up anger or frustration and we can be more kind to those we love.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 3/15/2010 8:29:09 PM
Author: thing2of2
Nothing because I''m perfect!

If I *had* to pick something, I''d say I''ve been working on being tidier at home. I''ve been doing pretty well at it, too! Lately I''m the one hassling my husband to clean up instead of the other way around. I told him I bet he liked it better when I was messy and he didn''t argue with me!

I was going to go with this, too, but then I thought about the fact that I''m kind of lazy sometimes! I am also a major procrastinator, but only because I have confidence in my ability to get things done and done well in a short amount of time. Maybe tomorrow I''ll step up my game on those two things.

 

[princesss]

FSU, good for you for identifying a problem. It''s hard to put a name to things like that, especially when you think people will judge you for it. No judgment here.


I want to stop being so freaking insecure! Logically, I recognize I''m healthy. But just last night I had a freak out. I was at an Ultimate tournament this weekend and pictures were posted...well, there was one not so flattering one. So instead of enjoying the pictures of my friends and me having a great time, what do I focus on? The super unflattering picture. I am lucky that I have amazing friends that a) put up with me being whiny and insecure, b) an amazing BF that will argue with me about it, and c) that none of them have killed me yet. I mean, I play Ultimate (a pretty athletic sport) and I''m training for a freaking triathlon! My ideas about my body should focus more on what it does, not if I have a little bit (*cough*kindofalot*cough*) of pudge around my middle.

 

[dragonfly411]

I have several things that I am working on right now.

First and foremost, I''m trying to lay down a solid plan of what it is I want to do with myself. I am in school, and right now have a planned major in nutrition and food sciences... but no matter how logical I try to make myself be, the deep core of me wants to be massaging horses and riding for the rest of my days

So right now I''m trying to find a happy medium?

I''m trying to be more organized, not just physical, but I am a scatterbrained right brain human being who day dreams, and can''t pick a topic to stick to for the life of me. I constantly have 10 projects going (young horse, making an informative riding/training and horse related notebook, getting my fitness notebook finished, working out, getting a recipe notebook together, jewelry projects, reading,

), and I need to get to where I can focus and set up a schedule and lay out when I am going to do what project and for how long each day.

I''m learning to keep house better.

I''m also trying to be less temperamental. Lord knows I can be short tempered, stubborn, and pouty. I''m trying to take the time to really sit and think about how the other person is feeling before I let things fly out of my mouth.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Awareness is the first step. There is too much I am trying to change to share in a single post. The biggest thing is changing my "stinking thinking." I have a talent of changing my perspective, worrying, obsessing, stressing over things that may not be. Keeping proper perspective is the key for me keeping my sanity. I have been working on myself for almost a year and though change is a long, painful process I can totally see a difference in my relationships and the way I even treat myself. I am really trying to make myself more of a priority. Somehow becoming a mom I got lost in the shuffle.

 

[nytemist]

A lot of things. The short list:
- my weight
- living situation
- my job
- my drinking habits

I''ve always been a ''healthy'' girl, even growing up and dancer and swimmer, but I had to give up my gym a couple of years ago and I hate what I''ve become. I''m fixated on at least getting back to a size 8.

Due to stress around me at pretty much every turn, I''ve started drinking more. Yes, I know that does nothing to help my weight situation, but right now it''s my escape. It has to end soon.

I''ve always been pretty cynical about life in general, ever since I was a teen. It got better as I got older but I usually would take most things with a big grain of salt. Now it''s off the charts again since married life has made me doubt anything that someone tells me, as husband has done a 180 on pretty much everything we talked about doing before we got married.

2010 is going to be quite the uphill climb with these issues alone. I have to do it or I will lose my mind.

 

[elrohwen]

I'm currently struggling with being unemployed and finding a job. Jobs that I am qualified for are few and far between here and we're not considering moving because DH is successful at his job and loves with he does. We are doing fine with money, but it's still hard to sit home and feel so unproductive all the time. It doesn't help that my self-esteem was decimated at my last job over the course of a few years - it was an extremely toxic environment. It's hard to rebuild your self-esteem and be unemployed at the same time, but I'm trying! I remind myself every day that being a bit unproductive is far far better than where I was a year ago - sleep deprived, never home, crying every night, etc etc.

I'm also working hard to lose weight. I gained 10lbs after moving in with DH (3 years ago) and was so unhappy for so long that I did nothing about it. Now I'm finally taking control of what I eat and the weight has started to come off.

I have started to play my cello again. I was very afraid to start because I worried that I had lost all of my previous skill and would only be frustrated with myself. Now, after only a few weeks, I can see a major improvement and I'm playing some of the songs I was playing when I quit a few years ago. I don't know why I was so afraid to start playing again - it's not like there's anyone here to judge my playing except myself. I need to work on throwing myself into new things (and old things) without being so afraid and putting it off.

 

[Maisie]

Date: 3/16/2010 10:28:48 AM
Author: elrohwen
I''m currently struggling with being unemployed and finding a job. Jobs that I am qualified for are few and far between here and we''re not considering moving because DH is successful at his job and loves with he does. We are doing fine with money, but it''s still hard to sit home and feel so unproductive all the time. It doesn''t help that my self-esteem was decimated at my last job over the course of a few years - it was an extremely toxic environment. It''s hard to rebuild your self-esteem and be unemployed at the same time, but I''m trying! I remind myself every day that being a bit unproductive is far far better than where I was a year ago - sleep deprived, never home, crying every night, etc etc.

I''m also working hard to lose weight. I gained 10lbs after moving in with DH (3 years ago) and was so unhappy for so long that I did nothing about it. Now I''m finally taking control of what I eat and the weight has started to come off.

I have started to play my cello again. I was very afraid to start because I worried that I had lost all of my previous skill and would only be frustrated with myself. Now, after only a few weeks, I can see a major improvement and I''m playing some of the songs I was playing when I quit a few years ago. I don''t know why I was so afraid to start playing again - it''s not like there''s anyone here to judge my playing except myself. I need to work on throwing myself into new things (and old things) without being so afraid and putting it off.

Have you considered voluntary work to keep yourself busy and motivated? Good on your for taking up the cello again. I used to play clarinet and I have put off taking that up again for the same reasons as you. I worry I have forgotten it all and will get annoyed with myself.

 

[Strawdermangrl]

I am trying to be more patient with myself. I am really hard on myself, be it my relationships, my job, grad school, ect. I am going to lean back and take a DEEP BREATH this year. I run a million miles a minute and generally don''t have an hour a day to myself; I have planned it all up. I want to be more patient with myself in the sense that it is OK if I don''t have a million things on my planner, it is ok that I don''t go to that 1 study group considering I have been at the lab ALL NIGHT. If we have a slight argument, it is going to be ok with a hug and a kiss. I stress way too much. So, yeah, a deep breath and a step back. I don''t have to be perfect, no one can ever be and trying is so damn exhausting...so? I am working on accepting my flaws, embracing my differences, and changing the things that might not be so healthy in my life. Good luck to everyone, no matter how big or small the first step is always the hardest of all.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 3/16/2010 11:03:03 AM
Author: Maisie
Have you considered voluntary work to keep yourself busy and motivated? Good on your for taking up the cello again. I used to play clarinet and I have put off taking that up again for the same reasons as you. I worry I have forgotten it all and will get annoyed with myself.

You should pick up your clarinet again! Even without lessons, I've found that I'm able to practice a lot on my own and improve my skills dramatically. There's a lot more muscle memory there than I expected. Maybe in a few months I'll be in a place to take lessons and start making progress again.

I actually do volunteer as well. I've been working for a bunny rescue cleaning cages and playing with bunnies

 

[Lilac]

Date: 3/16/2010 10:00:42 AM
Author: puppmom
Lilac, isn''t it ironic that we have a tendency to *bark* at our husbands instead of speaking kindly to them but we let others walk all over us? I wonder if the two are related and, if we learn to stand up for ourselves outside of our marriage, that we won''t have so much pent up anger or frustration and we can be more kind to those we love.

I think it''s because I know my husband will love me no matter what, but I worry about offending or angering other people and they will stop speaking to me or they''ll say bad things about me. I guess that''s why I let people walk all over me - I worry about those things. I know my husband would never do that no matter what, so I feel most comfortable expressing myself to him (whether it''s good, positive feelings I''m expressing, or upset, negative feelings I''m expressing). But as comfortable as I am with my husband and knowing he will always love me, I need to make more of an effort to express myself in a positive, calm way no matter what the situation may be.

 

[Indylady]

Date: 3/15/2010 9:33:15 PM
Author: fsu1227

Date: 3/15/2010 9:28:23 PM

Author: IndyLady

Goals that I have:



to speak kindly and softly


to stand up for myself, or others, but while still speaking kindly and softly


not to get, or be, angry. anger rarely solves problems


not to judge


to think of 70 reasons why someone might be doing something if I do start to judge


not to gossip, not matter how little or how insignificant it may be


to only have friends that I love, and no more


Think pure thoughts (Philippians 4:8, Romans 13:14) and to take my time thinking about good things to aspire to

I copied what you wrote and posted it to my desktop. What nice things, I especially liked thinking of 70 reasons rather than judge. Very kind words.

FSU, that means so much to me! Its especially nice to hear it from a fellow Nole

.

 

[Maisie]

Date: 3/16/2010 11:16:54 AM
Author: elrohwen

Date: 3/16/2010 11:03:03 AM
Author: Maisie
Have you considered voluntary work to keep yourself busy and motivated? Good on your for taking up the cello again. I used to play clarinet and I have put off taking that up again for the same reasons as you. I worry I have forgotten it all and will get annoyed with myself.

You should pick up your clarinet again! Even without lessons, I''ve found that I''m able to practice a lot on my own and improve my skills dramatically. There''s a lot more muscle memory there than I expected. Maybe in a few months I''ll be in a place to take lessons and start making progress again.

I actually do volunteer as well. I''ve been working for a bunny rescue cleaning cages and playing with bunnies

I think I will give the clarinet another go. It will be fun!

How lovely that you spend your day with bunnies! I can''t think of anything nicer!

 

[Indylady]

Date: 3/15/2010 9:00:58 PM
Author: fsu1227
I would like to love and accept myself more. I am very critical and judgmental of myself.


I am embarrassed to admit this but I think I have something called body dismorphic disorder. I obsess over my physical appearance and am very hard on myself. This is the first time that I have written or said this to anyone (anonymity of the internet I guess..). My husband and I went out to dinner on Friday night, there was a wait and we had drinks at the bar, our table was ready and he paid the bar tab, when he was speaking to the hostess regarding where I had been sat this is what she said ''...you mean the really, really, really skinny girl?''. My husband shared this with me upon sitting down and I argued with him that she must have mistaken me for someone else. I''m not sure when I look in the mirror I see myself..I don''t think I ever have.


Also, I would really like to live in the moment and be present. I have been trying to remember this ''Someday you will be nostalgic for now''. Life is a beautiful thing, I get caught up in the details and miss the big picture.

Having physical insecurities is incredibly difficult, especially if no one around you sees what you do and their well intentioned comments (sometimes not well intentioned) cause you wind up feeling isolated. I had trouble eating as a younger teenager, and I would absolutely hated hearing comments about my weight, especially when my mom''s friends would comment on how skinny I was. It was embarrassing and put me on the spot. The worst would be when I would get a slightly leery, joking sort of comment on whether I was dieting or not, it was really hard to deal with. I think that for me, it wasn''t entirely body image. My mom had had cancer recently, I started a new school, and it was a way for me to have control over one aspect of my life because I didn''t feel like I had control over anything else.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 3/16/2010 12:45:34 PM
Author: Maisie
I think I will give the clarinet another go. It will be fun!

How lovely that you spend your day with bunnies! I can''t think of anything nicer!

Well, it''s great until they attack you! Haha. Not all bunnies are cute and cuddly

Though I haven''t been bitten yet

 

[wsu12]

Date: 3/16/2010 1:00:53 PM
Author: IndyLady

Date: 3/15/2010 9:00:58 PM

Author: fsu1227

I would like to love and accept myself more. I am very critical and judgmental of myself.



I am embarrassed to admit this but I think I have something called body dismorphic disorder. I obsess over my physical appearance and am very hard on myself. This is the first time that I have written or said this to anyone (anonymity of the internet I guess..). My husband and I went out to dinner on Friday night, there was a wait and we had drinks at the bar, our table was ready and he paid the bar tab, when he was speaking to the hostess regarding where I had been sat this is what she said ''...you mean the really, really, really skinny girl?''. My husband shared this with me upon sitting down and I argued with him that she must have mistaken me for someone else. I''m not sure when I look in the mirror I see myself..I don''t think I ever have.



Also, I would really like to live in the moment and be present. I have been trying to remember this ''Someday you will be nostalgic for now''. Life is a beautiful thing, I get caught up in the details and miss the big picture.

Having physical insecurities is incredibly difficult, especially if no one around you sees what you do and their well intentioned comments (sometimes not well intentioned) cause you wind up feeling isolated. I had trouble eating as a younger teenager, and I would absolutely hated hearing comments about my weight, especially when my mom''s friends would comment on how skinny I was. It was embarrassing and put me on the spot. The worst would be when I would get a slightly leery, joking sort of comment on whether I was dieting or not, it was really hard to deal with. I think that for me, it wasn''t entirely body image. My mom had had cancer recently, I started a new school, and it was a way for me to have control over one aspect of my life because I didn''t feel like I had control over anything else.

Thank you for the kind words. It brought tears to my eyes.

 

[PumpkinPie]

to eat healthier and move more
to be kinder to myself in wrods and actions
to improve my frustration tolerance..I do not do frustrated well!

 

[poptart]

Great question.

I have already done one thing that was on my list, which was taking time to exercise every day.

I am also going to:

1. take up pottery again
2. find a choir to join
3. actually play my violin
4. work on staying more calm under stress

 

[brilliance4me]

I am very very negative and overly anxious!

Steps toward improve are:
1. look at the bright side. I woke up this morning.
2. Breathe. Take one breathe at a time. One day at a Time.