Wedding in Catholic Church...

[lucyandroger]

when one of the people isn''t Catholic.

How does it work? Is it weird when one member of the couple doesn''t take communion? And would the side of the family that is not Catholic feel left out when everyone goes up to take communion? Can you do a ceremony where no one takes communion?

Thoughts? Experiences?

Thanks!

 

[emeraldlover1]

lots of questions you have so I''ll answer what I can.

Yes, you can do a ceramony not a full mass.

No, I don''t think its wierd.

If you want to do a full mass the non-catholic can recieve a blessing from the priest.

We are a catholic - non catholic couple and we are getting married in a catholic church so hopefully I can help.

 

[emeraldlover1]

A catholic ceramony does not included communion. The mass includes communion. The difference in time explaind by our priest is about 10min.

 

[lucyandroger]

Thanks EM1! Haha, yes there were a lot of ??? in that post.


My SO is a Catholic and I''m not. I had pictured my wedding outdoors (garden, beach, etc.) but even though SO won''t say it, I can tell it would mean a lot to him to get married in a church. I''ve realized that as long as I get the beach photos, I''m fine with a more formal ceremony and can def. see the benefit of not worrying about sand and the weather.

I just don''t want my family or myself (!) to fee like an outsider at my wedding. Your answers really helped! I didn''t realize you could do a ceremony without a full mass. I think that sounds great.

I just didn''t want to discuss it too much with SO yet because I would hate to get his hopes up if it seemed like it wouldn''t work.

 

[doodle]

Agreed with the others, but I also wanted to add that if you included Communion and one of you didn''t do it, it''d be unlikely for anyone watching to even be able to tell because usually the couples backs are to the congregation, and the priest still walks up to you, but from the pews, it''d be hard to tell whether the priest was giving you Communion or a blessing. I''ve been to a number of Catholic/Episcopal weddings with Communion, and because I don''t personally partake in it, every time, I''ve just walked up with everyone else and when I got to the front, crossed my arms in an x over my chest so the priest knows I''m not participating. If you have a lot of people who wouldn''t be taking Communion, just make sure he announces ahead of time that it''s acceptable to do this if you aren''t planning on taking Communion, so anyone who isn''t Catholic won''t feel obligated to do it anyway. It''s only awkward if you''re put in the position where you don''t know the polite way to decline, but I''ve even been to an Episcopal wedding before where half the guests were religious and took Communion, and the other half were totally atheist, and none of them were offended by being asked to simply walk up there and cross their arms. Hope that helps somewhat! Talking to your officiant would probably be helpful, too, as he could probably guide you in what would be most appropriate for your situation.

 

[kittybean]

Ditto Em. You can do the ceremony without a Mass, and there will be no Communion issue. I don''t think it''s weird at all; I''d honestly prefer no Mass at my wedding, but FI and I are both Catholic, and he very much wanted one. I think the time difference might be more like 20 minutes, including the preparation of the gifts and eucharistic prayers at a Mass (also depending on how many people you would have who wanted Communion, I suppose).

 

[lliang_chi]

I''m Catholic, FI is not. We are doing a Catholic ceremony not mass.

Talk to your FI''s priest about it as well. If you get married in your FI''s church, they might require you to get baptized first. The policy is different from church to church/priest to priest, so you''ll definitely need to speak to your priest after you speak to your FI.

 

[JR320]

I can add the perspective of a non-catholic at a catholic wedding. My Dad''s whole side of the family is Catholic, so I''ve been to lots of them.

I was a BM in my cousin''s wedding, which was a full Mass. I was the only member of the bridal party who did not take communion and I didn''t feel weird about it all. The other members simply stepped forward to take communion and I just stayed by my chair.

I agree with Doodle though, I think the important thing is make sure people know how to politely decline/what they should do. I''ve grown up going to Catholic masses a few times each year with my Dad, so I knew the drill. But I think the only time when it could be uncomfortable is when you don''t know what you''re supposed to be doing. But your officiant can prevent that by explaining.

Another cousin had a Catholic ceremony with No Mass (i.e. No communion) and it was lovely! (and shorter!)

 

[oobiecoo]

DH is Catholic and I am not.

We had a deacon do the ceremony instead of the priest which I really liked.

We had the option of just doing a ceremony or having a mass with communion and we chose the short ceremony with the minimum amount of readings/prayers. It was about 20-30 minutes I think.

I don''t think anyone in my family is Catholic and I didn''t want them to be uncomfy. My uncle''s partner (gay, not at all catholic) sent me a sweet card later telling me how wonderful the ceremony was and how it blended the Catholic and Protestant traditions nicely. I was really happy to hear that because its exactly what we were going for. So, it can definitely be done is a lovely way that makes both sides comfortable.

 

[Clairitek]

I''m in your shoes LucyandRoger where my FI Catholic and I am not. I had visions of an outdoor ceremony as well but my FI''s family on both sides is very into the whole church thing. In fact, his uncle is performing our ceremony since he is an ordained Catholic priest. I know that he will want a full Mass and that his family is expecting it but I doubt my side (mostly non-Catholics) will mind. I will make sure that FI''s uncle states before communion how to decline communion and receive a blessing instead.

To be honest when I first started planning I was worried that due to the fact that I am not Catholic FI would be deprived of some of the things he wanted out of our wedding ceremony. Now that we are almost there (less than 2 months!) I am much more relaxed about it and realize that it is possible to get what we both want out of a wedding ceremony in his church.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I''m an atheist, and the fiance and his side is very Catholic. Since it means so much to them and my FH, I agreed to a full on catholic wedding mass. I think having the full mass makes it more meaningful to their side of the family.

Half of our guest list is not catholic, and nobody in our bridal party is Catholic, so the only people taking communion will be my fiance and his relatives I don''t feel it''s that awkward, but I do plan to write a more detailed program outlining the mass for those guests who have never been to a catholic mass before so they aren''t too confused.