we talk about kids over spending,now what if the parents..

[Dancing Fire]

over spents,should the kids help their parents with financial support?

 

[makemepretty]

Well, I guess you don''t have to help a parent, it''s a personal decision. My mother has been on disability for most of my adult life, she couldn''t hold a job because of some mental problems. It took me YEARS to get her on the right meds(knock on wood). In the past two decades I''ve paid for more things of hers than I ever could afford.

Then last year I realized I just couldn''t do it anymore. She''s on the right meds and as a grown up, should be able to do like the rest of us and budget for unexpected things. I made it too easy on her IMHO to just not try to find a way to pay for something. Even though at the beginning of the year I contributed $750 towards a new well-my brothers and sister chipped in too, as did she. That made a difference, rather than me doing it all by myself. I''d been dealing with this since I was 18(I''m 38 now). She hasn''t had to grow up and be responsible financially because she''s always known someone would figure it out for her.

No more though. I had to be firm, yet tell her I still love her, I just CAN''T do this anymore. I think my brothers and sister don''t understand why I don''t want to help anymore but I made the mistake of not telling anyone I was paying for tons of stuff for her. It adds up, especially since I''m a stay at home mom could use the extra income in my own life. When I did my taxes and realized over the year I had given her $500 ($100 here and there), while I was struggling to put food on our table it was a big wake up call. My mom is NOT my responsibility, my children are, that''s my conclusion. Help if you can, but don''t damage your life doing it.

 

[purrfectpear]

There is no "should".

You do what you want and what you are comfortable with. Just as with kids. Help out or don''t help out, just don''t raise kids who think it''s their entitlement. My parents are certainly not overspenders. I think they hold on to dollars until the eagle squeals.

Someday in the not so distant future one of them will pass, and if there is any financial help needed I will absolutely step in and help. They paid for me for 18 years, and I consider it my responsibility to pay back for their last 18 if they live that long.

 

[radiantquest]

My parents are lazy and don''t help themselves, so no, I won''t help them. My mother doesn''t work although she can and my stepfather is a pizza delivery boy. He has had many jobs that were decent, but he doesn''t get up and go to work. You know how some mornings you get up and think to yourself "I really don''t feel like going in today" We do. He does not and gets himself fired from every decent job that he has ever had because he has no work ethic.

I will never help them.

 

[lovegem]

I think it is more of a culture thing that we support our parents. My parents work hard their whole life, but makes little money. I gave them money to buy their house. They just paid off their house this year with our help. We give DH''s parents money too. Our parents are NOT over spending.

 

[DiamanteBlu]

If I were in the "parents being spendthrifts and then running out of money" situation I would provide a house for them [small and not mine] and utilities [minimum] - food too if necessary. I would not "help" them giving them cash.

Luckily, my parents are financially well off so I don't foresee having to contribute financially to their well being. However, if care becomes an issue I would hire help and private nurses at home if necessary instead of sending them into an assisted living or nursing home situation.

 

[Kaleigh]

We have helped my parents, nothing we really wanted to do but did because it was the right thing to do. Dad made some bad investments, so bailed him out. I pray it will never happen again.. But am too smart to say never... I have POA and plan on using it if I have to...

 

[*Danielle*]

I have helped my parents in the past and will help my father to some extent now. I refuse to help my mother any longer. She has her own issues that I will not support.

If my parents were normal and responsible but needed help I would. It depends on the situation and the relationship.

 

[Indylady]

Date: 7/26/2009 4:34:19 PM
Author: purrfectpear
There is no ''should''.


You do what you want and what you are comfortable with. Just as with kids. Help out or don''t help out, just don''t raise kids who think it''s their entitlement. My parents are certainly not overspenders. I think they hold on to dollars until the eagle squeals.

Someday in the not so distant future one of them will pass, and if there is any financial help needed I will absolutely step in and help. They paid for me for 18 years, and I consider it my responsibility to pay back for their last 18 if they live that long.

"They paid for me for 18 years, and I consider it my responsibility to pay back for their last 18 if they live that long."

+1,000

 

[Camille]

Mine paid for all of their children''s education, you bet.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I don't think it should ever be a child's responsibility or obligation to support the family and certainly not to clean up after their parent's irresponsibility. If they're of working age and have the money and really and truly want to contribute (to say a high phone bill they ran up), then fine. Personally I'd rather have them put that towards college.

ETA: I'd like to clarify this post, I'm referring to children/teenagers. Not adults.

 

[Lilac]

I would absolutely help my parents if they needed it when they were older - they have always been caring and generous towards me and have always tried to help me if I needed it.

I would not be too happy if I was asked to support DH''s parents though. They are terrible with managing their money (they say they can''t afford to help their children, but then go on multiple vacations within a few weeks of each other and they waste tons of money on garbage that they don''t ever end up using), they wouldn''t support or even help DH when he needed their help (and this is when he was only around 16 years old - they pretty much stopped supporting him once he was around 16/17 years old and when he struggled after that they wouldn''t help him out at all), they took about $8,000 from him that he received as a gift when he was 13 years old and never returned it to him, and they just overall are selfish people who can''t manage their money well.

So to answer the question, I think if the parents have been generous and helpful to their children then the children should help them if they need it one day, but if the parents have been selfish and wasteful then the children shouldn''t have to "bail them out."

 

[zhuzhu]

My parents are very responsible spenders. However should some financial misfortunate happens to them you bet I will help all that I can.

 

[anchor31]

No, especially if the parents are being irresponsible with their money.

 

[tigian]

Looking back, my parents were not the most practical with their money and they still aren''t. They spent all their money on my sister and me when we were growing up, so I feel a sense of obligation now that I am supporting my own family. I did help my mom out a couple of years ago when her business was not doing well. Thank goodness she was able to sell it, but it was a hard decision because I could have definitely used the money that I gave her.