Home Was anyone else a super paranoid mom (or dad)?

[jewelz617]

My daughter is nearly 2 years old. She had an incident when she was 6 weeks old where she stopped breathing during a nap and I had to give her CPR. She was in the hospital for 3 days and when she came home I bought this Angel Care monitor that sounds an alarm if there is no movement detected in the crib for more than 20 seconds.

They could never give us a reason for why this happened, so I never got closure or anything I could do to prevent it from happening again, so I never took her off the monitor.

She''s 19 months old now and I''m still using it. She has expressed desire to sleep in her "big girl bed" which sits empty, because I know if she sleeps in there, I have no motion detector.

This is so ridiculous of me... my husband thinks I''m insane. And intellectually I know she''s perfectly healthy and fine and it was just a one time freak thing. But it''s really ME who needs to give it up, and I''m having a difficult time with that.

Anyone else like this? This is my first and likely only child.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 1/13/2010 9:51:42 PM
Author:PinkAsscher678
My daughter is nearly 2 years old. She had an incident when she was 6 weeks old where she stopped breathing during a nap and I had to give her CPR. She was in the hospital for 3 days and when she came home I bought this Angel Care monitor that sounds an alarm if there is no movement detected in the crib for more than 20 seconds.

They could never give us a reason for why this happened, so I never got closure or anything I could do to prevent it from happening again, so I never took her off the monitor.

She's 19 months old now and I'm still using it. She has expressed desire to sleep in her 'big girl bed' which sits empty, because I know if she sleeps in there, I have no motion detector.

This is so ridiculous of me... my husband thinks I'm insane. And intellectually I know she's perfectly healthy and fine and it was just a one time freak thing. But it's really ME who needs to give it up, and I'm having a difficult time with that.

Anyone else like this? This is my first and likely only child.

I can relate. You've had something really scary happen, and the monitor has given you peace of mind to some degree. She sounds like she really wants that big girl bed. That's awesome!!! Make some steps towards doing that...

My son had a terrible episode where he came home off the bus, blue as a smurf, and dropped at the door. He stopped breathing, his heart stopped. He was basically not with us... I brought him back, doing CPR while throwing steroids down his throat and talking to 911.

He had asthma since he was 18 months old. I was always checking on him, and got up many times to do nebulizer treatments... Sometimes he had them 6 times a day... It was severe.. I had to let some of my worry go. Not easy, never easy....

I think the greatest gift is to be calm, and show your child she's ready for this and that you are happy to help her make this transition.

Of course you will check on her, but try to ease up a bit. It's going to be a transition for you as well, but you have to do it...

And you will!!!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

That is very scary. Nothing like that has happened with my boys, but had it happened, I''d still be using the monitor too!

It''s worth the sense of security knowing your child is safe!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Quick comment: reading Kaleigh''s post about giving her son CPR really shows the importance of *parents* knowing CPR. It''s odd how we expect child care providers to know this skill, yet it''s not a requirement for parents. It wasn''t until about 3 months ago that I finally took a CPR class and when hearing the instructor, I thought why isn''t this a requirement BEFORE having a baby? Why didn''t I take the class before?

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 1/13/2010 11:10:50 PM
Author: MC
Quick comment: reading Kaleigh''s post about giving her son CPR really shows the importance of *parents* knowing CPR. It''s odd how we expect child care providers to know this skill, yet it''s not a requirement for parents. It wasn''t until about 3 months ago that I finally took a CPR class and when hearing the instructor, I thought why isn''t this a requirement BEFORE having a baby? Why didn''t I take the class before?

I had my daughter at age 24. I took a CPR class at age 13. I don''t know what it was but the second I looked at her face, I knew something was terribly wrong, and I remembered EVERY detail about that CPR class. I remembered what color the teacher''s shirt was and who sat next to me. I honestly think once you take a class it really will kick in when you need it to.

 

[jewelz617]

Kaleigh: How terrifying! Well, if you can get through that and not be a basket case, I guess I can think about the big girl bed... next week. Or month...

In a way I guess I was "lucky" it was just a one time thing, I can''t imagine something like that happening repeatedly. You must be an expert at staying calm!

 

[iheartscience]

Oh wow, that is so scary. I''m sure I would be exactly the same way as you are and I have no real advice!

BUT as the child of a super paranoid mom may I suggest that you try super hard not to let it rub off on her? She''ll pick up on it, guaranteed, and it could lead to her being fearful. I love my mom to bits and she''s seriously the best mom ever, but she has always had a horror story for EVERYTHING, and I''m sure that has a lot to do with me and my siblings being super paranoid ourselves. For example, at age 28 my super healthy, fit brother called my mom because he was having chest pains and thought he was having a heart attack. I can see a meningitis vaccine commercial and my neck will start hurting immediately. You get the idea...we''re all nuts!

Have you ever considered counseling to deal with the anxiety?

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 1/13/2010 11:10:50 PM
Author: MC
Quick comment: reading Kaleigh''s post about giving her son CPR really shows the importance of *parents* knowing CPR. It''s odd how we expect child care providers to know this skill, yet it''s not a requirement for parents. It wasn''t until about 3 months ago that I finally took a CPR class and when hearing the instructor, I thought why isn''t this a requirement BEFORE having a baby? Why didn''t I take the class before?

Slight hijack, but it''s important. MC brings up a very good point. So this is my PSA for the day:

Anyone who is a parent should take the class. You may never need it, but if you do, you know what to do.

Whether it''s your child or a neighbor''s, or it''s the kid who is sleeping over at your house. Being prepared is your best defense.

I had never done it before, knew it from the class. When my son lay limp , I knew his breathing was labored, so had to carry him upstairs where the meds where. I got steroids down him, and then his eyes rolled back. I said very loudly hang in there, I got ya, please please stay with me. Did CPR, had never done it on a live person, but this was my son, and my adreneleine (SP) was on over drive. I did it a few times... More than a few most likely. I was praying out loud please dear lord help me. Then his heart came back. I took my Stethoscope to make sure.. Having a kid with Asthma, your stethoscope is around your neck a lot. I heard the heart beating, not sure it was a good rythym but I was like I got him back... He started to turn a nice color.. Then he said MOM and cried... I said it''s ok babe we got you, you are OK!!!
The paramedics came flying up the stairs fearing the worst. They saw a boy hugging his Mom. They said what a great job I did...They said what I did saved his life. I wasn''t really listening at that point.
We went by ambulance to the hospital, he was released a few hours afterwards.. He may have ingested a nut, as it was halloween, who knows. I am just glad, I was able to help him, and keep my wits about me when inside I was crumbling, but he never saw that.

The culprpit in all of this?? His school. His teacher said he wasn''t feeling well, she sent him to the nurse for a breathing treatment. After that, he got worse and they never called me. This was way before cell phones, but for those of you who have kids with some health problems this is where a cell phone can make all the difference. Had he had one, and called me, I would have been there in a nano second. And I never would have had to bring him back from deaths door, which, I never ever would want any of you to experience.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

PinkAsscher, I had a similar experince, although not so bad - I did not have to use CPR, Amelia breathed again when I picked her up. She was limp and blue and I have never felt fear like it, so I know a little of how you feel.

If it''s time to move your girl to the big bed, maybe one of these could help?

http://www.safetots.co.uk/New-Born-Monitors/965-646.htm?gclid=CMX81-PCo58CFUwA4wodU1z6Hw

I used one with Amelia and it gave me peace of mind. It clips onto a diaper, if she''s still wearing diapers at night. It works.

That said, if the anxiety is getting too much for you, maybe speak to your Dr? I don''t think the fear ever goes away, but I can manage it a little better now and we don''t use the alarm any more. It has a one year battery, so that way a sort of deadline for me to wean myself off it.

I totally understand and I don''t think you''re insane at all. You''re a mom!

Jen

 

[Pandora II]

I never thought I would be but I'm incredibly paranoid about Daisy stopping breathing or something.

It's one of the reasons that I co-sleep. That way I can constantly check at night. She does sleep alone for most of the evening - although tends to wake and I'll go in and feed her every 2 hours or so. If she hasn't stirred in 2 hours I get very worried and half the time end up going in to check.

If she was to stop breathing and turn blue I don't think I'd calm down for a LONG time.

Both DH and I were/are First Aiders for our respective companies - so they kindly paid for us to do a very comprehensive first aid course. I was shocked when DH said he was doing it as he is Mr. Super Squeamish and has an aversion to all things medical - he said it was purely to learn CPR because of Daisy.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

PA, what a scary, scary story. I don''t think anyone judges you for being a little uptight after something like that. That being said, if your daughter is expressing her desire to sleep in her BGB, embrace it and try and grow from it. Kaleigh, similarly, holy moly that''s quite the story! Thank God you were home that day to greet your son at the door!

I''ve been CPR certified for almost 20 years. I first learned CPR when I took the Red Cross babysitting class when I was 12. After that I went on to become a lifeguard and took it again and again to maintain my certification. I retake the class whenever I have the chance to because skills can always be honed, and something like CPR and other first response skills should be crisp in your mind. In addition, over the course of 18 years the CPR protocol has changed quite a bit and there are now more effective and efficient ways to provide care in an emergency. That being said, anything is better than nothing in an emergency! I strongly encourage anyone who hasn''t taken a refresher course or any first responder training, to enroll in a class if they have the chance. Especially if you''re around children or the elderly.

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 1/14/2010 12:28:33 AM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 1/13/2010 11:10:50 PM

Author: MC

Quick comment: reading Kaleigh''s post about giving her son CPR really shows the importance of *parents* knowing CPR. It''s odd how we expect child care providers to know this skill, yet it''s not a requirement for parents. It wasn''t until about 3 months ago that I finally took a CPR class and when hearing the instructor, I thought why isn''t this a requirement BEFORE having a baby? Why didn''t I take the class before?

Slight hijack, but it''s important. MC brings up a very good point. So this is my PSA for the day:


Anyone who is a parent should take the class. You may never need it, but if you do, you know what to do.

Whether it''s your child or a neighbor''s, or it''s the kid who is sleeping over at your house. Being prepared is your best defense.


I had never done it before, knew it from the class. When my son lay limp , I knew his breathing was labored, so had to carry him upstairs where the meds where. I got steroids down him, and then his eyes rolled back. I said very loudly hang in there, I got ya, please please stay with me. Did CPR, had never done it on a live person, but this was my son, and my adreneleine (SP) was on over drive. I did it a few times... More than a few most likely. I was praying out loud please dear lord help me. Then his heart came back. I took my Stethoscope to make sure.. Having a kid with Asthma, your stethoscope is around your neck a lot. I heard the heart beating, not sure it was a good rythym but I was like I got him back... He started to turn a nice color.. Then he said MOM and cried... I said it''s ok babe we got you, you are OK!!!

The paramedics came flying up the stairs fearing the worst. They saw a boy hugging his Mom. They said what a great job I did...They said what I did saved his life. I wasn''t really listening at that point.

We went by ambulance to the hospital, he was released a few hours afterwards.. He may have ingested a nut, as it was halloween, who knows. I am just glad, I was able to help him, and keep my wits about me when inside I was crumbling, but he never saw that.


The culprpit in all of this?? His school. His teacher said he wasn''t feeling well, she sent him to the nurse for a breathing treatment. After that, he got worse and they never called me. This was way before cell phones, but for those of you who have kids with some health problems this is where a cell phone can make all the difference. Had he had one, and called me, I would have been there in a nano second. And I never would have had to bring him back from deaths door, which, I never ever would want any of you to experience.

Seeing your kid turn blue is one of the worst things you can ever see. The lady on the 911 call kept saying "I need you to stay focused on counting those breaths" and I could hear some crazy woman screaming and then I realized it was me. When I finally got her to take a (HUGE) breath, she smiled at me! A big, toothless 6 week old smile. And she kept smiling while the EMTs busted in and began asking me a million questions. Then she fell asleep during the ambulance ride and the EMT kept flicking her wrist and giving her oxygen. Around her mouth was still all blue, she never cried until they put an IV in while we were in the trauma unit.

I am shocked that your son''s teachers did not contact you. I am so scared about her starting preschool for this very reason

I can tell you that I''m a big advocate for CPR refresher courses, and think all pregnant women should take them too, as infant CPR is different from adult.

Thank you for all the kind words and stories. Sometimes I just need to hear a different opinion than the one I live with 24/7.

 

[Jas12]

Worry is the WORST part of parenthood. With so much love for someone, there has to be a trade off, and that is the fear that something will happen to them. I am not a paranoid mom, but once in a while i will think about something awful while lying in bed or something and have to shut it down. So, i can completely understand your concern. I don''t think that episode will be repeated, but just leave her in the crib for a few more months and see how you feel. That won''t hurt.

And that is unbelievable that you remembered everything about the class so clearly. Amazing what our brains can do in a crisis situation. It''s like those stories you hear of when a mom''s kid is trapped under something and she finds unhuman like strength to rescue the kid. I do think there is something "outside of us" as moms that is unexplainable.
My aunt''s close friend (this past summer) fought off a cougar in washington that had her five year old son''s head in his
jaws (they were hiking when it happened). Apparently the mom felt like a feral animal when it happened & she responded with some primal rage and saved her son. According to my aunt she is a quiet, gentle person in day-to-day life. Crazy eh?!

 

[packrat]

JD has to be CPR certified for his job, and he learned the Heimlich maneuver as well-and THAT has helped 3 times with Trapper. I don''t know any of it, and I do need to learn. I think the community college here does classes, so I''ll get online and check it out.

PA and Kaleigh, those are very scary (and eye opening) stories, and I''m glad you were able to do what you needed to do and save your kids!

When London and Trapper were little, I worried about SIDS-I snuck in to check on them often. Even w/a sound monitor, (I''d have that thing smashed up against my ear-do I hear breathing?) I still checked a lot.

PA, I''d feel that way too, about letting her sleep in her big girl bed since that happened. It will take some adjusting for her as well, those first few nights until she gets used to it. Are you able to leave the door open, or is there another type of monitor you could try?

 

[Maisie]

I can totally relate to being paranoid about a child. When I was pregnant with my son James his twin died. It was the worst experience of my entire life. I had him sleeping in my room until he was 3. I couldn''t help it. I just needed to be near him in case something went wrong. I am a lot better now his is older (he is 5) but I still panic if he gets sick.

I can''t imagine how terrifying it must have been to see your child not breathe. You are right, everyone should learn CPR. You just never know when you might need it.

 

[jewelz617]

I just wanted to say, I''m so sorry for your loss Maisie. Is that James in your avatar? He''s a cutie pie!

 

[upgrade]

Another long post lost in cyberspace...

Short version: I too was very paranoid. I kept the baby monitor in my eldest''s room until he was 4 1/2. For me, having the 2nd child has calmed me down significantly for some reason. We hardly use the baby monitor with him and he''s only 19 months. You had a very traumatic experience and that''s bound to have a lasting effect. Give yourself time, but work at trying to push yourself a little out of your comfort zone so you can feel better. It really is the hardest part of being a parent.

I wanted to suggest easing into the big girl bed, for your own sanity. Could you try big girl bed for naps, crib for nights? I always felt much less worried during nap time, I guess because I was awake and aware of what was going on around me. Maybe that would be an option to help you feel more comfortable with the transition?

 

[Maisie]

Thank you Pink. Yes thats James in my av. He is a beautiful little ray of sunshine!