Wedding Venue & Budget Dilemma: Help Please! (Long)

[kittybean]

I got engaged about a month and a half ago, and I''ve been searching for a venue since. It''s been a pretty frustrating search, especially since I''ve been trying to study for the bar at the same time. I really, really want to get a place and a date locked down! I finally saw a place last week that I liked, but my parents have some reservations about it; they have a favorite place, but I really didn''t like it. The worst part is that their favorite place is about $5,000 less expensive, which will make a big difference in the rest of the wedding budget. Budget is currently $40K total for 250 people--I thought this was super generous, but I''m quickly discovering it''s not as generous as I had thought. It looks like the reception, including cake, DJ, rentals, all food, open bar, will be about $30K at the place I like and $25K at the place my parents like. The remaining $10-15K will have to pay for the flowers/decor, dress/hair/makeup, candy favor station, photographer, stationery, transportation, bridal party gifts and any other incidentals.

I would love for you ladies to weigh in on what you think might be the best option.
--------------------
Place I Like: The place I like is the State History Museum. It is located in the downtown area, about 1 mile away from the church where FH and I want to get married. The reception will have to be in a couple different areas, which my dad doesn''t like. We would do cocktails in the museum, which is in the basement of the building. The museum is very nicely done, with high ceilings, beautiful exhibits on the history of the area, and pretty floors. We would then most to the first floor auditorium (really more like a big room) for the plated dinner, toasts, and cake. We would then move out to the lobby (directly adjoining the auditorium) for dancing, although the auditorium would remain open for people to sit and chat.

Pros: it really fits the criteria I had--unique (i.e. not a hotel), downtown, close to our church, close to potential places for the after-party.

Cons: the extra expense, the need to use multiple spaces, the lack of parking, the potential extra expense of hotels for guests.

Place My Parents Like: Their favorite venue is about 30 minutes from the city, closer to the mountains. It is a venue built and run by a catering company where they host lots of weddings. We can rent a very large room and ensure that another wedding will not be going on at the same time. The decor/landscaping are pretty generic (pretty cliche in my book), and it is located within a recently-built office park-type area. They really tout their view, but I wasn''t all that impressed by it, and the ballroom where we would be has no windows, so the view doesn''t matter much anyway. When I visited, I got a very "mass-produced" vibe from them, which is exactly what I didn''t want. Objectively, the venue is okay, but it didn''t inspire me, and I have a very hard time picturing us getting married there. We would also probably have to look for another church, which makes me a little sad, but I''d be willing to do it if I had to.

Pros: lower cost, my parents love it, plenty of parking and space, all in one room, closer to the mountains, lower cost hotels nearby.

Cons: over 30 minutes away from the church we wanted, no after-party places nearby, further from the airport for out-of-town guests, mass-produced feel, FH''s and my general negative reaction to the place after we saw it.
--------------------
So, my parents have really been pushing the second place, and I wonder if I should just give in and book it. Please offer your opinions on the situation, and please ask me any additional questions that might be helpful (it''s hard to determine whether I included enough information here!).

 

[ljsmith001]

Hi!

I say find another place all together. For 40K you should have the best of the best! Thats a lot of money in my book! Although, we are spending about 20k on 150 people.. geez - it sounds so crazy for one night! But, the place you love sounds like it would be annoying. Especially the parking issue, the moving around issue and the cost to host the reception there. Can you find a venue where you can use any vendors you choose? We shopped around until we found this huge arts center who allows you to come as early as you want, stay as long as you want and use any caterer you choose! It really saved us money! We were leaning towards a venue (a big glass blowing place - soo pretty) but they charged about 6 dollars per drink and the food prices were outragous! Why don''t you try to find a place that satisfies both you and your parents? Some place with some sort of parking, but closer to "after-party" areas? Are you completely set on your place? If not, then keep looking! No matter where you choose I am sure you will have a great time!! What is your date by the way?

 

[kittybean]

Date: 7/25/2008 2:11:08 PM
Author: ljsmith001
Hi!


I say find another place all together. For 40K you should have the best of the best! Thats a lot of money in my book! Although, we are spending about 20k on 150 people.. geez - it sounds so crazy for one night! But, the place you love sounds like it would be annoying. Especially the parking issue, the moving around issue and the cost to host the reception there. Can you find a venue where you can use any vendors you choose? We shopped around until we found this huge arts center who allows you to come as early as you want, stay as long as you want and use any caterer you choose! It really saved us money! We were leaning towards a venue (a big glass blowing place - soo pretty) but they charged about 6 dollars per drink and the food prices were outragous! Why don''t you try to find a place that satisfies both you and your parents? Some place with some sort of parking, but closer to ''after-party'' areas? Are you completely set on your place? If not, then keep looking! No matter where you choose I am sure you will have a great time!! What is your date by the way?

I definitely don''t have my heart set on the place I like--it was just the most acceptable of the places I''ve seen. I can keep looking, but I feel like I''ve looked at most of the venues that would be large enough in my area. Most of the ones I''ve seen don''t allow you to have any vendors you choose, but both of the ones I posted do allow you to bring in your own alcohol, which makes the open bar much more feasible. I have mostly encountered places that do their own catering or have an exclusive contract with a caterer.

As far as the date goes, I have a tentative date of June 20, 2009. I know that our church is available that afternoon, but honestly, I''m open to changing the date based on the availability of a good venue, if that is the case. I''m trying to keep it at least two weekends away from July 11, 2009. My roommate is getting married then (in my hometown, actually!), and since I am in her wedding and she is in mine, I wanted to give us both time to go on a honeymoon right after our weddings.

 

[purrfectpear]

If Mom and Dad are picking up the tab, I''d go out of my way to make it easy on them. You gotta admit that''s a pretty generous gift.

While the museum sounds cool, you did mention you only had about $10-15K to cover a LOT of other things (like flowers/decor). Since it''s in three different rooms, you''d have to decorate three different areas. That sounds mega expensive and I think your flower budget would suffer.

I''d either look for another place entirely or agree to use the ''rents favorite.

 

[kittybean]

Date: 7/25/2008 3:04:08 PM
Author: purrfectpear
If Mom and Dad are picking up the tab, I''d go out of my way to make it easy on them. You gotta admit that''s a pretty generous gift.


While the museum sounds cool, you did mention you only had about $10-15K to cover a LOT of other things (like flowers/decor). Since it''s in three different rooms, you''d have to decorate three different areas. That sounds mega expensive and I think your flower budget would suffer.


I''d either look for another place entirely or agree to use the ''rents favorite.

Purrfectpear, you are absolutely right that it''s a very generous gift. My parents are covering up to $30K; anything above that, FH and I are covering. I think we can squeeze everything else into $15K, but FH and I were hoping to cap our contribution at about $10K so we have enough for a house in the next year or so. Since it''s basically my parents'' party, I feel pulled to go with their choice, but my hesitation is the very negative reaction FH and I had to it. You might be right that trying for another venue altogether might be the solution. [Sigh.] I wish this could just be done with--a destination wedding has never sounded so appealing, although I think I''m the only one who wants one!

 

[havernell]

I do have a few questions so I (and hopefully others) can get a better understanding of the situation:

1. Are you inviting 250 people (or inviting 300 and expecting a yield of 250)? Remember, not all the people you invite will be able to come. So, if you invite 250, you'll probably yield around 200. That alone will lower costs right there.

2. How did you get the $30K and $25K figures for these two places? How do you know these are accurate? Sounds like the museum does not specify what caterer, rental company, etc... you need to use, so how did you figure out the cost of reception food and rentals at the museum already without knowing yet which caterer or rental company you'd hire?? As ljsmith was mentioning, you could definitely shop around for a vendors who are lower priced, and maybe that would bring the museum cost closer to the place your parents like. I'm just trying to figure out if the museum is *really* that much more expensive. Is the extra $5,000 just for facility rental, or are there other factors that make the museum more expensive than the other venue?

3. Keeping up the topic of the "real" cost of each venue, it kind of sounds to me like you'd have to do a lot less decorating at the museum than you would at the generic ballroom place. If the museum decor is already beautiful you need next to zero decorations and only minimal flowers for centerpieces (or you could do non-floral centerpieces). So, there is one "hidden" cost of the place your parents like. Are there others?

4. Have you asked the museum what weddings held there generally do for parking? Maybe there is a nearby garage that will give you a group discount or something, which would make the "con" of parking not as big of a con. Same goes for hotel cost- find a hotel that is willing to give you a good deal on a block of rooms so it isn't so expensive for your guests.

My fiance and I are the same way as you- finding a unique venue was really important to us. We wanted to be surrounded by natural and architectural beauty because we felt that the venue space more than anything sets the tone of the wedding. Our facility rental costs are a big chuck of our budget, but we'd rather serve chicken and fish at our venue than fillet mignon and lobster at a generic, wedding-mill type of venue (okay, we actually haven't picked a menu yet, but you get my drift- the venue was more important to us than other details). It sounds like you'd be disappointed with the venue your parents chose, so personally I think you should try to find ways to make the museum more affordable and then explain to your parents that you've worked hard to make the venue you want more acceptable to them.

Sorry that's a lot of questions! Good luck with it!

 

[kittybean]

Date: 7/25/2008 3:59:32 PM
Author: havernell
I do have a few questions so I (and hopefully others) can get a better understanding of the situation:


1. Are you inviting 250 people (or inviting 300 and expecting a yield of 250)? Remember, not all the people you invite will be able to come. So, if you invite 250, you''ll probably yield around 200. That alone will lower costs right there.



2. How did you get the $30K and $25K figures for these two places? How do you know these are accurate? Sounds like the museum does not specify what caterer, rental company, etc... you need to use, so how did you figure out the cost of reception food and rentals at the museum already without knowing yet which caterer or rental company you''d hire?? As ljsmith was mentioning, you could definitely shop around for a vendors who are lower priced, and maybe that would bring the museum cost closer to the place your parents like. I''m just trying to figure out if the museum is *really* that much more expensive. Is the extra $5,000 just for facility rental, or are there other factors that make the museum more expensive than the other venue?


3. Keeping up the topic of the ''real'' cost of each venue, it kind of sounds to me like you''d have to do a lot less decorating at the museum than you would at the generic ballroom place. If the museum decor is already beautiful you need next to zero decorations and only minimal flowers for centerpieces (or you could do non-floral centerpieces). So, there is one ''hidden'' cost of the place your parents like. Are there others?


4. Have you asked the museum what weddings held there generally do for parking? Maybe there is a nearby garage that will give you a group discount or something, which would make the ''con'' of parking not as big of a con. Same goes for hotel cost- find a hotel that is willing to give you a good deal on a block of rooms so it isn''t so expensive for your guests.


My fiance and I are the same way as you- finding a unique venue was really important to us. We wanted to be surrounded by natural and architectural beauty because we felt that the venue space more than anything sets the tone of the wedding. Our facility rental costs are a big chuck of our budget, but we''d rather serve chicken and fish at our venue than fillet mignon and lobster at a generic, wedding-mill type of venue (okay, we actually haven''t picked a menu yet, but you get my drift- the venue was more important to us than other details). It sounds like you''d be disappointed with the venue your parents chose, so personally I think you should try to find ways to make the museum more affordable and then explain to your parents that you''ve worked hard to make the venue you want more acceptable to them.


Sorry that''s a lot of questions! Good luck with it!

Havernell, thanks for asking the questions; it is hard to try and think of all the information needed. Here are my answers:

1. We are inviting about 275-300 and expecting a yield of 250.

2. The cost of the museum is based on a detailed estimate from the caterer that has an exclusive contract with them. They are a well-known and respected caterer in the area, so I have no problem using them. They are not cheap, however =(. The rental estimate is included with the caterer''s estimate, and they are renting from the least expensive rental company in the area, and their rate comes with a 15% discount, which is nice. We have included a BYOB alcohol estimate (staying on the high side) in both figures--this is pretty accurate because my dad used to own a liquor store and is accustomed to making estimates for such events. One of the big differences between the museum and my parents'' venue is that we would have to rent next to nothing for the latter. There is an extra $2,100 at the museum for facility rental, but this gives us access to the whole museum.

3. The museum would need decorations in the auditorium eating area. Unlike the actual museum part, the room is very plain. I am planning on colored linens, and I would like to do some inexpensive floral centerpieces. My parents'' venue would probably need the same amount of decoration (or a little more).

4. There is a garage nearby for parking. Guests would have to pay, but I can definitely see if they would be willing to give a discount since the area is not very busy on Saturdays. As for hotel cost--will hotels still give a discount if you aren''t having the wedding there? A lot of hotels that I looked at make you guarantee a certain number of rooms, which could be disastrous if people choose to stay elsewhere. I haven''t done any serious research into the hotel issue, but I think a lot of our guests would be appreciative of the selection of hotels offered in the downtown area and could choose to stay outside of the city if they wished. At my parents'' venue location, there is a Holiday Inn Express and a Hampton Inn just down the road, but I know that some of my guests are accustomed to nicer accommodations and might be a little disappointed with those options.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Do you have pictures or links to these places? It would really help to have some idea what the situation was. Where are you? $5,000 is a BIG difference where I am, but not so much in San Fran for example.

Do they provide caterers? If so, taste the food somehow before making a decision. Your guests probably won''t remember your flowers, but they will remember a bad meal.

 

[kittybean]

Date: 7/25/2008 4:27:57 PM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy
Do you have pictures or links to these places? It would really help to have some idea what the situation was. Where are you? $5,000 is a BIG difference where I am, but not so much in San Fran for example.


Do they provide caterers? If so, taste the food somehow before making a decision. Your guests probably won''t remember your flowers, but they will remember a bad meal.

BIH, I think I am where you are. (I feel a little hesitant to reveal location.) You can probably then guess which museum I''m talking about. The other venue is right up against the foothills--I don''t want to say too much else about it. The museum provides a caterer, and I have been to events they have done and loved their food, so I would be happy to have them cater. My mom has been to events that the catering company that owns the venue she likes has done, and she was pleased with the quality of their food as well.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I figured you were probably where I am when you described the museum.

The museum uses one of the two top caterers in town, although FI and I opted to use the other, Haute Touch. There are two women who run the company the museum uses (the three tomatoes) and one is really good and the other is really bad to work with, so if you decide to do this, I will dig up the name of the good one.

Have you looked at the Phipps mansion? It is large and most receptions are done in the old tennis court, which is pretty cool and certainly unique. The cost without catering is about $3000, which isn’t too bad. Its owned by DU and their house catering is pretty good, but not amazing, although you can bring in your own caterers.

The 1717 Sherman Event center is close to downtown. It is VERY cool, unique and is huge; I have always wanted to go to an event there. They have their own caterer that I have not tried, so I have no advice for you on food.

The Natural History Museum has the best views in the city, imo. It looks out over the lake, the park, the pavilion and downtown. I haven't tried the food, but I know they have their own caterer. I know someone who had an event there and said it was amazing and they were good to work with.

The University club is downtown and really nice. It has a cool interior and the food is good, but I don’t know how many people they hold since we only ever have about 50 at the MICs dinners and in one room.

The Oxford hotel is a Victorian Hotel downtown. The restaurant is seafood based and very good. It is fairly standard looking Victorian, but the bar looks straight out of an old speakeasy and is really cool and different.

As I have been through this whole process now, I would be happy to give you any advice on vendors and local stuff, because I have dealt with most of them at some point.

ETA: Sorry, the museum of nature and science. When I went as a kid it was the natural history museum and it will always be called that in my mind