Wedding vent...

[ilovethiswebsite]

So I was at work today and some ladies were freaking out over the fact that I was newly engaged. ... I was avoiding telling them because I didn''t want the big scene, which is exactly what happened today when one of the girls noticed my new ring...

Anyway... so all the ladies were doing their usual, "whoooohooo congrats let''s see the ring" BS (you know the fake kind- none of them really even know me all that well).... then this one lady (never married) makes a snide remark, "Well, you know marriages never work anyway - good luck..." then ANOTHER lady says, "well enjoy your ring now cause once you have kids they are pretty useless..." arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Has anyone else ever had this experience with co-workers or other ladies trying to rain on your parade? It irked me so much cause I was trying to be inconspicuous with the whole engagement precisely because I was trying to avoid all the catty jealousy...

 

[ljsmith001]

No way! Sounds like total jealousy to me!! They seriously sound mad and pathetic! I would have had something to say to them. And furthermore, its the 21st century! I have a 15 month old and FI got me the most beautiful ring in the world and I sport it loudly and proudly daily! Her comment about the ring not mattering after kids is BS! What catty biiiiiiatches!

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

ssseeriously eh....

beetch.

 

[lucy.lucy.80]

grrr thats so annoying

I had someone tell me the first marriage is a "practice marriage". I couldn''t believe someone would say that! Any time comments are said like that I would just chalk it up to jealousy or envy.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Date: 7/22/2008 9:55:33 PM
Author: lucy.lucy.80
grrr thats so annoying

I had someone tell me the first marriage is a ''practice marriage''. I couldn''t believe someone would say that! Any time comments are said like that I would just chalk it up to jealousy or envy.

jeeeeez some people just need to learn when to shut it

 

[SarahLovesJS]

That is so rude!!!

I am sorry you got treated like that, it''s so wrong.

((Hugs)) Just wanted to say that. Congrats on your engagement!

 

[Haven]

I try to not allow petty, obviously unhappy people''s behavior ruin my mood. These women sound sad and jealous, and you, my dear, are a shining bride-to-be--just keep your chin up and just look at that gorgeous ring whenever you''re feeling down!

 

[marchswallowbird]

Ditto what Haven said. Ignore them. They''re not worth even thinking about.

 

[miraclesrule]

Soooooo classless!! I would just ignore them too, even if the snarky side of me would want to deliver a whopper of sarcasm aimed at them.

 

[WishfulThinking]

Ewww- how tactless! I agree they are just jealous and petty, but I''m sure you felt horrible and I don''t blame you one bit. It''s so awkward to be in that sort of situation, too. I mean, what exactly do they expect you to say in response?

I have definitely had similar situations. I tried not to tell certain people about the engagement, especially at specific events where they *couldn''t* make a scene because it would have cause a TON of drama with homophobic relatives. Alas, it was mentioned and discussed at LENGTH by them in front of me as if I wasn''t even there whether I should be "allowed" to tell certain relatives.

At no point did anyone even say congratulations. Instead, they went on and on about how I would need to hide this from people from the rest of my life because I couldn''t put the "burden" of my relationship on them and it wasn''t fair.

When I finally butted into the conversation to assert my existence once again, I explained it would be difficult to hide my marriage for a bunch of reasons, not to mention that I shouldn''t have to. Then they addressed me directly for the first time and I was lectured about how my cousin has hidden her tattoo from our conservative relatives for the same fear of disapproval. Um, my FI is NOT a tattoo! She is a PERSON.

It was horrible. As soon as they were done lecturing me about that, they started to talk amongst themselves again, ignoring me, about whether I was old enough to be married at 22. This coming from my aunt who was married [still is] at 19! Double standard much? The irritation was compounded by the fact that they don''t even know me, I have only met them a few times, and they know nothing about my life or maturity level. They didn''t even know my name and thought I was my sister when I arrived!

Then they had the gall to end the conversation by agreeing with each other that I should wait to get married until I was finished with grad school because FI and I would break up if we had to be long distance. They even asked me to AGREE to that plan! UUUUGGHHHH.

So yeah, I totally understand peoples'' stupid reactions and how they can rain on your parade and cause awkward moments- especially when you go out of your way to avoid that and it still happens.

 

[AdiS]

First of all, congrats on your engagement! I wish you the best of luck! I think the best advice I could give in this kind of situation is to remember that these are the remarks of unhappy people hence the spite that you were treated with. You are happy and that is what matters. Do not let anyone spoil it for you.
When I got engaged I was barely 20 years old so I would hear all kinds of nasty remarks, including: "Oh dear, is it wise to spend 5 months planning the wedding? Until then you won''t be able to hide your pregnancy!"

.They just assumed that I was pregnant and that is the only reason we are getting married. At first I was really perplexed and tried to explain that they''re wrong but it was getting worse so I just learned to ignore them. Anyway, here we are, 4 years later, still happily married and still no children for that matter

Now I get advices on how to get pregnant and sympathy for not being able to

.Guess what? Ignoring them still works for me. There are mean people and they will always be around trying to make you just as miserable as they are. Don''t let them. Enjoy this wonderful time with the engagement and wedding preparation and all!

 

[Deelight]

Date: 7/22/2008 11:06:13 PM
Author: Haven
I try to not allow petty, obviously unhappy people''s behavior ruin my mood. These women sound sad and jealous, and you, my dear, are a shining bride-to-be--just keep your chin up and just look at that gorgeous ring whenever you''re feeling down!

Ditto, some people don''t have a fully functioning filter between there brains and mouths and as such say things they shouldn''t.

Don''t let them rain on your parade .

 

[D2B]

Plain rude, no excuses for it.

Congratulations BTW

d2b

 

[bee*]

I''d ignore them also. I had the exact same thing with one of the vets where I work when I got engaged. I hadn''t seen her for a while and she goes oh I hear you got engaged and I replied that I did, and she told me that she hopes that I''m having a four or five year engagement. I told that that our engagement was 19 months long and that I had been with D for over 8 years so I''m comfortable getting married then and she went crazy saying how young I was (I''m 26-will be 27 when I get married) and that I should be like her and not get married until I''m about mid-thirties. She was deadly serious too. I just told her that I''m thrilled to be doing it next year. What can you say to someone like that!

 

[cbs102]

Date: 7/22/2008 9:42:14 PM
Author:ilovethiswebsite
So I was at work today and some ladies were freaking out over the fact that I was newly engaged. ... I was avoiding telling them because I didn''t want the big scene, which is exactly what happened today when one of the girls noticed my new ring...

Anyway... so all the ladies were doing their usual, ''whoooohooo congrats let''s see the ring'' BS (you know the fake kind- none of them really even know me all that well).... then this one lady (never married) makes a snide remark, ''Well, you know marriages never work anyway - good luck...'' then ANOTHER lady says, ''well enjoy your ring now cause once you have kids they are pretty useless...'' arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Has anyone else ever had this experience with co-workers or other ladies trying to rain on your parade? It irked me so much cause I was trying to be inconspicuous with the whole engagement precisely because I was trying to avoid all the catty jealousy...

I wrote about this in the LIW thread.. the night that i got engaged we went to a friends house to watch fireworks. she looked at my ring and said "huh.. its nice.. mine''s better" and then walked away. she then proceeded to make a toast to everyone in the room EXCEPT my new fiance and i. Keep in mind- this girl and i have been friends for 20+ years... totally unbelievable!

 

[vintagelover229]

Date: 7/23/2008 8:25:01 AM
Author: cbs102
I wrote about this in the LIW thread.. the night that i got engaged we went to a friends house to watch fireworks. she looked at my ring and said ''huh.. its nice.. mine''s better'' and then walked away. she then proceeded to make a toast to everyone in the room EXCEPT my new fiance and i. Keep in mind- this girl and i have been friends for 20+ years... totally unbelievable!

I hope you sat her down and had a talking with her! OMG what a B****!


Pay them no heed at all. People are going to say what they want. Your happy and that''s all that matters. I''ve had a few spats said about my engagment to a man 10 1/2 years older than me and I''m only 20 to top it all off. A very very old 20 (I''ve lived a lot in my years thanks to the poor choices of others around me!) but none the less people are going to judge! But I''m the happiest I''ve ever been and will continue to be! Just be happy because guess what?!?! YOUR ENGAGED!

 

[pocahontas]

How rude

Do you want me to get in my car and come down to your office to kick some butt? I seriously would if you''d like me to. There''s no excuse for such rude and obnoxious behaviour. I agree with what the others have said, these ladies'' comments are clearly coming from a place of jealousy and bitterness. Keep your head up and take the higher road. Don''t let them rain on your parade *hugs*

 

[loverocks]

Wow. Talk about no class. Those types of attitudes are probably part of the root cause of why their marriages didn''t work out. And the comment about the ring? Crazy. Sometimes we just need to avoid the toxic people like this....I can see why you were trying to be on the down low about it. Nothing you can do but brush it off (and vent here!)

 

[Bia]

B*tches

btw: I love your ring.

 

[aprilcait]

How frustrating! FI and I had a similar situation. FI''s sister was going through a separation from her husband right before our wedding. She was (and still is) bitter about the separation and tends to take out her frustration/hurt feelings/negativity on others. So, she would frequently say things like: "you''ll be in my shoes in a few years", "Marriage doesn''t really last forever", "why bother changing your name if you''re going to get divorced anyway?" Since I really stuck by SIL during her separation, you could say I was more than a little put off by her comments.

Don''t take their comments to heart, hon''. They''re just envious of the wonderful things going on in your life. If anything, take pity on them for being so obviously unhappy.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

hello ladies - thanks for everyone''s replies! you are totally right in that they don''t even deserve the time of day!

thanks for everyone''s happy engagement wishes!!!

 

[doodle]

my mother''s sage advice for stuff like this: "consider the source." if you kept it on the dl to avoid catty jealousy, unfortunately, you knew once they found out, catty jealousy was exactly what you''d get. kudos to you for being classy and not sinking to their level!