Today's phone etiquette

[kenny]

Technology gives us more information than ever before but does not help us with social cues about how to use it.

On my home or cellphone I'll often get a call from someone who does not leave a voice message, but the system tells me I have a voice message.
So I call in, enter my password, hear their message but they say nothing and just hang up.
The system does give me their phone number.

When this happens to you do you call back?
Do you look up their number and then decide whether to call back?
Is calling back rude? After all if they wanted to leave a message they would have.
Maybe they think that since they hung up I would not know they called and/or captured their phone number.

 

[mogster]

Do you mean foreign numbers or phone numbers of people you know or both? If it's a friend or family member, I'll call back. If it's a foreign number, I'll try to google it. Sometimes, it's my dentist or the city regarding renewing my pet licenses. I'll add those to my contact list and call back. If it's a telemarketer, then I won't.

 

[ame]

Technology gives us more information than ever before but does not help us with social cues about how to use it.

On my home or cellphone I'll often get a call from someone who does not leave a voice message, but the system tells me I have a voice message.
So I call in, enter my password, hear their message but they say nothing and just hang up.
The system does give me their phone number.

When this happens to you do you call back?
Do you look up their number and then decide whether to call back?
Is calling back rude? After all if they wanted to leave a message they would have.
Maybe they think that since they hung up I would not know they called and/or captured their phone number.

I don't. Esp not on my phone, because most of those calls are wrong numbers. My number is a number off from one of our children's hospitals and I get a LOT. Usually from a panicked person calling to say their kid is peeing blood/puking blood, what do they do. Uh, call 911?

 

[shimmer]

Hi Kenny,

I am guilty of doing this, mainly because once the message system picks up I realize that I don't want to waste time leaving a message and use their airtime and would rather text the person or call back so I hang up quickly hoping that it will not register as a message

I really didn't think of it as rude, so thank you for offering your perspective!

ETA: I think I misunderstood the question! I call back if I want to speak to that person and also sometimes if I don't recognize the number just to figure out who it was.

 

[kenny]

I really didn't think of it as rude, so thank you for offering your perspective!

Oh I have no opinion of if the "leaver" of the silent voice message or if calling back is rude.
I wonder what y'all think.

 

[Haven]

I don't return phone calls if people don't leave a message. I don't think it's rude to return the call if you do, but I just don't do it. I assume that if people wanted me to call them, they'd leave a message.

 

[vc10um]

I don't return phone calls if people don't leave a message. I don't think it's rude to return the call if you do, but I just don't do it. I assume that if people wanted me to call them, they'd leave a message.

Exactly this.

 

[ForteKitty]

I dont check my messages. Everyone knows that if I see a vm, I delete it. If you need to get a hold of me, text me.

 

[sillyberry]

I don't return phone calls if people don't leave a message. I don't think it's rude to return the call if you do, but I just don't do it. I assume that if people wanted me to call them, they'd leave a message.

Exactly this.

I haaaaaate voicemail. Hate it. So even if you leave me one I'm likely to not listen to it and just call you back anyway.

I rarely get phone calls, though, and the two people who do call (DH and my mom) don't leave voicemails, so it really isn't an issue.

 

[mogster]

I dont check my messages. Everyone knows that if I see a vm, I delete it. If you need to get a hold of me, text me.

Ditto. I turned my voicemail off. In the time that it would take to listen to a voicemail, I could already be on the phone with the person and have responded to whatever the call was about. I don't leave messages either; I figure that my number on someone's missed call list is a way of pinging them (I wouldn't call if I didn't need to talk to them).

 

[kenny]

I dont check my messages. Everyone knows that if I see a vm, I delete it. If you need to get a hold of me, text me.

Wow, I must be a dinosaur.

I've never sent or received a text msg and don't even know whether my $10, 5-year old cellphone can do that.
I guess people like you and people like me are too stubborn and inflexible about technology to be friends.

 

[vc10um]

I don't return phone calls if people don't leave a message. I don't think it's rude to return the call if you do, but I just don't do it. I assume that if people wanted me to call them, they'd leave a message.

Exactly this.

I haaaaaate voicemail. Hate it. So even if you leave me one I'm likely to not listen to it and just call you back anyway.

I rarely get phone calls, though, and the two people who do call (DH and my mom) don't leave voicemails, so it really isn't an issue.

I just text you. Solves all those problems!

 

[manderz]

Every phone I've ever had, except for my very first cell, about 12 years ago, was capable of texting, and this is the way I prefer to communicate, as it's much easier, and less disruptive for me. Not that a phone call isn't important, but I'm super-busy, and if I can answer a text in 15 seconds, vs. a 5 or 10 minute phone call, I appreciate that time saved. I hate voicemail myself, both leaving them and checking, though my iPhone's visual voicemail rescues me a lot. For example, I can listen to messages out of order, based on the caller id, and it also shows the length of the message. If I have a 3.5 minute vm from my mom, I roll my eyes, delete it, and call her, because I know I'll hear the whole message at the beginning of our conversation anyway. Or, if I have one from my dad, I know to listen ASAP, because he's a habitual hanger-upper, and doesn't leave a message unless it's super important.

 

[ForteKitty]

I dont check my messages. Everyone knows that if I see a vm, I delete it. If you need to get a hold of me, text me.

Wow, I must be a dinosaur.

I've never sent or received a text msg and don't even know whether my $10, 5-year old cellphone can do that.
I guess people like you and people like me are too stubborn and inflexible about technology to be friends.

Only because you assume that I dont pick up phone calls. I never said I dont pick up phone calls, only that I dont check messages. If I get a missed call, I'll call that person back.

 

[ForteKitty]

I don't return phone calls if people don't leave a message. I don't think it's rude to return the call if you do, but I just don't do it. I assume that if people wanted me to call them, they'd leave a message.

Exactly this.

I haaaaaate voicemail. Hate it. So even if you leave me one I'm likely to not listen to it and just call you back anyway.

I rarely get phone calls, though, and the two people who do call (DH and my mom) don't leave voicemails, so it really isn't an issue.

I just text you. Solves all those problems!

I DETEST voice messages that say "it's XYZ, call me back!" Uh hello, I can see your name/number under missed calls!

 

[Autumnovember]

I don't return phone calls if people don't leave a message. I don't think it's rude to return the call if you do, but I just don't do it. I assume that if people wanted me to call them, they'd leave a message.

Exactly this.

I haaaaaate voicemail. Hate it. So even if you leave me one I'm likely to not listen to it and just call you back anyway.

I rarely get phone calls, though, and the two people who do call (DH and my mom) don't leave voicemails, so it really isn't an issue.

Agreed!

I actually purposely left my VM box full for over a year so nobody could ever leave me messages!

 

[Jennifer W]

I don't call back, because life's too short . If someone wants to talk to me, they'll call back. If they don't call back or leave a message, I guess it wasn't important.

 

[zoebartlett]

I've gotten silent messages too, and I just delete them. I usually assume the person will call back if it's urgent enough. I don't hate voice mail but I tend to delete messages (esp. long ones) from friends and family without listening to the whole thing. Like someone else said, chances are, I'm going to hear the whole story again when I talk to the person, so why listen to it on voice mail first?

 

[stargurl78]

I DETEST voice messages that say "it's XYZ, call me back!" Uh hello, I can see your name/number under missed calls!

THIS seriously drives me nuts! I had a friend who would do this every single time he would call. I even asked him to stop doing that because I can see that he fricken called since my phone does alert me of missed calls. But still, it never failed, he would always leave that same message... And that was at a time where you couldn't delete messages without listening to them first.

 

[asscherisme]

I don't return phone calls if people don't leave a message. I don't think it's rude to return the call if you do, but I just don't do it. I assume that if people wanted me to call them, they'd leave a message.

ditto

 

[asscherisme]

I don't return phone calls if people don't leave a message. I don't think it's rude to return the call if you do, but I just don't do it. I assume that if people wanted me to call them, they'd leave a message.

Exactly this.

I haaaaaate voicemail. Hate it. So even if you leave me one I'm likely to not listen to it and just call you back anyway.

I rarely get phone calls, though, and the two people who do call (DH and my mom) don't leave voicemails, so it really isn't an issue.

Agreed!

I actually purposely left my VM box full for over a year so nobody could ever leave me messages!

I soo much prefer texts to voicemail. But I do like talking on the phone sometimes because sometimes its nice to hear people's voice! however, friends and family know if they call me and I don't pick up, and they need to tell me something important, text me and don't leave voicemail. I hate logging into voicemail and texts are just so much easier to get.

 

[LALove]

I dont check my messages. Everyone knows that if I see a vm, I delete it. If you need to get a hold of me, text me.

Yep me too.

 

[Missy]

I have disabled my VM on my home land line phone as I have an answering machine and it is too confusing (for me) to have both options that need to be checked. If someone leaves a message on my home phone answering machine I return it. If they do not I don't because I don't usually check my caller id to see who called while I was out. If it is important enough I figure they would leave a message and then I return the call within 24 hours. That is my phone etiquette. If you leave a message you get a return call within 24 hours. If you don't I don't even know you called. Plus, my friends/family all have my mobile number as well so if they need to reach me they can.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I never call back if it is a number I don't know. I figure if it is important they will leave a message. If it is someone I know, I call them back.

 

[kenny]

I dont check my messages. Everyone knows that if I see a vm, I delete it. If you need to get a hold of me, text me.

Yep me too.

Wow.
The world is SOOO changing.

I'm really resisting learning how to text, but maybe I should just get over it and get with it.

 

[mogster]

I dont check my messages. Everyone knows that if I see a vm, I delete it. If you need to get a hold of me, text me.

Yep me too.

Wow.
The world is SOOO changing.

I'm really resisting learning how to text, but maybe I should just get over it and get with it.

Kenny, you are lucky to be able to skip the T9 nonsense and go straight to a QWERTY keyboard!

 

[kenny]

I dont check my messages. Everyone knows that if I see a vm, I delete it. If you need to get a hold of me, text me.

Yep me too.

Wow.
The world is SOOO changing.

I'm really resisting learning how to text, but maybe I should just get over it and get with it.

Kenny, you are lucky to be able to skip the T9 nonsense and go straight to a QWERTY keyboard!

I'll have to look up what that means, but thanks, I think.

 

[ForteKitty]

It's just so much easier. I can respond to 5-6 texts in the time I check one voicemail. Plus you can coordinate in a loud area where you can't hear the other person. You can also text while sitting on the toilet. Can't do that on the phone.

 

[mogster]

I dont check my messages. Everyone knows that if I see a vm, I delete it. If you need to get a hold of me, text me.

Yep me too.

Wow.
The world is SOOO changing.

I'm really resisting learning how to text, but maybe I should just get over it and get with it.

Kenny, you are lucky to be able to skip the T9 nonsense and go straight to a QWERTY keyboard!

I'll have to look up what that means, but thanks, I think.

Texting used to mean sharing letters with the number pad, like pressing '2' (or was it '1'?) once for the letter 'a', twice for 'b', thrice for 'c'.
It was a little bit better with predictive technology (T9). And now, most phones have a QWERTY keyboard, either physical or touchscreen.

 

[manderz]

I agree, it would be great to be able to learn about texting now, when there's an actual, full keyboard. Oh, how I detest T9. My dad asked me to text someone from his phone, which does not have a qwerty keyboard, and I got so frustrated from goofing it up, I just took down the number and shot off a get from my iPhone, in about 1/4 of the time.