Wedding to invite or not to invite?

[elrohwen]

I'm really up in the air about whether to invite my mom's family or not. I have a grandma and two uncles who I never see (never even met one of the uncles). My grandma is pretty psycho and she and my mom go for long periods of time without talking (my grandma gets so mean that my mom refues to deal with her ... last time they didn't talk it was for 15 years). I really don't want to invite them as I have no relationship with them and the few times I've seen them they haven't been particularly nice.

My only concern is that they did put a lot of money towards my education. I'm the only child in the family and they put a high value on education, so they gave us money that allowed me to go to a private school over a public school. I've have always expressed gratitude and I feel like inviting them to my wedding is one more way to say thank you. I guess I feel like I owe them. But then I go through periods where I don't want them to come because they'll just make other people miserable (me and my mom, mostly).

My mom is ok with whatever I decide, but we both agree that if we invite them, we hope they don't come. So should I just suck it up and invite them (while crossing my fingers that they don't show)? Or should I not bother? At this point I'm not even sure they know I'm engaged, but they'll find out eventually. If it wasn't for their financial help during my college years, I wouldn't think twice about not inviting them.

 

[trillionaire]

I would probably invite them. Weddings are a one time thing, and paying for your education is kind of a huge thing.

 

[gtn]

hmmm.. that is a tough one. I would invite them, but that is just me. I don''t know how horrible they are IRL. Given your relationship with them, do you think they will attend? Will they care? If you really don''t want them there, don''t invite them. Send them a wedding announcement after the fact.

 

[Blair138]

I think I would invite them while crossing your fingers that they do not come! I agree that paying for your education is a very big thing. You can seat them in the back at the reception and ignore them if you have to! Good luck!

 

[diamondfan]

I might just put it out there and hope they chose to not attend. Win win for you as you cannot be accused of slighting them...but you do not have to deal with them either!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Include everybody, exclude nobody. They might come, they might not...but you''ll always know you did the right thing. And beside, at your wedding, I promise you you won''t be spending a lot of time with any one person aside from your newly crowned DH.

 

[tessari]

I don''t know the exact circumstances, but I say invite them. They are your mom''s immediate family, and even though you feel this way about them now, you may regret it some day. Don''t mean to sound too preachy but I lost both my grandparents last year and I wish I was closer to them.

 

[elrohwen]

Thanks for the replies everyone! I think I knew all along that the right thing would be to invite them ... I just didn''t want to

I''ll talk to my mom about it again and make sure she''s ok with it (I think she''ll be fine as long as she doesn''t have to sit with them). I really do owe them after they helped to put me through school and even if they''re crazy I can''t forget that. Luckily, the uncles live in Russia most of the year (for whatever reason ... we''re not Russian) so let''s hope they''re stuck over there and can''t come to my wedding!

 

[jewelerman]

Its your day...you dont need any crazy timebombs ready to go off and ruin your day...if you invite them let them know that any negative talk at the wedding and they will be asked to leave.

 

[sna77]

if they paid for school, they''ll probabyl send a nice check for a wedding gift and not come... sounds like a win - win...

seriously though... its your wedding, not yourmoms... if you want your grandmother there, invite her and tell your mom to deal with it for a day