Wedding Tiny Vent

[SarahLovesJS]

I just need to let out a tiny vent everyone. My family member..the same one I thought wouldn''t invite me..did send an invite after-all. Except it came to my parents and me (like I''m a 16 year old or something) and there was no invite to be found for FI. Okay, so I know they did have space issues, and normally this wouldn''t be a problem except I would have liked to have been told first. Also, if I had done this to her she would be infuriated. Why should I have to go without my FI when she would not do the same? Also, her FI KNOWS my FI. In fact they went to a small college together and took multiple classes together. So okay, I know I am being slightly difficult, she didn''t necessarily have an obligation to invite my FI it''s just I would have invited her FI. I don''t have anyone on my guest list that is in a serious relationship without their SO. If they have an SO it''s either both of them or neither for me. So please don''t blow me out of the water for being unreasonable on this one, it just really hurt my feelings. She can''t go anywhere without her FI, but I''m expected to come to the wedding without mine?

Her relationship is soooo important (it''s all I hear about), but obviously mine isn''t. Sigh.

I hope you can read through all my annoyance and sarcasm to find some logic. We have a history, this isn''t the only thing that''s ever happened if that makes sense. I''m going to stop rambling now.

 

[choro72]

Don''t apologize, I will be fuming too!

He is your FI, not some guy you''ve been seeing for a few weeks (or months, if you want to push it).
I would let the addressing issue go (I might have to do something similar...Please don''t hurt me

), but can you, your parents, or another family member contact this person to make sure it wasn''t an oversight?

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Hi Choro! I won''t hurt you and thank you for not freaking on me!!

Believe me I do understand the whole space issue thing. We''ve had some blowouts over who to invite and who not to invite due to space issues already. I have space issues myself. It really just comes down to this specific situation. And I typically expect people to treat me as I treat them . . . it just doesn''t always happen. Honestly, I also wouldn''t really have been as hurt if she had said something to me. Like "Hey we have a serious space issue and we can''t invite your FI...just wanted to let you know. It''s nothing against him or you..just don''t have the room or

." Does that make sense? The only reason I know there are space issues at all is because I heard it from the parents. Ah I guess it''s so arbitrary. She just makes me so

. I don''t think I am going to be going at this point to be honest. FI''s family happens to be having a huge get together on the same day and seeing as they technically invited me first and it''s the last opportunity to meet some of the people coming to my wedding..I think I should go there instead. So it worked out for the best.

If there was no get together I guess I''d suck it up and go.

 

[robbie3982]

Awe, I''d be pissed too. At least you have a good excuse not to go

. It seems like everyone has at least one family member who does stuff like this during the wedding planning process.

 

[brooklyngirl]

Sarah, so sorry you have to deal her. But on the bright side, now, you don''t have to go, or get a gift. Would it be particularly naughty to invite only her to your wedding?

. Okay that was kind of mean, but still, she could have talked to you before sending the invite.

 

[Shoopy]

I’m sorry he didn’t get invited but its her guest list and her wedding. She doesn’t have to follow the rules that you would follow for your own wedding.

Is there a chance that maybe his invite is implied?? Does it have a line to write down how many guests you are planning on bringing? When my FF’s cousin got married they sent one invite for my FF’s parents and him. They were able to write in that they were bringing 4 people to include me…and I’ve been in his family for 6 years! It wasn’t a big deal, I went and had a good time. Could it be possible that you can do something like that?

I wouldn't waste my time being angry or fuming or doing something like not going to the wedding (that's a tad bit immature....wait don't hurt me!!!

) I would just give her a call and ask if its ok for him to go as well. Who knows...maybe she'll say "OMG I forgot to include him, how embarrassing of course he can come"

**Here's hoping for positive intent**

ETA: (Because I just read this) If I had a choice between a family member's wedding or a huge get together my future family is having...I would go to the get together as well.

 

[Sabine]

Awe, that really stinks Sarah! I wouldn''t go either, but I think this is one of those chances to be the bigger person and send her an appropriate gift and still invite both her and her husband to your wedding (and then maybe ignore them to spend time with people who really care about you

.

 

[modernsparkler]

I would be mad too. Is it possible that she has just forgotten or is not updated on her wedding etiquette? (Invitation to all adult guests and inclusive invites to spouses, fiancees, and those living with their so)?

 

[pocahontas]

Sarah - I'd be angry too! I think you have every right to be upset, annoyed and PO'ed. I agree with Choro, your FI isn't some random dude, he's your FI which makes him family PERIOD! I thought my FI's mother was crazy - she didn't invite me to anything family related even though we'll be celebrating our nine year anniversay in a couple of days, but at least in her warped thinking I guess she could rationalize that we were only boyfriend and girlfriend. I think it'll be a lot harder for her to not include me now that we're engaged, but who knows because it's only been 2 months and there haven't been any family events. I really don't understand your cousin's thinking - I think it's rude and thoughtless

. Given your history with her I wouldn't attend her wedding either because clearly this wasn't an oversight. I'm sorry you're dealing with this ((hugs))

 

[Gwyn]

SHe sent your invite to your parents. Clearly she doesnt know much about ettiquette to begin with (unless you are a child and still living with them). I would just call her and ask her. and if they dont have space for him, then I would say they dont have space for you either. Her list/wedding or not, you two are a package deal now (atleast in my eyes and it sounds like your eyes too). Just send her your regrets and wish her well.

As for a gift, I wouldnt bother unless there is something that you would like to give to her. But a gift just for the sake of it, meh.

 

[robbie3982]

Date: 7/2/2008 9:26:49 AM
Author: fieryred33143

I’m sorry he didn’t get invited but its her guest list and her wedding. She doesn’t have to follow the rules that you would follow for your own wedding.

Is there a chance that maybe his invite is implied?? Does it have a line to write down how many guests you are planning on bringing? When my FF’s cousin got married they sent one invite for my FF’s parents and him. They were able to write in that they were bringing 4 people to include me…and I’ve been in his family for 6 years! It wasn’t a big deal, I went and had a good time. Could it be possible that you can do something like that?

I wouldn''t waste my time being angry or fuming or doing something like not going to the wedding (that''s a tad bit immature....wait don''t hurt me!!!

) I would just give her a call and ask if its ok for him to go as well. Who knows...maybe she''ll say ''OMG I forgot to include him, how embarrassing of course he can come''

**Here''s hoping for positive intent**

ETA: (Because I just read this) If I had a choice between a family member''s wedding or a huge get together my future family is having...I would go to the get together as well.

The line isn''t so you can add people...It''s so if 4 people are on the invite, but only 3 can come, you''d write 3 so they know 1 isn''t coming...

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 7/2/2008 9:26:49 AM
Author: fieryred33143

I’m sorry he didn’t get invited but its her guest list and her wedding. She doesn’t have to follow the rules that you would follow for your own wedding.

Is there a chance that maybe his invite is implied?? Does it have a line to write down how many guests you are planning on bringing? When my FF’s cousin got married they sent one invite for my FF’s parents and him. They were able to write in that they were bringing 4 people to include me…and I’ve been in his family for 6 years! It wasn’t a big deal, I went and had a good time. Could it be possible that you can do something like that?

I wouldn''t waste my time being angry or fuming or doing something like not going to the wedding (that''s a tad bit immature....wait don''t hurt me!!!

) I would just give her a call and ask if its ok for him to go as well. Who knows...maybe she''ll say ''OMG I forgot to include him, how embarrassing of course he can come''

**Here''s hoping for positive intent**

ETA: (Because I just read this) If I had a choice between a family member''s wedding or a huge get together my future family is having...I would go to the get together as well.

I agree here. Are you close enough with your family member that you would want to see her get married? From the sounds of your post and the alternate plans for that day, it sounds like you are kind of indifferent to going to her wedding anyway. If that is the case and you two are not very close, and I know I might be wrong, then maybe it never occurred to them to invite your FI. Also, if the get together was planned before the wedding, then your FI would not have been able to come anyway, correct? (Or would he have chose your family function over his?) I have many engaged friends who have been perfectly happy going to weddings alone, especially those of family members because it''s not like they won''t know anyone but the bride and groom. Even if your FI knows her FI, that doesn''t necessarily mean they are good enough friends where he would be invited to the wedding, especially with space issues. Also, giving them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they invited you with your parents invitation because that''s how they grouped their guest list; i.e. Smith mom & dad & daughter. Although the other posters state that a FI is as good as family, I don''t really agree because marriage is usually when people are fully considered family by other family members (not counting the people who never get married, etc.). I think it would be rude to say "SLJS''s FI is not family" to your face or something, but they might have just been trimming any non-familial guests for the budget. If you have better things to do that day, then just kindly decline the invitation and maybe send a small gift. I would not retaliate them in any way for your own wedding because, let''s face it, that would be immature & I think you know this. You will do what''s best for you & your FI I''m sure, but with you being an engaged lady yourself, I would not waste time overanalyzing things & getting angry about it. I think you''re probably already over this as I type, but just my .02.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Hey all! Thanks for letting me vent and not raking me over the coals! ((Hugs)) We''re not that close this is true, I just expected he would be invited since she had been trying to buddy up with me in the past few months? Hope that makes sense!

Blegh I am probably just complaining because I don''t like her so whenever she does something I think is wrong it''s even worse. It''s like ARGH not again! Haha. FI would have attended the wedding with me most likely. However, I do have a good excuse not to go so I am happy. Yaay!

Now my parents just have to decide what to do since they''re invited to the get together as well and they''ve never met all of these people. They really want to meet more of FI''s family, but don''t want to insult my family. So we''ll see.

Sorry for being a bridezilla I just am being a bit snarky lately as I''ve said on like three threads.

 

[FrekeChild]

I was going to say something...inappropriate...but I decided not to. So I''ll say this instead: What a cow!

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 7/3/2008 2:36:49 AM
Author: SarahLovesJS
Hey all! Thanks for letting me vent and not raking me over the coals! ((Hugs)) We''re not that close this is true, I just expected he would be invited since she had been trying to buddy up with me in the past few months? Hope that makes sense!

Blegh I am probably just complaining because I don''t like her so whenever she does something I think is wrong it''s even worse. It''s like ARGH not again! Haha. FI would have attended the wedding with me most likely. However, I do have a good excuse not to go so I am happy. Yaay!

Now my parents just have to decide what to do since they''re invited to the get together as well and they''ve never met all of these people. They really want to meet more of FI''s family, but don''t want to insult my family. So we''ll see.

Sorry for being a bridezilla I just am being a bit snarky lately as I''ve said on like three threads.

Not a bridezilla at all! Some of the ones featured on that show make me sick! Also, have you seen MTV''s True Life I''m Getting Married? Ridiculous behavior showcased there for sure. You''ll probably have more fun at the get together & it''s an important precursor to your induction into your FI''s family so it''s also probably time better spent. If you guys have a history I can see how it would make her oversight/mistake/poor form more irritating. Do let us know how the get together goes.