This made me feel sick

[Lady_Disdain]

I know being a step parent isn't easy. Being a parent isn't easy. But this really disgusted me: **edited by moderator. please remember we do not allow linking to other forums to prevent inter forum fighting**

Basically, it is a thread in a step parenting forum about the 10 things they hate the most about their step kids. So far, it is venting. I don't think this sort of venting belongs in a public space, but each person to his own. However, the amount of venom is incredible. Things like saying that they should kill/lose the stepkid's annoying pet, calling them "stupid" and disgusting, complaining that the husband hhas to support his child and a lot of blaming the children for things that are the parents' faults, which includes their husbands.

 

[Circe]

I study fairy tales, so my reaction may be a little skewed: my first thought was, "Of course! If the internet is full of trolls, it only stands to reason that there would be a forum for wicked stepmothers ...."

That said, yeah. The fact that they're around children sort of makes my heart hurt.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

Thank you for the laugh, Circe - I needed it.

I wonder if apple recipes are shared.

 

[mayerling]

Lady_Disdain, I completely agree with the title of your post.

 

[asscherisme]

I know being a step parent isn't easy. Being a parent isn't easy. But this really disgusted me: **edited by moderator. please remember we do not allow linking to other forums to prevent inter forum fighting**

Basically, it is a thread in a step parenting forum about the 10 things they hate the most about their step kids. So far, it is venting. I don't think this sort of venting belongs in a public space, but each person to his own. However, the amount of venom is incredible. Things like saying that they should kill/lose the stepkid's annoying pet, calling them "stupid" and disgusting, complaining that the husband hhas to support his child and a lot of blaming the children for things that are the parents' faults, which includes their husbands.

The dark side of the internet... Kids don't ask for a step parent. I agree, sickening.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Ooh what nasty bitter women, no wonder the step kids don't like them!

I can sympathize with some of the frustrations of being a step parent but to suggest that you take a kids dog for a walk and make sure it never comes back is taking it too far.

 

[lulu]

I'm a stepmother and a family lawyer and I've always said you should not marry someone if you don't love their kids.

 

[Amys Bling]

Terrible.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

The world is full of walking wounded because of verbal and physical abuse and other cruel things that biological parents and step parents have done to children. People really need to stop, think it through and decide whether they can cope with a child or stepchild before they commit to a relationship.

 

[that_someone_special]

OMG!!!
Did you see this one?

"4. Your nappy a** curly hair that's ALWAYS matted because Jabba is to fat/lazy to brush it!" (and this was about a 5 year old)
It's currently on page 5

 

[that_someone_special]

Wow. So when they say SD3 they mean they are talking about "step daughter 3 years old" and so on.

WHO SAYS SUCH TERRIBLE THINGS ABOUT A THREE YEAR OLD????

 

[Lady_Disdain]

OMG!!!
Did you see this one?

"4. Your nappy a** curly hair that's ALWAYS matted because Jabba is to fat/lazy to brush it!" (and this was about a 5 year old)
It's currently on page 5

That one made me see red. Nothing like a little bigotry mixed in with child hate.

 

[mrs taylor]

that entire board is poison.

 

[LAJennifer]

I do believe that is the single, most disturbing thing I've ever seen on the internet. No wonder so many kids are screwed up these days.

 

[manderz]

I do believe that is the single, most disturbing thing I've ever seen on the internet. No wonder so many kids are screwed up these days.

This.

I worked with kids on probation for my internship last semester, and it was just sad. It was almost never the kids; mostly the parents.

 

[MissStepcut]

OMG!!!
Did you see this one?

"4. Your nappy a** curly hair that's ALWAYS matted because Jabba is to fat/lazy to brush it!" (and this was about a 5 year old)
It's currently on page 5

That one made me see red. Nothing like a little bigotry mixed in with child hate.

Why would you assume the poster isn't also African American?

 

[Silvia]

Wow, I only read half a page but it certainly makes me feel better about my SO's kids!
They have their annoying moments, but as adults we are here to guide and teach them, not tell the they're stupid :/ Sounds like some of the people on there need to sit down and talk to their partner though...

Don't get me wrong, I have a girlfriend who I catch up with fortnightly and we have a little rant sometimes, but nothing that horrifying.

 

[chemgirl]

Um wow. I feel terrible for those children. Most of the complaints are just examples of kids being kids. Its not shocking that a 5 year old is a picky eater, a 13 year old is self centered, and a 3 year old wets the bed. I guarantee they're not doing it specifically to upset their step-parents.

I'm probably overly sensitive because DH's stepmom is completely of this mindset. Last weekend she ranted about how his mom is so lucky because she had primary custody and didn't have to pay child support. Apparently stepmom wouldn't be living in a trailer with mountains of debt if it wasn't for the child support payments. I was polite and didn't point out that FIL hasn't payed child support in over 10 years, or that she could have worked at some point in her life if money was such an issue. Some people like to blame everyone but themselves.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

OMG!!!
Did you see this one?

"4. Your nappy a** curly hair that's ALWAYS matted because Jabba is to fat/lazy to brush it!" (and this was about a 5 year old)
It's currently on page 5

That one made me see red. Nothing like a little bigotry mixed in with child hate.

Why would you assume the poster isn't also African American?

Because, regardless of the poster's own race, she is using language and expressions that put down a race.

If a woman called all other women "gold digging harpies", I would say she is misogynistic, even if she is a woman herself. Regarding one own's group as inferior is only too common and damaging.

 

[justginger]

This...wow. I was blown away by the seething hatred these individuals have for children! They're just kids. As a non-parent, I imagine that all children are, to some degree, messy, cranky, picky, and self-absorbed. I certainly was! These people should seek counseling, end their toxic relationships, or both. My heart hurts because they're doing real damage to defenseless children.

I wonder if the bio mothers could use this material in court to amend custody arrangements?

 

[mrs taylor]

OMG!!!
Did you see this one?

"4. Your nappy a** curly hair that's ALWAYS matted because Jabba is to fat/lazy to brush it!" (and this was about a 5 year old)
It's currently on page 5

That one made me see red. Nothing like a little bigotry mixed in with child hate.

Why would you assume the poster isn't also African American?

Because, regardless of the poster's own race, she is using language and expressions that put down a race.

If a woman called all other women "gold digging harpies", I would say she is misogynistic, even if she is a woman herself. Regarding one own's group as inferior is only too common and damaging.

Couldn't agree more.

 

[Porridge]

What is wrong with people?!?!?! Monsters, all of them.

 

[maplefemme]

This is really disturbing, terrible behaviour

I do have to admit that Step families can be extremely challenging. My Father remarried after my Mother passed away, I didn't get to meet my new "Sisters" aged 25 and 30 until the wedding, we got along just fine.
However, shortly after at a family dinner, they proceeded to discuss which of my Father's belongings they would be going after when he dies, I damn near fell out of my chair! I have always been very upfront with my Father about such things, I want nothing from him of monetary value, just some sentimental things like photos and such.
I sat that there listening to them squabble over who would get what, thinking "who the F are you people?!"
It's been a downwards slope ever since, I have never met such people in my life, let alone have them as "family".
I avoid them at all costs, my Father strongly dislikes them, my Stepmother obviously loves and defends them but is highly embarrassed by their behavior.
Either way, I'd never stoop to such viciousness towards any child, no matter what. At the end of the day you have a choice - leave if it's at the point you have to resort to this garbage.

 

[chemgirl]

I'm still thinking about this! I've come to the conclusion that the stepmoms are just petty and jealous. I want to post "10 things your step kids hate about you" to let them know exactly how petty they are. Not going to do it, but want to.

The thing that really gets me is how many of these women act like its creepy that their young step kids want to sit next to their dads, hug them, and be involved in everything that's going on while they're over for the weekend. Its not creepy, its normal. I can pretty much guarantee that it will stop once they get to be teenagers, but by then the stepmom will probably be one of the ones posting that their devil of a stepchild has the audacity to bring friends over to THEIR house, use THEIR things and ask to borrow THEIR car. Who's self centered now?

Rant over.

In all seriousness most of the issues are things that should be dealt with by the bio parent. It sounds like most of the stepmoms are actually upset about how their spouses act towards the children. Can't blame the kids for that.

 

[Ella]

Please remember that to prevent inter forum fighting we do not allow discussion of or linking to other forums on PS.

 

[junebug17]

Horrifying. I had to stop reading, I just couldn't take it any more. The hatred expressed by these women is extremely disturbing. A psychiatrist would have a field day with these women, and most of them are in dire need of the services of a good one. Most of them are so obviously jealous of their step-kids. It's pretty amazing how many of them hate their step kid because she looks like her mother. I'm sure having a relationship with step-kids isn't always easy, and issues can come up, and a few of the problems listed sound serious, like a step kid stealing - but most of the kids are young and a lot of the "problems" are just typical things kids do- and the hatred and bitterness of these women must be so damaging to them. Ugh, made me sick.

 

[MissStepcut]

OMG!!!
Did you see this one?

"4. Your nappy a** curly hair that's ALWAYS matted because Jabba is to fat/lazy to brush it!" (and this was about a 5 year old)
It's currently on page 5

That one made me see red. Nothing like a little bigotry mixed in with child hate.

Why would you assume the poster isn't also African American?

Because, regardless of the poster's own race, she is using language and expressions that put down a race.

If a woman called all other women "gold digging harpies", I would say she is misogynistic, even if she is a woman herself. Regarding one own's group as inferior is only too common and damaging.

Well that's just not what "bigotry" means. It's about distinguishing yourself from people different than you, not intra-group hate. Which, frankly, does make me grit my teeth less, exactly because it isn't "bigoted."

 

[Circe]

... okay, then, let's just call it racist. I'm not quite seeing how that makes it better, though - and the fact remains that we don't know what that poster's racial background is. All we know is that she's the kind of lady who thinks, a) wearing your hair natural is a flaw, and, b) fat = lazy, and, c) that any of this is a good reason to hate on a child who depends on her.

Winner.

 

[MissStepcut]

... okay, then, let's just call it racist. I'm not quite seeing how that makes it better, though - and the fact remains that we don't know what that poster's racial background is. All we know is that she's the kind of lady who thinks, a) wearing your hair natural is a flaw, and, b) fat = lazy, and, c) that any of this is a good reason to hate on a child who depends on her.

Winner.

You're right. I was focused on the wrong element. I do think there is a huge difference between being critical of your own group and being critical of other groups, but that's not really what's at issue here.

As someone who has had 3 step-parents, one not so great and two absolute saints who certainly could have compiled some of the referenced lists of annoyances and frustrations, I'll just say that I realize that parenting is incredibly difficult, as is step-parenting, in its own ways.

Still, I hope the more negative posters would try to adjust their attitudes and find better ways of coping. I know step-parents can sometimes really resent traits of their spouse's ex in their children, and I think that anger gets transferred to kids unfairly pretty often. Looking back I know there was a lot of that with my "not so great" step-parent.

 

[that_someone_special]

Horrifying. I had to stop reading, I just couldn't take it any more. The hatred expressed by these women is extremely disturbing. A psychiatrist would have a field day with these women, and most of them are in dire need of the services of a good one. Most of them are so obviously jealous of their step-kids. It's pretty amazing how many of them hate their step kid because she looks like her mother. I'm sure having a relationship with step-kids isn't always easy, and issues can come up, and a few of the problems listed sound serious, like a step kid stealing - but most of the kids are young and a lot of the "problems" are just typical things kids do- and the hatred and bitterness of these women must be so damaging to them. Ugh, made me sick.

Some of the comments I thought EXACTLY that- they are jealous!

One commented about how the 5 year old hangs off of her father and says "daddy" a lot. Um, really? You have a problem with his daughter wanting attention from him? It's like some of them think the girls are competition (for attention)!