They say "when you know, you know". Tell me your stories of when you figured your partner was "The One"!

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

In the spirit of Valentine's Day (though I'm a touch early, but hopefully we'll have plenty of comments by then to make for some really good reading!)

I've always heard this phrase from all my friends in serious, long-term, committed relationships; and until pretty recently it never made sense to me, even though I had been in multiple serious relationships. I never really "knew", and one of them got pretty close to an engagement before we called it off.

And yet, recently, I started seeing someone (literally over New Years!) It's our second time round giving it a shot (the first time we tried, I wasn't over my ex enough to give anyone a real try) and while this is extremely new and we are taking it slow, I have this strong, unshakeable feeling. I know. I can pinpoint the exact moment, too - it was the moment I admitted to him how I felt about him and how I was hoping for another chance. The look in his eyes hit me like a bolt from the blue, and I thought to myself - "I'm going to marry this man someday." And the thought of marrying him didn't feel like something expected, that you just do when you've been in a relationship long enough and your lives are enmeshed enough that it just seems like the logical next step. It didn't feel like an infatuation, or a crush. Just a certainty, or an inevitability. I just... know.

I would love to hear your stories, PSers! So excited to feel in love with love this Valentine's season

 

[Austina]

My DH will tell you that he saw me across the room, turned to his friend and said “that’s the girl I’m going to marry”

For me, I took some convincing to go out with him. Our first date, we went out to an Italian Restaurant, and then to a party. I got home at 6am. I wasn’t really interested in a long term relationship, but I’d left my jacket in his car, so he phoned me and said he’d arranged for us to go out with our mutual friends, so I said OK. I’d more or less decided that I wouldn’t go out with him again, but something happened on our third date (NO, NOT THAT!) and I realised I‘d fallen in love with him. 3 months later he asked me to marry him, and 4 months after that, we were married. That was almost 46 years ago.

 

[Avondale]

There was never a one, single moment. It took years. And several positively miserable events. Over the course, each of us had time to build trust - trust that we'll always choose each other.

So in a way he isn't really "the one", and neither am I. I'm not special, neither is he. It's all a long string of choices. We met young, we grew and changed a lot, and that presents it challenges, it makes it difficult. But, for the time being, we still keep choosing each other.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I liked to come on strong with my feminism back when I was dating (as if I could hide it lol). It was a pretty easy test of whether my date's values aligned with my own. On our second date I told my husband I wasn't going to take my future spouse's last name unless it was Strangelove or something, because it would be cool to one day be "Dr. Strangelove". Without missing a beat he said, "Oh, did I mention my last name is actually Strangelove?" I still appreciate his wit and feminist spirit.

I did take his name, though lol

 

[kenny]

Sorry, but I don't subscribe to the whole premise of "The One".
IMO it's yet another unrealistic fantasy instilled into us by culture, sometimes resulting in much pain and harm when the fairy tale fails.

I resent "The One"ism the same way I recognize the harmful pressure on women/girls to be thin and meet often unattainable standards of so-called beauty.

Look at divorce rates.
So much for "The One"s.

And, don't arranged marriages have lower divorce rates?

I have had a few "The One"s.
Each "The One" has been better than the last "The One".

I do think it's good to seek someone you respect, love, feel compatible with, and if both want to, commit to having a go with them.

All this said, I'm very very happy with my husband and feel we are the best match ever.
I guess I just value keeping things real.

 

[Inked]

Oh boy, this is long, but we have a ‘meet cute’, I challenged him to a pull up contest. LOL.

Second time for both of us too. I was 45 and he was 39. I remember it all very clearly, probably because it was exactly 7 years ago from now. LOL. I had been cheated on and left a 7 year relationship and decided to take a year off from dating to heal, that was in January of 2016. I always wanted a traditional husband and wife dynamic with traditional roles. And I had been in like 4 super long term relationships where we lived together but it just never worked out. So again, I remember this all so clearly, it was a Thursday night at the end of January 2017 I was walking my dog. I lived in a waterfront house on the Atlantic, and I would walk on the beach at night. It was a crazy stormy night and snowing and windy so anyone who lives on the water, you know how loud that is. While I was walking on the beach, I saw my neighbors, he was helping her bring the groceries in, and the kids were holding the door open ...and I felt incredibly alone in that moment. So I kept walking and I was so sad, seeing that family, and for some reason I started ‘yelling’ up to God out loud on the beach with the crashing loudness of the waves “I GET IT!! I get that I will never have a family and kids and a husband that carries in the groceries, but I just want to be happy!! Can I just be happy?? What do you want from me? What can I do?? I get it, I will never have that traditional family so I just want to be happy!!!”

I get to work the next day (Friday) and I told my coworker I was going to sign up for online dating and I was ready to date. She said “I don’t believe it, you’re not over him.... are you sure??” I said “Oh yeah, definitely, if some cute guy asks for my number, I am giving it to him!”

So I went home that night and started working on my online dating profile. I didn’t go live with it, I was just writing it, I had planned on posting it Saturday but didn’t feel like looking for pictures so I waited. I had started a membership at a new gym by my moms house a few days before since she would watch my dog for me, it was better to go to the gym closer to her. So it was now Sunday morning, I was doing back, I always do pullups as part of my routine. When I was leaving the gym, the guy in front of me turned and held the door for me and smiled. I was immediately at peace, I don’t know how to explain it, he felt like home. He said “That was impressive how many pullups you can do”

I said “well, you don’t look that old, I bet you still have some pullups left in you!”

He said “Not like that!”

I said “I challenge you to a pullup contest!!”

He said “You’re on! I should get your number and we can workout sometime!”

And I like, hesitated, and put my hand to my face because my brain went SOME CUTE GUY JUST ASKED FOR YOUR NUMBER!!!!!

So he mistook my hesitation and said “You don’t have to give me your number, I’m sorry!” I said “No!!! No!! Yes! I want to give you my number!” So we exchanged numbers and I went to my car and text my friend “I just me the man I am going to marry!’

Our first date was at the gym and then we went to dinner after. We talked for hours, it was just so natural. Everything was so perfect. Like he was made for me. We had so much in common. We both have random things about us that are different than the norm, for example, neither of us drink alcohol, not for any reason, we’re not opposed to it, we just… don’t. A lot of little stuff like that. It just felt like we belonged together. He has 2 children and he had been divorced 4 years and never introduced anyone to his kids before, but on our second date we were talking about when I would meet them. I cant explain how we both just knew.

I went to his house and he made me dinner and when I walked in his house it just felt like I belonged there. The whole thing was different than anything I felt before, and I had been in super long term relationships but nothing ever felt like this. I just felt like he was home, and it was easy and NO GAMES.

Dating in the last probably 8 years or so has changed DRASTICALLY. It is not AT ALL like it used to be. I feel so incredibly blessed by God that he brought us together. I’m telling it from my perspective but on his side it was so many things like, he had felt like he was dating and nothing was clicking for him. So he went to talk to his priest about it, and the priest said “You just have to be open to every opportunity god puts in front of you” So when he saw me in the gym he claims he thought I was gorgeous but I was covered in tattoos, and normally he would not date someone covered in tattoos but when he saw me doing the pullups he heard the priest’s words in his head “Be open to every opportunity God puts in front of you” - So that’s why he asked me out.

Our love was amazing and grew, it was so perfect, we would always say how blessed we felt and how we felt like people maybe never got to feel this love we had. Eventually we got engaged and we wanted that priest that had said that to him (about be open to every opportunity god puts in front of you) to marry us, because he was so amazing. I wrote the whole story about this already. We had been trying to get an appointment with the priest to talk to him about the wedding but he wasn’t responding to calls or email. So i stopped in the rectory office to ask about the priest. The receptionist informed me he was in the hospital for kidney failure but was expected to be starting dialysis and would be back in a few weeks. The moment she said that I said to myself "I am going to donate my kidney to him". I wont bore you all with the whole story because I already did that here once, LOL.. but if you want to read it, I posted the whole story here after all my tattoo pics

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/tattoos.277997/page-2#post-5237615

The point is… if you’re wondering how hard it is to find a good man right now in this day and age… I always joke - I asked God to bring me a good man and he did, but IT COST ME A KIDNEY!! LOL! I feel extremely lucky and blessed to be in love like we are, i feel like there are people who never get to have this "perfect for each other" love, we know how lucky we are so we don't take it for granted and we try to show each other every single day. It's so healthy and natural and so easy for us both.

So, @AllAboardTheBlingTrain , i know what you're talking about! I think it is possible! We are both older and we found each other. I never believed in love at first sight or people were "meant for each other", but now that it has happened i believe in it!

I think we can be in many relationships over our lifetime that shape us into the people we are, so that when we meet that person we want to be with for the rest of our lives it's just natural and easy.

Good luck with your new love and I am happy for you and hope it continues to grow.

Remember, it isn't perfect, it's just perfect for you.

 

[Ally T]

I met my husband at work. I had started a new job & he was on leave for 3 weeks, so I had 3 weeks to settle in without distraction. The moment I saw him I was like, er, HELLO! We flirted for a week & then arranged to meet for a casual drink one night when we were both out with other friends.

I was living back with my mum having returned from New Zealand & I went home that night & told her I’d met the man I would marry. A week later we both said the L-word, 4 months later we bought our home, he proposed 4 months after that & we married 17 months on from our first date.

We have been married for 17 years this year & are still happily content in each others weirdness

 

[diamond-heart]

In the spirit of Valentine's Day (though I'm a touch early, but hopefully we'll have plenty of comments by then to make for some really good reading!)

I've always heard this phrase from all my friends in serious, long-term, committed relationships; and until pretty recently it never made sense to me, even though I had been in multiple serious relationships. I never really "knew", and one of them got pretty close to an engagement before we called it off.

And yet, recently, I started seeing someone (literally over New Years!) It's our second time round giving it a shot (the first time we tried, I wasn't over my ex enough to give anyone a real try) and while this is extremely new and we are taking it slow, I have this strong, unshakeable feeling. I know. I can pinpoint the exact moment, too - it was the moment I admitted to him how I felt about him and how I was hoping for another chance. The look in his eyes hit me like a bolt from the blue, and I thought to myself - "I'm going to marry this man someday." And the thought of marrying him didn't feel like something expected, that you just do when you've been in a relationship long enough and your lives are enmeshed enough that it just seems like the logical next step. It didn't feel like an infatuation, or a crush. Just a certainty, or an inevitability. I just... know.

I would love to hear your stories, PSers! So excited to feel in love with love this Valentine's season

In the spirit of Valentine's Day (though I'm a touch early, but hopefully we'll have plenty of comments by then to make for some really good reading!)

I've always heard this phrase from all my friends in serious, long-term, committed relationships; and until pretty recently it never made sense to me, even though I had been in multiple serious relationships. I never really "knew", and one of them got pretty close to an engagement before we called it off.

And yet, recently, I started seeing someone (literally over New Years!) It's our second time round giving it a shot (the first time we tried, I wasn't over my ex enough to give anyone a real try) and while this is extremely new and we are taking it slow, I have this strong, unshakeable feeling. I know. I can pinpoint the exact moment, too - it was the moment I admitted to him how I felt about him and how I was hoping for another chance. The look in his eyes hit me like a bolt from the blue, and I thought to myself - "I'm going to marry this man someday." And the thought of marrying him didn't feel like something expected, that you just do when you've been in a relationship long enough and your lives are enmeshed enough that it just seems like the logical next step. It didn't feel like an infatuation, or a crush. Just a certainty, or an inevitability. I just... know.

I would love to hear your stories, PSers! So excited to feel in love with love this Valentine's season

This is such a great idea for a post

 

[diamond-heart]

I was working at the reception of my company. My colleague was complaining of not finding a partner. A young man walked by, he was new from a next door company. At that instant I pointed her in his direction and asked her: “ what about this guy? He’s cute!” She replied: “ he’s not my type”
At that time, I didn’t think much of it.

Our company had an indoor cafe open to neighboring companies. The next day, the cafe barista, low on staff, asked if I could cover for him while he went to get more supplies.

Then a new employee that I hadn’t seen before arrived at the cafe counter and with a smile that blinded my sight he asked if he could have an orange from the decorative fruit bowl sitting on the counter-top. It was that same guy that I had pointed out to my colleague the day before. It turns out he loves oranges, but also wanted to meet me.

This time, I was dazzled, It really was like in those cartoons where the character’s smile twinkles like a star.
And the first thought that came to mind was “where have you been?” As if I had been waiting for him. His smile and his eyes really seemed to illuminate the space.

At that moment, I knew that he was the one.

The funny thing is that neither of us were meant to work that week; we were both subbing for someone else.

We only interacted professionally for the couple days that he was working there, but we exchanged emails. And after 3 months of emails, we finally met again and the love story began, and it continues today.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

My DH will tell you that he saw me across the room, turned to his friend and said “that’s the girl I’m going to marry”

For me, I took some convincing to go out with him. Our first date, we went out to an Italian Restaurant, and then to a party. I got home at 6am. I wasn’t really interested in a long term relationship, but I’d left my jacket in his car, so he phoned me and said he’d arranged for us to go out with our mutual friends, so I said OK. I’d more or less decided that I wouldn’t go out with him again, but something happened on our third date (NO, NOT THAT!) and I realised I‘d fallen in love with him. 3 months later he asked me to marry him, and 4 months after that, we were married. That was almost 46 years ago.

This is so sweet. I love stories where you figure it out right from the start! Mine wasn't like that - we gave it a shot for a couple months in 2022 but I wasn't feeling it and ended it. But then we became close friends and my feelings kept growing and I regretted it so much it just poured out of me one day. But a close friend's husband was like yours - he apparently pointed her out to his friend at a party where they'd met the first time and told him "that girl is going to be my wife someday, just you watch." And then proceeded to stick his foot in it and she hated him for a while I often joke to her that she fulfilled two movie tropes with her marriage - love at first sight AND enemies to lovers

There was never a one, single moment. It took years. And several positively miserable events. Over the course, each of us had time to build trust - trust that we'll always choose each other.

So in a way he isn't really "the one", and neither am I. I'm not special, neither is he. It's all a long string of choices. We met young, we grew and changed a lot, and that presents it challenges, it makes it difficult. But, for the time being, we still keep choosing each other.

I love how you put it - that you keep choosing each other. He may not be "the one", but he's "the one" you keep choosing; and that's lovely. It is special, imo.

I liked to come on strong with my feminism back when I was dating (as if I could hide it lol). It was a pretty easy test of whether my date's values aligned with my own. On our second date I told my husband I wasn't going to take my future spouse's last name unless it was Strangelove or something, because it would be cool to one day be "Dr. Strangelove". Without missing a beat he said, "Oh, did I mention my last name is actually Strangelove?" I still appreciate his wit and feminist spirit.

I did take his name, though lol

Funny guy! That made me laugh, too

Sorry, but I don't subscribe to the whole premise of "The One".
IMO it's yet another unrealistic fantasy instilled into us by culture, sometimes resulting in much pain and harm when the fairy tale fails.

I resent "The One"ism the same way I recognize the harmful pressure on women/girls to be thin and meet often unattainable standards of so-called beauty.

Look at divorce rates.
So much for "The One"s.

And, don't arranged marriages have lower divorce rates?

I have had a few "The One"s.
Each "The One" has been better than the last "The One".

I do think it's good to seek someone you respect, love, feel compatible with, and if both want to, commit to having a go with them.

All this said, I'm very very happy with my husband and feel we are the best match ever.
I guess I just value keeping things real.

Well, arranged marriages have lower divorce rates in part also because they are practiced in communities where there is intense social pressure to stay together. I'm from a country like that, and I'd say our overall divorce rates are extremely low. I just googled it and it's apparently officially only around 1%, but that statistic is from ~2019 and I'd say it's more common now. But still not as common as in the US (I think the national average would still be well <10%).

That being said, I agree with the bolded part of what you said. I think I just meant that this was the first time I've really felt this insane feeling of "this is it", and so early on (we've known each other for years, and been close for a while, but have barely been together).

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Oh boy, this is long, but we have a ‘meet cute’, I challenged him to a pull up contest. LOL.

Second time for both of us too. I was 45 and he was 39. I remember it all very clearly, probably because it was exactly 7 years ago from now. LOL. I had been cheated on and left a 7 year relationship and decided to take a year off from dating to heal, that was in January of 2016. I always wanted a traditional husband and wife dynamic with traditional roles. And I had been in like 4 super long term relationships where we lived together but it just never worked out. So again, I remember this all so clearly, it was a Thursday night at the end of January 2017 I was walking my dog. I lived in a waterfront house on the Atlantic, and I would walk on the beach at night. It was a crazy stormy night and snowing and windy so anyone who lives on the water, you know how loud that is. While I was walking on the beach, I saw my neighbors, he was helping her bring the groceries in, and the kids were holding the door open ...and I felt incredibly alone in that moment. So I kept walking and I was so sad, seeing that family, and for some reason I started ‘yelling’ up to God out loud on the beach with the crashing loudness of the waves “I GET IT!! I get that I will never have a family and kids and a husband that carries in the groceries, but I just want to be happy!! Can I just be happy?? What do you want from me? What can I do?? I get it, I will never have that traditional family so I just want to be happy!!!”

I get to work the next day (Friday) and I told my coworker I was going to sign up for online dating and I was ready to date. She said “I don’t believe it, you’re not over him.... are you sure??” I said “Oh yeah, definitely, if some cute guy asks for my number, I am giving it to him!”

So I went home that night and started working on my online dating profile. I didn’t go live with it, I was just writing it, I had planned on posting it Saturday but didn’t feel like looking for pictures so I waited. I had started a membership at a new gym by my moms house a few days before since she would watch my dog for me, it was better to go to the gym closer to her. So it was now Sunday morning, I was doing back, I always do pullups as part of my routine. When I was leaving the gym, the guy in front of me turned and held the door for me and smiled. I was immediately at peace, I don’t know how to explain it, he felt like home. He said “That was impressive how many pullups you can do”

I said “well, you don’t look that old, I bet you still have some pullups left in you!”

He said “Not like that!”

I said “I challenge you to a pullup contest!!”

He said “You’re on! I should get your number and we can workout sometime!”

And I like, hesitated, and put my hand to my face because my brain went SOME CUTE GUY JUST ASKED FOR YOUR NUMBER!!!!!

So he mistook my hesitation and said “You don’t have to give me your number, I’m sorry!” I said “No!!! No!! Yes! I want to give you my number!” So we exchanged numbers and I went to my car and text my friend “I just me the man I am going to marry!’

Our first date was at the gym and then we went to dinner after. We talked for hours, it was just so natural. Everything was so perfect. Like he was made for me. We had so much in common. We both have random things about us that are different than the norm, for example, neither of us drink alcohol, not for any reason, we’re not opposed to it, we just… don’t. A lot of little stuff like that. It just felt like we belonged together. He has 2 children and he had been divorced 4 years and never introduced anyone to his kids before, but on our second date we were talking about when I would meet them. I cant explain how we both just knew.

I went to his house and he made me dinner and when I walked in his house it just felt like I belonged there. The whole thing was different than anything I felt before, and I had been in super long term relationships but nothing ever felt like this. I just felt like he was home, and it was easy and NO GAMES.

Dating in the last probably 8 years or so has changed DRASTICALLY. It is not AT ALL like it used to be. I feel so incredibly blessed by God that he brought us together. I’m telling it from my perspective but on his side it was so many things like, he had felt like he was dating and nothing was clicking for him. So he went to talk to his priest about it, and the priest said “You just have to be open to every opportunity god puts in front of you” So when he saw me in the gym he claims he thought I was gorgeous but I was covered in tattoos, and normally he would not date someone covered in tattoos but when he saw me doing the pullups he heard the priest’s words in his head “Be open to every opportunity God puts in front of you” - So that’s why he asked me out.

Our love was amazing and grew, it was so perfect, we would always say how blessed we felt and how we felt like people maybe never got to feel this love we had. Eventually we got engaged and we wanted that priest that had said that to him (about be open to every opportunity god puts in front of you) to marry us, because he was so amazing. I wrote the whole story about this already. We had been trying to get an appointment with the priest to talk to him about the wedding but he wasn’t responding to calls or email. So i stopped in the rectory office to ask about the priest. The receptionist informed me he was in the hospital for kidney failure but was expected to be starting dialysis and would be back in a few weeks. The moment she said that I said to myself "I am going to donate my kidney to him". I wont bore you all with the whole story because I already did that here once, LOL.. but if you want to read it, I posted the whole story here after all my tattoo pics

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/tattoos.277997/page-2#post-5237615

The point is… if you’re wondering how hard it is to find a good man right now in this day and age… I always joke - I asked God to bring me a good man and he did, but IT COST ME A KIDNEY!! LOL! I feel extremely lucky and blessed to be in love like we are, i feel like there are people who never get to have this "perfect for each other" love, we know how lucky we are so we don't take it for granted and we try to show each other every single day. It's so healthy and natural and so easy for us both.

So, @AllAboardTheBlingTrain , i know what you're talking about! I think it is possible! We are both older and we found each other. I never believed in love at first sight or people were "meant for each other", but now that it has happened i believe in it!

I think we can be in many relationships over our lifetime that shape us into the people we are, so that when we meet that person we want to be with for the rest of our lives it's just natural and easy.

Good luck with your new love and I am happy for you and hope it continues to grow.

Remember, it isn't perfect, it's just perfect for you.

Your story is so, so beautiful it made me tear up. Thank you for sharing!

It's so funny, if I made a list of all the things I wanted in a partner, big and small; he fits them all. Literally all.

Really hoping I don't eat my words someday

I met my husband at work. I had started a new job & he was on leave for 3 weeks, so I had 3 weeks to settle in without distraction. The moment I saw him I was like, er, HELLO! We flirted for a week & then arranged to meet for a casual drink one night when we were both out with other friends.

I was living back with my mum having returned from New Zealand & I went home that night & told her I’d met the man I would marry. A week later we both said the L-word, 4 months later we bought our home, he proposed 4 months after that & we married 17 months on from our first date.

We have been married for 17 years this year & are still happily content in each others weirdness

I love stories like this, so real and without drama. It's lovely! So happy for you!

I was working at the reception of my company. My colleague was complaining of not finding a partner. A young man walked by, he was new from a next door company. At that instant I pointed her in his direction and asked her: “ what about this guy? He’s cute!” She replied: “ he’s not my type”
At that time, I didn’t think much of it.

Our company had an indoor cafe open to neighboring companies. The next day, the cafe barista, low on staff, asked if I could cover for him while he went to get more supplies.

Then a new employee that I hadn’t seen before arrived at the cafe counter and with a smile that blinded my sight he asked if he could have an orange from the decorative fruit bowl sitting on the counter-top. It was that same guy that I had pointed out to my colleague the day before. It turns out he loves oranges, but also wanted to meet me.

This time, I was dazzled, It really was like in those cartoons where the character’s smile twinkles like a star.
And the first thought that came to mind was “where have you been?” As if I had been waiting for him. His smile and his eyes really seemed to illuminate the space.

At that moment, I knew that he was the one.

The funny thing is that neither of us were meant to work that week; we were both subbing for someone else.

We only interacted professionally for the couple days that he was working there, but we exchanged emails. And after 3 months of emails, we finally met again and the love story began, and it continues today.

I love it when coincidences like this happen. Like the universe throwing you together. It's wonderful!

 

[Gloria27]

I knew, we both knew!
I don't want to say the story because it's amazing and it's mine but I knew and we got married months after we met, we were young.
It was meant to be, as if written in stone before it happened, destiny or providence, call it what you will.

 

[missy]

Hi there so we had a very similar thread a few years ago so I am jut going to copy and paste cause my answer has not changed

It's long lol


"
I cannot answer this with an exact moment/date or time that I just knew my dh was the "one" but I know the exact moment I realized I could not live without him and it was years into our courtship. What can I say I was (am?) a slow learner I guess. I did not know a great thing when it was right in front of me. Though I will also add I feel head over heels with him during our very first date so I guess I knew but thought it would pass. LOL

We had been dating exclusively for a couple of years and spent every weekend (friday night through Sunday night) together at my place and saw each other during the week too but he didn't stay over during the week generally. His workplace was within walking distance of his apartment and my apartment was closer to where I needed to be during the week. Anyway I remember one Sunday night he got ready to leave and all of a sudden I felt this huge emptiness and ache that he was going. An intense feeling of missing him and being so sad he was leaving. Before that I always felt OK when he left though we always had the best weekends together. But this time I was like oh no I'm so sad he's leaving to go back to his home. And then I knew right there and then Uh Oh I am in trouble.

Up to that point I had cherished and protected fiercely my independent single life. I thought (with complete certainty) I did not want a relationship leading to marriage. I had my own apartment in a great neighborhood, my great friends and my great job and I loved my life. The freedom to do whatever I wanted when I wanted with whom I wanted. I really loved it so much and the way my life was at that time was perfect for me.

You could say our courtship (for me) was more of a slow burn that deepened with time. And that love slowly melted away my resistance towards marriage. Even when my dh proposed to me I was still not sure and in fact hesitated before I answered and it was the sweetest most loving proposal yet still I was scared and apprehensive about getting married. I answered yes but because he said he wanted our relationship to move forward and he was not going to be OK with just dating for the rest of our lives. I did not want to lose him and so I said yes but I wanted a long engagement to get used to the idea of marriage (he had been ready to propose for a very long time and was just waiting for what he felt was the right time and had the ring in his car for over 8 months lol) which he was not thrilled with but acquiesced and it all worked out perfectly. In fact later on when I asked him were you certain I was going to say yes he said not at all. He had thought and hoped I would but was nervous I might not .

I asked my dh when he knew I was the "one" and he said pretty much from the second date. And I remember what he said to me that second date that made me go whaaaat??? inside my head. He said he couldn't find anything wrong with me that I was perfect (for him but he didn't say those words "for him" I silently added them going over what he said in my head later lol). To which I responded you don't even know me so how could you say that?

From our very first date I knew he was special. Different from any other boy I had dated. He was just different. Yes he was incredibly thoughtful and sweet and kind and funny and sharp. But I had dated boys with those qualities before. Just something about him. A quiet maturity and wisdom and je ne sais quoi. Looking back on it I realize we just fit together so well. Similar where it counts but so different in many other ways. This sounds corny but he is the yin to my yang. We balance each other out and are greater together than apart. He always makes me want to be a better person and I am a better person when I am with him and I think he feels the same way.

We spent the entire first date just walking in Central Park getting to know each other. It was romantic and simple and just the most lovely way to get to know someone. At the end of the date he kissed me on the cheek which I thought how sweet. I remember after that first date I felt giddy and I thought wow I am crazy about him. But of course I did not know him and I went more by my brain than my heart even when I was younger. So I analyzed things more than necessary (and probably still do) and well it took a long time to realize I was in love with him. But by our second date I knew I wanted to be with him and only him for as long as this worked out and I ended my other dating relationships. He was not dating anyone else at the time and had ended a very long term relationship so I was his rebound. Who says rebounds don't work out.

On our third date he brought up marriage and kids and wanted to know where I stood on these issues. I told him negative for both. He did not let that phase him lol and asking him much later about that he said he was confident I would change my mind. He knew me better than I knew myself even at that early time in our relationship. But he didn't realize how stubborn I was because less than a year into our relationship he started talking about marriage. We were at the River Cafe and it was Valentine's Day. He brought up marriage and I suddenly felt faint (literally almost fainted) and had to excuse myself to the ladies room where I remained for about 15 minutes. When I returned we changed the subject.

You could say I was a tough nut to crack and I am so glad he stuck with me and didn't give up on me. I had boys I dated before tell me they wanted to get married and I broke up with them. But with Greg somehow subconsciously I think I knew he was the one I was supposed to be with and spend my life with but consciously I did not even admit it to myself. I had another serious boyfriend (a gentle kind sweet soul...really another gem but not the "one") a few years before Greg say unless the man took me yelling and screaming to the alter I was never going to get married and at the time I thought you are so right. Now I realize I was just waiting (albeit subconsciously) for the "one" because if I had gotten married to any of the (very suitable and very lovely) boys I had dated before Greg I would not have been available when Greg entered my life.

I honestly don't get why it took me so long to know but I think it had something to do with my stubbornness about not wanting to get married. If I analyze myself I guess I would have to say it had something to do with my huge fear of change (I was a naive silly girl) and the fact that my parents had the best marriage of anyone I knew and I did not think it possible to find anything like their relationship with anyone. Clearly I was wrong.

Sorry for the long winded post but it's hard for me to put into words when I knew and why it took me so long to know but all that matters is I realized it before it was too late and Greg was patient and stubborn enough to hold on and not give up on me and move on to someone else. Thank goodness. Because in my heart of hearts I know he is the only one for me. No one else exists in this world who would put up with me. And take such good care of me. And love me unconditionally. And I love this man so freaking much I cannot believe it.
"

The time from when I knew he was "The One" differs from the time I knew he was a keeper. That moment was easy.

"

When we started dating I had 3 cats. Greg was horribly allergic. I mean full blown allergic asthma and hives etc. He also never grew up with animals-cats or dogs or any animal. So he did the best he could and never complained about the cats. The cat hair on every thing he owned and the meds he had to take etc. He even became fond of (yeah fell in love with) them.

Fast forward to the proposal. His proposal was super sweet and I will never forget it. One thing he said was i will live with and love the cats but let’s live in Manhattan. I didn’t care where we lived so much but haha we ended up with 4 cats living in Brooklyn.

And you know what? He wouldn’t have changed a thing. And neither would I. ❤

I can safely say he is as big an animal lover as I am or actually maybe even a bigger animal lover than I am. Truth. And we went from three cats to four.

He went through over 20 years of immunotherapy and meds and for the most part he’s good around all animals now. No more immunotherapy for now. He discontinued the allergy shots a couple of years ago and knock wood he’s doing well. Yes he still has to take an inhaler from time to time as do I (as I am also allergic).

Anyway that’s my share. I mean he sacrificed a lot for the cats and me and has gone on to saving many feral cats and continues to do so with feeding the ferals and doing TNR when we can. And providing shelter for the ferals and care for the feral cats in our neighborhood. All because my dh has a huge heart and was open to loving my cats at the time. Despite his allergic challenges. He chose me and the cats. I mean not only is he a keeper he is the only one for me ♥

"

Happy Valentine's Day all. I hope you feel loved no matter if you are in a romantic relationship or not. ((((Hugs))))

 

[dk168]

He provided me with the missing fireworks in my life at the time.

Fun, full of life, apparently a very good cook (and he was), young at heart, and we shared a liking for a certain brand of vehicles.

That's how we met - initially via a message board dedicated to this brand of vehicles, met in person during one of the car rallies, and we hit off right away.

At the time, I realised my days with my then husband was running out of steam. Although we cared for each other (still do), there was no spark and the romance had gone. The test was not feeling the romance when we were in Paris - nothing. We grew apart.

Still pains me that I broke up two marriages to be with my late partner, and we had 4 wonderful years together.

I remember him fondly as the only compatible travelling companion I ever had.

DK

 

[yssie]

TBH I find even thinking about The One to be borderline unhealthy. There’s no magic, there’s no higher power divining our destinies. There shouldn’t be any pressure to get together or stay together. In my view a relationship is just people - not necessarily two people! - who keep choosing to intertwine their lives, again and again and again. A conscious choice that those people are constantly making - not one that happened years ago that they feel guilted into sticking to, or that they made long ago and haven’t ever reconsidered…

I feel for anyone who hasn’t the means - emotional, financial, physical - to consciously choose to stay in a relationship and potentially choose something different someday.

 

[lavenderdragonfly23]

My anxiety melted. And for the first time in my 19 years I felt *light*.

Years later, I realized that light feeling was peace. My soul had been surviving in “fight mode” for the first 19 years of my life.

My soul was finally at peace

 

[seaurchin]

LOL. I left home the first time when I was in high school. From there, I had acquired a new-ish boyfriend, who I was already losing feelings for. We went to a college party that looked like something out of Animal House. The animal-in-chief, my future husband, caught my eye from across the room and grinned, sly and devilish. He was a little too old to be on campus and I was a little too young to be on campus, which seemed quite glamorous to me at the time. He looked like Big Trouble. Of course I thought he was so hot that I might die on the spot.

I was caught making goo-goo eyes by my almost ex-boyfriend and hauled "home" in disgrace. The next evening, boyfriend came over to the hovel I shared with a couple of other girls and we got in a fight, in a stage where the more I backed away, the more he clamped down. I made him leave but he decided to sleep in his truck in the driveway, to guard me from going out. But my roommate and I crawled past his truck and found our way back to the party house.

Blah-blah-blah, hot rocky stupid young person romance followed, with many break-ups and wrangling Big Trouble into proper husband form and here we are, 40-plus years later, with grown kids who actually turned out well. I am still crazy about him.

 

[diamond-heart]

Sorry, but I don't subscribe to the whole premise of "The One".
IMO it's yet another unrealistic fantasy instilled into us by culture, sometimes resulting in much pain and harm when the fairy tale fails.

I resent "The One"ism the same way I recognize the harmful pressure on women/girls to be thin and meet often unattainable standards of so-called beauty.

Look at divorce rates.
So much for "The One"s.

And, don't arranged marriages have lower divorce rates?

I have had a few "The One"s.
Each "The One" has been better than the last "The One".

I do think it's good to seek someone you respect, love, feel compatible with, and if both want to, commit to having a go with them.

All this said, I'm very very happy with my husband and feel we are the best match ever.
I guess I just value keeping things real.

Interesting point, I see what you mean. Although I love fairy tales because of the fantasy world and mythology; i see them as historic literary pieces. But I agree, I do think separating fantasy from reality and keeping a rational mind when it comes to love is crucial.

I think one thing doesn’t have to exclude another.
One person can feel like they’ve just found “the one” without loosing oneself, or falling fairy tale stereotypes, while still maintaining one’s own inner empowerment, regardless of gender.

I think that’s the challenge for us today, creating our place with the right balance between equality, within one’s own strengths and limitations, empowerment, while maintaining that soft femininity that characterizes and differentiates us.

I’ve known men who expressed being “swept off their feet” or “she’s the one” without feeling disempowered.

I’ll confess actually that I made a list before getting married to my “the one”:
- 1st of what I did Not ,
- 2nd of what I Did want.
And It was determinant .

I agree though that the fact that there is a person one love’s doesn’t mean that it is the ONLY person there is to love in the world.
It just means that there exist people in the world like that, that one can feel “is the one”.
We just happen to have met this particular one in a moment in time.

Otherwise if loosing a partner, we’d be out of love for life, and I agree that that’s not a reality.

 

[kenny]

Well put, @diamond-heart.

 

[Gloria27]

...and now a moment of silence for those that haven't yet found their ONE

just kidding

Happy Valentines!

 

[Inked]

Sorry, but I don't subscribe to the whole premise of "The One".
IMO it's yet another unrealistic fantasy instilled into us by culture, sometimes resulting in much pain and harm when the fairy tale fails.

I resent "The One"ism the same way I recognize the harmful pressure on women/girls to be thin and meet often unattainable standards of so-called beauty.

Look at divorce rates.
So much for "The One"s.

And, don't arranged marriages have lower divorce rates?

I have had a few "The One"s.
Each "The One" has been better than the last "The One".

I do think it's good to seek someone you respect, love, feel compatible with, and if both want to, commit to having a go with them.

All this said, I'm very very happy with my husband and feel we are the best match ever.
I guess I just value keeping things real.

I think most people agree on that there is no "THE ONLY ONE"! I didn't actually see anyone claim their other half was 'the only one'.... just that when they met them, that they knew this person was the person they would spend life with.

I think you are 100% correct, you meet people you think are the right fit, that this is your person to partner in life with, only to find out as time passes that you're wrong, it doesn't work out.

Either you change or they change or both, or neither! And then that once good fit, doesnt fit right any longer. But there are things about you that change and grow from that failed relationship.

Those failed relationships are usually also helping you shape what you want in a partner and what you need to be happy - and what you need can also be a realization that you dont want a partner at all.

I believe we have many people we have relationships with that shape us into who we are now, and that's relationships with friends, family, former partners... and then when we meet the person we plan on spending life with all that past and history we have that shaped us, now fits perfectly with this other person.

Everyone has their own definition of love and happiness and what it looks like for them. Thats why i ALWAYS say "My partner is perfect for me" because I recognize what i think is different than others and what i think isn't RIGHT, what i think is just what makes me ME!

I think everyone has a different idea of perfect and a perfect relationship, like @yssie said, the perfect relationship for member X might not even be a relationship between 2 people.

I always support other people's beliefs and choices. I don't judge others or put them down for what they think or believe, it's just different than what i think, but that doesnt make them wrong!

It's exactly what makes my partner right for me and your partner right for you!

I love that we all support each other here, and I love hearing other perspectives. Different beliefs and thoughts and customs make it an interesting and exciting world!

 

[monarch64]

I knew, just like I always know when I want something at the time, when the time seemed right.

Twice divorced, I also knew when it was time to end things. Knowing someone is “the one” doesn’t always mean it’s forever.

 

[Bron357]

My story I’ve mentioned before but it’s a good one so I’ll repeat it.
I meet DH at work just after divorcing my first husband who had declared he had no desire for children despite being in agreement prior to marriage and he had hoped “I’d grow out of it”. That and his lack of work ethic.
So I’m 39, newly single, and coming to terms with a childless solo future life, at least without that “first husband weight” around my neck, and starting a new job.
DH is also new to the Company, different department and floor in the building. I walked past his desk one day on the way to a meeting room and admired (and named) the mineral samples on his desk. He was a Mining analyst.
We ended up, in a group, attending work functions and having lunch together. After about a month or so he asked me out. Like on a date. I told him in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t dating again, that if he wanted to take me out it would be an assumed engagement after two dates with marriage and a baby in the very near future.
So there, I thought, that will send him running for the hills!
Wrong..
So I pointed out a hugely expensive Art Deco ring in jest, you know the one displayed alone in the display window with no price, which he bought and then very surprisingly fell pregnant while planning the wedding (realistically after a lifetime on contraception and being 39 I figured it may not even happen).
Fast forward 20 something years, DD has graduated with 1st class honors and the University Medal and DD is finishing his part time geology degree (4th degree just for fun) and I’m very happy with how my life changed so quickly for the better and better and better.

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

I'm excited for you both! It is the most wonderful feeling to be in love.

Hubby and I were both love at first sight. He instantly made me feel safe and happy. We both talked marriage the 1st week of knowing each other. Over 2 decades later and we are still together and love each other very much.

It feels so strange that we have been together so long. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday that we were so silly and goofy together. I guess we're still silly. One of us starts singing to the dogs, making up a dog song and the other joins in. Hubby created the "Ring of Squirrels" song to the tune of Jonny Cash's song "Ring of Fire" for when I put out bird food. It has 2 verses. Lol

 

[YadaYadaYada]

We don’t have a fabulous love story. At the time we were hanging out regularly on the weekends, he lived 45 minutes from me and didn’t drive because he didn’t have a car at the time and was still living with his mother. Meanwhile I had my own car and had just bought my condo, in retrospect, 22 is so young but I was just wanting to get on with life lol!

Anyways, I got so sick of driving him back and forth I told him to just come live with me, he never moved out. Six months later we were engaged and five years later married. We have had lots of trials and tribulations but we are happy to be celebrating 18 years married next month.