Wedding thank you for coming?

[basil]

I just finished writing out all of my thank you cards for the wonderful people who came to my wedding 2 weeks ago. We were fortunate to get a gift from everyone except a few:

1. My brother and his fiancee. He realized this as he dropped us off for our honeymoon. They live in Europe, don''t have two cents to rub together, and had made the trip, stood up for us, done tons of errands, etc. I told him to forget it, that he had done enough.
2. My aunt and uncle. My aunt is an alcoholic and going through a bad spell. She would have been the one buying any sort of gift normally. My uncle was kind enough to drive down his antique car for us to take photos with at the reception, and to drive us away from our reception in his car.
3. My dad''s cousin and her husband, a retired Army general. She''s a very proper (?and wealthy?) Southern lady with impeccable taste and manners, whose daughter just got married last year. I''m surprised that I didn''t receive anything from her, and concerned I may have missed it.

For #1 and #2, I sent them thank you notes thanking them for all the help that they gave me. I was going to send a note to #3 thanking them for coming to the wedding, but my mom says that would be rude and that she would think I was implying "where is my present?"

So what do you think? Is thanks for coming code for give me a gift?

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I don''t think so..because since people aren''t obligated to bring a gift and they are guests there''s nothing wrong with thanking them for giving you their time. Does that make sense? Just thank them for their presence on such a special day, I don''t think it would be rude at all/or code for give me a gift. Let me know if I am wrong everyone!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

People have upto one year after a wedding to send a gift...so I would thank them for coming, and if a gift arises later, send another thank you for that as well.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

but what if she did misplace a gift for #3? what is the ettiquette for that? im just wondering

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 10/6/2008 11:14:41 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles
but what if she did misplace a gift for #3? what is the ettiquette for that? im just wondering

I think you kind of just deal with it.

At my wedding, I got a ton of gifts, but we didn''t recieve a few gifts from a few people who attended. One of whom was my friend Tom and his partner Mike. Tom, Mike and I have been friends forever, and it surprised me that he didn''t do anything...however, I ate it. I sent a lovely thank you note acknowledging their attendance and thanking them profusely for celebrating with us. Because there wasn''t a gift, I didn''t say "thank you for the wonderful gift"...but I made it heartfelt and nice.

He called me upon recieving the note and asked if we hadn''t gotten our decanter set. I told him honestly, no, we didn''t. He was mortified and realized he set it on the table for the other wedding held at the same venue the night of ours on the other side of the place before coming in for our vows--a totally honest mistake.

He felt badly and I of course told him not to. He offered to replace the gift...and I refused that as well...no reason to spend double.

So, the moral is...if a guest recieves a note neglecting to thank them for a gift--they may be proactive enough to investigate...however, if they didn''t send a gift, you may recieve one shortly there after...or not at all.

 

[Sabine]

I would send a thank you note that just says thank you for coming (you know, only in a heart-felt, meaningful way).

After our wedding, a few of DH''s OOT family members told us that they hadn''t gotten us anything yet, asked us what was still on our registry, made mention about sending something later, etc. We decided to just wait to send their thank you till we got the gift since we thought they meant they would be sending it soon, but we haven''t gotten anything yet. I don''t care if we ever get something, but now I feel like a heel for never sending them a thank you, and it''s too late to send one now just to thank them for coming!

 

[robbie3982]

We only sent thank you's to people who sent or brought gifts. I didn't cross-reference the list of gifts with the list of people we invited because I figured it didn't matter if someone didn't bring a gift, so I'd rather just not know.

ETA: I've never heard of sending a thank you to someone just for coming before this thread. I mean, I wouldn't send a thank you to someone just for coming to a birthday party or any other party either.

 

[robbie3982]

From Emily Post''s site:

Who needs a note?

* Anyone who gives you an engagement, shower or wedding gift, even if you have thanked them in person. Individual notes should be written to people who contributed to a group gift.
* Anyone who gives a gift of money: cash, checks, contributions to savings accounts and donations to charities. Mentioning the amount is optional, but it does let the person know the correct amount was received. You should mention what you plan to do with the money.
* Your attendants. A warm personal note attached to your gifts to your attendants will let them know how much you appreciate their efforts and support on your behalf.
* Anyone who hosted a party or shower for you. Ideally these notes should be written within two days of the event. Each host or hostess should be thanked individually with a note and a thank you gift.
* People who house or entertain your wedding guests. A note and a small gift should be sent to anyone who houses or entertains out-of-town wedding guests.
* People who do kindnesses for you. The neighbor who accepts delivery of your gifts when you are at work; the cousin who supervises the parking at the reception – anyone who assists you before, during or after your wedding.
* Suppliers and vendors. You don’t have to write everyone you hire for services, but anyone who exceeds your expectations will appreciate a courteous note of thanks.
* Your parents or whoever is hosting your wedding.

 

[Blair138]

Date: 10/6/2008 10:57:52 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
People have upto one year after a wedding to send a gift...so I would thank them for coming, and if a gift arises later, send another thank you for that as well.

Actually proper etiquette dictates that the 'one year' rule is actually a myth-I know not everyone abides by proper etiquette though.

says so here

And YES-I would just send notes thanking them for coming, if she indeed send a gift, she will probably realize that you didn't get it when it is not mentioned in the thank you

 

[basil]

Update -

I didn''t send a note yet...I figured I''d wait it out a few more weeks in case something was in the mail. And today arrived a beautiful pair of Tiffany crystal candlesticks

*off to write another thank you note*

 

[goldenstar]

Wow Basil, I LOVE those!

 

[iheartscience]

Wow-those are great!