telling parents your engaged while still in colledge

[williamchris]

Hay everyone I was wondering if anyone knows the best way to tell both my parents and hers that we are engaged while we are still in colledge we have been dating for 3 years and I know our parents like the other I just wondered if anyone had any ideas thanks I know this isn't the right place to put this but if anyone has any ideas I would greatly appreciate it

 

[distracts]

I got engaged while still in college, but after having only dated my fiance for six months, and my parents were very happy for me. I was so nervous about telling them, but they said they had known since I started dating my fiance that I was going to marry him, so hopefully your parents will all be the same way! I know a lot of other people who have gotten engaged while still in college and no one had any problems. Have you already proposed? If not, maybe wait until right after you do, then just each of you call your parents with the "omg we just got engaged" story. If you have, maybe invite them to dinner and tell them you have news to share, and then tell them right when they sit down for dinner.

 

[I Love My Sailor]

Everyone parent is different..... but in my opinion, I think its perfectly normal to get engaged while still in college...... as long as you graduate and find a good job before actually getting married. I don't know your situation and how you all get along but if you are worried about telling them..... that might be a sign that you believe your parents will not approve.... if so... that probably means that they will not approve regardless of before or after graduation. If your parents are happy with your selection.... I don't see why you would not tell them about the engagement! Be respectful about the news and reassure them that your happy! Good Luck!

 

[williamchris]

I know my parents are going to be ok with it I am still nervous lso I wonder if it would be better to tell my parents before I propose

 

[Fly Girl]

We got engaged while still in college. My DH told his parents when the four of us were driving somewhere in the car. His dad was driving, DH was in the front seat, and I was in back with his mom. She turned to me, laughing, and said, "What a surprise!" That is, they weren't surprised at all, and were very happy for us. Our wedding was three weeks after graduation.

Sure, if you want to call up your parents to discuss, go ahead. My kids still call when they want to discuss important decisions, and you may well do that for many years to come. Families do that, so go ahead.

Best of luck to both of you.

 

[MissGotRocks]

I think it would be respectful to tell your parents first. Doesn't sound like there will be any negative fallout but at least they will have the chance to discuss it with you. Not sure this is something that parents would want to be blindsided with.

While it may be old fashioned in today's world, I think it would be nice for you to have a conversation with her father beforehand as well. I think it is a gesture that still carries a lot of weight in terms of decency and responsibility.

 

[milton333]

Totally my perspective, but. I got engaged at 19. I was essentially on my own at that point. My parents had saved nothing for me to go to college, so I was financing all of my college and living expenses with scholarships, loans, and work. They weren't really supporting me at that point, and I was an adult. I told them I got engaged, but I think your level of "adulthood" and independence is a big factor in whether this is a decision that would "blindside" them or whether they expect you'll be doing your own thing, and only you know where you stand on that. I can't offer advice, because I can't relate to concern about how the parents will feel, it just doesn't compute for me because by that time I was making my own decisions.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I agree with MGR that it is just nice to tell your parents that you plan to be engaged to your long time girlfriend. I would think that wouldn't come as a huge surprise! I also agree that it would be nice to speak to her parents and tell them your intentions. Our son-in-law invited us to lunch and told me on the phone what the topic was, so we were not surprised! (They were out of school, though.)

I graduated early, but we got engaged my husband's last year in college and actually got married before he graduated. And we are still together 30+ years later!

Best wishes to you!

 

[Gypsy]

Do have reason to believe they will receive the news poorly? If so... perhaps you should elaborate as to what you are concerned about.

If you think they will be okay with it though just call them and tell them what you plan and share your news with them!

 

[kenny]

Call em up and tell em you're consider eloping this weekend, but out of love and respect for them wonder if they would prefer if you wait till you both graduate.

 

[Natylad]

Call em up and tell em you're consider eloping this weekend, but out of love and respect for them wonder if they would prefer if you wait till you both graduate.

Excellent advice Kenny!!!

 

[Dougsgirl]

You didn't mention how old you are and how long you've been in college.
My daughter is 18. She is a freshman in college and has a boyfriend she has been with for almost 2 years (whom we are not crazy about). She has a decent scholarship and a small student loan, but other than that, we are footing the bill for her very expensive private college. She is still completely financially DEpendent, and has only been out of the house for about 7 weeks. If she told me she was engaged I would kill her!!!

So... it totally depends on your own circumstances. Are you close to being done with college?? Are you going to wait until you have a decent job and are financially independent before you actually get married?? Do your parents like your girlfriend?? If you answer YES to these 3 questions... then I would suggest having a private conversation with your parents (without your GF) and letting them know your plans to propose. I also HIGHLY recommend you asking HER parents permission before you propose. It may be old fashioned, but it shows them that you respect them and that you realize that your GF is still their little girl. Believe me... you want them in your corner.

Good luck!!
Let us know how it turns out!

 

[Dougsgirl]

Hay everyone I was wondering if anyone knows the best way to tell both my parents and hers that we are engaged while we are still in colledge we have been dating for 3 years and I know our parents like the other I just wondered if anyone had any ideas thanks I know this isn't the right place to put this but if anyone has any ideas I would greatly appreciate it

By the way...
And I truly don't mean to sound rude...
But considering that you are in college... Your lack of punctuation scares me a great deal. You wrote your question as one long sentence with no punctuation whatsoever, and I had to read it a couple of times to fully understand all that you were saying.

Just a little nagging from a mom of college-age kids.

 

[yennyfire]

I think it would be respectful to tell your parents first. Doesn't sound like there will be any negative fallout but at least they will have the chance to discuss it with you. Not sure this is something that parents would want to be blindsided with.

While it may be old fashioned in today's world, I think it would be nice for you to have a conversation with her father beforehand as well. I think it is a gesture that still carries a lot of weight in terms of decency and responsibility.

This...totally and absolutely.

 

[ecf8503]

Hay everyone I was wondering if anyone knows the best way to tell both my parents and hers that we are engaged while we are still in colledge we have been dating for 3 years and I know our parents like the other I just wondered if anyone had any ideas thanks I know this isn't the right place to put this but if anyone has any ideas I would greatly appreciate it

By the way...
And I truly don't mean to sound rude...
But considering that you are in college... Your lack of punctuation scares me a great deal. You wrote your question as one long sentence with no punctuation whatsoever, and I had to read it a couple of times to fully understand all that you were saying.

Just a little nagging from a mom of college-age kids.

Yep. It's "college" and "you're". And use periods at the end of sentences and capital letters at the beginning of sentences.

 

[jacy]

I think it would be respectful to tell your parents first. Doesn't sound like there will be any negative fallout but at least they will have the chance to discuss it with you. Not sure this is something that parents would want to be blindsided with.

While it may be old fashioned in today's world, I think it would be nice for you to have a conversation with her father beforehand as well. I think it is a gesture that still carries a lot of weight in terms of decency and responsibility.

Agree!

 

[williamchris]

Hay everyone thank you for all the advice. I had been going back and fourth on asking for permission from her dad but I think I am going to.(that's a scary thought), I realized I didn't give all the details I am 21 and so is she is a junior in a sophmore. And we both have jobs she a part time I a full and a second part time we both still live at home and we won't get married until we are both financially stable and graduated I know our parents know its coming so it shouldn't be a huge suprise when I tell mine. But her dad is super over protective he has gotten better but still is I know thay like me I am just at a loss as to how to go about asking. Thanks giuys and girls I hope this clears some stuff up. Also I was planing on proposing in Nov on our 4 year annaversary

 

[Enerchi]

As a mom, I would be very hurt to not be told that there could be an engagement in the future. Its a courtesy and respect issue, considering all your parents (and hers) have done for the both of you, throughout your young lives. I would strongly advise you to not blind side parents with this kind of news. It won't go over well and no matter what, your parents are your parents for life - they are not people you want to hurt. Life will roll much smoother if every one is able to be open and honest with life's milestones!

Its none of my business, but what's the rush? Finish school, get jobs... if its the right relationship, its the right relationship. No one is going anywhere... wait a bit, take some time... (Just a "mom-thing" kind of thought! )

Hay everyone I was wondering if anyone knows the best way to tell both my parents and hers that we are engaged while we are still in colledge we have been dating for 3 years and I know our parents like the other I just wondered if anyone had any ideas thanks I know this isn't the right place to put this but if anyone has any ideas I would greatly appreciate it

By the way...
And I truly don't mean to sound rude...
But considering that you are in college... Your lack of punctuation scares me a great deal. You wrote your question as one long sentence with no punctuation whatsoever, and I had to read it a couple of times to fully understand all that you were saying.

Just a little nagging from a mom of college-age kids.

+ one on this issue!

 

[JuneRose]

Hay everyone I was wondering if anyone knows the best way to tell both my parents and hers that we are engaged while we are still in colledge we have been dating for 3 years and I know our parents like the other I just wondered if anyone had any ideas thanks I know this isn't the right place to put this but if anyone has any ideas I would greatly appreciate it

By the way...
And I truly don't mean to sound rude...
But considering that you are in college... Your lack of punctuation scares me a great deal. You wrote your question as one long sentence with no punctuation whatsoever, and I had to read it a couple of times to fully understand all that you were saying.

Just a little nagging from a mom of college-age kids.

Yep. It's "college" and "you're". And use periods at the end of sentences and capital letters at the beginning of sentences.

 

[distracts]

Its none of my business, but what's the rush? Finish school, get jobs... if its the right relationship, its the right relationship. No one is going anywhere... wait a bit, take some time... (Just a "mom-thing" kind of thought

I disagree with this. I think it's perfectly fine to get engaged now. I know that once I got engaged, my relationship was so much more secure, because it became obvious that neither one of us was going to be going anywhere, so we really had a lot better time working out our problems. We'll have been engaged for over two years when we get married, and I do think that a long engagement is perfectly fine for young people who are in school (my fiance was out of school when we got engaged, but I was not - in August I got the job I was aiming for so now when we get married I'll be where I want to be in my career). I think if it's the right relationship, there's no reason to delay getting engaged - I think doing so just adds extra risk, given that some people don't want to stick around in a relationship that isn't obviously going to end in marriage (and talking about getting engaged but never actually doing it have lead to multiple breakups that I've seen). My fiance and I got engaged after only six months together because we knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together - we both figured that you should get engaged at the point you decide you want to marry the other person (because that's what engagement is, right? A public declaration of intent to marry?). So anyway. That's my point of view on this.

By the way...
And I truly don't mean to sound rude...
But considering that you are in college... Your lack of punctuation scares me a great deal. You wrote your question as one long sentence with no punctuation whatsoever, and I had to read it a couple of times to fully understand all that you were saying.

Yeah. I agree. Williamchris, if you're dyslexic or have a learning disability, please ignore this, but if not, for the love of god make sure you are spelling things correctly, using the right words, and using correct grammar. You are in college. Apparently near graduation. If you can't write decently by now, you've just wasted four years. Take the extra effort, even on your facebook posts and texts and emails. If you don't, you're communicating that you are ignorant and immature, and that is definitely not going to endear you much to many people, especially your future fiancee's parents. (And "hay" is what my rabbit eats, while "hey" is a greeting.)

a junior in a sophmore.

Yeah, and I bet that's what her dad thinks every time he sees you.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

On his behalf, I will just say that he may be sending these posts on his phone...looks a lot like texting errors to me (or iPad)! My texts are vastly different than posts or emails made with a regular keyboard! In fact, when I use Siri (voice texting) on my new iPhone, I don't know how to make it insert a period, so I almost always have run-on sentences!

 

[yssie]

Well since you asked... my first question is whether you and your intended paying your own way(s) through college?

If not... in your position I would hold off, honestly. I think that an engagement is an announcement of intention to marry, and that that announcement should only be made when the couple is ready for marriage - and IMHO part of being ready for marriage is financial independence. I knew who I was going to marry in college - I met him my third year - but we waited until I wasn't relying on mummy and daddy for my tuition before making our intention to marry "official" and public.

My 2c.

 

[bcavitt]

I was engaged my junior year in college to a girl who worked for my mother (she set up the first date one weekend when I was home from school). Hit it off immediately! Was engaged 3 months later against my father's wishes (we were never close so I really didn't care) and was married 9 months later during the first half of my senior year. My wife made good money, so I was able to finish school. It was hard getting started because of the massive recession that occured at the end of the Carter presidency, but we have been married for 33 years this month (the 6th) and I wouldn't have done it any differently! I love my wife and she loves me. We both love our two children most of all!

Of course I think both of my kids are too young to get married (26 and 1, but that's just the over-protective parent in me! LOL!

 

[Dreamer_D]

I say wait until you are finished school. Sure, it can work out when you get engaged young. But more often, waiting is better Not that you asked, but I had to throw it out there.

 

[chrono]

I hate Siri with a passion and have turned her off permanently. Although I tend to have more errors when replying using my phone due to the fat finger syndromme, it catches most of my typos and auto-corrects.

I married while still in college and DH approached my parents alone, out of courtesy and respect. I still believe that is the right thing to do. Another thing I want to stress is financial independence. Yes, you will have jobs in the future but as of now, they are supporting you and you are still living in their home. You two are already committed to each other, so what is another year or two until you graduate and secure permanent careers? When I married, I left the household entirely, financially supporting myself and the remaining year of my school (through scholarship). Financial independence is a part of proving your ability to support your new status as a married couple in a separate household.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

All I can say is, Siri on the iPhone 5 is more accurate and faster than my typing on the touch screen! So I use her whenever I can speak aloud to text!

I think we scared the poor guy away!

I say speak to your parents and hers and then get engaged! That is the romantic in me speaking! Just wait to get married until someone has a full time job!

 

[katrinab]

Honestly, that is exactly how my SO would type and he was top in his class in all his subjects at school, including English. He is also the most intelligent person I know! However, because he is so driven and busy with things more 'important' than full stops and commas he usually doesn't bother putting them in unless it is a formal document. So I wouldn't worry, William. Focus on what is really important during this exciting time in your life.

In terms of becoming engaged while at college I agree with those who have said above that it depends on your financial situation. I'm assuming that because you work two jobs that you are financially independent from your parents. I also see you've had a rather large budget for your girlfriend's ring for someone so young. However, if she is still reliant on her parents for support then I think it is appropriate to ask her father for his permission.

My SO and I are planning on becoming engaged this year sometime (my ring is currently being made). We have lived together for the last three years, own our own home and are financially independent from our parents. I am still at college but my SO works full time in a high-responsibility job. He will not be asking my father for his permission to marry me and I wouldn't want him to.

 

[williamchris]

Thank you everyone for the replays and I am using my phone so I am sry if my typing is a bit off it has never been my strong suit. I am still living at home but I pretty much pay for everything I read one of the previous posts that said there relationship got better after thay got engaged , and that it showed that both parties were commited long term. If I do this we would wait till after graduation to get married. I also understand the people who say wait as well I am still pondering on what to do my heart says go for it my head not quite as much thank you guys for all the replys. I would love to hear from more people who have gotten engaged in college

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Let me add this. I don't think it is exactly "permission" that you'd be asking her parents. Our now son-in-law invited us to lunch and told us he loved our daughter and planned to ask her to marry him. We told him that was great and we hoped they'd be very happy! The only thing I really remember asking him was what time frame was he thinking of getting married, and he pretty much said whenever she wanted (they were both out of school). (good answer!)

So it is really a courtesy to talk to her parents and let them know that you are planning to ask her to marry you in the near future, but you will wait until after graduation (and getting a job) for the wedding. Some people consider this more like asking her parents blessing or approval, not permission. If she is over 18, she doesn't have to have permission to become engaged. It's just good to stay on good terms with the parents if you want a nice wedding.

 

[lin_ny]

What's the big rush to get married?

If you think she's the right one and she feels the same way, neither of you are going anywhere, right?

(Warning... I am being quite blunt here! No intention to offend!)

If you're nervous about telling your parents (never mind asking for her father/parents' blessing)... there's probably a reason for it. You're probably just not ready. Which is TOTALLY OKAY. You're so, so young and youthful... and it's not a negative thing. You just have lots of lfe to live which is wonderful. 21, IMHO, is just too young these days to get married. Why rush into marriage when the divorce rate is so high (about 40% in Canada, slightly higher in the US)... it's awful!

For previous generations, it was customary to get married and have children right out of high school... these days, a lot of people are waiting until they establish their careers, travel, buy homes, etc. to make the big leap. Waiting until mid-late 20s and even 30s is very common these days! Do you plan on living together before marriage?

If neither of you have lived apart from your parents and experienced the responsibilities that come along with being an independent adult, I just suggest you try that out first before proposing marriage. There's so many things that you can learn about yourself (good and bad, of course) once you live on your own that you should experience prior to making that huge of a commitment in your life. I was living quite a sheltered life before I moved out - and when I did - I was so thankful for everything I learned. A few years after I moved out I met my current boyfriend. At that point I had had a career for 2.5 years following getting my Bachelor's Degree. Anyway, we dated for 8 months & moved in together. Now we've lived together for 2.5 years and have been together for over 3 years. I'm gonna be 26 soon and we're building a house together - guess what... we're still not really ready to get engaged!! We can't afford a wedding yet!

I understand that not everyone wants to live with their SO before getting married, for religious or other reasons, and I can respect that. But I just think graduating college and establishing a career is really important in figuring out who you are as a PERSON. I think you owe it to yourself to give yourself and your relationship with your girlfriend some time to figure things out as independent adults before you get engaged. That being said, some people are very convicted will do anything they want regardless of what other people think

I think there's a really good chance you'll get some helpful answers if you talk to your folks about it. Good luck with everything