Talk me off the guilt ledge

[texaskj]

I gave up guilt in high school. One of my best friends had a mom who could turn anything into the biggest guilt trip and we decided to just go cold turkey. And I've done really well until.....
Saturday night SO and I are watching TV and he tells me he wants to buy me something. I tell him I'd really like to replace the side fence that's coming apart. No, he says, jewelry. There's nothing I'm lusting after at my favorite store right now, but I've had a two-year hankering for a pair of Whiteflash diamond hoops. He doesn't blink at the price (the $1500 ones). Tells me to show him on the computer. And out of the blue, I start feeling guilty.
We're not rich, but both cars are paid for and either one of us could cover all the bills if the other got laid off. He makes slightly more.
Why can't I just sit down and order those earrings? Where is this guilt coming from?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

We'll do our best to help you out!!!

Was one of your parents very opposed to spending money on nonessentials? My dad was like that and I was a saver for a long, long time. I finally decided I should enjoy spending some while I still had time!

My opinion is that if you have the extra income and it sounds like you don't need both incomes, why not? If you later have kids, you'll then have plenty of things to spend your money on besides jewelry. So do it now while you can!!!

 

[junebug17]

Are you crazy woman???? Just take the diamonds and run!!!

I'm kidding of course (sort of ) and I understand where you're coming from - diamonds are expensive and I think a lot of us have that niggling little feeling in the back of our minds of "this money could really go towards *insert any house/child/retirement expense that applies*. I recently got an OEC ring and I won't lie, I struggled at first with the expense and occasionally I still feel a twinge of guilt about it. BUT I then realize that we can afford it, it didn't put any strain on our finances, and it's something that will give me a lot of joy for many years to come (knock on wood, I'm no spring chick anymore.) I even did the math and figured out how much money the ring cost per year over a 30 year period, and it didn't seem so bad then! And ( I know some people don't agree with this line of reasoning, but it works for me) IF we did have some kind of financial crisis I could sell it.

I hope you decide to get those beautiful earrings - your SO is totally on board and it is a lovely, amazing gift. It's really sweet that he wants to get them for you. Life is short, we have to grab a little joy every now and then!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Oh, and I might try to talk you out of it if you weren't considering a high quality, classic piece of jewelry. But the WF hoops are very nice!

 

[movie zombie]

its not guilt.
you really don't want jewelry that you don't lust for.
and you're not lusting for anything right now.....except for a fence replacement.
you've moved onto other priorities.

tell him you''ll take a raincheck for something you really want.

it really makes no sense to get something nice if you don't really want it.
but one day there will be something that the word lust won't even begin to describe....and that's when you should hit the buy button.

he's a sweet guy. appreciate him! but get what you really want.....seriously.
$1500 for something you're not really wanting is $1500 wasted.

yes, i'm practical but when i lust for something i lust....and if i'm not lusting then its merely a "thing" and i don't need more things.

make sense?

 

[Circe]

its not guilt.
you really don't want jewelry that you don't lust for.
and you're not lusting for anything right now.....except for a fence replacement.
you've moved onto other priorities.

tell him you''ll take a raincheck for something you really want.

it really makes no sense to get something nice if you don't really want it.
but one day there will be something that the word lust won't even begin to describe....and that's when you should hit the buy button.

he's a sweet guy. appreciate him! but get what you really want.....seriously.
$1500 for something you're not really wanting is $1500 wasted.

yes, i'm practical but when i lust for something i lust....and if i'm not lusting then its merely a "thing" and i don't need more things.

make sense?

Wow.

::blinkblink::

MoZo, that's actually the most concise and accurate description of a psychological process I've ever read. I'm bookmarking this so I remember it the next time I have a holiday budget to blow, and no target in mind ....

 

[Enerchi]

whoa! that's a perfect discription of 'I wanna spend but don't know on what' kind of feeling that I think we all get!! Awesome, Movie Zombie!!!

But Texaskj, if he's offering and you can afford it without making changes in your existing lifestyle and the purchase won't compromise your future - enjoy the gift he is giving you! It is hard to accept a lovely luxury item that is only something "you" can use - I feel that too when I think money could have been spent on something family related. I get your guilt feeling! But to him, the joy he'll get from making you happy, is worth it! I hope you go for them - they sound lovely!!!

 

[VRBeauty]

I think MZ speaks wisely.

Take a pass - or ask for a rain check. The earrings, or whatever it is that makes your heart go pit-a-pat, will be there and will be that much more loved when you're ready for them.

 

[junebug17]

Hmm, seems I'm in the minority on this one...kinda got the feeling Texasjk has been wanting these earrings for a few years, not just randomly picking something for the sake of getting it

Texasjk, I guess you just have to go with your gut on this one...if the purchase is going to make you feel so guilty you can't enjoy it, then maybe it's better to hold off until you're feeling more comfortable with it. You have to do what you think is best, obviously. Only you know how much you would like to own the earrings. But I still sort of go with my first thought - if it doesn't create a financial hardship for you and it's something you would really like to have and get a lot of use out of, I don't think you should feel that guilty about it.

Idk, if we all gave in to the guilt/second thoughts all the time nobody would ever buy any piece of jewelry.

 

[iLander]

This is why I have DH hold my purchases until Christmas, or birthday, or whatever.

He's got to get me something, right?

I'm actually doing him a service!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I'm with MoZo on this one. DH really wanted to get me jewelry for my first mother's day, but what I really wanted was for him to pay down the mortgage. A lot of back and forth and ultimately he realized that I was serious. So he sent a check to our mortgage company and I was a happy woman.

It's okay to want your fence replaced.

Also, your husband is very sweet to try to do something so nice for you!

 

[partgypsy]

I totally know the feeling. And my husband and I bought something similar this weekend (1400 leather sofa and ottoman). I was first happy because I've been jonsing to replace the sofa, and my hubby not only went shopping with me, but we both actually agreed on a couple sofas (harder than it seems). But when I got home, I was wracked with guilt and wanted to cancel it. He talked me off the ledge. First of all, don't get them if they don't make your heart go pitter patter. Only you know if they make you happy. Second of all, step back what it means materially. I realize even if this becomes a mistake, that we get this (off white) sofa and that was the wrong thing to do (we have 2 kids and a dog) and it ends up getting ruined (I really hope not), we can weather that level of mistake. Maybe not every other month, but once a year.
But I hope you can get your earrings AND get the fence replaced. I can understand that feeling crummy, getting nice earrings but not being able to replace the fence.

 

[tyty333]

This is why I have DH hold my purchases until Christmas, or birthday, or whatever.

He's got to get me something, right?

I'm actually doing him a service!

Love this thought process...and Christmas isnt that far off! Guiltfree gift!

 

[texaskj]

First off, a HUGE thank you to everyone who answered. I really love the way PSers help each other. (And sometimes you just need to ask other jewelry nuts about jewelry. )
DS: I can't thank you enough for the responses and your thread with the three sizes of Whiteflash hoops.
[URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/whiteflash-diamond-hoops-x-3.173125/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/whiteflash-diamond-hoops-x-3.173125/[/URL]
for those of you who haven't seen it. I hope you're still enjoying yours. My parents are both very practical, but they have loosened up a bit with age. My grandfather always wanted to go to Hawaii, but my grandmother always said they couldn't afford it. It was so sad after they were both gone because we found out there was plenty of money for them to go.
junebug: Truly a woman after my own heart. I realized we're on the same page when I was out watering the garden. (In 108 heat index.)
mozo: I think for some people, this would be true. You can cut through the baloney better than most. I tried to scratch this itch with some Brian Gavin little huggies and while they're very pretty, I just have too much hair; they get lost. I will be selling them in the near future on DB or LT.
circe: Freud has nothing on mozo!
Enerchi, NEL and PT: There's enough money for the earrings and the fence without having to eat beanie weenies. Good point.
VR: something to think about...
ilander and tyty: Yes! We never got each other birthday presents this year because they just got lost in the shuffle. And Christmas is coming. And my 50th birthday is next year.

Sooooooo, I'm going to call Whiteflash tomorrow and see what the PS price is and if they're having any discounts. Hey, it doesn't hurt to ask. We're in Texas so that nasty 8.25% sales tax will be there.

 

[soocool]

texaskj, I know just how you feel. I love my BG tiny huggies and so does my DD so I gave them to her. I have been eyeing the WF huggies as well and had decided on the 1.5 ct ones until my DH chimed and asked me why I was not considering the 2 ct ones. I have been going back and forth on this one. I can surely afford it, but I always feel guilty when I spend big bucks on myself. Now just waiting to get them beauties on my ears and feeling guilt free about it!

 

[Enerchi]

TexasKJ --- what did WF have to say???

 

[texaskj]

Well, I spent half the day playing telephone tag with the mortgage company (in the middle of refinancing.) I did manage to call Whiteflash and sadly, no promos or discounts on the huggies except for their wire transfer discount. My stupid bank charges $25 for outgoing wire transfers, boo, hiss, boo, so there goes over half the discount. Oh well.

 

[vintagelover229]

Are you set on white gold or would you consider plating these? That way you're not spending 1500.00 when wanted to fix some things but you still have some nice diamond hoops

http://www.diamondbistro.com/category/211/Earrings/listings/31391/50ctw-14k-Yellow-Gold-Barset-huggie-earrings.html

 

[movie zombie]

ah, you actually have an "itch"......that's a bit different although the fact that you bought something just to satisfy the itch INSTEAD OF GETTING WHAT YOU REALLY WANTED seems to make my point....just another thing and a waste of $.

if the WF are what you really want and you're not merely satisfying an itch but really really getting what is going to make you happy for a long time, why the guilt? and you can afford the fence, too? and you "owe" each other gifts already this year and the holidays are coming up?

i have to ask: why were you feeling guilty?

but if they are an attempt to satisfy the itch but still aren't what you really really want, perhaps it would be better to wait and throw some more $$ at it when you can.

nothing wrong with a raincheck waiting to be used when the real thing shows up on your radar....that thing that makes your heart go pitter-patter, the thing that says "buy me and buy me now", the thing you know you'll regret that you didn't buy......etc.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Okay, you are going to be 50 next year. That was about the moment that I decided I would start enjoying spending some money on things I wanted instead of needed! I understand about your grandparents. Even my parents rarely spent money on luxuries. My dad would sort of be difficult when my mother spent money on luxuries possibly because he remembered the depression. I used to feel the same guilt you are feeling, but I have gotten over it in the last few years. I still have it a little because we know people who have lost jobs or are having financial difficulties. But I can't really solve the world's problems. I don't have that much money!

Yes, I still love the hoops! Do you have studs? If I could only choose one or the other, I'd choose studs. But I am very happy to have both! The one thing I have learned is to buy the best quality possible and I am unlikely to be sorry later.

So let these hoops be your birthday or Christmas present for this year, and you need to start thinking now on what you would love for your 50th birthday! You are working and not dependent on two incomes, so try to let yourself enjoy a few luxuries!

 

[texaskj]

vl: Not a bad idea (how'd I miss those on DB?) but i like prong set, not the bars.
mozo: That's the $64,000 question. See, I know those are the exact size I want from having the BG huggies (too small) and some fakes I used to have (too big.) The 6.5 pointers are right in the middle and not always an easy size to find in hoops without spending way more.
DS: I wasn't thrilled about turning 40, so who knows what 50 will be like. Ug. We've had about 16 rounds of layoffs in the last four years at the paper, so maybe a little survivor guilt? I have studs that I love, but sometimes want a little more, you know?

Everyone, again thanks for the responses. You've all been great.

 

[junebug17]

Texasjk, now that I know you and I are in the same age range, I really think you should treat yourself! I agree with DS, as long as it's financially possible, I think it's nice to treat ourselves to something special at this stage of the game - that's my feeling now - I went a lot of years with no bling and feel it's ok for me to splurge a little now that we can afford a few extras.

 

[Enerchi]

Texasjk, now that I know you and I are in the same age range, I really think you should treat yourself! I agree with DS, as long as it's financially possible, I think it's nice to treat ourselves to something special at this stage of the game - that's my feeling now - I went a lot of years with no bling and feel it's ok for me to splurge a little now that we can afford a few extras.

+1 for the same age range and it's time to treat yourself!

 

[Haven]

You're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darnit, THIS GUY LIKES YOU!
Let him give you this gift.
Accept the earrings with joy, take lots of pictures to share with us, and relish in their bling factor.

I can't wait to gush in your SMTB thread.

 

[texaskj]

Haven, that made me laugh out loud.

 

[movie zombie]

......mozo: That's the $64,000 question. See, I know those are the exact size I want from having the BG huggies (too small) and some fakes I used to have (too big.) The 6.5 pointers are right in the middle and not always an easy size to find in hoops without spending way more........

please Please PLEASE trust me when i say get what you really want! if takes some more $, so what?! if you don't get what you really really want you're going to continue to be dissatisfied and wanting to scratch that itch.

if you're saying the 6.5 pointers are just another "settle" because they're a good "buy", then they're a pass.
if you're saying the 6.5 pointers are "just right" and exactly what you want AND they're a good buy, then its a definite hit the button.

i think you're making this more complicated than it should be, especially for a woman that gave up guilt in high school. something is not sitting just right with you on this.....but what?

you are approaching 50. you seem to have finances well under control.

WF has a good return policy, don't they? here's an idea: order them. try them on. either you will be in love and not want to let them go....or you'll still be "iffy" in which case you send them back.

regardless, though, do NOT settle for less than what it is you really want [within reason, as always.].

 

[diamondseeker2006]

True, MoZo...that's ultimately why I order all 3 sizes! I probably would have ordered the middle pair but I am glad now that I saw all three because I like the 1.5 ct pair the most on me.

 

[movie zombie]

that's the way to do it, diamond!

 

[soocool]

True, MoZo...that's ultimately why I order all 3 sizes! I probably would have ordered the middle pair but I am glad now that I saw all three because I like the 1.5 ct pair the most on me.

DS, Whiteflash should give you a huge discount on your next purchase for all the people who will buy their huggies based on your post. I think that was a great promotion for them and I may even tell them that after I get my huggies.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

True, MoZo...that's ultimately why I order all 3 sizes! I probably would have ordered the middle pair but I am glad now that I saw all three because I like the 1.5 ct pair the most on me.

DS, Whiteflash should give you a huge discount on your next purchase for all the people who will buy their huggies based on your post. I think that was a great promotion for them and I may even tell them that after I get my huggies.

I am truly so glad it was helpful!!! I spend waaaaay to much time with indecision because it is HARD to buy things I can't try on!!! So if my experiment helped anyone else, I am very glad! WF was nice to let me order 3 knowing I was going to return 2!