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Surprise! You're graduating!

TooPatient

TooPatient

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Sep 1, 2009
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About to have this conversation with "A". Her dad and I found a spectacular program that is in the area she wants to go into. One of the top schools in the country. She has a 4.0 and a real chance at getting in. We want to get her into the program sooner rather than later as the general ed is dragging on and she is having trouble seeing how the classes tie in to what she wants to do. They do mid year admission but only as transfer so she has to be graduated from high school to apply for mid year.

My solution? Graduate her a year early from high school! THREE WEEKS FROM TOMORROW

Just confirmed with the high school that it can be done. They are scrambling to get her on graduation programs and getting her a cap/gown.

Aunt from out of town has been notified so she can make arrangements to be here.

So now I am weeding through the school notifications to get graduation info and make sure I get all the important stuff done in time.


My question is.... What are the important things to do around a graduation from high school? (senior clothes, pictures, whatever)
 
You sound so very happy and excited, TooPatient, that I've hesitated to say what I thought when I first read your post, but I'll venture to say it anyway so you won't be caught totally off-guard if A. initially reacts as my son would have at age 16-17. It was so very important to him that we his parents perceived him as competent, no longer a little kid (and conducted ourselves accordingly). So even if the decision were one he would have made, wanted to see happen, he would have been ripsh*t that we made the decision unilaterally, without bringing him in on it, and then acted on it ourselves by being the ones to get the ball rolling with the school without his knowledge.

But of course, as kenny often reminds us, people vary. So A. may very well have a different, first reaction to this surprising news than the one I think my son would have had. Fingers crossed!
 
I graduated early but they wanted me gone earlier than that (my mom said no can do, she's too young!!)

Pictures, prom, ring, cap gown, Sr Trip (maybe?) Not sure what else there would be to do other than that.

Its going to be more hellish on you than her though.
 
TooPatient said:
* * * My question is.... What are the important things to do around a graduation from high school? (senior clothes, pictures, whatever)
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It depends on the school, but for NYC public high schools & those out in Ohio I'm familiar with, there are no special clothes when the graduates are wearing caps and gowns -- although the school may seek to prescribe what should be (or more typically, should not be) worn under the gown, e.g., no swim trunks, swimsuits. If the PTA or school's graduation coordinator arranged for a professional photographer for "senior pictures" for, e.g., the yearbook, those appointments would have been offered in the fall, so you all can now opt to rely on candids and/or arrange for a formal portrait sitting on your own. I don't know if A. is a scrapbook or memento person, but if so, I'm hoping the school has at least one extra invitation to give her as a keepsake. Does she want a yearbook; if so, that's something else for her to ask about; my son was on his HS yearbook staff & they always ordered some spare ones from the printer. I personally wouldn't bother with trying to rustle up a class ring -- even if that's still doable at this point -- unless that matters greatly to her. And maybe something else would mean even more to her?
 
HI:

In short, "your" plan is to expedite your step daughter's graduation. Without acceptance to a post secondary. And without her consent (I suspect she needs to provide that).

What if she doesn't get accepted?

Not seeing the urgency here, can you explain?

cheers--Sharon
 
Too Patient,
My thoughts are the same as Canuk Gal's. Senior year of high school is a lot of fun. What happens if she is not accepted to the school or she wishes to finish the last year of high school with her friends? I would hope her thoughts matter in this decision. I realize many kids would not mind giving up their senior year but some would not be happy about this. I apologize if this sounded too forward on my part.
 
I skipped my last year of high school and started university at 17 (average age was 19 where I lived). It was a huge mistake. I missed graduation with my own friends and graduated with people I didn't know. Prom was lonely as the only person I knew well was my date, and people looked at me like I didn't belong there (I didn't). I wasn't in the yearbook, and I missed grad photos. At university I was so much younger than everyone else. I couldn't go out with my peers as I was underage and couldn't go anywhere alcohol was served (I guess everyone is underage in the US). I was emotionally unprepared for being alone, far away from home, surrounded by older and more worldly people who looked at me as a child. Some were condescending, some were predatory, none saw me as an equal. I was well into my 3rd year of university before I could go where the other freshmen had gone years before, only no one wanted to do those things anymore. It was lonely and my grades suffered badly, and I nearly dropped out. It took me 3 years to get my GPA up enough to be competitive for post graduate training. And this was MY idea, not someone else pushing it on me.

I don't mean to be rude, but I think making a decision like this for A without talking to her about it first is a mistake. Is there some reason you want her out so badly? What will you do if she doesn't want to do this? Senior year is important and it sucks to miss it.
 
MollyMalone said:
You sound so very happy and excited, TooPatient, that I've hesitated to say what I thought when I first read your post, but I'll venture to say it anyway so you won't be caught totally off-guard if A. initially reacts as my son would have at age 16-17. It was so very important to him that we his parents perceived him as competent, no longer a little kid (and conducted ourselves accordingly). So even if the decision were one he would have made, wanted to see happen, he would have been ripsh*t that we made the decision unilaterally, without bringing him in on it, and then acted on it ourselves by being the ones to get the ball rolling with the school without his knowledge.

But of course, as kenny often reminds us, people vary. So A. may very well have a different, first reaction to this surprising news than the one I think my son would have had. Fingers crossed!
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I would have felt just like your son! Would have been hurt and hated the whole thing done without me.

Thankfully, and unthankfully, "A" is very much a drift along as pointed kind of person. I'm hoping this will help push her into taking more control over her life.

Just told her a few hours ago and she is beyond excited. (Very glad she reacted as I expected!)
 
Good to hear that she's excited. Just goes to show (as Kenny says) we all vary.
 
"A" has been in college full time for the last year so no time at the high school at all. Her friends are between the 2017 and 2018 graduating class but she doesn't get to see them much in person as they are in different schools (them HS and her college).

She has managed to maintain a 4.0 so far but is really having trouble wanting to keep going. She really wants to work in a certain field and doesn't see how the general ed classes fit what she wants. Another couple of quarters, and she won't have grades good enough to get into a great program.

One of the top programs in the country for her field does mid year admissions for transfer students (coming from another college) but not high school students. They have a 49% acceptance rate and she should have a better chance with the classes she has taken. The catch being that she has to have graduated from high school before the application deadline (August).

Class rings have passed, but she isn't really into that anyway. Yearbook I already did. Senior photos at graduation still to come. I am arranging senior photo session separate also. Cap and gown is done.
Still working on the rest. Making sure she gets all the usual senior fun.


Talked to her this afternoon and she was super excited to graduate and looking forward to getting her application ready over summer. Worst case, she can keep going to the college she has been at for the last year and apply again (plus to others) in the spring. She seems so much happier like she can finally see a point to all the work she has been doing.
 
Congrats to A TooPatient. Wishing her a bright and happy future!

cmd2014 said:
I skipped my last year of high school and started university at 17 (average age was 19 where I lived). It was a huge mistake. I missed graduation with my own friends and graduated with people I didn't know. Prom was lonely as the only person I knew well was my date, and people looked at me like I didn't belong there (I didn't). I wasn't in the yearbook, and I missed grad photos. At university I was so much younger than everyone else. I couldn't go out with my peers as I was underage and couldn't go anywhere alcohol was served (I guess everyone is underage in the US). I was emotionally unprepared for being alone, far away from home, surrounded by older and more worldly people who looked at me as a child. Some were condescending, some were predatory, none saw me as an equal. I was well into my 3rd year of university before I could go where the other freshmen had gone years before, only no one wanted to do those things anymore. It was lonely and my grades suffered badly, and I nearly dropped out. It took me 3 years to get my GPA up enough to be competitive for post graduate training. And this was MY idea, not someone else pushing it on me.

I don't mean to be rude, but I think making a decision like this for A without talking to her about it first is a mistake. Is there some reason you want her out so badly? What will you do if she doesn't want to do this? Senior year is important and it sucks to miss it.
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I agree it should be up to the young adult (with guidance from the parents) and not the decision of the parents.

People vary for sure. I am sorry you had this unpleasant experience cmd2014 . I had the opposite. I graduated from High School at age 16 (but I did do all 4 years of HS and enjoyed my Senior Year very much and it was grade 7 I skipped) and graduated from college at age 19 (completed by BA degree in 3 years from Barnard College/Columbia U) and then went on to get my post graduate degree and 4 years later completed that (and I then did a residency so it was still a lot of school/learning).

Best decision ever (for me). To skip the years I did and get what I felt to be a head start on my career and my adult life. So there is obviously no universal right or wrong decision. It is what works best for the individual.

I do agree with Sharon and Callie that Senior Year in HS was a very good one but if A is content and happy with the decision that is all that matters. Life is full of decisions with no clear cut right or wrong answers. The proverbial fork in the road that always appears. Sometimes you just have to go with your gut and it all works out.

Best of luck to A!
 
I hated all of my liberal arts classes as well, unfortunately they're just part of the package. Once she gets them over with she'll be much happier. I started college at 17 and was finished with my MS by 22, nothing wrong with doing it young!
 
Asscherhalo_lover said:
I hated all of my liberal arts classes as well, unfortunately they're just part of the package. Once she gets them over with she'll be much happier. I started college at 17 and was finished with my MS by 22, nothing wrong with doing it young!
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Same!
She actually likes some of the liberal arts stuff. It is the math, chemistry, and computer classes that are just too generic and in areas she doesn't like. We've been trying to help her space stuff so it isn't too frustrating/overwhelming/slow/fast/etc but she has been losing interest as the school doesn't tie any of it in to what she wants to do in life.
 
Cap & gown stuff is done, but I am calling this morning as there may be time to order one for her to keep along with some of the 2017 senior shirts, mini tassels, etc.

I have a couple of photographers to call and see about a senior session.
Can get them and candids in to the slideshow still.

Getting her senior send-off information so she can do the graduation night party if she wants.

She hadn't wanted to go to prom, but I will bring that up again in case she wants to go now that it is her last.

She spent last night letting her friends know (funny to watch as she is so excited to be in the first group of her friends to graduate). I need to figure out with her some sort of a party after so her friends who aren't graduating can celebrate too.

I feel like I am missing stuff... Found a nice senior girl (volunteer who is helping coordinate graduation stuff) to help make sure I get it all too. That helps!
 
I suspect what made things suck for me is that the drinking age is younger here than in the US, so everyone I met for years was going to the bars every weekend, and I had to be left behind by myself in the dorm. If everyone in the US is in the same boat (with the drinking age being 21), it's probably a very different experience (and if I'm being honest, I'm a really social creature, so being left out is hard for me). Sadly, my post-secondary education and training was about 15 years all in, so I'm not sure that one extra year meant all that much in the end...
 
Too Patient, So glad A is happy with graduating early and everything is falling into place.
 
Toopatient,

It sounds like you have everything well in hand, and that nothing is being missed or overlooked.
 
cmd2014 said:
Toopatient,

It sounds like you have everything well in hand, and that nothing is being missed or overlooked.
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Thank you. I just want to make sure I get all the big stuff so she doesn't look back and regret. I never got to go to my prom or the senior party. There are times I wash I had. I want to make sure she doesn't have that (well any more than the rest of us as we look back since we can only be in one place at a time!).
 
cmd2014 said:
I suspect what made things suck for me is that the drinking age is younger here than in the US, so everyone I met for years was going to the bars every weekend, and I had to be left behind by myself in the dorm. If everyone in the US is in the same boat (with the drinking age being 21), it's probably a very different experience (and if I'm being honest, I'm a really social creature, so being left out is hard for me). Sadly, my post-secondary education and training was about 15 years all in, so I'm not sure that one extra year meant all that much in the end...
Click to expand...

Yeah, that would be tough. My first attempt at school was similar and frustrating. Now that I am back, everyone seems so young. (Most really are!) More into going for coffee or lunch than anything. I'm hoping that helps! (She would be young anyway as even if she waited the extra year, she will be done with her bachelor's before she is 21)
 
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