Suicide Rate in Middle Aged Men!!!

[Gypsy]

So, a friend of mine's boyfriend just killed himself. It was a shock.

And then someone I know said, well middle aged men have one of the highest suicide rates and so i looked it up and HOLY COW! The suicide rate for men is 4x that one women in some age ranges.

Per google (and I checked a few sites myself):

• Most recent full-year data (2022): The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reported that among males, the suicide rate was highest for those aged 75 and older, at 43.9 per 100,000. However, the next highest rates were in the middle-aged population. For men aged 45–64, the suicide rate was 23.0 per 100,000.
• 2023 provisional data: Provisional figures for 2023 indicated a slight increase in the suicide rate for men aged 55–64 (0.11% increase) and for men aged 35–44 (2.6% increase) compared to 2022.
• 2024 estimates: Early estimates from one source suggest the national age-adjusted suicide rate could climb to 14.7 per 100,000 for 2024. The same source notes that middle-aged adults (35–54) and the elderly show the highest suicide rates across age groups."

It shocked me but... I started thinking about resilience.

Resilience is built through problem solving and adaptation dealing failure. It involves breaking down complex situations and focusing on manageable steps. "How do you eat an elephant." Then pushing through the struggle builds confidence and perseverance. It teaches you how to avoid becoming too overwhelmed. And then having overcome adversity, viewing the past struggles as opportunities that allowed you to grow and to develop skills you have earned and can rely on. It builds a healthy perspective instead of trapping you in a feeling of failure without any silver lining.


And so when looking at those statistics I wonder: is it a lack of emotional resilience in our men that is causing this high suicide rate.

And then I thought about all the ways we, as women, are taught to protect men from their feelings, from failure, from distress. To "decode" and "interpret" and their actions into feelings. To help them regulate their emotions and process struggle and problem solve and buffer them. And I wonder if, like helicopter parents, we are overprotecting our men to the point that they are overwhelmed when life inevitably lets them down and there is no one around to help them. And then not knowing HOW to find people to help them: therapy is still seen as weakness among middle aged men. Toxic masculinity tells them to just push through. Many lack meaningful emotional connections to other men and have no community for fall back on (or they don't know how to find one). And the lack of emotional regulation skills causes them to be overwhelmed and hopeless because they view adversity as personal failure instead of an opportunity to grow.

I know that when I was struggling it was the community of women I found that helped me (as well as my own post traumatic growth: thanks mom and rapists!). And 12 years of therapy to fall back on. And knowing that I WOULD get through, it was just a matter of figuring out HOW. Because I had gotten through struggles before.

I am interested in your thoughts.

 

[0515vision]

Middle-aged men are not turning the corner into the 21st century very well. They didn't learn emotional or relational skills in the late 20th century bc they didn't have to. Society just let them run rampant. But now that they have lost their youth and looks and verve, their personalities are what's left. And many were raised to be self-centered, me-first, take-up-all-the-air-in-the-room, assume-everyone's-grateful-they-showed-up men.

This is a new era, and people expect men to act with grace and sensitivity as well as the other traits of leadership. In general, the guys who were "nice" in 1996 are now better equipped to navigate the new landscape. They learned how to read a room, work with people, take others into consideration - and that includes taking in other groups (women, races, classes).

By and large, I don't think men trust each other with their emotions, and they also don't trust their own emotions. Many men also don't think they are good people, and that's why they fly off the handle when someone (often a wife) says something negative bc they put an outsized importance on other people's opinions of them in the moment.

And this is a perfect storm for despair and despondency. It's lonely being so emotionally bewildered, lost and isolated. It's a terrible tragedy that's happening.

I know I'm writing all of these MASSIVE generalities, and generates are only generally useful. But as a 55 year-old Korean-American from the Midwest, this is my two cents.

 

[Gypsy]

I agree with your post. When I was dating there was an epidemic of men that "... have lost their youth and looks and verve, their personalities are what's left. And many were raised to be self-centered, me-first, take-up-all-the-air-in-the-room, assume-everyone's-grateful-they-showed-up men."

Men who were taught all they had to do was not beat their women and children and be a provider to be a good man. That's it. And therefore their personalities are undeveloped and they are completely at sea on how to connect with anyone in a meaningful way. They have little to no concept of empathy or consideration or self reflection. They are locked in a different world that no longer exists and have no ability to adapt and struggle to even understand WHY they have to adapt.

AND... in the younger generations this leads to INCELS. Young men who were raised in the shadow of that, and have decided that blaming women for all their problems is okay. Because NOW women expect them to actually do the work, instead of doing the work for them like we did their fathers.

It's a shitshow.

 

[Matata]

Contributing factors to the suicide rate accoding to various quickly searched websites:

traditional masculine ideal of being strong, stoic, and they're taught to suppress their emotions;
reluctance to seek help with mental health issues and depression because of the above;
Their self worth is embedded in their success. When middle-aged men face financial challenges, job loss it affects their sense of pride and self-worth;
They spend more time building and sustaining their careers then they do forming healthy personal relationships. When the career is lost or when they retire, they have a hard time forming personal relationships.

Google AI says that women attempt suicide more frequently than men but men are more successful because they tend to have access to more lethal means (firearms).

 

[Gypsy]

Google AI says that women attempt suicide more frequently than men but men are more successful because they tend to have access to more lethal means (firearms).

Interesting! Didn't realize that. Good context.

 

[Gypsy]

Google AI says that women attempt suicide more frequently than men but men are more successful because they tend to have access to more lethal means (firearms).

Interesting! Didn't realize that. Good context. So women are more inept. Interesting.

 

[Matata]

So women are more inept.

Well you could look at it another way -- since men are better at killing themselves and since they're probably a big factor why women try more often, women benefit from the higher success rate of men and therefore women don't have to try as hard, they just need to be more patient

 

[0515vision]

As a physician, this is what I've heard and read about the gender disparity in suicide attempts and deaths. Women sometimes use a suicide attempt as a cry for help. They have trouble articulating their despair but are able to show it.

Men, especially those who use firearms, are seeking a definitive way out.

 

[MissGotRocks]

As a physician, this is what I've heard and read about the gender disparity in suicide attempts and deaths. Women sometimes use a suicide attempt as a cry for help. They have trouble articulating their despair but are able to show it.

Men, especially those who use firearms, are seeking a definitive way out.

Makes sense I guess but the deliberate nature of suicide is so aggressive. I guess that is sometimes the nature of male.

 

[kenny]

I'm a man.
But as a gay man I recognize, and accept, my masculine and feminine characteristics, which is another reason I find gender differences very fascinating.

Clearly society's expectations of men (essential improvements IMO) have changed drastically since I was born in the 1950s.

I see some of the male suicides as our species just exhibiting Darwin's survival of the fittest.
Individuals die, but the species itself improves.

Too bad religions around the world still gets a pass on keeping women down.
IMO religions are the ultimate fascism.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

As a physician, this is what I've heard and read about the gender disparity in suicide attempts and deaths. Women sometimes use a suicide attempt as a cry for help. They have trouble articulating their despair but are able to show it.

Men, especially those who use firearms, are seeking a definitive way out.

this could be why the rate is higher in farmers (male farmers) here and also physical isolation
its very sad