Wedding Stressed and about to completely lose it

[kama_s]

So, a little background information. I''m getting married in India to my fiance (who, btw, is Caucasian) this Christmas. I have my flights all booked for mid Dec, so I''ll be there around 10 days before the wedding to get my dresses etc (it doesn''t take too long to get an outfit completely hand-made in India, apparently). Anyways, I''m also going to be defending my master''s prior to leaving for India.

I just recently found out that the only time I could possible schedule a defense would be this narrow window of 3 days in the 3rd week of November. I cant do anything for a week prior to that because one of my defense member is out of town. Nothing before mid Nov because you have to give the university minimum 6 weeks notice. I cant schedule anything for 2 weeks after that because two of my defense members are out of town. So if it''s not any of those 3 dates, it''s going to have to be mid Dec...which would mean I''d have to cancel/change my flight booking. The other problem is I need atleast 2 weeks post defense to wrap up and submit final thesis with changes to the dept...which would mean end of Dec. So it looks like if those 3 dates dont work out, I''m going to have to cancel my wedding

. I cant push the wedding date because of everyone''s holiday/work/school schedule.

Here''s the kicker. Out of those 3 dates, one of my defense member has ''conflicts''. She says it so blasé, so I womder if her ''conflict'' is a coffee meeting with a colleague or something of that sort. So that leave one last day. And I''ve asked her about that a week ago and she hasn''t responded. I call her 5x a day and she never answers!!!!!!!! I dont get it, I''m sure she has checked her e-mail/voice mail atleast once this week?!

FYI, my graduate supervisor couldn''t care less, in academia it''s each man for himself. Sucks, but I''m used to it.

In the next few days I''ll find out if my wedding is going to be cancelled or not. I''m so stressed, I haven''t been able to sleep a wink in the past 2 weeks.

 

[LaraOnline]

Erk! That sounds COMPLETELY awful. You have to nail this girl down. Do you know any of her close friends and associates? Could you confide in them - and, of course, does she know that you have your own wedding to go to? Apart from the scheduled funeral of her own parent, surely you trump!??!!

 

[kama_s]

I''m trying to get hold of her, but it''s literally imporssible. I visit her office and call everyday! She''s just never around.

BTW: she doesn''t have any funeral to attend...not sure what in my post gave you that impression....going to read over my post now!

 

[swimmer]

Yowzahs, that is rough. OK, is it at all possible to defend after the wedding? I say this having proposed my dissertation about 9 days before the wedding...well, at least I lost some weight, but the stress was unbelievable and it was just so hard to focus on regression analysis when family members were having their wedding related issues. A defense right before the wedding, that is so much to take on. A dear friend just delayed defending her diss for a semester because of her out of the country wedding, I believe she had to pay a few hundred in advisory fees to go into another semester. Since you are aiming for a december graduation, is there a reason you must be done then, as opposed to Jan or Feb? You could march in June then.

I donno, just a thought...and I didn't get that your adv had a family funeral scheduled for that week from your post either. She probably has a vacation or something that she doesn't want to announce since she should still be on the clock at that point...but it could be surgery...

ETA: so awesome to get married in India! Is your groom riding in on a white horse? So exciting, and will you please post pictures after?

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 9/22/2008 9:47:59 AM
Author: Kama
I'm trying to get hold of her, but it's literally imporssible. I visit her office and call everyday! She's just never around.


BTW: she doesn't have any funeral to attend...not sure what in my post gave you that impression....going to read over my post now!

Hey kama, no you didn't write anything crazy...I was just making a joke. Because she couldn't plan a funeral that far ahead of time, could she... so what else is more important than your wedding? it could quite easily be something enjoyable, like a vacation, that she has to keep to herself, or be persuaded to give up. Because she knows it's mean to make you miss your flight to your own wedding.

 

[kama_s]

swimmer: My super''s not going to be happy with me postponing it, because that would mean he''d still have to pay me. I really dont want the stipend, but it''s the rule at the university. Plus, I''ve been studying so hard for this already, and I''m scared I''ll have to begin from the beginning if I push it down the road. But its still an idea, so if I dont hear back from her by the end of the week, then I''ll suggest this to my super and let''s see what he has to say. Atleast I''ll get married, but I bet I''d be stressed about the defense throughout!! I cant believe yours was 9 days prior to the wedding. I LOL''d reading your regression analysis comment. Can I tell you, I''ve been correlating, wilcoxon-ing and mann-whitney-u-ing all weekend, and suddenly last evening I look up and ask Mr. Kama how to...wait for it....do a % decrease calculation.

His response: I think you need a break. No kidding!!!!!

Re: the horse, yep he''s coming on a horse and all that jazz! This will be the first Indian wedding I attend as well, so it''ll be a completely new experience for both of us! Although, he wanted to come in on an elephant

I had to explain how that''s not what north indians do, and besides, riding an elephant killllsss your thighs!! I''ll def post pics...if the wedding does end up happening.

LaraOnline: I getcha!! Makes perfect sense! Sorry, I''ve been seriously birdbrained all morning. Staring at a million numbers since 6am makes me do/say whack things. Also, I have to add, I''ve loved your profle pic ever since my lurker days. You look so gorgeous with your kids, almost like *dare I say* a greek goddess.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

yet another freaky coincidence! i am half indian too and my FI is caucasian!!! (is this Kama_S or am I confusing you for Kama_S?)

far as your supervisor is concerned - that totally sux. i am in a similar situation myself - trying to juggle school and the wedding.... it's hard but you have to prioritize what's more important to you... the wedding or the defense... for example, i am missing a major conference on my area of research (which my supervisor is not happy about) for my wedding...

would it be possible to reschedule your wedding for after your defense? if not - i say screw the defense and defend when you get back.... the thesis will be done and all you have to do is schedule the actual defense right? who cares if your supervisor has to keep paying you - it's not your fault your committee is being a biatch...

maybe you could try changing up your committee last minute? sometimes they will let you if it's an external member or something and not your core committee...

 

[kama_s]

Test

 

[kama_s]

Erm...how on earth do I have two accounts?! I had some difficulty when I was registering, and I first went for 'Kama'. It didnt end up going through and when I refreshed, it told me the username was already taken. So then I went for Kama_S. I didnt even realize I signed on from a different account until you mentioned it! I guess I'm used to my username being 'kama', so I just typed that in and it accepted with my password (which is also usually the same), and I didnt think twice about it!

No wonder my avatar disappeared when I logged on with the other account!! Silly computer glitch!! I wonder if there's any way to combine the two accounts, but I doubt it.

ETA: which one should I keep??

 

[kama_s]

Alas, it''s a core committee member. I cant replace her because I need all my committee members at the defense. And there''s also no way to reschedule the wedding. The only other thing I can do is defend mid Dec and then leave asap, come back and do the revisions and submit.

I just hope she responds soon and puts me out of my misery. Cant understand why it would take anyone 7 days to write back 2 words.

P.S.: For all you know, we''ve probably even seen each other around the hospital! Just wondering, are you part of CHES?

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

hey girl... well sounds like that might be your only option... it's actually not that bad since the stress of the defense will be over so you will be able to relax and have fun at your wedding! i am sure you will only have minor revisions anyway... plus the university probably would be very accommodating if you wanted to hand in your final draft later...

i work through the center of nursing... i am apart of a research grant looking at pain in babies... i am not there often at all... was there more during my MA...

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

hey what happened to the vineyard wedding??? are you still having one here?

 

[kama_s]

Vineyard wedding is still happening, next June for friends and Mr. Kama's family here. I only moved to Canada 7 years ago, so all of my family, family friends and friends are on the other side of the world, and it would be too expensive for them to come here, given the cost of airflight and the exchange rate. So the one there is for everyone I grew up with

 

[LaraOnline]

Aaw, thanks for the kind words, Kama! You have a lot on your plate, I guess the best part about a destination wedding is that it will kind of unfold for you once you get there, and you don''t have to run around checking out flower options right now!

It sounds like quite a cut-throat industry you are training for, why on earth would a person not help you clear the way for your own wedding flight? I just don''t get it?
Perhaps she is embarrassed about her own needs/ ''conflicts'', but surely, it is best to come clean and attempt to work together..?

Anyway, I hope it all falls together. As long as you actually make the darn plane, I''m sure you''ll have a great time. That''s the best thing about travel, as soon as you hop on the plane your ''previous life'' just falls away. Even if you have work to do after you return from your wedding, you probably won''t worry about it when you''re away.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

hahaha i doooooooo know anna!!! crazyness - she is in the same research area as me... i see her at conferences all the time...

 

[kama_s]

Update: caught my supervisor in a good mood today and explained the situation. He said he''d contact her and help me book the defense! Yay! Will let you guys know what happens.

P.S. ilovethiswebsite: I figured you''d know Anna, because she''s in the same area of research. Anna did her PhD with my super

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

jebus... we are living parallel lives...

 

[kama_s]

All''s good! My defese date is set up for the 19th of November! I''m SO relieved! My supervisor e-mailed her and not 15 minutes later do I get an e-mail from her with her ENTIRE availabtility for that week!

My fellow brides, the wedding is hereby declared good to go!! *phew*

Thanks so much for all your well wishes

 

[Harleigh]

Wow...I just got through all that and am so relieved to hear you got it worked out!

It sounds like your defense partner needs a swift kick in the you-know-what!

Glad to hear it all worked out...let the wedding planning continue!!!