Wedding Stress Burnout

[Aloros]

My fiance and I bought a house, and moved in about a month ago. It''s in very good shape, but we''re busy rearranging the yard and getting our jacuzzi working. Plus, my stepson-to-be (we have full physical and legal custody) has started 5th grade at a new school, and is having a hard time transitioning to the higher level of responsibility that is expected of him. Oh, and we adopted a very headstrong puppy, so we are working with her every single day to get her potty trained and well-mannered. We LOVE her, but she''s in a very difficult phase right now.

Both my fiance and I are eager to be married, but we are both sooooo burnt out, financially, mentally, and emotionally. I have the phone number of a venue FI is interested in on my desk, and I haven''t found the gumption to pick up the phone and call.

It doesn''t help that my mom sends me an email asking what we''ve done for the wedding and tells me stories of how stressed out getting married made all of our family members.

It makes me just...not...want...to do it.

Anyone else been in a similar situation? We were planning for a late April wedding, but we still have to nail down our venue - and money is tight right now since we went ahead and bought a very nice house.

I want to get married...but I don''t want to plan the wedding right now!

 

[choro72]

I hear you...We''ve booked the venue, and that''s it. I''m sick of it already. I''m beginning to think "Oh, you want music? Go hire a DJ then!!!!".
When I was growing up I''ve never understood how anyone can get married at the courthouse without the dress, guests, food, etc and be actually happy. Now I wish we could do the same.

You have a lot going in your life than I do...The only thing that''s dragging me down is my stupid degree. Bleh.

 

[galvana]

aloros
Im sorry you are feeling this way, sounds like you are trying to do a lot all at once. Getting a house is HUGE -
and a ton of work, plus the step son, plus the dog. geeez.
I wish I could tell you that the wedding planning will be fun and non-stressful but for me, it has not been.

Would you and your fiance consider just having the two of you, your parents and your step son and thats it? with a JP?
and Not have a big wedding.............Or do you really want the big thing? Some people (like me) really want the big thing, despite the stress and all the money spent just for a one day. OR could you wait a few years?

Forgive me for being on the negative side but I''m 6 months into planning and there honestly are SOOOO many things to do, to think of and details to remember.
I dont think I could do it if I also had a: step son, new puppy and brand new house to manage too.

 

[marchswallowbird]

Aloros, it seems that the easiest thing would be to plan for a fall ''09 wedding instead of spring. That gives you 5-6 more months to get settled in your new house and take care of things before delving into the whole wedding whirlwind. You may find that your venue and your vendors are all more available in the fall than in the spring also, since spring is "wedding season" in most places.

 

[pjean]

Would you be open to hiring a wedding coordinator? While money is a factor, it''s probably going to be hugely worth it in terms of your sanity, which (as they say) is priceless.

There are definitely ways to tweak most budgets to accommodate a planner. If you have a really small, totally DIY budget, can you rope in a friend who would think planning is fun? (Really, you need the combined forces of PS, only able to make site visits...)

 

[octbride2be]

Hi Aloros
I totally understand where you are coming from. Planning a big wedding is pretty stressful and is something that takes up a ton of time and money. If you don''t feel that you have to have a huge wedding, I would do something on the smaller scale. Even if it''s only 50 people you can easily put something together that won''t cause headaches down the road. Perhaps you could get married at a church and have a big dinner afterward. Or you could do something your house and get it catered.

A wedding is really what you want to make of it. If you want it to be a huge production - then assume you will have all of the stress that comes with it. Keep in mind- even if you DO have a big big wedding it doesn''t have to be that stressful (but it will still hurt your wallet) I am not a stresser so even though our wedding is about 200 people I''ve just done a little bit at a time so I am not overwhelemed at any one point. But the money is the kicker....

I am not sure where you live or what your budget is. I sometimes thing that a small intimate wedding would be just as nice and would be great for you and your family - OR - I would just do a destination wedding. Pick a place in Mexico- I really dont think they charge much and invite everyone to come. Everything will be done for you for the most part (once again if you aren''t looking for the huge production) and it will save you money and you can have your honeymoon and wedding in one! Those who really want to be there will be there but it might be 10 people or 40 people depending how big your family is.

My whole motto is that you shouldn''t create stress if it isn''t needed - it sounds like you have a lot on your plate so just simplify the wedding and it will be that much better